For the past few nights I've been having all sorts of disturbing dreams. The common theme in these dreams is that I play the role of everything that I don't want to be, and I suspect that it may be the negative aspects of my personality coming to the surface to be cleansed, so to speak.
One of the main themes in these dreams is the absolute binging on junk food, such as chocolate cake, biscuits etc. In the dream I am thinking "what the hell am i doing? why am i ruining the diet i've worked so hard on" but yet I keep eating anyway.
Another one involved me performing an unprovoked assault on somebody in a night club, and running away from the police. When they caught me, I was somehow able to give them a torrent some perfectly charming rhetoric to explain what happened, and they then let me go. I even used another accent! I instantly thought of psychopathy upon waking, and it was very interesting.
Then 2 nights ago in another dream, I was watching a band play and got into a brawl afterwards. Instead of the sense of worry that usually comes over me as I see a violent situation forming around me, I was very pumped up and excited to fight. Me and my "friends" then proceeded to beat these guys up quite violently, and run away.
Now this morning I've just woken up from probably the most disturbing one of all. I don't remember much, but I do remember me being in bed with my ex girlfriend. We were kissing and touching etc, but the whole thing just felt dirty. Then when it came to actual intercourse, she went completely limp, almost corpse-like. In my dream I still 'finished up' despite this, and awoke feeling absolutely disgusting, it was horrible. I think the symbolism in this one is about showing how truly lifeless unconscious, lustful sex is. It also shows how following your lower emotions into sexual encounters is a recipe for being drained of energy (by just laying there, she didnt 'give' at all). I certainly felt drained afterwards.
However in real life despite these dreams, my food cravings are diminishing, I have a much less violent attitude than before in my life, and my sexual attitude has changed drastically. I used to have the selfish and lustful attitude of objectification that is the norm around here, but now I find that I care much less about how attractive a girl is, I'm more concerned about what's inside. Also if I were to have an 'ultimate sexual fantasy' now, it would not be a typical answer like a threesome or anything, but simply to be with someone that I know and trust completely and who feels the same about me.
Has anybody else experienced dreams where they play the bad guy? These are quite an interesting and new development for me, but really are disturbing as well.