Having said that, while I know I need to have a clear strategy, and, luckily, at the moment I am in "survival mode" rather than shock, and am capable of thinking (frontal lobe is not shut down), I am confident he has nothing on me. We are negotiating at the moment as he is worried about himself. We own a house together and we are talking of tying up all loose ends via a solicitor next week, presenting reasonably in court, stating that we have taken care of everything, including him moving out.
Since this topic is about The Games Narcissist Play, I would like to recount one of the first alarm bells for me. For two reasons: It helps me to put any of this out there for mirroring and discussion (but without expectation), it also give brass tack practical examples of my experience for others to have details of my experience to compare notes with. Hopefully also it will run complimentary to the rather general descriptions out there about this type of situation.
The recount is as follows:
We had a long distance relationship for 6 months. On a morning within 2 weeks of moving into our rented apartment, he made breakfast in bed for me. We were in, I thought, a delightful honeymoon period. He served me a large plate of food, to which I said "Wow, is that all I get??" in what I intended playful jest. From where the food ended up on my lap (as he, I wont say threw, but rather roughly tossed at me, and this I think is a pertinent distinction), cutlery following straight after, obscenities, and a dark, descending atmosphere. And I said to myself - erm, uh-oh, this is not very good....not in Kansas anymore...
It never really stopped from there, it got worse. The arguments became more circular, confusing, and IMO, illogical. From there more signs that arose for me that indicated that we were erm, "different", was that he would way too quickly resort to obscenities before I even knew there was an argument. It used to fully confuse me. When I attempted to explain this, and that maybe it would be best that we didn't do that, as it actually inflamed and escalated rather than assisted in bridging understanding. I found to my astonishment that, from there this abuse actually increased, and often it seemed, in quite calculated and timed moments. That to me demonstrated obviously a lack of care and respect for my wishes, as well as that we were on rather different pages in regards to practical conflict resolution strategies. And that is being polite!
Edits for grammar