Muxel, you're trying desperately to rationalise your way out of the hole you've dug for yourself. I think you should take a step back and read what Laura said
, over and over – meditate on it as you're falling asleep – until you can understand that it applies to YOU, now, as you are NOW. Because you are so full of your self-importance you are unable to see that a simple admission of your failings would garner far more respect from the forum members.
Ah Foxx, would you deny this poor old soul a "fat Americans" joke? I know it's pathological but I also see the humor in it. For example, I can't help cracking up watching the Black Friday stampede vids or hearing about that woman who pepper-sprayed everybody to get an Xbox 360. When I saw the "carb-guzzling sumo girl" jogging on the sidewalk, I empathized with her from afar. But here I'm poking fun at the pandemic, not the individual.
More rationalizations. This 'joke' comes across as spiteful. You're making fun of the victim. I fail to see the empathy in what you wrote, rather I see condescension and spite.
I dunno Foxx, but the fact that I'm having to justify not having any problems regarding women is ridiculous! I don't want to defend any little I's à la self-importance, but I gotta set the record straight or else this will haunt me on the forum.
That hole just gets deeper and deeper . . .
Self-dissatisfaction would be a symptom of self-importance wouldn't it?
Yes and no. Self-dissatisfaction can be a realisation that you are not doing all you could to become a better man. It can spur you on to greater efforts. Have you come across Gurdjieff's Five Strivings
? The Second Striving is:
To have a constant and unflagging instinctive need for self-perfection in the sense of being.
In that sense self-dissatisfaction can have a positive effect. It can also be, as in your case, the root of bitterness about your lot in life. When you think that you should be something you are not; that you should be something that is 'better'; that something has been denied you by cruel fate, or your parents, or living in America; then that is a negative self-dissatisfaction, and when coupled with huge self-importance it leads to the bitterness I notice in some of your posts.
I try to keep an open mind when it comes to any mirror of myself. Some mirrors get me worked up, and I'd have to go cool off before thinking about it.
When you get worked up about a mirror you've received on this forum, that's your predator's mind being aroused. It means that the mirror has struck close to home, and has shown you something you don't want to see because it threatens your carefully crafted self-image. The more angry and worked up you get, the more relevant and penetrating the mirror. As in . . .
Jesus, Hildegarda, can I do anything right? I don't remember saying any of those things. If you twisted my words even more, I'd have been talking about Obama. I really didn't need that, not when I'm trying to work out some issues with myself at the moment.
. . . which demonstrates exactly what I mean.
The next time you have a strong emotional reaction to something said to you on the forum, try containing (not repressing or denying) the feeling. Don't edit it, or try to make it something it isn't. Try to be with it with an open mind. Experience it as it is – as far as you can – see where it lives in your body. Try to listen to it and see what it wants to tell you.
I do not get your "having to look down when talking to most people" Muxel, you are kidding us, right ? I've never noticed that I have to look down on people.
A person who considers themselves to be superior 'looks down' on others when talking to them. A person who sees people addresses others as equals without the need to 'look down' on them. Physical height is irrelevant. The person who 'looks down' on others is deeply insecure, for which they compensate by puffing up their ego.Added:
Muxel, you remind me of my best friend when I was aged 13 – 15. He was very similar to you in that he had enormous self-importance, and the same vitriolic sense of humour, which I now think was rooted in the death of his father which happened when he was nine. He contacted me a few years ago by email. He is now living in the Far East, and is incredibly bitter about his situation, even though he has a wife and child, and claims that they make him happy. He's also fat and very unhealthy. He claims that the choice to live where he is was forced on him. He resents it and he despises the country he lives in and the natives of that country, even though his wife is a native. I found his emails very difficult to read because of the bitterness he had no hesitation in displaying. He would accept no discussion of the bitter way he expressed himself, and reacted with unbridled self-importance to any mention of the subject.
I think it's worthwhile to devote some time to replying to you because you have been far luckier than my ex-friend in that you've come across this forum and the Work at a young age. You have a wonderful opportunity to work through your issues of self-importance and bitterness with life, and to develop into a psychologically healthy man. I hope you make good use of the opportunities on offer here.