Weird Behaviour from strangers?

[A.K.]

Hi all,

Something's on my mind for a long time about strangers i came upon acting strangely. It's getting more frequently as of late. At first i thought it's just my imagination but as i observe it apparently something is wrong here. Strangers on the path like to walk very close to me even to the point of cutting across the path.
 
For example, walking on a path about 2m wide, i would move to the edge of one side to allow an opposite approaching stranger to pass me by. But i noticed that stranger would 'stick' to the other side of the same path but approx. 1m away, he'll swerve directly into me shorten our distance to mere centimeters. In such cases, i would move onto the grass patch by the side to avoid them. And no they're not doing that with a purpose but with a blank, intent-less face.

Another case is cyclists, pushcarts, people with groceries trolley would tend to move automatically on the center of the pathway regardless of the width of the pathway(as if GPS controlled). Ah..... even joggers who would jog side by side hogging the whole path forcing me off the path and still gave me the 'stink eye'.

Next is at food outlets, on buses or any place where ample of seats are available, strangers will always move and choose to seat very near me regardless of so many empty seats around.

During browsing the shelves at the local super-mart, there are some who will move close to you and observe what i'm buying.

These people tends to be your normal everyday people. I am not sure if i am over sensitive about such things but definitely something is going on. I hope i'm not the only one experiencing this as it will be too freaky........

I will be glad on your input on this and thoughts.

[Laura]

Have you read the main posts on the Cognitive Science board?

[A.K.]

No i haven't. i'll look in that direction.

Thank you Laura. Cheers.

[Carlise]

Have you tried being more assertive and not letting inconsiderate people force you off the path?

[Gonzo]

I've certainly noticed that some days seem worse than others for people not paying attention to their surroundings and either stopping in front of me, cutting me off.  When it seems to increase, it occurs everywhere, be it in the grocery store or while driving down the highway.  Some times this can last for a few days at a time.

I have but three ways of viewing this:
1. I am more sensitive on those days and notice things more (therefore, the change is internal, not external)
2. Even randomness can appear like a pattern.  Shuffle a deck of cards as best as you can, and there's as much chance the aces will be together are them being well distributed (therefore, this would simply be a coincidence)
3. There is a plot to make my life difficult

I am leaning toward 1 and 2, since my life is already difficult and having people slow me down or inconvenience me really isn't a big deal in the bigger scheme of things.  If somebody wanted to make my life more difficult, it would make more sense to vector through people close to me, who can apply constant stress, not 15 minutes in a grocery store.  Putting sugar in my gas tank would be more effective.

However, even if this were becoming a constant pattern, I would just use it as an opportunity to develop better navigation strategies.  It is too easy to worry about who might be behind such things or why I have been targeted. 

As things get stranger in our world, we might see more and more people getting distracted and not paying attention.  Consider them obstacles to practice navigating around.

As well, with respect to Laura's suggestion, you will probably gain some interesting insight reading the Cognitive Science board.  It's amazing how our mind can perceive all sorts of things that we swear are a certain way, when in fact, they simply aren't.  A good example is people seeing certain numbers constantly repeating in their lives.  Our mind has evolved to detect certain patterns and to ignore anything that doesn't seem relevant.  When we combine this ability with certain programs we might have running or that might get triggered, it's amazing the patterns we see when none exist.

Gonzo

[Jason (ocean59)]

I took a habit the last few years of vacationing solo in Las Vegas, for a variety of reasons (mainly the availability of the game 'poker,' as well as the sheer entertainment value of the random people-watching opportunities that present themselves).

One of many lessons I learned in that time is how to walk through gigantic never-ending random crowds of people. It is definitely an 'art' of sorts in my opinion, and there are many factors at play.

Without going on at length, I will say that there were times where it would seem like I would 'bump into' everyone. Or just as equally, I could say it seemed (very convincingly), like they were bumping into me. Which is true? How can we really know?

Ultimately (after several trips to this god-forsaken place), I came to a personal realization. Whenever I started 'bumping into' people, or they started 'bumping in' to me: I was not in the state of awareness I thought I was in. Meaning, something was 'off.' Immediately upon correction (and I apologize for not being more gifted with words yet), suddenly I was gliding effortlessly through the crowds. Occasionally somebody would go 'out of their way' to bump into me -- but I already saw it coming, and counterstepped (sometimes to 2 or 3 degrees if that makes sense) to avoid the collision. And then I realized that those people were where I was to begin with.

Big Fwiw to all that, and hope it helps.

[Paragon]

Hi A.K,

This is also something I've picked upon before and I'm constantly aware of since I live in a city. What helps me is that I try to be as externally considerate as possible, instead of focusing on myself, I focus on making it easier for others by getting out of their way for example. Sorta just flow through the crowd and not focusing on anything other than being aware and considerate for other people.

Of course you can get the odd person who you move out the way for and yet they still somehow bump into you. Even when you walk in a straight line! I honestly try to not care too much because at the end of the day, it's really not that important in the grand scheme of things 

Just try to relax and not think about it too much.

Hope that helps!

[Buddy]

Hi A.K.

Have you ever bought a car and all of a sudden you began to notice how many of those same cars are on the road as well? There could be something similar to this going on.

For a long time now I have noticed 1) how people will tend to space themselves in a way that seems to divide up available space more or less evenly, 2) how sometimes people do seem to unknowingly gravitate towards one another in various situations, and 3) how generally unaware people are of anything but themselves and whatever immediately demands their attention (how can you really get angry when someone cuts you off in traffic?).

Also good to be aware of this though, I think. Might prevent a pickpocket incident or something.

[MikeJoseph82]

Hi A.K.

I've noticed through experience that when walking through large crowds, particularly in cities, where people are criss-crossing paths it's much easier to move through the crowd if you look through the people.

The only times I do the mirror shuffle - where you go left, they go right, you go right, they go left, etc etc until you give each other a 'whoops, sorry!' facial acknowledgement is when I look into the other person's eyes.

I don't think there's anything weird going on there. It's just the way strangers interact in public places, which is exaggerated in larger and more anonymous gatherings. If you follow the herd in a sheep-like manner (literally) you are unlikely to experience anything other than what's normal for the rest.

[NewOrleans]

Hello A.K.,
Well, maybe people are just more oblivious of their surroundings these days. I've seen people texting on their smart phones and literally walk into telephone poles. (that's gotta hurt) Perhaps you need to just stay "on course" and let them deal with it. Everyone but the blind person can sense that you're getting closer. Getting OFF the sidewalk entirely is your choice, yes? If you accidently bump, well, that's life in a crowded city. Perhaps rudeness is becoming more common, so is extra consideration compensation for that. If it happens a LOT, maybe it's just coincidence and not some glitch in The Matrix.
 
Another wonderfully surreal arrangement is how people act in elevators. Redistribution of space if one of the occupants leave, no eye contact and the fixed gaze at the numbers. I tend to not mind talking or smiling which is not part of the rules of elevator etiquette. But then,most times, these elevators are in office buildings and the stress levels are rather high already. But me, having come from the Deep South, friendliness is meant to ease stress, project kindness and make interaction easier. I think smiling at strangers - really projecting warmth - is a graceful way of lowering the tensions of modern life. I believe in random acts of kindness too.

Awareness is anything but sheep-like, but consideration is the sign of going with the flow.

Well, that's my two cents worth.

[Nem]

Hi A.K,
Maybe it's also a cultural thing? I mean that in different countries/places people use to have wider or shorter "intimate" zones; a kind of distance which when a stranger crosses it you start to feel uncomfortable or somehow threatened. If you changed your place of living for example, that may be the issue also IMO.

In my experience, however, in the city where I study, which is a crowded one, while walking on a sidewalk people as a rule tend to avoid eye contact with strangers and move so that as less contact as possible would be made.

Anyway, I think that also depends on what kind of person this "stranger" is. I mean someone who is immersed in his ego bubble will not even bother with the fact that you're moving towards him and you have no space to move on. Sometimes it happens on purpose that a guy, in order to show that he thinks he is "higher/stronger/bigger" than you, will not take back his shoulder to avoid collision but will hit you with it as a gesture of his self-gratification, sic!

In fact sadly, some people absolutely don't externally consider that someone may feel uncomfortable with their presence and when they're blinded by their aim, i.e. buying something, they could even sit on your head just to get that item, without caring about good manners or similar.

To sum up my two cents, your observation A.K can be the result of living in more and more ego-centered, emotionless society, where privacy/private zone is becoming more a luxury than a fundamental thing that should be taken into consideration even by strangers.

All Best, Nem

[monotonic]

I have observed days when the social flow seems to be disturbed or out of whack, especially in environments where a large number of people congregate regularly, such as a school where everyone is familiar with all the faces and there is a large degree of non-vigilant "flow-following". Everyone might be bumping into each other on a certain day, or emotionally imbalanced, misreading one another's body language. I think it can happen like something in chaos theory, that some sort of imbalance or disturbance spreads subconsciously through the crowd.

Also, we know that electrical activity and cosmic forces affect people. This may be one source of imbalanced crowd dynamics. Say for instance (hypothetically) gravity changes just enough to make people a little off balance. Gliding quickly down a path, you have a lot of momentum whether you realize it or not. Making sudden changes in direction then is something we don't ordinarily do because it puts us at risk of tripping, especially if we have worse balance that day. So if such a person has a balance problem (which could result from any sort of disorientation due to cosmic forces or flow dissonance), I have noticed it will cause them to veer left or right. At times like this I have found myself unconsciously and almost uncontrollably veering towards obstacles, sometimes to the point of collision. I think the subconscious and our programs, in this unbalanced state, can express themselves through the chaotic unbalanced state, perhaps not unlike a ouija board.

[D]

This may be a bit  because it has nothing to do with noticing people walking close to me or anything.. but I experienced something a bit strange the other day involving a stranger and this thread title reminded me of it.

The other day I went to the local cafe. I usually go to this cafe, so the girls that work there know me pretty well. This time, as I drove up and got out of the car, a guy (around my age maybe a year or two younger) began speaking to me as if he knew me. My initial instinct told me that he may have been a little mentally challenged because of the way he spoke and carried himself. He began with a simple greeting, "hey how are you?" and asked , "you work here right?", I greeted him politely and said no, "just getting a drink".. and went inside. He followed me in and started talking to me. He introduced himself, holding his hand out and I gave him my hand to shake but he took it and tried to kiss it. I said "no no, just shake  please" and he apologized and let go. I had ordered my drink by then and was waiting for it to be made.

Then he asked me for "a favor". He asked if I could "drive him home, because he could not get a hold of anyone and he recently had surgery and couldn't walk far." I politely refused saying that I didn't know the area that well. The reason was not all that true, I admit. I was more freaked out about some strange guy asking me for a ride home. Even if he was mentally challenged. Right after I refused he pretty much stormed out of the store. So I went up to the girl making my drink and explained that he kind of freaked me out and asked me for a ride home etc..

The girl told me that they had had several complaints about him bugging girls that worked there, but never a customer. She said she will tell her manager about it next time she's in. As I was walking out to go to my car he asked me again if I was sure I couldn't give him a ride and I said no again.. and told him to go use the phone in the cafe to call someone to come pick him up. He answered. "but no one is home..." I said I was sorry I could not help him but that it was a nice day and I'm sure someone will be by soon to pick him up and left.

What's interesting is that years ago, when I had not read all the psyche books etc.. I would have probably given him a ride home because I felt sorry for him. But this time, all these questions started rushing into my head. "what if he's pretending to be handicapped to get sympathy?" "what if he's just some weirdo?" His story about his surgery didn't make any sense. And if he was handicapped, why didn't he have any caretaker? My boyfriend's brother is handicapped and I've done a lot of work with the learning disabled so I know that they need care takers if they are going out by themselves. Anyway, it was a rather weird/freaky incident with a stranger I thought I'd share. After it, I kept thinking to myself if I had done the right thing.

[monotonic]

I would notify the police. Does he ever ask men? If not, well there you go.

[Jason (ocean59)]

My initial instinct told me that he may have been a little mentally challenged because of the way he spoke and carried himself. He began with a simple greeting, "hey how are you?" and asked , "you work here right?", I greeted him politely and said no

The girl told me that they had had several complaints about him bugging girls that worked there, but never a customer. She said she will tell her manager about it next time she's in.

I would notify the police. Does he ever ask men? If not, well there you go.

I'm not following your logic here. I think this advice is more than a bit rash, and that there is no way to determine this to be the best course of action based on the information given. And for all we know, perhaps only women work there, and he really has only ever bugged workers until now.

A few questions (to Deedlet):

Have any of the other employees ever actually given him a ride home? Is it possible he is actually simply mentally retarded/learning disabled + recently out of surgery?

Do you look anything at all like anybody else working there? Could a mentally disabled person actually have mistaken you as an 'employee' perhaps, even if only on his own preconceived notions, is what I'm wondering...

As I was walking out to go to my car he asked me again if I was sure I couldn't give him a ride and I said no again.. and told him to go use the phone in the cafe to call someone to come pick him up. He answered. "but no one is home..." I said I was sorry I could not help him but that it was a nice day and I'm sure someone will be by soon to pick him up and left.

What's interesting is that years ago, when I had not read all the psyche books etc.. I would have probably given him a ride home because I felt sorry for him. But this time, all these questions started rushing into my head. "what if he's pretending to be handicapped to get sympathy?" "what if he's just some weirdo?" His story about his surgery didn't make any sense. And if he was handicapped, why didn't he have any caretaker?

There is no question to me that one should never feel obligated to give a ride to someone when it feels 'out of place.' I am thankful that through your reading and learning you felt comfortable enough to question the situation, rather than unconsciously act. I almost never give rides to people I don't know, regardless of how 'innocent' the situation may be.

But I wonder - since you go here often, and somewhat know the employees, maybe there is more information to be had about the situation?