At another cross roads...

[truth seeker]

Hi supriya,

From now on when you write, could you put a space between your sentences and also break your thoughts into paragraphs? Otherwise, it can become a bit difficult to read. Thanks.

[SeekinTruth]

Thanks for your concern, supriyanoel. I do have some issues with guilt crop up here and there about my father's death. And it's been a difficult year. His last month or so was really horrible (his lungs filled with fluid and he had a really hard time breathing). Then he just passed after much suffering. It was a relief in a way that his suffering ended.

But the emotional processing of it all has been kind of a roller coaster ride. As many others, my emotional center doesn't work quite right. So there's periods of emotions flooding in suddenly and then periods of relative calm. Just have to let the grieving process take its course. In a way, I wish I could really cry and let it all out at once, but it doesn't seem to work that way. As I said he suffered a lot in the end, and had a pretty rough life in general, and he was 82 years old so just ending his suffering by passing away was a relief for him, myself and my family.

Sorry for getting off topic. I want to express my best regards to you all going through tough times.

[KristinLynne]

Thanks for your concern, supriyanoel. I do have some issues with guilt crop up here and there about my father's death. And it's been a difficult year. His last month or so was really horrible (his lungs filled with fluid and he had a really hard time breathing). Then he just passed after much suffering. It was a relief in a way that his suffering ended.

But the emotional processing of it all has been kind of a roller coaster ride. As many others, my emotional center doesn't work quite right. So there's periods of emotions flooding in suddenly and then periods of relative calm. Just have to let the grieving process take its course. In a way, I wish I could really cry and let it all out at once, but it doesn't seem to work that way. As I said he suffered a lot in the end, and had a pretty rough life in general, and he was 82 years old so just ending his suffering by passing away was a relief for him, myself and my family.

Sorry for getting off topic. I want to express my best regards to you all going through tough times.

I too am so sorry about your fathers passing and understand a lot of what you are going through.  I like the roller coaster analogy because it fits so well.  I don't know which would be worse, losing someone so suddenly or watching them suffer until the end.  Either way the loss is still a big empty place and I think it is okay to deal with it as you need to.  Thanks so much for sharing and caring.     

[SeekinTruth]

I too am so sorry about your fathers passing and understand a lot of what you are going through.  I like the roller coaster analogy because it fits so well.  I don't know which would be worse, losing someone so suddenly or watching them suffer until the end.  Either way the loss is still a big empty place and I think it is okay to deal with it as you need to.  Thanks so much for sharing and caring.

Yes, it's hard to say which is worse, they're both painful either way. I think it's even worse when someone young passes away, especially children who leave behind parents must be the hardest of all. I can only imagine such a situation, but I'm sure I can't fully know the type of emotions that really occur. Thanks for sharing, as well, and I wish you all the best with coming to terms with your loss and your future adventures.

[Mrs. Peel]

Thanks for your concern, supriyanoel. I do have some issues with guilt crop up here and there about my father's death. And it's been a difficult year. His last month or so was really horrible (his lungs filled with fluid and he had a really hard time breathing). Then he just passed after much suffering. It was a relief in a way that his suffering ended.

But the emotional processing of it all has been kind of a roller coaster ride. As many others, my emotional center doesn't work quite right. So there's periods of emotions flooding in suddenly and then periods of relative calm. Just have to let the grieving process take its course. In a way, I wish I could really cry and let it all out at once, but it doesn't seem to work that way. As I said he suffered a lot in the end, and had a pretty rough life in general, and he was 82 years old so just ending his suffering by passing away was a relief for him, myself and my family.

Sorry for getting off topic. I want to express my best regards to you all going through tough times.

You may be on the emotional roller coaster for some time.  My mother passed away quite suddenly a little over two years ago, and today would have been her 93rd birthday so I am feeling sad.  Mother's Day in the U.S. is this Sunday, and some years it would fall on Ma's b-day.  I've been trying to ignore all the Mother's Day hype this week, shoving it under the rug, so to speak.

My father suffered a lot towards the end, he spent his last week unresponsive, drugged up on morphine so that he basically starved to death lying in bed (he didn't want any measures taken to prolong his life).  But then, I guess maybe he didn't really suffer so much after the morphine kicked in.  He will have been gone one year this coming June 25.  I'll always remember the date as it the same as the date Michael Jackson passed on a few years earlier, and there's always some hoopla about him as that date draws near. 

My best regards to all going through tough times also.   

[SeekinTruth]

Thanks, Mrs. Peel. And my heart goes out to you, as well. 

[KristinLynne]

Thanks, Mrs. Peel. And my heart goes out to you, as well. 

I second this Mrs. Peel. 

[supriyanoel]

Thank you for alerting me to those errors Truthseeker. My ignorance comes out in some ways I need to be more conscientious about. It is up to me to find out just how to implement these corrections. I'm don't how to do that,seriously. I will find out from someone. I didn't want to post because of this ab sense of knowledge.I imagine its very annoying,so I will discontinue until I can change it. Sorry again. Happy Mothers day all.

[truth seeker]

Thank you for alerting me to those errors Truthseeker. My ignorance comes out in some ways I need to be more conscientious about. It is up to me to find out just how to implement these corrections. I'm don't how to do that,seriously. I will find out from someone. I didn't want to post because of this ab sense of knowledge.I imagine its very annoying,so I will discontinue until I can change it. Sorry again. Happy Mothers day all.

I think you're being too hard on yourself, for what it's worth. It has nothing to do with ignorance and no one's annoyed with you. See your last post above - you were able to put spaces in without a problem so no harm done. The only way for us to improve (and this includes all of us) is to keep practicing.

added: Just wanted to add that there's also nothing at all wrong with not understanding something - it doesn't make you a "bad" person. Keep pushing against whatever is telling you that. You're also not alone in this, that's what we're here to do - help each other.