Putting Things in Perspective

happyliza

The Living Force
I So needed to read this today and remind myself, again, about perspective.

We easily feel fragmented and pulled in so many directions on a daily basis. So I feel it is a good thing to have a list of 'reminders' to regroup our thoughts and actions as well as ground/centre ourselves.

Life is Religion is a book that I do not have yet, though I am sure it is there for the same reasons.

I had a very strange and disconcerting day yesterday - full of weird 'senior moments' that totally threw me out of balance - external circumstances as usual - despite doing my best to be 'present- and self remember!

So I would like to share the following affirmations, as I am sure I am not alone in feeling totally 'out of sync' sometimes.

Feel free to add your comments and own affirmations. My intention is to print it out and place it on the door of my refrigerator and the toilet wall!

Once I am able to get Life is Religion I will also keep the book in my bag, together with whatever book I am studying at the time (which I currently do together with my notebook). That is why my bag is always large and heavy!


30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself.
Posted By Expanded Consciousness on April 15, 2014



#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. (scroll down for more)

#2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

#3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.

#4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

#5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

#6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

#7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

#8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

#9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

#10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.

#11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

#12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

#13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

#14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

#15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.

#16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

#17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

#18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

#19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.

#20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.

#21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

#22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.

#23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

#24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

#25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

#26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

#27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

#28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.

#29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness.

#30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

Credit: marcandangel.com and LifeBuzz

This is such a wonderful list. If we take little steps every day and practice these things, we can make great improvements in our lives.
 
happyliza said:
#8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

Yeah, this resonates with me ...

However, one problem with these lists is that although quite inspiring, we also need the TOOLS to bring about any change. For example, I have to write a paper and I keep beating myself up with that I cannot do it, I am too dumb, I will never be able to...On top of it I have to write it in English, which is not my native language. Now it's easy to say, just stop doing this ...

Having read the "Narcissistic Family" (and "Fear of the Abyss" is on my list, too) I know where these voices are coming from and that they are not real. I put things in perspective that way, knowing that I have written these papers before and most of it is a rehash of statistics anyway. The voice coming from my family who is scared that I won't be able to do it because they depend on my success can be muted that way, because I have the knowledge.

And that's the beauty of "Life is Religion" because it brings you into actual contact with the TOOLS, and if it's "only" doing EE (which has often the best results)...

M.T.
 
happyliza said:
So I would like to share the following affirmations, as I am sure I am not alone in feeling totally 'out of sync' sometimes.

Feel free to add your comments and own affirmations. My intention is to print it out and place it on the door of my refrigerator and the toilet wall!

Once I am able to get Life is Religion I will also keep the book in my bag, together with whatever book I am studying at the time (which I currently do together with my notebook). That is why my bag is always large and heavy!

Life is Religion is definitely a great book for both inspiration and action, and I may end up doing something similar with quotes from the book and some of the ideas on this list. As you said, it's nice to have some things to help ground you in the present when you're feeling a bit out of sorts. Be it EE, words of affirmation, etc.

Life is what we make it, right? :)
 
Thank you Happyliza for sharing. It is the smallest of things that makes the difference.
:)
 
Thanks for posting this happyliza. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder about re-framing our perspective. The first one resonated with me:
#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. (scroll down for more)

You know, this one is really hard to do when it involves family, because it goes against deeply ingrained programs of 'shoulds' and 'supposed to's- let me tell you, it feels great when you take back your power & choose who you will spend time with.

Nowadays, I'd rather catch up on my reading (rather than be in situations where people drain/rob me of my time and energy), or engage in a forum of like-minded people. :cool:
 
Arwenn said:
Thanks for posting this happyliza. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder about re-framing our perspective. The first one resonated with me:
#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. (scroll down for more)

You know, this one is really hard to do when it involves family, because it goes against deeply ingrained programs of 'shoulds' and 'supposed to's- let me tell you, it feels great when you take back your power & choose who you will spend time with.

Nowadays, I'd rather catch up on my reading (rather than be in situations where people drain/rob me of my time and energy), or engage in a forum of like-minded people. :cool:

I agree, it's hard to say no to family. But it is worth it.

Arwenn, your signature is so perfect for this thread/post. ;)
 
A Jay said:
I agree, it's hard to say no to family. But it is worth it.

Arwenn, your signature is so perfect for this thread/post. ;)

Thanks A Jay- I intend to write a bit more about my experience with 'drawing some lines in the sand' as far as my family goes. Reading The Narcissistic Family- Diagnosis and Treatment was a big help (one of the recommended psychology books).

And yeah, Ark's quote seemed to speak to me directly when I first joined the group, because I felt so behind everyone else & overwhelmed. Nowadays I just do the best I can, with what I do have.
 
Arwenn said:
A Jay said:
I agree, it's hard to say no to family. But it is worth it.

Arwenn, your signature is so perfect for this thread/post. ;)

Thanks A Jay- I intend to write a bit more about my experience with 'drawing some lines in the sand' as far as my family goes. Reading The Narcissistic Family- Diagnosis and Treatment was a big help (one of the recommended psychology books).

And yeah, Ark's quote seemed to speak to me directly when I first joined the group, because I felt so behind everyone else & overwhelmed. Nowadays I just do the best I can, with what I do have.

You're not the first person I've heard say that about TNF, so I look forward to reading more about the book and how it helped you with your family.

Glad that you're not feeling so overwhelmed these days. The idea that I should focus on doing my best and not on 'how far behind' I am is really only just beginning to sink in for me. But at least I'm learning. :)
 
Interesting, happyliza! Here are a couple of my thoughts on some of these points:

#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. (scroll down for more)

I think that if we can spend time with the right people if possible, that's a great thing. More often than not though, we may find ourselves in situations (work/family/school) with individuals who can make our lives difficult, and I think these situations are important too, for lessons such as external consideration, reflection on the self (maybe they're right with some of their comments?), and learning to set boundaries. Petty tyrants and all; very important for growth and learning.

#3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.

Being honest with oneself is not an easy thing to do, I'd have to say! One thing that helps a lot with that would be networking, as others see ourselves much better than we do ourselves, including the lies we tell ourselves which we're often not aware of.

#6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

Processing what happened or hasn't happened in the past in a healthy way however can be very helpful with functioning in the present.

#10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.

That sounds a bit new-agey to me. :/

#12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

Sometimes it's better to get prepared before taking ''the next step'', just believing one's ready, may turn out ending up in the wrong place at the wrong time!

#18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

From The Narcissistic Family:

Forgiveness

On the other side of the coin, forgiveness is not an essential part of this model either. [...] In our experience, the self-imposed pressure to forgive the perpetrator often gets in the way of genuine recovery, as it can act to shut off the patient's necessary expression of anger and self-validation of feelings. When patients ask about the subject, we usually respond by telling them that in our experience, forgiveness is a feeling or condition of being more than an act. As such, it can not be legislated or decided upon; if it happens, it happens on its own. Within this model, forgiveness is no more necessary than blame. The patient is asked for a reflection of reality, not a judgment call.

#20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.

Sometimes thinking what you know in your heart is right, can be very far from the truth. Which is where networking often would play an important role.

Don't want to be a party pooper here, but it often helps to think about these points and just how realistic they are, and/or whether they encourage people to become more aware of themselves and their lives, or whether they propagate wishful thinking. I thought some of the points made sense in a way, but I find most of them quite vague, especially the above. They leave me with the impression that they're based on the assumption that we can think with the way we think.
 
Oxajil said:
Don't want to be a party pooper here, but it often helps to think about these points and just how realistic they are, and/or whether they encourage people to become more aware of themselves and their lives, or whether they propagate wishful thinking. I thought some of the points made sense in a way, but I find most of them quite vague, especially the above. They leave me with the impression that they're based on the assumption that we can think with the way we think.

Agreed, thinking about how realistic these points are better helps in understanding them and what would come of their application. One reason why I was considering printing off the list is so I could take one point each day and take 5 minutes to do this mentally, though it's probably better that we discuss it here.
 
Oxajil said:
Interesting, happyliza! Here are a couple of my thoughts on some of these points:

#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. (scroll down for more)

I think that if we can spend time with the right people if possible, that's a great thing. More often than not though, we may find ourselves in situations (work/family/school) with individuals who can make our lives difficult, and I think these situations are important too, for lessons such as external consideration, reflection on the self (maybe they're right with some of their comments?), and learning to set boundaries. Petty tyrants and all; very important for growth and learning.

A few days ago I came across a quote similar to point #1. I think it was by Emerson, but haven't been able to find it again, and am not even sure now which book I saw it in. But to paraphrase, it went something like: "We cannot avoid mishaps, problems, adversity etc., but we can choose who we spend our time with." I did find another Emerson quote though, perhaps more appropriate, in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. This is from Emerson's Journal, May 1849: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

I think there is truth in point #1 in principle, as a strategic way of doing getting drawn into the entropic influences of the world at large. I think point #1 needs to be taken though along with the quote from Castaneda, about how the predator's mind (which they gave us) is baroque and contradictory. For example, we may start acting in accord with #1 with the best of intentions, but then end up merely internally considering, and doing just what makes things easier for ourselves. (Easy = no suffering = no learning.)
 
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