Update on this week’s Breathing-Meditation work. On Monday, I almost got through the complete recitation of the Prayer of the Soul, yet zoned out at the very end. Thursday was back to normal, out before the end of the first recital by Laura. Tuesday was an interesting day; I was full of energy – for a change, and Thursday. Energy levels have been a bit of a roller coaster. But, sleeping at night is becoming a problem again. It’s back to numerous trips to the bathroom (so something must be shifting), rarely sleeping for more than two hours, waking up early (2-3hrs) in the morning with my mind working overtime, and unable to get back to sleep.
I did think it was all coming together now, a realisation of what’s happening with these physical (and underlying mental and emotional) manifestations. This week and last could be a detox anti-Candida reaction indicating the real underlying physical problem, that of Adrenal Fatigue, which I stopped treating to get the Candida out of the way as it could hinder the adrenal recovery. The Anti-Candida detox is complete later this week, and work starts on the Adrenal Fatigue in earnest then. Whatever it is, I’m a firm advocate in the body (or soul) indicating to the mind what needs clearing, ie, creating a context/situation/bringing to the ’surface’ ‘issues’ (buffers, or limiting decisions) that need attention – to find the positive learning.
Reference Louise Hay, in You Can Heal Your Life,
Adrenal – Defeatism. No longer caring for the self. Anxiety
Reference Lise Bourbeau, in Your body’s telling you: Love yourself!
ADRENAL GLAND PROBLEMS
EMOTIONAL BLOCK
The adrenals … furnish you, as an individual, with the energy necessary to maintain faith in Mother Earth and in her capacity to provide you with fundamental needs. This refers to anything that regards having.
Adrenal problems indicate that you are burdened with unrealistic and unfounded fears surrounding your material life. You are afraid of making the wrong move and lack confidence in your own ability to meet your material needs. You probably exhibit a fertile imagination, doubt your self-worth and become annoyed at yourself fro not being more vital and dynamic.
Hypofunction, or underproduction of adrenaline, occurs when you’ve failed to respect your personal limitations and have exhausted your adrenals. You want nothing more than to simply rest. This is the body’s way of telling you that you need to rest your mind, to let go and to trust [that’s me] the Universe’s ability to take care of you. Know that it has always taken care of every living thing that allows it to do so.
Adrenal hyperfunction, [that’s me] or overproduction of adrenaline, is a sign of that you are keeping your adrenal glands in a state of alert as if you had to face an emergency [for me, this relates to early infant trauma] when, in reality, this is happening in your imagination. There is a loss of grounding and a lack of coherence.
MENTAL BLOCK
Your body is trying you to get the message across that you are not alone to provide for yourself [seems like it to me]; what you have learned so far is not the only means to survival. It is your inner self (and not your mind) that knows and remains in touch you’re your innermost needs. Learn to trust this intelligence and understand that it will provide for you. Your most fundamental needs will be fulfilled. Rather than expending all your energy worrying [that’s me], learn to simply be grateful for all you now have. Develop reverence and gratitude; these will become your links to your inner power. Once, you’ve tapped into this resource, your energy will be renewed and you will go forward with an unshakable and renewed strength and vitality.
I even looked up Bladder disorders and Incontinence. Reference Lise Bourbeau,
… inability to retain urine. … body telling you that you cannot control your desires; that you lack judgment and want your expectations to be met immediately.
… inability to hold your urine, you may be reliving similar situations from childhood. You feel like a child when you are with a certain person. … Take charge of your life and feel like an equal.
Wanting expectations immediately fits and reliving childhood situations fits as well, no wonder lack of trust is an associated problem (see below).
Is this the last assault by the Law of Accident/Predator’s Mind? Or, via the Breathing-Meditation programme, is the Higher Self pushing me over the major hurdle?
Or, is there even more to come?
It all sounds as if a fascinating journey may be in store for me one way or another.
Well I thought I had it figured out until I read a post by Laura where she mentioned in a reply to gaman, who was also having problems sleeping for short periods of time, the phrase: ‘Sounds like you are going through the “breaking down the crystallization” experiences that some of us had to go through.’ I’m intrigued by what this might mean, so I did a search and turned up the exchange on pp7-8 of the 13 September session thread. Somehow I’d missed this or deemed it not to apply.
That stopped me in my tracks for a bit. So, in this lifetime it could be back to the circumcision episode early after I was born, resulting in
… is the level of shock defence, which consists of central nervous system flooding by terror, rage, and finally numbing, paralysis, and dissociation; … The inborn level of defence goes straight into passive reflexes – i.e., application of the SHOCK DOCTRINE in the limbic system.
For a neonate undergoing circumcision, perhaps it would be accurate to say that his “decision” is primarily somatic and derives from defensive patterning of his shock experience. Because of its content and context, circumcision sets in place an automatic central nervous system and generalized somatic reaction to interpersonal experience from that point on. … a mind patterned in this way jumps right to terror, rage and/or dissociation when confronted with situations that are interpreted as threatening, even though the rational mind or cortex these situations may not be significant.
Or, perhaps much more is involved karmic-ally.
Much to think about, as well as a fascinating journey ahead!
And, no wonder I’m struggling to actively participate on other threads, where I feel I could make useful contributions, if I didn’t seem to be playing catch-up all the time, leaving little time to think through and respond. I just seem to be discovering more that is relevant to my situation, from others that I feel the need to explore. Am I clearing my own vessel before helping others? Or, are my actions just reinforcing some of the limiting decisions/buffers I’ve outlined above? Or, is it just an excuse?
(sorry for the mini-rant) I do understand that it is all worthwhile as Laura says, ‘when you come out of the tunnel’.
Then I found this. As I’ve stated before, Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves, is my current salvation for getting through this particular period; I came across this yesterday:
CHAPTER 14 said:
La Selva Subterranea:[/i] Initiation in the Underground Forest, The Second Stage – The Dismemberment
[…]
This number of years is symbolic of the time when woman wonders what will happen to her now, wonders if what she fears most – being totally carried off by a destructive force – is really going to occur. The fairy-tale symbol of three follows this pattern: The first try is no good. The second try, still no good. The third turn, ah, now something will happen.
Soon enough energy will be stirred at last, enough soul-wind has been raised to cause the psychic vessel to sail far and away. Lao-tzu says, “Of the one comes two, and of the two, three. And from the three come ten thousand.” By the time we come to the “three” power of anything, that is, to the transformative moment, the atoms leap, and where there was once lassitude there is now locomotion.
Remaining without husband for three years can be understood as the psyche in an incubation, one of which it would be too difficult and distracting to have another relationship. The work of these three years is to strengthen oneself as much as one can, to use all one’s psychic resource for oneself, to become as conscious as possible. That means stepping outside of suffering and seeing what it means, how it goes, what pattern it is following, studying others with the same pattern who have come through it all, and imitating what makes sense to us.
It is in this kind of observation of predicaments and solutions that bids a woman to say to herself, and this is right, … In hindsight, women see the preparation for their initiatory decent mounting over a long period of time, sometimes years, till finally and suddenly over the edge and into the rapids they go, most often pushed over, but occasionally entering by a graceful dive from the cliffs … but rarely.
This period of time is sometimes characterized by an ennui. Women will often say their mood is such that they cannot quite put their finger on what it is they want, whether it be work, lover, time, creative work. It is hard to concentrate. It is hard to be productive. This nerve-restlessness is typical of this spiritual development stage. Time alone, and not very far down the road, will take us to the edge we need fall, step, or dive over.
[…]
If we listen to dream voices, to images, to stories – especially those from our own lives, and to our art, to those who have gone before, and to each other, something will be handed out to us, even several things that are ritual, personal psychological rites, these serving to steady the stages of the process.
The bones of this tale are from the time when it is said that goddesses combed the hair of mortal women and loved them so. In this sense then, we understand that the descents in this tale are those that draw a woman to the ancient past, to her ancestral motherliness in the underworld. This is the task, to return through the mists of time to the place of Le Que Sabe, who is expecting us. She has extensive underworld teachings for us that will be of great value to our spirits and to us in the outer world.
[Footnote 11] It is notable that women and men in serious psychic transition find less interest in things in the outer world for they are thinking, dreaming, and sorting at such deep levels that the appurtenances of the outer world simply fall away. It appears the soul is not very interested in mundane matters unless they have a certain numen to them.
Thank you to all, those of you who have unknowingly helped by your postings ‘here, there and everywhere’ in the forum: those that I have read that have helped.
So coming back to my original thoughts, it is all coming together now, just not quite how I envisaged it. Looks like fun and games ahead,
Q: (L) … “Challenge will be ecstasy”? What sort of challenge?
A: Living through the turmoil ahead.
And, as the C’s have said ‘Learning is fun!’