Esoterica > Memories, Dreams, Reflections

Dream of Ex

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Paragon:
Hi all,

Had a dream just there whereby I dreamt of my ex or rather, I dreamt of longing to be with her again.

It was in my room at my old flat where I shared with 2 others and this was the last place where we were together as a couple. Very strong feelings of longing and abandonment came up. The idea that she was gone forever was present and this induced very strong overwhelming feelings of loneliness, and a sense of the death of my own self. It is hard to put the flavour of the dream into words, however it is extremely unpleasant and almost like a nightmare that's true since we haven't been together for 2 years later this month. In the dream it's like I was taken back to a point where we were still together and all the feelings were present, but that she was gone and I had no one else there in that world but myself to share the pain.

As I write this I note that I am becoming teary eyed and a suffocating feeling in the chest arises.

Might be relevant to note that she recently contacted me out of the blue via FB after not talking for months on end and mentioned in her initial message, something that she used to affectionately call me when we were together. She said she was just missing home ( she moved to Canada to study uni, but is back this month to the uk) and it was the month of her 21st and a lot of her friends birthdays back here in the uk. We talked about what we were up to and what's new etc, casual stuff. As I still have strong feelings for her, this brought back memories of us together and I started to get depressed. I'm not sure if I have dealt with my feelings about her properly, as I still long for her. My friend says it's just because I have not been with another girl since we broke up. I don't know why she contacted me, but a part of me was very happy that she did. I really miss her genuine, loving spirit more than anything. It was so beautiful.  And it is constantly with me how I treated her because of my narcissism, and I am glad for that knowledge however painful that may be since I now strive to treat other people better because of this.

So i guess a bit of a vent, kinda needed this.

Thank you for reading.

loreta:
Thanks to share this dream of you, and your insight in it.

Menna:
I had a dream about my X as well a few days ago...I haven’t seen or talked to her since the day she broke up with me on Christmas (I cut off contact with her after the breakup)...In the dream we were sitting across from each other on the floor and she said "I know why you did what you did (cut off contact) you had to get to this point to get over me." I am guessing it refers to the point were I objectively realize what happened and I am at peace and passed everything) then we start to hug she starts kissing my neck and I said "I can't do this I love someone else." I then pulled away and woke up. I don't love anyone else right now I guess I said that to get away. This was my first girlfriend and first sexual experience if I can move past it in 4-5 months then you can move past your relationship too.

Now you haven’t been with her in two years...That’s a long time...You should use some of the techniques on this site to help you process the relationship. You say that you were narcissistic and feel guilty about it. Well that might be true but let me tell you. I doubt she did everything right and did some wrong as well. For example you say, "she mentioned in her initial message, something that she used to affectionately call me." Well personally I wouldn't like that and think its wrong if she knows you are still hurting - processing the break up.

If you truly want to move on use the techniques on this site and REMOVE her from your FB. How can you move on when you check her profile weekly if not daily how can you move on when her statuses and picture pop up in your news feed. Some people can but it makes it a lot harder.

I somewhat agree with your friend...Yes if you were in another relationship that COULD help but what I think would help more is if you realize that while you might not have been perfect she most likely wasn’t perfect either...Now you will be a better person in your next relationship get excited about meeting someone else and being able to treat them better


 

Paragon:
Yeah, I should process the relationship fully. I don't know how though. Redirect and EE? I don't have those chemical feelings for her anymore, only when I bring up 'unresolved' memories and thoughts from the times we were together. It's really a longing for her genuinity and companionship that I feel. Her unique personality was so adorable and cute. I've not met another girl since that I felt comfortable with and as compatable. I felt I could be myself with her. 

It's really frustrating however as I thought I had dealt with most of it, but obviously not as these stronger feelings crop up from time to time.

 Not saying I'm actively looking for a relationship right now as I still have to understand what's at the heart of my feelings for my ex and to resolve them. It would be cruel and STS to be involved with someone else right now, as I can't give all my heart since it is still taken, at least partly by my ex. Is this unhealthy that for so long, I still can't 'get over' my ex?

Ive blocked her status updates and I don't check up on her profile, if rarely. However I sometimes look at her position at the top of my friends chat list, which according to FB, is meant to be random. And also the friends image 'block' thing, where she appears often.

It's basically a deep fantasy of mine whereby we somehow 'bump' into each other again in life and begin to go out again. Where I explain everything and all my hurtful actions and that I've been doing the work on myself etc, hoping she sees how I've changed and is willing to give it another shot. We begin from the beginning and I show my true self to her and we accept our faults and all, striving to compliment each other. I just want to know how she feels about me since she contacted me out of the blue. Does she miss me? Does my fantasy have any probability of being true?

Sorry for ranting, and thanks for the advice menna, guess I'm still trying to discover my real self and who I actually am. Even after I thought I had. Guess I'm having difficulty seperating the essence from the personality.

bngenoh:
I had a dream like yours Menna,

It was this woman who I have known for a long time, there have been sexual relations between she and I, but not for a long time. In the dream, she started making sexual advances towards me, but then I said  :lol: is this supposed to be temptation? It's so obvious it's silly.  ;) Not my cup of tea anymore baby.  :D

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