The 4 Fundamental Pillars of Emotional Intelligence
- Thread starter whitecoast
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EMOTION and ACTION are two different things though they are related.DandG said:
Here the statement meant, do not allow the limiting emotions to dictate you negative actions, instead do the reverse positive action to rewire the emotion. No body is saying to suppress emotion or do the mind program it.
If you want to be slave to the limiting emotion, it is your choice. Lot more to it. You will not understand this until you read the recommended books and think through it. We suggest you to read the material before commenting .
Buddy
The Living Force
DandG said:
The first sentence directly under the heading in that article you refer to says:
Are you even curious as to where the author gets that idea from? He quotes no source for his claims yet he expects you to consider him an authoritative source. Does that not bother you?
You'll have to do better than that on a research and data gathering forum like this, dedicated to finding and weighing objective, measurable facts. It's in the forum guidelines under the definition of "objectivity."
I agree with seek10 about taking some time to think this through and form your aim for what you want this forum interaction to accomplish for you. That will help us all stay on target, I think.
Buddy
The Living Force
FWIW, the only other thing I can think of that might be relevant here is based on what I've read and experienced:
Done properly, Mindfulness requires you to start with and maintain a highly alert state. This is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for anyone who may be in a state of lethargy. Lethargy makes people prone to the "sinking mind" effect which is just a way of saying falling into a waking sleep or trance state which may soon be followed by actual sleep.
You said you've had bouts with depression. In terms of energy, that's close to lethargy, so if you've personally had bad experience with Mindfulness, I might suggest you look at whether you ever experienced anything other than 'sinking mind.'
Done properly, Mindfulness requires you to start with and maintain a highly alert state. This is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for anyone who may be in a state of lethargy. Lethargy makes people prone to the "sinking mind" effect which is just a way of saying falling into a waking sleep or trance state which may soon be followed by actual sleep.
You said you've had bouts with depression. In terms of energy, that's close to lethargy, so if you've personally had bad experience with Mindfulness, I might suggest you look at whether you ever experienced anything other than 'sinking mind.'
Let me honest with you DangG. No body in this forum has time or energy for discussing different view points for the sake of doing it with out research or basis for it. That approach is complete waste. You could have read 60 pages of the material suggested.DandG said:
obyvatel
The Living Force
In their book EQ 2.0, authors Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves list 4 essential components of emotional intelligence. These are self awareness, self management, social awareness and social management. The skills are hierarchical - self awareness serves as the foundation of the house; self management, social awareness and social management form the upper stories in that order. In other words, to have good social management skills, it is essential to have good self awareness, self management and social awareness skills. The book suggests a list of simple strategies to build these skills. These are based on research conducted in corporate setting by providing EQ tests and suggesting improvement plans based on the results and retesting to check for progress.
Here are the strategies with some comments
Self Awareness Strategies
To be self aware is to know yourself as you really are. It is a continuous journey requiring constant practice and honesty, patience and courage are essential in undertaking it.
1) Quit treating emotions as good or bad: idea is to figure out what the emotion is trying to tell you.
2) Observe the ripple effect from your emotions: how your emotions affect others in your life, sometimes long after the emotion has been expressed.
3) Lean into your discomfort: stop avoiding or ignoring an emotion which causes a problematic behavior through arrogance or distraction.
4) Feel your emotions physically: this is covered in detail in Peter Levine's book "In An Unspoken Voice"
5) Know who and what pushes your buttons: this is critical to keep emotions from hijacking the thinking process. To make this happen it is important to pin-point specific details regarding people and situations or environment which push your buttons.Many times, it is due to past experiences and you are unknowingly acting from the past.
6) Watch yourself like a hawk: hawks soar far above the world watching and predicting what is going on below. To do this, it is important to slow down and use a more open attentional style rather than a narrow and obsessive focusing style.
7) Keep a journal about your emotions: this makes it easier to discern and understand patterns
8) Do not be fooled by a bad or a good mood : when in a bad mood, everything looks dark; when in a good
mood, everything appears rosy. Here it is important to remind yourself that moods are not permanent and not to take important decisions in such a state.
9) Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do
10) Visit your values: this is about setting core values and aims and assigning priorities while going through life. The authors advise taking a sheet of paper and writing down the values you wish to live by. List occasions and events where your actions did not correspond to those values. Consider alternative approaches and be prepared to act differently in keeping with your values when such occasions arise in the future.
11) Check yourself: facial expression, posture, general demeanor, clothes etc provide non-verbal clues to your internal state. Is the message you are giving out through these avenues deliberate or your default state?
12) Spot your emotions in books, movies and music: what do you resonate with;sometimes it is hard to find words to describe your feeling until you see it expressed by others through different media
13) Seek feedback: others see parts of you that you are not aware of. It is not possible to be objective about
yourself on your own. Ask for specific situations and examples when seeking feedback and refrain from providing justifications and counter arguments when receiving feedback.
14) Get to know yourself under stress: slow down and heed the signals that your body and emotions give you as the signs of stress. Gabor Mate's "When The Body Says No" is a good resource which shows what happens when one fails to pay attention to such signals. There are some forum threads discussing excerpts from this book.
Here are the strategies with some comments
Self Awareness Strategies
To be self aware is to know yourself as you really are. It is a continuous journey requiring constant practice and honesty, patience and courage are essential in undertaking it.
1) Quit treating emotions as good or bad: idea is to figure out what the emotion is trying to tell you.
2) Observe the ripple effect from your emotions: how your emotions affect others in your life, sometimes long after the emotion has been expressed.
3) Lean into your discomfort: stop avoiding or ignoring an emotion which causes a problematic behavior through arrogance or distraction.
4) Feel your emotions physically: this is covered in detail in Peter Levine's book "In An Unspoken Voice"
5) Know who and what pushes your buttons: this is critical to keep emotions from hijacking the thinking process. To make this happen it is important to pin-point specific details regarding people and situations or environment which push your buttons.Many times, it is due to past experiences and you are unknowingly acting from the past.
6) Watch yourself like a hawk: hawks soar far above the world watching and predicting what is going on below. To do this, it is important to slow down and use a more open attentional style rather than a narrow and obsessive focusing style.
7) Keep a journal about your emotions: this makes it easier to discern and understand patterns
8) Do not be fooled by a bad or a good mood : when in a bad mood, everything looks dark; when in a good
mood, everything appears rosy. Here it is important to remind yourself that moods are not permanent and not to take important decisions in such a state.
9) Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do
10) Visit your values: this is about setting core values and aims and assigning priorities while going through life. The authors advise taking a sheet of paper and writing down the values you wish to live by. List occasions and events where your actions did not correspond to those values. Consider alternative approaches and be prepared to act differently in keeping with your values when such occasions arise in the future.
11) Check yourself: facial expression, posture, general demeanor, clothes etc provide non-verbal clues to your internal state. Is the message you are giving out through these avenues deliberate or your default state?
12) Spot your emotions in books, movies and music: what do you resonate with;sometimes it is hard to find words to describe your feeling until you see it expressed by others through different media
13) Seek feedback: others see parts of you that you are not aware of. It is not possible to be objective about
yourself on your own. Ask for specific situations and examples when seeking feedback and refrain from providing justifications and counter arguments when receiving feedback.
14) Get to know yourself under stress: slow down and heed the signals that your body and emotions give you as the signs of stress. Gabor Mate's "When The Body Says No" is a good resource which shows what happens when one fails to pay attention to such signals. There are some forum threads discussing excerpts from this book.
obyvatel
The Living Force
Self Management Strategies
This involves using the foundational awareness of your emotions to choose what you say or do rather than reacting to situations.
1) Breathe right : Deep diaphragmatic breathing is essential for managing emotions in the moment. Available
oxygen use in the body is prioritized according to evolutionary needs - the pre-frontal cortex which exercises rational thought comes lower down in this chain. So unless enough oxygen is available for all other bodily functions that are essential to keep you alive, this part of the brain is not likely to get much fuel to do its job. Pipe breathing works great.
2) Create an emotion vs reason list: identify where emotions override thinking as well as where reason ignores emotions. The authors suggest taking a sheet of paper and dividing it in half with one side listing what the emotions say and the other what reason says. Then a determination can be made about the final decision on the proper course of action in a given situation.
3) Make your goals public: accountability is a powerful motivator for change. If others are aware and involved with observing or even monitoring your progress, there is far greater chance that you would meet your goals and keep commitments.
4) Count to ten : take time before responding. This is related to physiology and the fact the neural pathways for emotional response are faster and trigger earlier than the rational pathways. Stopping and taking time gives the rational faculty time to catch up and choose a response in situations which do not pose an immediate physical threat.
5) Sleep on it: similar to above but working on an extended time scale of days or weeks or even months. Hold
off on doing something when an immediate response is not necessary and wait for the dust to settle.
6) Talk to a skilled self-manager: role models who manage themselves well can provide useful tips and tactics
relating to situations where you have more trouble managing yourself.
7) Smile and laugh more: the brain interprets the world through the internal state of the body's nervous system. Sometimes forcing yourself to smile taking care to make it genuine as far as muscular expression goes (cheeks push upwards and there is a wrinkle at the corner of eye) helps to counteract negative bias. Researchers experimented with two groups of subjects reading the same comics page. One group was asked to hold a pencil between their teeth which activates same muscles used in smiling and the other between their lips which prevented activation of the same muscles. The group holding the pencil between their teeth found the content funnier and enjoyed the experience more. The point here is not to suppress the underlying emotion but to provide a counterweight from getting weighed down and hijacked by a negative state.
8) Set aside some time in your day for problem solving
9) Take control of your self talk: the language used in self-talk which goes on almost constantly often without conscious awareness influences the physiological state of the body. If you tend to beat yourself up in your self talk - usually imitating the voice of a critical parent or teacher (referred to as negative introject), you create chronic stress within your body and this influences your perceptions and feelings.
Replace absolute statements involving "always/never" by " this time". Avoid judgmental statements which affix a permanent label like "I am an idiot" by factual statements " I did/said .....". Avoid "it is all my fault or it is all their fault"; accept responsibility for your part.
10) Visualize yourself succeeding: sometimes situations that challenge you the most do not come up very often. Hence it becomes difficult to rewire the body's response through repeated real-time practice. Here is where visualization is helpful since it has been shown to stimulate similar neural pathways as real events. Imagining situations that give you trouble and executing desired responses help in the rewiring process and making new habits. Focusing on details of situations which push your buttons such that the relevant emotions are aroused and then managed through various specific strategies makes the visualization exercise practically useful.
11) Clean up your sleep hygiene: quality of sleep rather than quantity greatly affects self management
abilities. Some suggestions that the authors provide to improve sleep hygiene are getting 20-30 minutes of pre-noon sunlight unfiltered through shades or windows; turning off computer 2 hours before bedtime since the light from the screen can fool the body into thinking it is daytime; using the bed for sleeping only; avoiding caffeine in the afternoon. In addition, there is some evidence to indicate that sleeping in darkness with electronic devices turned off improves sleep quality.
12) Focus your attention on your freedoms rather than your limitations: this advice has a distinctly Stoic feel to it. The Stoics held that the only thing under your control is your rational faculty which determines the evaluation and response to external events and impressions. In the area of having your own perspective of any external situation, you are free even though it may not be feasible or possible to change the external situation. Perhaps this is an area where humans can exercise their free will.
13) Stay synchronized: body language, thoughts and feelings should ideally be synchronized to have an integrated response to situations.
14) Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem
15) Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter: this one is also Stoic in nature who advocate asking oneself "what role or quality does this person or situation demand of me?" An inconsiderate driver cutting you off on the road demands patience or can even arouse a sense of gratefulness that you are not in a condition that would make you act like that.
16) Put a mental recharge in your schedule: physical exercise, massage etc which help secrete chemicals like endorphins and seretonin helps the body and mind recharge
17) Accept that change is just around the corner: this one has also got a Stoic ring to it. Stoics advised
imagining change, especially negative change, to immunize and prepare oneself if or when it came to pass. Setting aside time to contemplate possible changes and focusing on actions that could be executed at present to prepare as well as planning appropriate actions suitable for the time when the situation materializes helps to boost confidence in your ability to self manage and handle what may come your way.
This involves using the foundational awareness of your emotions to choose what you say or do rather than reacting to situations.
1) Breathe right : Deep diaphragmatic breathing is essential for managing emotions in the moment. Available
oxygen use in the body is prioritized according to evolutionary needs - the pre-frontal cortex which exercises rational thought comes lower down in this chain. So unless enough oxygen is available for all other bodily functions that are essential to keep you alive, this part of the brain is not likely to get much fuel to do its job. Pipe breathing works great.
2) Create an emotion vs reason list: identify where emotions override thinking as well as where reason ignores emotions. The authors suggest taking a sheet of paper and dividing it in half with one side listing what the emotions say and the other what reason says. Then a determination can be made about the final decision on the proper course of action in a given situation.
3) Make your goals public: accountability is a powerful motivator for change. If others are aware and involved with observing or even monitoring your progress, there is far greater chance that you would meet your goals and keep commitments.
4) Count to ten : take time before responding. This is related to physiology and the fact the neural pathways for emotional response are faster and trigger earlier than the rational pathways. Stopping and taking time gives the rational faculty time to catch up and choose a response in situations which do not pose an immediate physical threat.
5) Sleep on it: similar to above but working on an extended time scale of days or weeks or even months. Hold
off on doing something when an immediate response is not necessary and wait for the dust to settle.
6) Talk to a skilled self-manager: role models who manage themselves well can provide useful tips and tactics
relating to situations where you have more trouble managing yourself.
7) Smile and laugh more: the brain interprets the world through the internal state of the body's nervous system. Sometimes forcing yourself to smile taking care to make it genuine as far as muscular expression goes (cheeks push upwards and there is a wrinkle at the corner of eye) helps to counteract negative bias. Researchers experimented with two groups of subjects reading the same comics page. One group was asked to hold a pencil between their teeth which activates same muscles used in smiling and the other between their lips which prevented activation of the same muscles. The group holding the pencil between their teeth found the content funnier and enjoyed the experience more. The point here is not to suppress the underlying emotion but to provide a counterweight from getting weighed down and hijacked by a negative state.
8) Set aside some time in your day for problem solving
9) Take control of your self talk: the language used in self-talk which goes on almost constantly often without conscious awareness influences the physiological state of the body. If you tend to beat yourself up in your self talk - usually imitating the voice of a critical parent or teacher (referred to as negative introject), you create chronic stress within your body and this influences your perceptions and feelings.
Replace absolute statements involving "always/never" by " this time". Avoid judgmental statements which affix a permanent label like "I am an idiot" by factual statements " I did/said .....". Avoid "it is all my fault or it is all their fault"; accept responsibility for your part.
10) Visualize yourself succeeding: sometimes situations that challenge you the most do not come up very often. Hence it becomes difficult to rewire the body's response through repeated real-time practice. Here is where visualization is helpful since it has been shown to stimulate similar neural pathways as real events. Imagining situations that give you trouble and executing desired responses help in the rewiring process and making new habits. Focusing on details of situations which push your buttons such that the relevant emotions are aroused and then managed through various specific strategies makes the visualization exercise practically useful.
11) Clean up your sleep hygiene: quality of sleep rather than quantity greatly affects self management
abilities. Some suggestions that the authors provide to improve sleep hygiene are getting 20-30 minutes of pre-noon sunlight unfiltered through shades or windows; turning off computer 2 hours before bedtime since the light from the screen can fool the body into thinking it is daytime; using the bed for sleeping only; avoiding caffeine in the afternoon. In addition, there is some evidence to indicate that sleeping in darkness with electronic devices turned off improves sleep quality.
12) Focus your attention on your freedoms rather than your limitations: this advice has a distinctly Stoic feel to it. The Stoics held that the only thing under your control is your rational faculty which determines the evaluation and response to external events and impressions. In the area of having your own perspective of any external situation, you are free even though it may not be feasible or possible to change the external situation. Perhaps this is an area where humans can exercise their free will.
13) Stay synchronized: body language, thoughts and feelings should ideally be synchronized to have an integrated response to situations.
14) Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem
15) Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter: this one is also Stoic in nature who advocate asking oneself "what role or quality does this person or situation demand of me?" An inconsiderate driver cutting you off on the road demands patience or can even arouse a sense of gratefulness that you are not in a condition that would make you act like that.
16) Put a mental recharge in your schedule: physical exercise, massage etc which help secrete chemicals like endorphins and seretonin helps the body and mind recharge
17) Accept that change is just around the corner: this one has also got a Stoic ring to it. Stoics advised
imagining change, especially negative change, to immunize and prepare oneself if or when it came to pass. Setting aside time to contemplate possible changes and focusing on actions that could be executed at present to prepare as well as planning appropriate actions suitable for the time when the situation materializes helps to boost confidence in your ability to self manage and handle what may come your way.
Hi obyvatel, do Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves base their 4 essential components of emotional intelligence on any specific research and studies? The reason I ask is because for my doctoral dissertation research plan I read through many research papers on EI, and I got the overall picture that the whole term and concept is hard to define (there seems to be varying opinions on what EI really consists of, and some even discard the whole thing).
For me, the definitions by Goleman and other 'popular science writers' is enough, but for academic research I would need more robust evidence. So in case there's some references in that book regarding the definition of EI, I would appreciate if you could share some of them. Of course, it seems like a good idea to buy the book you mention.
For me, the definitions by Goleman and other 'popular science writers' is enough, but for academic research I would need more robust evidence. So in case there's some references in that book regarding the definition of EI, I would appreciate if you could share some of them. Of course, it seems like a good idea to buy the book you mention.
Aragorn said:
Aragorn, I suggest taking time to read the book "Constructive Thinking" by Seymour Epstein. He says that EQ doesn't have a solid foundation and sometimes can't cover some situations. He offers some graphs of IQ and EQ in relation to age and some research references. I don't know if it will be useful for your research.
Ytain
Buddy
The Living Force
ytain said:
I agree. I've read and studied both and I prefer Epstein's book. Goleman is more the theoretical side of Emotional Intelligence whereas Epstein represents the practical side (if you actually want to implement some exercises and see for yourself), hence the word "constructive".
obyvatel
The Living Force
Hi Aragorn,
To my understanding, Bradberry is focused more on an empirical "how to do" approach of training people in the corporate sector rather than establishing the theoretical framework of EQ. Bradberry has a company called TalentSmart which trains corporate clients. In that world, the focus is on improving workplace productivity and hence profit margins - so the "how to" skills and tests that supposedly measure those skills sell well rather than theory. Bradberry does use findings from cognitive and neuroscience research; and while I am not certain, I guess that some of his conclusions could be based on statistical data collected from the EQ tests that he uses.
If you look at the tips, they are simple and look common sense based. I think they are useful as a list to look at and use as needed to work on specific aspects of self improvement. Bradberry also says that upper level executives in companies typically score lower in the empathetic skills like caring for other people's feelings while scoring higher in areas directly addressing people assertively in difficult situations. Good middle level managers on the other hand tend to be better with acknowledging emotions and showing they care. This piece of data loosely correlates with what is known about pathology in the work place. I do not think Bradberry ventures into the area of psychopathology given the environment in which he works. So my approach towards the book has been to take what seems useful in changing some habitual patterns. I have not looked deeply into source materials here.
Don't know if this helps with your question - fwiw.
To my understanding, Bradberry is focused more on an empirical "how to do" approach of training people in the corporate sector rather than establishing the theoretical framework of EQ. Bradberry has a company called TalentSmart which trains corporate clients. In that world, the focus is on improving workplace productivity and hence profit margins - so the "how to" skills and tests that supposedly measure those skills sell well rather than theory. Bradberry does use findings from cognitive and neuroscience research; and while I am not certain, I guess that some of his conclusions could be based on statistical data collected from the EQ tests that he uses.
If you look at the tips, they are simple and look common sense based. I think they are useful as a list to look at and use as needed to work on specific aspects of self improvement. Bradberry also says that upper level executives in companies typically score lower in the empathetic skills like caring for other people's feelings while scoring higher in areas directly addressing people assertively in difficult situations. Good middle level managers on the other hand tend to be better with acknowledging emotions and showing they care. This piece of data loosely correlates with what is known about pathology in the work place. I do not think Bradberry ventures into the area of psychopathology given the environment in which he works. So my approach towards the book has been to take what seems useful in changing some habitual patterns. I have not looked deeply into source materials here.
Don't know if this helps with your question - fwiw.
