Thanks for your concern, supriyanoel. I do have some issues with guilt crop up here and there about my father's death. And it's been a difficult year. His last month or so was really horrible (his lungs filled with fluid and he had a really hard time breathing). Then he just passed after much suffering. It was a relief in a way that his suffering ended.
But the emotional processing of it all has been kind of a roller coaster ride. As many others, my emotional center doesn't work quite right. So there's periods of emotions flooding in suddenly and then periods of relative calm. Just have to let the grieving process take its course. In a way, I wish I could really cry and let it all out at once, but it doesn't seem to work that way. As I said he suffered a lot in the end, and had a pretty rough life in general, and he was 82 years old so just ending his suffering by passing away was a relief for him, myself and my family.
Sorry for getting off topic. I want to express my best regards to you all going through tough times.