Kinship of Loss, a poem

Heather

Dagobah Resident
Hi all.

I introduced myself in late October, and have visited here a number of times since, though hopefully now I will be here more frequently. I've been catching up with some of the newer Cassiopaea transcripts, and am purchasing some of Laura's books finally to add to the reading I've already done. I was happy to read in the last session I think it was that even individuals who are not "there" yet with the work [I, alas, would be included in such category] would still benefit once things take off if they have been doing the work in earnest. Actually, if I was to ask the C's a question that would have been the subject since I know I am a long way off from where I'd like to be. My "issue" right now is to become more disciplined, more organized, and less scattered feeling. I am working diligently on the novel I'm writing, yet still I feel each day is getting away from me with not enough to show for it, not just in relation to the novel, but in other areas as well. Of course, if I did the EE breathing exercises [as I do have the DVD's] this would probably be a good place to start (!)

Anyway, I wanted to contribute something here, and as I've been writing poetry for quite a number of years now I thought I'd post a poem. My father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer immediately after 9/11, and so this poem pertains to that time. The photo is mine as well.

Okay, be well, everyone.



Kinship of Loss


We keep vigil with my father
whose life is not just alone and tried,
but also what we show him
through our eyes and hearts
these days too dark
to mention. Still, all around us
are the signs.

A country that hangs with its own hubris,
its flags draped in fits of defiance.
They’re all smugly full with that –– or else
the chaos, the fear.

But in our home this tumor doesn’t know to lie,
the cancer that sits so close to his heart, so close to
ours, so close to what history may have
in mind. Yes,

simple flowers
are lost on us now, that ordinary dream
of yards and dogs and bittersweet
remembrances.


late September, 2001
 

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Oh. Although it's kind of a Warhol thing to have it repeated, I only intended to have one photo, so that's an error on my part.
 
Hello Heather, and thank you for your introduction there, and welcome to the Forum.
I was sorry to read about your father, it does remind me of my brother who was taken by an inoperable cancer near the heart.
Looking at the photo, the only thing that is familiar to me is the flag.
Can you tell me what the other object in the picture is?
 
Hi MusicMan.

I'm sorry, too, to hear about your brother.

As to your question, there are two mailboxes in the foreground. I've taken a lot of photos in the twilight, and one of my cameras I can use to render a painterly effect in that sort of light. This pic, even if you don't know precisely what you are seeing pictured, has a weeping quality I feel. Or at least that's my sense of it. That's why I thought to put it with this particular poem. That and the flag imagery.

Well, thanks for your comment.
 
Thanks Heather, it must be an optical illusion but the mailbox seemed to me to be a shed in the background.
Don't let my comments stop you posting, I can be a bit thick sometimes!
 
It's funny. Once you see something one way, it's hard to see it in any other way. I can only see it as mailboxes!

Well, I don't have anything vested in that particular image. I just thought it went with the poem, and that there's a sadness to it.

By the way, given your name is MusicMan, are you a musician? My mother used to sing, and I like to as well. I haven't quite mastered stage fright, but my husband has been privy to a lot of on-the-spot performances (!)

.. anyway, I like jazz and blues, but more recently have discovered Brazilian jazz and samba. The singers I've been listening to have made me consider learning some Brazilian Portuguese just so I can master their repertoire.

Here's a link to a song by my favorite singer right now, Maria Rita. [this album in particular I love] Actually, since it's been too cold to bike ride, I've been dancing to these Brazilian beats -- it's also a great way to keep one's spirits up.. [if only it had inter-dimensional capability!].. [maybe if I added some spinning].. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCjjAykandY


Actually, I found a translation of the lyrics and they seem wonderfully apt:


E o homem falou

C'mon, get closer
Because this home is big...
...and it is all for us
Let's clean the ballroom/hall...
... for a better parade/presentation
Let's take a special care of harmony ...
... and of our evolution
A new age will arise from our union
A novelty will emerge from our union

(And, ok, you are invited but) come and...
...keep in mind that here we hold...
... the sun in the hand
And the shine/sheen of each person...
... is the precious good we have.
It will enlighten our mornings
Let's play this samba with the sense of union...
... with the breath/strength that a champion school has
We won't permit...
...anyone to disorder...
... our parade (i)
We won't permit anyone...
...to come and spoil everything
Let's go, this is the time!
And we will win!
We won't let...
...some people spoil everything


And the party is just about to...
...get started

We won't permit...
anyone to disperse (ii)
 
.. (by the way, MM, after looking at the pic again, I see what you mean now about it looking like a shed in the background).. (my husband thinks it looks like a shed too!)
 
Dear Heather,

Thank you for the deeply meaningful poem, and i am sorry to hear about your father.

It is not easy managing illness within the family - as my father too has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and his physical condition has been worsening on a monthly basis over the last two years. He now struggles to walk and needs a wheelchair. It has been painful watching him degenerate, but we try always focus on the good things, and bright things, and keeping him engaged and focussed on the issues/things that he likes. One day at a time, always focussing on the good memories and moments.

Thank you again and please keep posting.

Dear Musicman, sorry to hear about your brother as well.
 
Thank you for your kind thoughts, Mr. Cyan. And for the poem appreciation.

Parkinson's has to be a terribly challenging illness for all involved. It sounds as though your father has a loving and supportive family there for him, which helps not only him, but you will always have that as a comfort, the fact you did what you could for him. These are the things that remain forever in our hearts.

I do have some ideas I think might be useful to write about here, it just may take me some time to organize my thoughts.

Thanks again, and be well,

Heather
 
Hello Heather, thanks for your response. It would appear that your husband and I think alike!
Anyway, I'm not used to the American style of letterboxes, so that could explain it.

As far as me being a musician, I used to play guitar in the church, mostly hot gospel (Songs of Praise), if you ever heard of 'The Fisherfolk' or 'Hillsong', it would be that style of music. I did that for about twenty years, but it became too much when my fingers became arthritic, and I couldn't make the chord changes fast enough. What really stopped me was having an operation, and the tube they put down my throat seemed to damage my vocal chords, so then I couldn't sing either. I guess it was time to move on, and let some younger people take over. All my kids are musical, I have a daughter who plays bass guitar in a punk band, another has my old guitar, but she plays clarinet; the oldest son played clarinet, and the youngest son played trumpet ( he went to the Calgary Stampede with his school band!) My wife used to have a beautiful singing voice, but I think we're both over it now..

And thanks Mr. Cyan for your condolence, that all happened about eight years ago. 'Time' heals.
 
Hi MusicMan,

Nice to hear from you. It's wonderful that you had such music in your life, and that your children continue in that vein as well.

I thought I'd post my favorite hym for Easter. This seems to be a fairly good recording, although it seems they are all recorded in these cavernous churches and halls, and suffer some distortion given that. I haven't been to church in years now [I grew up Presbyterian], but I remember how this hym in particular really does lift one's spirits, and has about it the sense of renewal, which is what made Easter time my favorite time of year. To this day I seek this song out on Youtube, and play it Easter morning (!)

Cheers to all here,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT7dGcsrPkQ
 
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