Hello All, Harold here.
This thread is heartbreaking for me personally. It is like a day in the life of Harold as a child specifically, as a young adult, and I guess still to this day. I dont avoid my family, I just dont participate in their 'games' anymore, this is not to say that things are all rosy. I am still the loser black sheep, whipping boy, but I understand the dynamic and that my family is happy to 'play'. I actually use it to my advatage as much as possible. But I find the 'influences' behind the scenes, really want me to 'play' still to this day.
I could refer and quote so much off this thread, I would not know where to start.
I will admit here that I have this fantasy, I like to indulge myself in..... it goes like this. At the big family christmas diner, with all my life long abusers around me, I would like to pose the question to my sister..."hey sis, how would you feel if I your brother, your childrens uncle, were to beat your kids, get them drunk or stoned, and sexually abuse them?" With my parents, aunts and uncles around to hear this as that is what they did to me. She (and the others at the table)would definetly ask me to leave to never return again, Im sure of this as I am monitored around her kids as to what I say, as I might agree with one of them when they talk of vegitarianism, which is a big no no in my family. They are strick catholics too, so talking of spirituallity is a taboo too. But mom and dad secretly love to hear my ideas on god etc. Actually when I speak, its like Im not in the room sometimes. There eyes seem to wander off to the television for some reason.
I just want to say thank-you to Laura and all who have shared here on this thread, I know how difficult it is to expose our lives as the horrors they can be at times.