I've been seeing the futility and limitations for a long time now. I am so ready to leave it all behind. There is nothing here for me, nothing I really want. This isn't my home and I'm tired of visiting.
Possessions become nothing but weights which chain us to the ground. The house needs constant cleaning and fixing, the yard needs upkeep, the cars need attention and the list never ends. Then I have to work like a slave the rest of the time just to keep my head above water. Where is the joy and fulfillment in any of this?
I'm then told I should count my blessings. Why, because I'm not as miserable as some other poor slob? Why should I settle for this crap? It could be so much better!
My job is a perfect microcosm of this planet. They tell us that the company is such a great place to work. They have an open door policy and welcome suggestions to make the place run smoother. They make internal videos of employees extolling the virtues of working there and they all look so happy. They have an employee credo plastered up on the walls, promising a great working environment. They even tell us how many people are breaking down the doors to work there.
Just like everywhere else it's all BS. They care about nothing except wringing every last penny out of their customers and employees. We all work there because we can't find anything better, and we have to feed our families. If the economy picked up they would lose half their employees.
I'm convinced the management are all lizards, sociopaths at the very least.
There, I said it and I feel better.
Like Gonzo, I too am not the best at this but I will try to add something constructive to the discussion.
Many spiritual teachings address the concept of attachment--unhealthy passions for things that keep us spinning in a circle instead of finding the spiral up to change for the better. As counter-intuitive as it seems, one very common attachment is to our suffering. This attachment to our suffering generates a lot of negative energy and we all know who (what) benefits from that. When we are able to observe and become aware of our suffering, not as something that "happens" to us, but as something that we participate in
, then we can begin to look at it from a different perspective with our objective observer-self. When we become tired of the energy drain, and when identifying as a "victim/martyr" no longer gives us that ego-stroking, self-righteous thrill it used to, then we can begin to detach from identifying with our suffering.
This is a point where we can begin to take back our personal power to stop our knee-jerk negative emotional reactions to our life situations and "petty tyrants," and choose to feel differently about where we are at and what we are doing. While this may be a fairly simple concept, it is not easy to implement by any means. It may be helpful for you to review Don Juan's struggle with his petty tyrant overseer in Castaneda's works, Gurdjieff's discussions of being willing to let go of our suffering, and, as Gonzo recommended, the threads that discuss righteous suffering. (sorry I can't provide links)
I too struggle with attachment to my "suffering" frequently. At this point in my life, I have an abundance of blessings in my life--good health, nice home, great career, friends, fun, and, most of all, an incredible opportunity to serve others through SOTT and FOTCM, and yet I will still run "I am not worthy," "I can't do it right," and "they won't like me if . . ." programs on a regular basis to torture myself, instead of giving myself a metaphorical face slap and "Snap out of it" (Cher in Moonstruck
) and begin DOING more instead of thinking of doing it.
In the past I was a "cutter" and caused bleeding wounds on my hands and feet by ripping my toenails off and picking the skin on my fingers. Every step was painful for days on end and it was all suffering I was creating for myself in response to a tyrant that I allowed to oppress me--I did this until I became aware that I had a choice and I chose not to feel oppressed.
Now, I sometimes look at my watch (also metaphorically) and exclaim "Oh--I am running late for the Apocalypse!" and dash off blindly like the White Rabbit, and torture myself with some mental and emotional programs. Now, I am learning, albeit slowly, to stop this mental/emotional cutting too.
I have made much progress and now routinely DO many life chores, and deal with my petty tyrants with a detached humor and "all is lessons" feeling most of the time. Great change can happen in place, while we are at our same jobs, in our same relationships, same crappy situations, and weirdly, I have learned that when I finally make an effort to change my internal reactions and attachments to my world, external changes will begin to miraculously happen that change my situations for the better.
I still worry I am not doing it right . . .