Feeling so angry its unreal.

SO i joined Facebook, after slatting it so much.
I wanted to confront my hate for something, as i knew it would show me something about myself. It did.
I was isolated and feeling un-worthy.
I worked through this, and realised i should feel worthy.

Despite my reservations about FB, and it was a tool to make people more egotistic and narcasstic i joined.

Id isolated myself for a few years since my breakdown from my past, which also co-incided with my awareness to how the world wasnt.

But everytime someone mentions the middle east confrontations on FB IM STEAMING.

These english people i know (some pretty intelligent) are SO GOD DAMN BRAINWASHED! They think this war is for the average citizen! For our country. They have fallen for the BS called patriotism! They think we have saved the iraq population. They think that we are fighting a 'just' war.
Even years after the 'no weapons of mass destruction', they are still so gullable.

I got so angry on one post! So angry at their lack of care for fellow human beings, just because they are from a different country. Sick, just sick.

I know i should give people the freedom to be who they are. I know im not perfect. (whatever that means).
But when i try so hard to do work on myself, yet i still see how horrible a large percentage of people are..... i think, why do i bother? Whats the point?
Whats the point of becoming aware when so many people are so horrible.
I cant 'win'. If i become aware, then i get angry at peoples attitudes. If i choose to stay ignorant, im doing myself an injustice, and other people.

Im so angry, i really am. Im angry because so many people are so god damn horrible. I needed to share this, because joining FB has really shown how alone i feel, and how un-programmed ive become during my break from 'the game of life'. I guess im wondering if anyone else has felt this frustration and anger before. Edited - Spelling mistakes.

Hi Melatonin, excellent vent! hear you load and clear - now if you can take a few nice deep breaths. :)

I would say a very normal reaction. The more we see about our true reality the more there is to get angry about, it is an inevitable reaction, but you did set yourself up for this. All your reservations about FB have been proved right, but these people you get angry at haven't changed because of FB, you're just interacting with more brainwashed people than you previously were. I think we've all had this reaction at some time or another, and it get's especially hurtful when you find out people who were very close to you feel exactly like the FB crowd.

I've given up trying to affect the people around me who are asleep. After knocking my head against a brick wall for ages I finally realised I could us EE to help me direct my energy elsewhere and try to clean up my own act, which believe me needs a great deal of cleaning up!!

I hear how you're feeling, again great vent!, but letting FB become an energy drain for you is probably not something you should engage in.

Thanks for making me feel more 'normal' atill. :)

I need to buy EE program and try it.

The worse thing is this - Im made out to feel like i have extreme views for feeling the way i do.
IM EXTREME FOR CARING ABOUT PEOPLE!
ITS EXTREME NOT TO WANT TO HURT PEOPLE! ITS EXTREME TO NOT WHAT TO HURT PEOPLE! (i needed to say that twice for it to sink in)

Thats what gets me really angry. It even affects my relationship with my own dad.
Somedays i wonder what the point is in all this.
I havent made enough 'aware' friends to keep me going. And with the rest i have to pretend, which is HARD!

I know the universe is all about a balance of good/evil, this way we learn from the constant contrast, but seriously i see VERY LITTLE GOOD, just a whole lot of evil pretending to be otherwise.
Im so out of energy, i feel like im fighting all the time.

Now, to get a better idea of the people you are angry at, read Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians". You can google it and find the whole thing online.

Laura said:

Now, to get a better idea of the people you are angry at, read Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians". You can google it and find the whole thing online.

Click to expand...

Thanks Laura, will do.

melatonin said:

Thanks for making me feel more 'normal' atill. :)

I need to buy EE program and try it.

Click to expand...

While you certainly may purchase the EE program, there is an online version here that you may try for free.

Hi, melatonin, I will try to give my little answer.

melatonin said:

Whats the point of becoming aware when so many people are so horrible.

Click to expand...

Maybe you answered this already to yourself. To be not horrible as "so many people are"?

melatonin said:

I cant 'win'.

Click to expand...

I think that "wining and losing" could be the wrong concept here. "Becoming aware" is not about wining and losing, I would say it is more about becoming able to see and to do. To "see" what? Well, everything, and to understand it. Also to be able to "do" everything and do at the right time, right place, everything right . . . To become master of yourself, to see your inner world and to know how to synchronize it with outer world according to your needs, but in the same time to have respect to the outer world. And to do it in the way that one don't have supremacy after the other (or other way around).


I have little theory about that anger (I had experienced it also many times): When we become able to see a little bit, we see that things are very bad, we don't want to be part of that anymore, but the problem is that we cant see anything else, we don't know for anything else yet. Seems there is no alternative. And we think that we are confronted with the system, while we are actually confronted with ourselves, and our inability to do anything about situation.


Its like you are after many tries managed to escape from mad house (usually from a window on a second floor, so it wasn't so pleasant ;D ) And now what? You are alone on the street, you don't know anyone, don't know anything to do, you are hungry, you are cold, you don't know where to go :O


The problem is that earlier everything was somehow set that someone else was doing everything for you, "society" provided all (of course that is false, but looked like that, so there it is), and now you must DO everything on your own (another :O here).


So, for doing (for yourself) you will need energy, so you must spare it, by thinking why are you angry for instance, what it is exactly what you see and why you see it like that. Trying to channel energy from that anger, to use it for yourself.


And good place to go after the mad house is here, there are many of us ex-lunatics here :)


Of course all of this is very simplified and there is a good chance that I don't have a clue what am I talking, and just blabbing :P but as you in US says its "just my 2 cents". :)

Laura said:

Now, to get a better idea of the people you are angry at, read Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians". You can google it and find the whole thing online.

Click to expand...

I am reading this now. In another thread, Laura mentioned another book by the same author entitled "The Authoritarian Specter". Are both necessary, or do the cover much of the same data? Does anyone know?

Very excellent book, so far, with scientific data to back up the findings.

Plato once said: "He is a fool who cannot be angry; but he is a wise man who will not".
Everybody gets sometimes angry and few got to that level of not being angry, I remember I was very angry at times when seeing how the things work, but there's no need for it, it's not your responsibility for others and world, it's theirs, you're not responsible for what other people do but for what you do, it helps if you just observe your anger and that thoughts in meditation not letting them to drag you in mental talk with yourself, they become weaker and weaker with time and duration of meditation.

EmeraldHope said:

Laura said:

Now, to get a better idea of the people you are angry at, read Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians". You can google it and find the whole thing online.

Click to expand...

I am reading this now. In another thread, Laura mentioned another book by the same author entitled "The Authoritarian Specter". Are both necessary, or do the cover much of the same data? Does anyone know?

Very excellent book, so far, with scientific data to back up the findings.

Click to expand...

"The Authoritarian Specter" is the original study with all the details about methodology and the numbers. It's a great read and by the time I was done, I mostly understood what he was saying when he went off on numbers. "The Authoritarians" is the same material with less detail on methodology and fewer numbers - just the bottom line.

My personal opinion is that both books are useful and eminently readable and it's not a bad idea to read the study first and then follow it with the lite version. Only thing is, the study is pretty pricey nowadays.

melatonin said:

SO i joined Facebook, after slatting it so much.
I wanted to confront my hate for something, as i knew it would show me something about myself. It did.
I was isolated and feeling un-worthy.
I worked through this, and realised i should feel worthy.

Despite my reservations about FB, and it was a tool to make people more egotistic and narcasstic i joined.

Id isolated myself for a few years since my breakdown from my past, which also co-incided with my awareness to how the world wasnt.

But everytime someone mentions the middle east confrontations on FB IM STEAMING.

These english people i know (some pretty intelligent) are SO GOD DAMN BRAINWASHED! They think this war is for the average citizen! For our country. They have fallen for the BS called patriotism! They think we have saved the iraq population. They think that we are fighting a 'just' war.
Even years after the 'no weapons of mass destruction', they are still so gullable.

I got so angry on one post! So angry at their lack of care for fellow human beings, just because they are from a different country. Sick, just sick.

I know i should give people the freedom to be who they are. I know im not perfect. (whatever that means).
But when i try so hard to do work on myself, yet i still see how horrible a large percentage of people are..... i think, why do i bother? Whats the point?
Whats the point of becoming aware when so many people are so horrible.
I cant 'win'. If i become aware, then i get angry at peoples attitudes. If i choose to stay ignorant, im doing myself an injustice, and other people.

Im so angry, i really am. Im angry because so many people are so god damn horrible. I needed to share this, because joining FB has really shown how alone i feel, and how un-programmed ive become during my break from 'the game of life'. I guess im wondering if anyone else has felt this frustration and anger before. Edited - Spelling mistakes.

Click to expand...

I'm going to share something with you I haven't told anyone yet.

After participating in this forum for awhile, I became a bit suspicious of why the subject of 'ADHD/ADD' hadn't been discussed. After all, this was a place for objective, non-identified discussion of stuff, right? And there is such a wide gulf between perspectives involving some who are on that continuum and many who are not.

After awhile, it no longer mattered, because I realized that everyone is after the 'Objective Truth' of anything and everything and anyone was welcome to participate and share what and how they 'see'. Objective is what matters, because it's the same for everyone since it represents how the Universe sees itself. So I dropped those concerns and just started sharing and learning what and how I could.

Going on the assumption that you are also on that continuum (per a previous statement), a bit of what you are describing also represents what most 'ADHD' children and youth go through if they're not raised in an aware, supportive environment and if they do have to suffer some kind of trauma and abuse while growing up.

Anyway, to move along towards the point, I don't know how you were treated at home, but one of the most heart-breaking things of all in the experience of growing up for some of us with 'ADHD' is when a parent pretends 'love' for their 'defective' child. If the child is unfortunate enough to buy into it and have to continue to suffer maltreatment, then because of his/her greater neurological sensitivities, the effects on him can be even more devastating than the average person might imagine.

Myself and several other people I have talked to or corresponded with on the subject of ADHD can remember the general time frame when our childhood friends started acting funny - like they'd been poisoned or been beaten or something because they started acting sort of lethargic at oddball times and became boring people, newly interested in boring stuff and seemingly with little spark left in their eyes. Many of these former friends slowly turned on us, teasing us about being 'different' or 'weird' or something, when from our perspective, it was they that had changed.

Me personally? The same rude treatment from others for the most mundane reasons. Heck, I could barely sit in my seat at school. Since even my skin is so sensitive, it was EX-tremely uncomfortable to squash my buttocks for so long a period of time. Thinking that it was this way for everyone, I constantly wondered how everyone else could do it and why I was 'picked on' because I couldn't. This is just one example of how, all of a sudden, it was I who was somehow weird, or whatever.

Have you experienced the shock coming from someone you used to play with, share secrets with, be mischievous with and explore with, looking you in the eyes like they barely, or no longer recognize you (I mean the 'inner' you)? It's more than some of us could bear most of the times, because we could see something was so wrong but just couldn't put a finger on it.

Somehow, people become 'infected' with something - ponerized - transpersonified - drugged - or whatever. It seems to come over people at different ages and at different rates (of absorption, I suppose). (My current theory involves 'stress-addiction' where the brain has rebalanced in the presence of abnormally high levels of dopamine or some other molecules acting as neuro-inhibitors. But this is still in hypothesis stage). Some of us can't drug ourselves enough, or otherwise turn off, the part of the mind that sees the horror of people becoming dead to the Universe and the environment around them. Some are able to turn it off for awhile through drugs or other addictions (this is the category I'm in), but the horror of the situation just comes back when the neurochemicals get cleaned up.

Enter the authoritarians. When people no longer do their own thinking, they're ready to be controlled and delight in controlling others.

Coming closer to your topic, I was on facebook for awhile, but I really don't have the time to invest in it right now. And generally, social media is very hard to deal with at times for the same reasons you mention - because it's sometimes hard to not see the madness.

I have even been called anti-social at various times in my life. That is very painful to me to hear as sensitive as I am to other peoples feelings in daily life, and especially because it is so obvious to me that that IS indeed how it looks from their perspective. But I know better.

In the past, I have always loved being around people and enjoyed making friends. Sometimes I can participate - laugh, joke around, socialize for the heck of it. But at other times, the rage at what has been done to people and what so many have unwittingly fallen for begins to rise a bit. And why don't they see it? And sometimes I just have to withdraw in sadness, unable to pretend to be 'one of them' - because my interests are different for one thing. Sports is boring, video games are boring, routines are boring, habits are boring. Algorithmic redundancy of just about any kind is excruciatingly boring. Novelty - and always, always learning something new, learning how something works, how to think about it or do it in new ways, marveling at the splendid, awesome Universe - this is exciting!

When I found this forum and Laura's work, I found reason to continue learning and many more avenues to explore. And with the strategic enclosure and external consideration concepts, I found my justification for 'playing a role' while participating in society and in this Work to the extent I'm currently able.

Hope something here helps you feel like you're not alone! :)

---------------------------------
Edit: Some additions for clarity of meaning.

Added later: Sorry for the length of the post. I hope it's not 'off-putting' to anyone. It probably should have been limited to the Swamp. Anyway, the point here is that I'm not representative of anyone or anything - especially having been 'damaged goods' myself (and probably still am to some extent).

Mrs Peel - Thanks for the link, much appreciated.

Arbitrium Liberum - Thanks for taking the time to reply and putting across your thoughts. I feel so 'out of it'. Its the first time ive felt this way before. Previously ive been gaining some knowledge, and some awareness's, but i never felt any different. Its as if its beginning to sink in at an emotional level, which is progress i hope. But very scarey.
I guess im viewing winning and loosing on my ability to survive, and atm im in this 'between place' where im letting go of strong beliefs but ive yet to find something sturdy to sit on, so i feel particulary vunerable. Maybe this thing doesnt exist, and the whole point is being comfortable in 'floating around' as such? lol. Or being confortable having no beliefs at all.


I went to a football match last night, Leciester City Vs Norwich City. Sitting there and watching people follow each others behaviour, with the song chanting and verbal abuse was so weird. Am i being a 'fuddy duddy' ? Are people just enjoying themselves? Or is this exactually the kind of behaviour thats destroying our world?


Edit - Spellings.

dannybananny - Good advice. Im still feeling like i have no control, so im looking for others to change, which will in turn help me change. (i think) Maybe im wanting the world to change to a certain way, (in a positive way, well - the way in which i currently feel positive is) so i can just 'fit in'. When i see that there are other people that are less aware of themselves and their behaviour then myself, it demoralises me. It makes me even less driven to work on myself.

BUD - Thanks for your very intresting answer. Have you listened to Gabor Mate and his talks on addictions?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpHiFqXCYKc - I did google his name on here and nothing came up.

I think i can relate to how you have interacted with people, ive been similar. I do like people. I think its more accurate to say that i do WANT to like people. I know people can be capable of such generous and caring things.
Im having a problem writing my thoughts down atm, theres alot of programs stopping me from sharing how i feel. Hopefully in the next few days ill be able to share more on this.


Edit - Spellings.

[quote author=melatonin]
BUD - Thanks for your very intresting answer. Have you listened to Gabor Mate and his talks on addictions?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpHiFqXCYKc - I did google his name on here and nothing came up.[/quote]

Hadn't heard of him, but thanks for the link! :)

He explains the biological mechanics well enough and uses a holistic approach to look at the problem of addiction in general. For anyone else interested, here's a few comments he makes in the first half of the video:

The 'scientific' explanations involving genes does not rest on proof. It's a theory. A nice one because it relieves people and society of responsibility. Just blame it on genes and you're off the hook and things can continue on normally.

It's not something intrinsic in people, the question is What are the conditions in the world that feed and drive addiction?

We already know the downside of addictions. But, what is the benefit of addiction? What is the 'good' to people that makes some of them eventually lose everything in life?

In brain scans, the same part of the brain that lights up during emotional pain, also lights up during physical pain. Opiates work in that same part of the brain.

So, the first question to ask someone is not why the addiction? The first question to ask is why the pain?

Pain relief, pleasure and a love connection - essential dynamics of human life.

The drug doesn't cause the addiction. Something else has to be present as well. The conditions of society. No matter how long a human being develops in the uterus, we are born premature. It takes another 2-3 years of interacting with the environment to finish most of our development. Everything from our pelvic development for walking, to the visual circuitry that needs light. If we waited to be fully developed before birth, like a horse who can already walk within moments of birth, we'd never be born because we'd be too big.

We need a non-stressed, emotionally present care giver for these brain circuits to fully develop.

Click to expand...

---------------------

Mate discussed a particular addict who left a rehabilitation program and 'tried it' one more time and fell back into his old addiction habits.

Turns out, he was really afraid of being honest with his family - to tell them how he feels about the 'christian home' they wanted him to try and the rigid structure the home offered the recovering addict and how he didn't think that would help him - at least right now. He revealed that he didn't want to tell his family or anyone because they spent so much time, money and hope on his recovery - essentially: 'they did so much for me I don't want to hurt them'.

Mate pointed out that the family was already hurting, so that couldn't be the reason. Mate suggested the reason (to which the addict actually agreed): The real problem was that he couldn't be honest - to express his feelings - because he was afraid of people's judgements and of his own. Not that judgements are bad. The brain makes them automatically. 'You' don't have to be present. The problem is when you believe those judgements.

---------------------

Due to weather related internet problems, I haven't been able to watch the second half, but I'll check it out later.

For anyone interested:

More on Dr. Gabor Maté. An hour long interview with Dr. Maté on 'Democracy Now' with Amy Goodman:

Democracy Now: Dr. Gabor Mate on the Stress-Disease Connection, ADD and the Destruction of the American Childhood

_http://www.democracynow.org/2010/12/24/dr_gabor_mat_on_the_stress

Ms. Goodman states that this episode combines 3 interviews with Dr. Maté.

Here's a few comments and paraphrased remarks from the first 15 minutes:

Maté talks a little about his latest book: "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts": one of the 'realms' in Buddhist teachings. The figures that inhabit this realm are depicted as big bellied, small necked and with small mouths. They have an insatiable appetite. They're always hungry, always empty and can never get enough to fill their bellies (from an external source).

Addicts are in that realm all the time; the rest of us are in that realm most of the time - we want to be soothed by something in the short term, but we can never fulfill that hunger from the outside.

...there is no clear distinction between the 'identified' addict and the rest of us - it's just a continuum on which most of us can be found. They're [addicts] on it because they have suffered more than the rest of us.

Most people who try most drugs, never become addicted to them. There has to be a susceptibility there. And the susceptible people are the ones with the impaired brain circuits and the impairment is caused by early adversity (early infant and childhood neglect and abuse during the time when the brain is still forming it's basic circuitry via interacting with others and the environment), rather than just genetics.

The stress connection: The neurochemical conditions in the brain that can trigger a relapse into drug addiction match the conditions in the brain that created the susceptibility to addiction in the first place.

Dr. Maté answered questions about his own history, having been born in Nazi occupied Hungary. Maté states that, he was an infant the day after the Nazi marched into Budapest when his mother called the pediatrician and asked "Would you please come and see my son because he's crying a lot...crying all the time." The pediatrician says "Of course, I'll come, but I should tell you that all the babies are crying."

Click to expand...

This story was meant to illustrate that infants pick up on, and are effected by, the stresses of the parents/care-givers around them. And considering his mother's husband was sent away to forced labor, her parents being in the process of being deported and killed in Auschwitz... the conditions of Maté's own infanthood and childhood was also much less than desirable for what should be normal brain development during these first few years. This puts him in a position to have first hand knowledge of what he deals with everyday in his practice.