solarmind said:Thank you for reflecting Heimdallr, but what I can say from my life experience, that is not what I want, I don't want to be a voice of the bunch of emotional followers who will be my champion because I took up their cause and spread it. That is what I found very discomfortable - to be worshiped any how, even though due to my work so far I could play on that card many times, I usually refuse leadership in work if I found out that I am worshiped by others insted off been accepted as a member of the team with certain obligations and responsibilities. What I can say that every time I realize that, I step back. On the other side I am telling what I am aware off, and for sure I am not jalousie, that is another thing that I can say I am not. But maybe I am all of that but I still don't know. There can be other reason for me faliing into that, like for example "mother" protective feelings towards those who are week etc ... but in general it was a good glimpse of getting out of the focusing on the projection of my idea about her, and taking that as her real character. At least I am moving out of my assumptions, towards more objective perspective.
It's likely that, as has been already pointed out by others, the above explanations of your behavior are merely narratives that you tell yourself to explain your behavior. And actually, in the context of people who you think will be upset by the video in question, there is nothing "weak" about them nor are they in need of protection. It would simply be you catering to the emotions of a group of people who are not thinking rationally. For what actually? Like I said, they don't need protection or to be mothered. So, perhaps the true motivation for you was the opposite of what you think your intentions are. Most often we do things that are the opposite of our supposed conscious intentions, because in actual fact they are just narratives that hide the true reason why we do things. Maybe you really DO want to be admired and be a leader to people, and maybe your catering to those who are easily swayed through emotional triggers is proof of that. It certainly appears that you choosing that group to rile up looks like an unconscious desire to appeal to a group of people who are not especially in control of their thoughts, emotions, etc., which would make them an easy mark for that part of you that wants to be seen in a certain way.