FOR ME THIS GOES HAND IN HAND WITH THE ADREANAL POST.... SEVEN YEARS AGO MY HUSBAND AND I AGREED TO RAISE OUR 4 YEARS OLD NEPHEW DUE TO THE DEATH OF BOTH OF HIS PARENTS. "HELL BROKE OPEN THAT DAY" TWO WEEKS AGO WE WERE GIVEN A "NAME" FOR THE PROBLEMS WE SUFFER! (RAD).
FOSTER CHILDREN and ADOPTED CHILDREN ARE AT HIGH RISK FOR RAD –
REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER / ATTACHMENT DISORDER / DETACHMENT DISORDER
Children who have experienced any or all of the following situations, particularly before the age of 3, are at high risk for RAD:
Born due to Unwanted pregnancy
Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)
Neglect (baby not having cries for help answered)
Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption)
On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections
Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding
Moms with chronic depression
Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions)
Being cared for on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting
THE SYMPTOMS OF RAD - REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER/ ATTACHMENT DISORDER
Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate
Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent’s terms - i.e.: when sitting on lap, won't face parent or make eye contact for cuddles
Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying
A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older
Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks
Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things
Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues
Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times
Trouble understanding cause and effect
Poor impulse control
Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith
Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience
Cruelty to animals
Lying for no apparent reason
False allegations of abuse
Destructive to property or self
Constant chatter; nonsense questions
Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills
Developmental / Learning delays
Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice
Problems with food; either hoarding it, gorging, or refusing to eat
Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues
Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners
Attitude of entitlement and self-importance
Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking
Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other
A darkness behind the eyes when raging http://www.fosterparents.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2427
***YEP, THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENS AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TOO. FOR THE LAST FEW YEARS I THOUGHT WE WERE RAISING A "OP" BECAUSE LAURA'S RESEARCH FITS TO THE TEE, THE QUESTION REMAINS "ARE THEY ONE IN THE SAME"?
NOW HERES A PIECE I FOUND ON POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER---FOR PARENTS....GOOD LUCK
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
in Parents of
Reactive Attachment Disordered Children
by Jody Swarbrick
Many foster and adoptive families of Reactive Attachment Disordered children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected, after all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life. An emotionally unhealthy way of life. We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?
The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a RAD child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent are the one with the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive.
It is a known fact, that kids diagnosed with RAD tend to target their Moms, play it cool around their Dads, and charm strangers. Where does that leave a parent? Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of their child.
Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of our RAD children. It's heartbreaking, frustrating, mindboggling, and extremely stressful. In essence, we're fighting to teach our children how to love and trust. Intimacy frightens our children; they have lost the ability to love, to trust, and to feel remorse for hurtful actions. They see us as the enemy. Small expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only indescribable, but also often unbelievable.
Your home becomes a war zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to question your parenting abilities, and your own sanity. You know that your child has been hurt beyond words, you ache for them. Despite your loving intentions and actions, it's thrown in your face. Your heart's desire is to provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world. You want to soothe your child. You want your child to have a fulfilling childhood and to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.
In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies. In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in disastrous affects on our well-being literally causing our emotional and physical health to deteriorate.
The primary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder include:
Avoidance -- refusing to recognize the thoughts and feelings associated with the trauma, this further includes avoiding activities, individuals, and places associated with the trauma.
Intense distress -- when certain cues or "triggers" set off memories of the traumatic event. You may have trouble concentrating, along with feelings of irritability, and frustration over trivial events that never bothered you in the past.
Nightmares and flashbacks -- insomnia or oversleeping may occur. You may exhibit symptoms such as heightened alertness and startle easily.
A loss of interest in your life -- detaching yourself from loved ones. Losing all hope for the future and a lack of loving feelings.
Secondary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can include:
The realization that you are no longer the person you once were. Relationships have changed by alienating yourself from loved ones. Loneliness and a feeling of helplessness prevail in your daily life.
Depression, which can lead to a negative self-image, lowered self-esteem, along with feeling out of control of your life and environment. You may become a workaholic and physical problems may develop.
You become overly cautious and insecure. Angry outbursts may occur putting stress on significant relationships.
If you are parenting a child diagnosed with Reactive Attachment disorder, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope. Counseling is readily available to families and individuals. Take advantage of resources that will help you put the traumatic experiences into perspective, enabling you to let go of past feelings by replacing them with positive skills for recovery.http://www.fosterparents.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2427