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Video of Handicapped Boy Shocked 31 Times for Not Removing Coat

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anart:

--- Quote from: Jones on May 02, 2012, 01:43:37 PM ---I’ve given this much thought and I think there are a few contributing factors:

Unexpressed emotions from experiences from living next door to an Austistic self harmer who was only two years old when I was a kid.  His name was Robbie and he was, among other things, a head banger and I frequently saw him smash his own head on concrete in his backyard...a continuous thud, thud, thud. He was just a little boy and he always had bruises, cuts and grazes on his face.  I was between the ages of 8 and 10.
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That was a pretty horrific thing for you to deal with as a kid.



--- Quote from: j ---I guess I’ve felt more comfortable discussing facts and figures in an effort to not feel the emotions.  In fact, in initially preparing a reply/debate to this post, that’s where I went....to get the facts and figures.
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It's usually helpful to remember that we don't debate here - we discuss and there's a very big difference.  If you feel the need to debate there is almost always an emotional component driving your thinking because the conversation has, at some level, turned adversarial for you.  It's something to keep an eye out for.



--- Quote from: j ---  But it all somehow seemed fake/empty...or not the real truth of where I was at if that makes sense?
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Yep, because you were thinking with your emotions in order to quell your emotions (which never works very well, even though we think it will) - you try to put all of your attention, and the reader's attention, onto facts that don't really apply to what is going on in your own mind and heart, or in the reality of the situation itself.  It always ends up being empty because what you're putting your energy into really has nothing to do with what's going on. In this case what was going on was you hurting over this due to your past experiences and trying to ignore or sooth that hurt with an intellectualization.  That intellectualization was that this was actually good for the kid - that way it wouldn't hurt you.



--- Quote from: j ---I guess I also wanted to be able to fix it, to have the answers to it so that I wouldn’t be challenged to  feel.
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Yep.


--- Quote from: j ---I believe there is also pride and vanity in this mix –that I could perhaps propose an answer.
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Perhaps, perhaps not - a lot of times what is really us working overtime to hide from pain actually feels like 'pride or vanity' inside - it's not - it's just a defense mechanism that stiffens the parts of us that are most needed in order to deal with things like a compassionate, whole human being.


--- Quote from: j ---I’m not sure if there is more than that yet.  There may be lies that I'm telling myself that I haven't yet uncovered.

Edited to Add:

It has just occurred to me that the above would impact on my ability to be empathetic....kind of psychopathic or ponerized.

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Yeah, that's the stiffening of the most humane, compassionate and wholly human parts of ourselves. Those parts open us up to getting hurt a lot - but they're also our only hope out of this mess, not only individually, but as a species.

Jones:

--- Quote from: anart on May 02, 2012, 03:18:56 PM ---
That was a pretty horrific thing for you to deal with as a kid.

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This was a gift  :).  I had a release on reading this.  I don’t know why but it sometimes seems that it takes for someone else to recognise a trauma and validate it before I can get a release from it...kind of like an agreement, that yes, that must have been painful before I can just let go and feel it, if that makes sense? Almost like waiting for permission, but not quite.  Perhaps it’s more that there is this attitude that it’s Ok to feel it if someone else feels/sees it too; with the condition that they don’t need me to hold them up emotionally at the time.



--- Quote from: anart ---It's usually helpful to remember that we don't debate here - we discuss and there's a very big difference.  If you feel the need to debate there is almost always an emotional component driving your thinking because the conversation has, at some level, turned adversarial for you.  It's something to keep an eye out for.

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Adversarial.  A buffer? Could one become more adversarial as they worked harder to not feel?

I see it, the aversarialness that is. 

The funny (or not so funny really) thing is that there was so much of it at home when I was a kid and it created a generalised tension that I found very uncomfortable.  I thought that I’d weeded it out of myself, but it’s still there though in a somewhat different form....more covert? 

Curious thing is, I thought that I wasn’t repeating the pattern of the adults in my family home because I moderated my tone of voice, managed to a large degree to remove sarcasm and definitely didn’t resort to name calling.  But even removing all of that, I believe I’ve been, at times, essentially doing the same thing.  Even though the outward behaviours were different, the thought loops behind were probably the same.  So there is this internal conflict where the thoughts are there, but also a struggle to not be the same, while still on a level being the same.  So there is also possibly still a level of discomfort/tension created for those around me despite the external differences.
 
I’m glad to be aware of it.

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