Laura said:
painter said:
Thank you, Laura. I'm really enjoying all this :)
Well, I hope that's a good thing. I like talking about Gurdjieff. Heck, I love him.
Me too. I've often wished I could have been in his presence but given my subjectivity, I'm not sure I could have tolerated it.
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Later, I even had dreams about him giving me comfort and advice when I faced a difficult situation that required careful handling. He also gave me courage to be firm when needed. I also realized, in a startling way, based on his description and experiences, that what we were doing - what the whole Cs thing was about - was a 4th Way work. Our aim is not exactly the same as his - but it is close.
I'm still trying to understand all this, of course. From my readings so far I think I have some sense of your aim, having to do with choice of orientation.
The phrase "valiant surrender" just appeared.
painter said:
<s>
painter said:
Your story about your vision in church is quite interesting. I didn't know you'd been a fundamentalist at one time but somehow that doesn't surprise me too much. I have a story of my own I'll share with you in a moment.
I got into it when I married my 1st husband. That was his "thing." And it sure turned out to be evil...
I left the midwest in 1973 and moved to California where I've lived ever since. Not long afterward my mother and two older sisters went through a "conversion" and became immersed in an evangelical stream. I very seldom went back to my roots but when ever I did the heat was always on to "convert" me. After being in the work for some time (so, roughly late 80s, early 90s) I agreed to attend one of their sunday meetings when I was back visiting -- and I actually found it quite fascinating. It just so happened that the minister speaking that Sunday was not the usual, local yokel (who I had met before and had seen as an ignorant a toad). This other fellow was from some ministerial college or university and I listened to his sermon with rapt attention. Fascinating, really. He was speaking about our relationship to God and I realized
there was nothing in what he said with which I would disagree so long as it was properly understood. The problem was, no one 'got it'. No one 'understood' it. No one was 'prepared' to, even the fellow delivering the sermon (however, I detected that he might be closer to it than most). But, of course, no one 'knew' they didn't get it nor knew they were not prepared to get it. At some point after the sermon the more 'enthusiastic' part of the service began with various members of the congregation getting whipped up into speaking in tongues waving their hands about and what have you -- all of which had, to me, the appearance of 'aping', 'acting' and 'make believe'. That is not to say genuine 'enthusiasm' doesn't exist. I'm sure it does. But there was nothing sincere in what I saw around me that day. However, there was an energy in the room, a palpable presence, perhaps more than one. Clearly
something was going on. To be honest, it gave me the creeps -- and I'm sure you understand why, possibly even more than I do.
painter said:
What strikes me in what you've written, though, is that you had been engaged in a practice. I think this is very important. It was a certain preparation, apparently for everything that has followed from that time.
Yes, and actually, the Cs communication is a "practice" too. It requires a particular kind of focus and awareness that is totally unique.
I had already begun to suspect as much. I've never 'tried' 'channeling' (or whatever you wan to call it, except once, which I'll get to directly) -- not because I think it is 'bunk' but exactly the opposite. It is potentially dangerous.
In 1986 I had a series of 'dreams' one of which I will tell you in detail. I woke up with the sensation of a 'reptilian like tree sloth' on my back. I was lying face down on my bed and I could feel the weight of this creature -- about three feet long -- pressing down and could feel its talons biting into my skin on my shoulders and lower back just above my hips. It was completely motionless and seemed to be indicating that if I moved even one iota, it would (you'll love this) DEVOUR me! This sensation and awareness was so shocking to me that my heart was racing and my body was filled with adrenalin. I was terrified! My god, this can't be happening! This is unreal! There is something ON ME!! On my BACK! Holy S*t what am I going to do?? The hard thing to impress upon people when I tell this story is how PHYSICAL the sensation was. It was as real to me as I am to myself right now. I knew where I was, who I was, what was going on -- in every respect I was completely awake in my ordinary state -- but there was this SENSATION of a physical entity clawing into my back,
almost daring me to react. So, to communicate this, I usually go around to the back of the person I'm telling this to and dig my fingers into their shoulders in precisely the same way these "talons" were digging into me. Invariably it creeps them out!
Now as this was taking place another part of my mind was saying, "THIS IS NUTS! This can't be happening!" but the sensation was so palpably real my entire autonomic fright/flight system was in full force. But as I gave more weight of attention to this "this can't be real" thought I could sense that the "creature" was beginning to dissolve. It was very subtle at first but then the pace of disillusion increased and within a matter of a few moments the physical sensation of its presence had completely dissolved from my consciousness. My heart was still beating rapidly and I was in a state of hyper awareness but in due course I gathered up the courage to begin to move, to roll over onto my back and begin to think, WTF??!! Interestingly I could still 'sense' in some way a 'presence' -- and this did NOT go away.
I got up and went about my day but I began to realize that this 'presence' was still lurking around -- that, in fact, it had been lurking around possibly all my life. This was very 'weird'. I no longer remember the exact chronology of events but I do recall that about this time I came EXTREMELY close to being involved in what could have been a fatal accident. I had been driving on the freeway along what was then the lower deck of "the cypress structure" -- which collapsed during the 1989 earthquake here killing many people. I was attempting to pass a large flat-bed semi truck loaded with iron pipes on his right side, in the 'slow' lane up against the walled edge of the freeway. Suddenly, this truck decides to move into my lane! He's closing in on me apparently unaware that me and my little Nissan pick-up truck are there at all! I start honking my horn and gun it and manage to get out from between him and the wall but not before his front bumper scraped the hell out of the back, left side of my truck. WHOA!
I no longer recall exactly how I put this together in my own head but what I began to suspect was that 'in some sense of the word' this 'entity' was related to my father, had been passed on to me through him, and was a 'death wish' for me of some sort. (One always has to be careful the story one weaves around these things -- I'm not claiming to know the what is what of it, just relaying the 'sense' I made of it at the time. OH, and it might be helpful to know that my only brother, 20 years my senior, was killed in a car accident at age 36 -- struck by a drunk driver who ran a stop sign knocking my brother's car over an embankment where it came to rest upside down leaving him to bleed to death upside down. Sorry, don't mean to be gross, but it is a fact and interesting given what is under discussion here.) SO, in 1986 I would have been just 2 years older than my older brother was when he died.
SOMEHOW I got it into my head that I needed to "speak" with this entity, find out what it wanted. So, without any guidance other than my own intuition I arranged a "seance" situation. I live in an artists loft so I had a lot of room to do this. I had a round mirror -- about 40 inches in diameter -- so, one evening, I put it on the floor and around it I placed 9 large candles evenly spaced. I sat on a cushion at between two candles along one edge and placed another cushion 180° opposite me with a candle directly in front. There I closed my eyes and concentrated on the 'sensation' of what I considered to be 'this entity's presence'. I did this for quite some time occasionally opening my eyes so that I could see the environment I was in and the situation I'd created. Eventually it was 'as if' the 'creature' was beginning to 'solidify' in the vicinity of the cushion opposite where I sat. I don't want to make too much of this -- it wasn't like I could "see" this entity with the same reality with which I had felt it. It was more 'amorphous' and more like I was 'imagining' it. And yet, there was a very 'charged' quality of energy in me and around me.
In any case, eventually I engaged in a kind of 'conversation' with this entity that was not vocalized so much as 'acted out' in my mind. It went something like this:
Q: Who are you?
A: You know.
Q: Are you from my father?
A: You know.
Q: What do you want?
A: Your life.
Q: Why?
A: Payment.
Q: Payment for what?
A: Ancient debt.
Q: You may not have my life. It is mine. I bid you be gone.
A: (slight derisive chuckle)
Q: No. You heard me. I bid you be gone. I shall give you no more attention.
With this I got up, blew out the candles and dismantled the situation. Since that time I do occasionally sense either that 'entity' in a milder form or the presence or some other minor 'entity' but it is rare and does not appear to be any significant threat.
Anyway, this is as close to "channeling" as I've ever come. What I
can tell you, however, is that when one speaks in the work,
if one is properly aligned, a connection is made and sometimes something comes through that is not of 'self'. You must understand there are reasons why I can not say much about this in relation to the work. None of us speak of it
directly, or at least not that I know. But under special conditions,
something can be known, seen, understood. We're talking about
another level of intelligence. One of my purposes here is to reassure you of this fact -- not to alter your direction or interfere with your own connection about which I still have much to learn -- this 'learning' being my other primary aim.
painter said:
By the way, I'm continuing to read further in the Wave Series and, indeed, it is fascinating!
Thank you. It's not perfect, and I've made corrections and additions and a very few deletions in the book version. And, the typos are mostly corrected. Back then, I didn't have anybody to edit me.
If I come across any more should I let you know?
painter said:
It is difficult for me to fathom how well read you are in so many diverse subject areas. I know I've read more in my lifetime than all my ancestors all the way back to Adam but you have me beat a thousand fold. And, apparently, you can remember what you've read and keep track of it in a more or less encyclopedic way. Unfortunately my mind doesn't work that way at all and my ability to retain specifics varies widely.
Unfortunately, my mind does work that way. It's a blessing when I write, but a burden for living.
It is true for all of us each in our own way :P
painter said:
Hope the electrical storm was not a problem for you.
Wasn't an electrical storm. We had 90 mph winds for about half the day... a veritable hurricane, though that's not what they call them in France. We lost over 15 trees, one of them coming down on our barn roof and it is now half destroyed. The only really rough period was when the wind was so strong that the back door would not stay closed and we had to barricade it with 50 lb bags of magnesium. We were without electricity for about 10 hours and cooked our dinner on the wood-burning stove in the kitchen (Salmon with herbs.)
It seems to have died down completely now, and we actually got a glimpse of the sun just as it was setting. And, fortunately, the satellite dish does not have to be re-set. But lord, what a lot of work we have to do! The tree that came down on the barn was an oak, probably over a hundred years old. It was as big around as 4 men standing bunched together.
<s>
That is sad. I love trees, especially OLD ones. I know these strong winds have happened before in France. I have a friend who 'was shown' something about the relationship between the Earth's core, the magnetosphere and weather. I'm not qualified to say much about it but what he was shown suggests our planetary weather is more driven by this relationship than solar activity (not that there is no connection to that). I may get him to join this forum. He is a fascinating person in his own right. Not in the G work. Not at all 'chatty' like me. Lived among the Native Americans and was (to his knowledge) the first white invited to become initiated into an Algonquin esoteric circle; which he declined. He felt unprepared and felt it was important for their circle not be polluted with his physicality (which is scandinavian in origin). He also spent a lot of time amidst Edgar Cayce's people in Virginia Beach and worked to bridge them with Hopi elders. This was some years ago. Anyway, he was shown something about the weather that seems not to be commonly understood (or only just now becoming so).
painter said:
Anyway, here is my story:
<snip>
That is a GREAT story! I would say the universe was looking after you and sent you a clear message!
Well, it was hard to miss -- only it could have been interpreted any number of ways.
And measles the first time! How symbolic!
Ok, now that one I do NOT get -- what is up with measles? Clue please!
Added: See http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11534 for the scoop on the storm.
Will look.
