Dakota said:
1. Do you think that woman should dress like a woman because society ask you to do that. Obviously (at least in my country, Croatia) that will help you building your social and economic status?
2. Where is boundaries with external consideration when someone is rude to you?
3. Do you think that is good to visit like others social events, church and funerals (nobody loves funerals but some people really blame me because I avoid this kind of events).
Regarding No.1, here (Mexico) applies as well. I do not dress "like a woman" mostly all of the time, is due to the insecure feeling I have regarding the insecurity level of the city, the insecurity level of the area where I work and where I live, Pretty much in jeans with no makeup either. But when special occasions come, I do dress like most woman's do, it helps that, on special occasions I am traveling along other people and by car. Insecurity seems to lessen, like another dimension. I do like some dresses or skirts, one thing I had learned is to dress also as "society says" because, most of the special occasions had been invitations, so then, since I had agreed to go, I had agreed implicitly, to go with their "dress code", like weddings. One thing I do not use, not even if society say so, is heels, other people had said that is because I am tall, so I do not need them, good, I do not like them, and do not know walk with them either. 5cm of heel is my limit. Of course, the variety is reduced, but one for others. I used to dress "like a woman" at work before I came to this city. Nowadays the environment seems too threatening, so I had to use the low-profile uniform.
I remember, I went to a cousin wedding, I was one of her maid of honour, so I went dressed accordingly; at the wedding, my cousin told me that her mother in law wanted to know me better, I told/asked my cousin if she had already told her that I do not belong to her social status -up too tight, high economic status- to my liking. Because my cousin knows me well, better to draw the line before disillusions (whichever the her mother in law was thinking when she saw me) comes later.
Is also with the wearing code to man, one of my second cousin wanted to have his American visa because he was required to travel to US for the company he used to work at. It was just at the third time, until he listen to my parents about changing his clothes that he at least received it. The other times, he went on jeans and a cowboy shirt. Since he went like 3 times, even though he went better dressed, like cocktail/casual, they make him sweat asking for papers that usually companies do not have on Saturdays, but he manage, and received the visa.
Regarding the second question, I used to have outburst quite often, was angry at life, one of the books I first bought regarding that was about limits, end since ever since, I had been working with that, fortunately, I had reduced quite a lot, my outbursts, most of the time, emotions/unconscious betrayed me, and think about my lack of external consideration later, it should be before. When some one is rude, I think boundaries should remain, and express it without being driven by emotions, something that had been quite difficult for me to do. It helps to breath. Also, as Loreta mentioned, depends on the situation.
For the last one, ... I do not like either funerals, they make me uncomfortable, awkward, and do not know how to give condolences, lack of practice I think, but I had learned that those closed people/family members, friends, do appreciate it. And, sometimes one/I do not do what we/I 'precisely' want. Those kind of events, are important -mostly- for the people around us, and, personally, I want to keep those relationships, that's why I keep going if I am invited. My mother sometimes invites me to church, she feels fine to be with my company in church, she and I had a lot of arguments before regarding church and religion, now she understands and respects me, so I go because I want to, and do the sitting, kneeling, standing, going with the flow, except with prayers, sometimes I found myself repeating mechanically as I did years ago, except the Holy Father that used to have conflicts before, instead I say -not loud, though- the POTS.
) Even more, because I just learned that a great dog is suffering, because he's really sick and has bone cancer. And then, something truly miraculous has happened. Meena and Strawman apologized to one another, pointing out to their own difficulties in communication. It was like Great Feminine Energy in her expression "Thou, I Love" came through. And the great post by our Embassador Carlisle was a confirmation of that fact for me.
