truth seeker
The Living Force
I'm really sorry to hear that, Rob and deepest condolences to you. How are you?Rob said:
Note: this thread is a continuation from this link: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,16851.msg343528.html#msg343528
Dealing With the Passing of Loved Ones
- Thread starter truth seeker
- Start date
Note: this thread is a continuation from this link: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,16851.msg343528.html#msg343528
Bugger, i didnt mean to submit so soon. Explains why the screen moved on while i was typing.
Thanks Truth Seeker, tis very nice to receive support at times like these. My new awareness of several things as a result is truly inspirational to me, such as how peaceful the moments before, during & after death truly are despite the anguish to the leadup.
And how wonderful it is to have family & friends around. The list goes on.
thx again... :( :)
Thanks Truth Seeker, tis very nice to receive support at times like these. My new awareness of several things as a result is truly inspirational to me, such as how peaceful the moments before, during & after death truly are despite the anguish to the leadup.
And how wonderful it is to have family & friends around. The list goes on.
thx again... :( :)
truth seeker
The Living Force
Yes, I know what you mean. When my mother passed a few years ago, the silence surrounding it allowed for some much needed reflection and was sort of healing in a way, although painful at times - if that makes sense.Rob said:
If you want to talk about it, or anything else for that matter, please feel free to do so. You have enough posts to put it in the swamp if you'd like more privacy.
Thanks TS,
i dont mind sharing, i consider the world my 'family' irrespective of the state of the relationship/s at the time... so have nothing to be afraid of sharing... though some tell me i am too open & thus vulnerable to the obvious... fine line to tread i suppose....
Anyway, i really couldn't 'feel' what it was like to loose someone close b4 though i ended my cat's life with my 22cal which i could never repeat - as it was immensely heart wrenching & has left me guilt ridden. Of course in theory i knew what to expect1, to some degree, but issues i hadnt thought of appeared. And thus i didnt 'feel' what people were going thru so i didnt know how to console them, which is what i now find some friends & colleagues who havent lost anyone close yet tell me that they dont know what to say...
Everyone being different means there is no one way, so i suggested they just be there for them & show (genuine) sympathy. Not much else can be offered unless help is required with the funeral or whatever. That it helps knowing that you r supported. Being a loner of sorts, self reliant I didn't realise how nice it is to have moral/verbal or physical support.
I'm OK now, though i wish i had said & done some things sooner & had a proper chat with dad rather than just on mundane or practical matters once a fortnight when i'd go there to visit. I am very relieved though that at least i had started to change some things in our relationship a few weeks b4 the he was suddenly taken to hospital. And I had intended to go further the next weekend but didnt get the chance to... by the time i heard he was in hospital he was sedated with morphine & other drugs to keep water out of his lungs...so over the 5 days in hospital he never regained consciousness enough to converse more than a few mumbling words from day 1 to 3.5.
I stayed at work for 3 days due to critical projects & also since he seemed to be getting better, but on the Fri i received word he may not last much longer so i rushed in (100km away). Hence i feel some guilt now...
He occasionally seemed to know u were there judging by him squeezing your hand briefly2, & he kept pointing to his mouth which we assumed was to wet his very mouth (no drink allowed since he could drown) only later we realised he also had a blocked nose due to sinus so he wanted his nose spray. (sigh)
Though i try to be philosophical at all times the feeling of helplessness is not pleasant. So i stayed by his bed overnight & watched how he moved less & less with each hour. The trend was obvious, he was slowly deteriorating.
I had mixed feelings of not wanting him to suffer & thus wanted him to die quickly (hence my guilt)
... [since the drugs were no longer working to keep his pneumonia & flu at bay]. As opposed to trying anything, more drugs, more whatever, to keep him around to be my father just a little bit longer. His breathing was very laboured, & hard to watch.. I realised I had not been in this situation so wasnt sure what to do.. my new experience will be a better guide next time.. i hope...
I said my good byes, told him i loved him, & constantly assured him that i was by his side never to leave him alone...
Often i'd hold his hand or put my head on his chest (gently) or his next like i did as a child (which felt comforting & sad at the same time)...
No doubt similar to what most people have said or done for their dying loved ones.
We had a meeting with the doc & nurse at midday, about what can be done to quicken his passing within the law, since he wasnt getting better & all expectation of recovery was long gone, but they assured us all attempts to save him had been stopped so the only drugs left were to keep him pain free & dreaming. "Palliative care" i was told. After that he wasnt moving much any more. We were all so tired, wanting his struggle to end peacefully but also not to end.
By 20:30 the nurse came in & we spoke a while about what else could be done during which the atmosphere seemed to become very peaceful & our tearful sorrow passed into some sort of relaxed calm & warm state. Nurse must have noticed something since she quickly checked his heart with her stethoscope, then quickly called my older sister (a dietician doctor) to her side & then we heard a thump as we both held dad's hands. At that point his breathing stopped, we knew why, as it didnt start again.. it seemed to be such an honor to be there (sad for me & sis) but peaceful & .. like it was meant to be... hard to explain... may easily just be my imagination looking to make sense of the situation....to find meaning... who knows... the feelings however felt real to me & my sister felt it too (& she despite being a doctor & exceptionally clinical & smart is quite psychic (runs along the female line for generations) so picks things before they happen) & so i have learnt to trust her instincts in personal & financial matters.
For 2 days my sis & i had rarely been alone with dad in the room, & 120 sec after dad passed my nephew came back after getting a coffee with his fiancée (a radiologist who works at the hospital). Then other came soon after. Coincidence i suppose, but part of me suspects it was also meant to be that his 2 children only should witness his passing.
Just like in the movies, he actually let out 2 final full breaths that the nurse confirmed was muscular reflex. Though i knew he had already passed away it was like seeing him alive again, which i had already started to miss... I looked around the room hoping to see his spirit (just in case) to no avail.. soon the tears started as it slowly sank in he was gone.
it has certainly reinforced & rammed home some lessons on how much we love & need others without realising it.
to make family a priority not endless long hrs of work year after year at the expense of only seeing family & friends once in a blue moon...i have tried to pass this warning onto friends so they dont leave it too late....
thx for listening.. i have found that speaking/writing is a great method of thinking & assessing which i may not do enough otherwise.. of just finding the next piece of work to complete one after the other thinking i am being a good person by working very hard like my parents did when they emigrated here to escape war & persecution in E. Europe.
LOL, lots of mixed up feelings...
well were r all spending lots of time with mum who has had the worst time i feel, after 57 yrs of marriage the house feels utterly quiet.
This breaks my heart no matter how we try to liven up the house & visit regularly.
it may sound funny but i feel blessed to have been thru this experience.... :)
all the best one & all,
--------------------------
1. I had theories of course to try to ease their pain eg
2. Hearing & touch r apparently the last senses to shut down so it makes sense since he couldnt open his eyes or respond by the time i got there.
although i had heard several times not to leave things unsaid, just in case,
i dont mind sharing, i consider the world my 'family' irrespective of the state of the relationship/s at the time... so have nothing to be afraid of sharing... though some tell me i am too open & thus vulnerable to the obvious... fine line to tread i suppose....
Anyway, i really couldn't 'feel' what it was like to loose someone close b4 though i ended my cat's life with my 22cal which i could never repeat - as it was immensely heart wrenching & has left me guilt ridden. Of course in theory i knew what to expect1, to some degree, but issues i hadnt thought of appeared. And thus i didnt 'feel' what people were going thru so i didnt know how to console them, which is what i now find some friends & colleagues who havent lost anyone close yet tell me that they dont know what to say...
Everyone being different means there is no one way, so i suggested they just be there for them & show (genuine) sympathy. Not much else can be offered unless help is required with the funeral or whatever. That it helps knowing that you r supported. Being a loner of sorts, self reliant I didn't realise how nice it is to have moral/verbal or physical support.
I'm OK now, though i wish i had said & done some things sooner & had a proper chat with dad rather than just on mundane or practical matters once a fortnight when i'd go there to visit. I am very relieved though that at least i had started to change some things in our relationship a few weeks b4 the he was suddenly taken to hospital. And I had intended to go further the next weekend but didnt get the chance to... by the time i heard he was in hospital he was sedated with morphine & other drugs to keep water out of his lungs...so over the 5 days in hospital he never regained consciousness enough to converse more than a few mumbling words from day 1 to 3.5.
I stayed at work for 3 days due to critical projects & also since he seemed to be getting better, but on the Fri i received word he may not last much longer so i rushed in (100km away). Hence i feel some guilt now...
He occasionally seemed to know u were there judging by him squeezing your hand briefly2, & he kept pointing to his mouth which we assumed was to wet his very mouth (no drink allowed since he could drown) only later we realised he also had a blocked nose due to sinus so he wanted his nose spray. (sigh)
Though i try to be philosophical at all times the feeling of helplessness is not pleasant. So i stayed by his bed overnight & watched how he moved less & less with each hour. The trend was obvious, he was slowly deteriorating.
I had mixed feelings of not wanting him to suffer & thus wanted him to die quickly (hence my guilt)
... [since the drugs were no longer working to keep his pneumonia & flu at bay]. As opposed to trying anything, more drugs, more whatever, to keep him around to be my father just a little bit longer. His breathing was very laboured, & hard to watch.. I realised I had not been in this situation so wasnt sure what to do.. my new experience will be a better guide next time.. i hope...I said my good byes, told him i loved him, & constantly assured him that i was by his side never to leave him alone...
Often i'd hold his hand or put my head on his chest (gently) or his next like i did as a child (which felt comforting & sad at the same time)...
No doubt similar to what most people have said or done for their dying loved ones.
We had a meeting with the doc & nurse at midday, about what can be done to quicken his passing within the law, since he wasnt getting better & all expectation of recovery was long gone, but they assured us all attempts to save him had been stopped so the only drugs left were to keep him pain free & dreaming. "Palliative care" i was told. After that he wasnt moving much any more. We were all so tired, wanting his struggle to end peacefully but also not to end.
By 20:30 the nurse came in & we spoke a while about what else could be done during which the atmosphere seemed to become very peaceful & our tearful sorrow passed into some sort of relaxed calm & warm state. Nurse must have noticed something since she quickly checked his heart with her stethoscope, then quickly called my older sister (a dietician doctor) to her side & then we heard a thump as we both held dad's hands. At that point his breathing stopped, we knew why, as it didnt start again.. it seemed to be such an honor to be there (sad for me & sis) but peaceful & .. like it was meant to be... hard to explain... may easily just be my imagination looking to make sense of the situation....to find meaning... who knows... the feelings however felt real to me & my sister felt it too (& she despite being a doctor & exceptionally clinical & smart is quite psychic (runs along the female line for generations) so picks things before they happen) & so i have learnt to trust her instincts in personal & financial matters.
For 2 days my sis & i had rarely been alone with dad in the room, & 120 sec after dad passed my nephew came back after getting a coffee with his fiancée (a radiologist who works at the hospital). Then other came soon after. Coincidence i suppose, but part of me suspects it was also meant to be that his 2 children only should witness his passing.
Just like in the movies, he actually let out 2 final full breaths that the nurse confirmed was muscular reflex. Though i knew he had already passed away it was like seeing him alive again, which i had already started to miss... I looked around the room hoping to see his spirit (just in case) to no avail.. soon the tears started as it slowly sank in he was gone.
it has certainly reinforced & rammed home some lessons on how much we love & need others without realising it.
to make family a priority not endless long hrs of work year after year at the expense of only seeing family & friends once in a blue moon...i have tried to pass this warning onto friends so they dont leave it too late....
thx for listening.. i have found that speaking/writing is a great method of thinking & assessing which i may not do enough otherwise.. of just finding the next piece of work to complete one after the other thinking i am being a good person by working very hard like my parents did when they emigrated here to escape war & persecution in E. Europe.
LOL, lots of mixed up feelings...
well were r all spending lots of time with mum who has had the worst time i feel, after 57 yrs of marriage the house feels utterly quiet.
This breaks my heart no matter how we try to liven up the house & visit regularly.
it may sound funny but i feel blessed to have been thru this experience.... :)
all the best one & all,
--------------------------
1. I had theories of course to try to ease their pain eg
- that natures laws means that the old must give way to the new,
- maybe there is reincarnation
- or that at the very least a law of physics states that nothing in existence can be wiped from existence, & that if something doesn't exist now it never will... therefore our energy & maybe soul, thoughts, etc at least will survive in some form or another.. etc....
2. Hearing & touch r apparently the last senses to shut down so it makes sense since he couldnt open his eyes or respond by the time i got there.
although i had heard several times not to leave things unsaid, just in case,
truth seeker
The Living Force
Just a note that I may split these recent posts off so that you have your own thread.
Thanks for sharing. :)
Yeah, I'm at a similar point with my own dad - he's well enough but is up in age and as we all know there will eventually come a day when he'll no longer be here. If I happen to outlive him, I may well find myself in a situation similar to yours. Even though we have our differences, his passing (the when and how of it) is often on my mind.
I think you can take heart in knowing that you were able to be there at the end and I don't think it was a coincidence that things played out as they did (your being able to be present with him).
While I understand it, there's no need to feel guilty about wanting him to die sooner in order to lessen his pain. It's perfectly natural and really speaks to ponerization in this world - society's selfish need to want to hold on at all costs - that make people feel as if there something wrong with them for wanting another's suffering to end. I don't know the full details surrounding your cat, but it sounds similar to your dad's situation.
I think your mom is lucky to have all of you to be there for her at this time. It seems not many people have that support nowadays. And yeah, there will always be that "empty" space that's left when someone passes. I still feel it at times with my mom. When I think about it sometimes, it's a bit of a consolation that through me - with all that we're trying to accomplish here and Work on the self - that I somehow help her heal. That by helping myself, the life she lived (the pain and suffering she experienced) was not in vain.
This will take time for you to sort out. I honestly don't know that time heals all wounds or if one ever "gets over" the death of a loved one, but we do the best we can with the time we have.
You mentioned that writing this out has been helpful to you. If you haven't done so already, you may really want to read the Redirect thread. The journalling exercises were very helpful in sorting out my feelings and I think they may benefit you as well. Take as much time as you need and feel free to talk more if you want/need to. Be well, Rob. :)
Thanks for sharing. :)
Yeah, I'm at a similar point with my own dad - he's well enough but is up in age and as we all know there will eventually come a day when he'll no longer be here. If I happen to outlive him, I may well find myself in a situation similar to yours. Even though we have our differences, his passing (the when and how of it) is often on my mind.
I think you can take heart in knowing that you were able to be there at the end and I don't think it was a coincidence that things played out as they did (your being able to be present with him).
While I understand it, there's no need to feel guilty about wanting him to die sooner in order to lessen his pain. It's perfectly natural and really speaks to ponerization in this world - society's selfish need to want to hold on at all costs - that make people feel as if there something wrong with them for wanting another's suffering to end. I don't know the full details surrounding your cat, but it sounds similar to your dad's situation.
I think your mom is lucky to have all of you to be there for her at this time. It seems not many people have that support nowadays. And yeah, there will always be that "empty" space that's left when someone passes. I still feel it at times with my mom. When I think about it sometimes, it's a bit of a consolation that through me - with all that we're trying to accomplish here and Work on the self - that I somehow help her heal. That by helping myself, the life she lived (the pain and suffering she experienced) was not in vain.
This will take time for you to sort out. I honestly don't know that time heals all wounds or if one ever "gets over" the death of a loved one, but we do the best we can with the time we have.
You mentioned that writing this out has been helpful to you. If you haven't done so already, you may really want to read the Redirect thread. The journalling exercises were very helpful in sorting out my feelings and I think they may benefit you as well. Take as much time as you need and feel free to talk more if you want/need to. Be well, Rob. :)
Thats fine TS, it only now clicked that this is not the right thread for this conversation.
Maybe create one so others can take heed from our experiences... or ask questions...
Oh, & yes, my cat was sick & not eating for days, though i should have taken him to the vet..
I was so upset when i took aim that i didnt think to remove the scope since it aims high to compensate for far away targets so shooting 2 meters away makes the bullet go high ... hence i just injured him, so i had to shoot again which didnt kill either which just made me panic even further & i didnt load more than 2 bullets thinking i wouldn't need them since i am (normally) a crack shot. i failed to consider how emotional i could get, so i ran 100m back to the car to reload knowing he was in pain & it was my fault...
Blacky waited for me to return (even though he could have easily run away in agony & fear at any time) ... & just gazed at me bleeding...
Seeing his trust in me even though i severely injured him twice ... just tore my heart into shreds..... never had i felt so emotionally 'bare' or 'raw'.
I thought it would be one painless quick shot like i had done many times with rabbits, just the 2 of us friends together one last time, & being my cat i felt it was my responsibility not a vet to end it....
But how it unfolded instead was like each bullet hit me as well ... so you can imagine the absolute guilt i have carried ever since for a) screwing up so badly due to not planning it properly & considering the consequences & b) he still trusted & seemed to love me so much that he still waited for me to finally finish him off with another 2 bullets..... seemed like it would never end....
I decided never to shoot anything live again.
I dont fear my death & dont mind so much the killing animals for food, but inflicting pain is something i never wanted to accidentally do again.
I enjoy/ed hunting (an instinct i am sure), but not the kill. May sound silly but i always thanked the rabbits for their sacrifice. It just felt right to do that, respectful rather than blasé.
Dad & Blacky have been the 2 most heart wrenching times of my life... by a country mile..
I'll close this conversation by saying thankyou very much for sharing your warm thoughts & advice. :)
I hope things work out well for you & your dad. I can only say that any awkward or unpleasant aspects of a parent/child relationship seems to pale into insignificance compared to the loss of either side. You dont need to 'give-in' to their wishes or beliefs but rather just love them while you can. That is all that is required.. You will both feel, & be, better for it, deep down... IMO
PS
I too have noticed western societies growing fear of death, over regulation, over indulging children, growing separation between family members, lack of care for their elderly, etc etc. Seems to be a result of affluent civilisations that forget what hard times r like, what death is like, so over compensate to avoid death at all costs, whilst indulging in self interest pursuits. Wealth allows separation from the bonds & safety of family. I have read in financial reports that the same cycles of civilisations have occurred for thousands of years with essentially the length of each stage being the only real difference. There is around 7 stages if i recall. EG the US -
- stage 1 new country, builds thru hard work & sacrifice basic infrastructure & commerce etc.
- Stage 2, next generation/s builds upon the basics
- stage 3, later generations start to build up personal wealth
- stage 4, civilisation becomes affluent
-stage 5, government starts spending too much on social services to buy votes & on wars to expand the empire
- stage 6, more of the population starts to feel 'entitled' to welfare to share in the wealth
- stage 7, public dept is too high, too few work, too many indulge, & so the economy & society collapses
- Peace -
Rob
Maybe create one so others can take heed from our experiences... or ask questions...
Oh, & yes, my cat was sick & not eating for days, though i should have taken him to the vet..
I was so upset when i took aim that i didnt think to remove the scope since it aims high to compensate for far away targets so shooting 2 meters away makes the bullet go high ... hence i just injured him, so i had to shoot again which didnt kill either which just made me panic even further & i didnt load more than 2 bullets thinking i wouldn't need them since i am (normally) a crack shot. i failed to consider how emotional i could get, so i ran 100m back to the car to reload knowing he was in pain & it was my fault...
Blacky waited for me to return (even though he could have easily run away in agony & fear at any time) ... & just gazed at me bleeding...
Seeing his trust in me even though i severely injured him twice ... just tore my heart into shreds..... never had i felt so emotionally 'bare' or 'raw'.
I thought it would be one painless quick shot like i had done many times with rabbits, just the 2 of us friends together one last time, & being my cat i felt it was my responsibility not a vet to end it....
But how it unfolded instead was like each bullet hit me as well ... so you can imagine the absolute guilt i have carried ever since for a) screwing up so badly due to not planning it properly & considering the consequences & b) he still trusted & seemed to love me so much that he still waited for me to finally finish him off with another 2 bullets..... seemed like it would never end....
I decided never to shoot anything live again.
I dont fear my death & dont mind so much the killing animals for food, but inflicting pain is something i never wanted to accidentally do again.
I enjoy/ed hunting (an instinct i am sure), but not the kill. May sound silly but i always thanked the rabbits for their sacrifice. It just felt right to do that, respectful rather than blasé.
Dad & Blacky have been the 2 most heart wrenching times of my life... by a country mile..
I'll close this conversation by saying thankyou very much for sharing your warm thoughts & advice. :)
I hope things work out well for you & your dad. I can only say that any awkward or unpleasant aspects of a parent/child relationship seems to pale into insignificance compared to the loss of either side. You dont need to 'give-in' to their wishes or beliefs but rather just love them while you can. That is all that is required.. You will both feel, & be, better for it, deep down... IMO
PS
I too have noticed western societies growing fear of death, over regulation, over indulging children, growing separation between family members, lack of care for their elderly, etc etc. Seems to be a result of affluent civilisations that forget what hard times r like, what death is like, so over compensate to avoid death at all costs, whilst indulging in self interest pursuits. Wealth allows separation from the bonds & safety of family. I have read in financial reports that the same cycles of civilisations have occurred for thousands of years with essentially the length of each stage being the only real difference. There is around 7 stages if i recall. EG the US -
- stage 1 new country, builds thru hard work & sacrifice basic infrastructure & commerce etc.
- Stage 2, next generation/s builds upon the basics
- stage 3, later generations start to build up personal wealth
- stage 4, civilisation becomes affluent
-stage 5, government starts spending too much on social services to buy votes & on wars to expand the empire
- stage 6, more of the population starts to feel 'entitled' to welfare to share in the wealth
- stage 7, public dept is too high, too few work, too many indulge, & so the economy & society collapses
- Peace -
Rob
truth seeker
The Living Force
R said:
Wow, that sounds like a really traumatizing experience you had regarding your cat. I can't even imagine... While it's probably no consolation, you did the best you knew how at the time. We all have things in our pasts that we wish we could have done differently. Unfortunately, all we can hope to do is learn from those experiences and make amends as best we can.
R said:
Yes, that would be the key, I think. In the end, all the minor quibbles really come down to nothing (this of course doesn't include pathological people).
This conversation reminds me of one of the big life lessons I think has been presenting itself to me for most of my life which relates to "the care and feeding" of a human being. How to truly love someone, which then directly relates to how to love myself. Because I never wanted kids, I think in some ways, I was attempting to sidestep this lesson (unbeknownst to me at the time). But I think at the bottom of this, for me, that's what it's all about - acceptance and how to give to others without fear or selfishness in every moment. How to engage with both the self and others. A deeply profound and humbling lesson.
edit: clarity
My condolences to you and your family, Rob.
Buddy
The Living Force
SeekinTruth said:My condolences to you and your family, Rob.
Same here. I shared one of my experiences here. I was still processing grief up to about a month ago. Now when I think of her, I do so with much fondness and almost all the pain is gone. Sometimes I even think she understands and smiles at me.
Also, a granddaughter just passed from apparent SIDS around the same time as your Dad. It hit us all--especially my wife--very hard. We're still dealing with that.
The weight does get lighter and easier over time, Rob.
Buddy said:SeekinTruth said:My condolences to you and your family, Rob.
Same here. I shared one of my experiences here. I was still processing grief up to about a month ago. Now when I think of her, I do so with much fondness and almost all the pain is gone. Sometimes I even think she understands and smiles at me.
Also, a granddaughter just passed from apparent SIDS around the same time as your Dad. It hit us all--especially my wife--very hard. We're still dealing with that.
The weight does get lighter and easier over time, Rob.
My condolences to you and your family, Buddy.
My condolences to you Buddy and Rob
I have lost my mother, father, and both my grandmothers and it is hard when someone important in our life passes. The pain does lessen eventually. I used to be terrified of death, but this forum and all I have learned of our reality has given me a sense of peace concerning death. I am not afraid anymore, but it definitely still hurts to let our loved ones go.
I have lost my mother, father, and both my grandmothers and it is hard when someone important in our life passes. The pain does lessen eventually. I used to be terrified of death, but this forum and all I have learned of our reality has given me a sense of peace concerning death. I am not afraid anymore, but it definitely still hurts to let our loved ones go.
My condolences as well Rob of the passing of your dad.
Fwiw, my dad left some 20 years ago; feels like yesterday. He too was in Palliative care and I was not by his side in his final days, yet just before he left this sphere, flew back to see him, drove him around, did a little gardening and chopped fire wood for him and just sat quietly with him. We didn't say much with each other, but it was everything then.
Give yourself lots of time, perhaps write about it as was discussed by truth seeker concerning the Redirect thread - it can help.
Fwiw, my dad left some 20 years ago; feels like yesterday. He too was in Palliative care and I was not by his side in his final days, yet just before he left this sphere, flew back to see him, drove him around, did a little gardening and chopped fire wood for him and just sat quietly with him. We didn't say much with each other, but it was everything then.
Give yourself lots of time, perhaps write about it as was discussed by truth seeker concerning the Redirect thread - it can help.
I'd like to echo these sentiments, and advice, too. It helped me with the passing of my mother last autumn. And, the forum is a great resource to use too.voyageur said:My condolences as well Rob of the passing of your dad.
...
Give yourself lots of time, perhaps write about it as was discussed by truth seeker concerning the Redirect thread - it can help.
Many condolences to you and your family, Rob.