I feel your pain kries, I hope you get the help you are trying to get, I hope you son get better, I hope you can accept, understand and learn, from any possible ending you may have with your situation. My soul pray for your son at this moment and for you to endure this hard path you are walking through.
Dont let your son see your sad face, thats a hard thing to do, but do it for him. Make him as happy as he can possibly be.
All will be alright.