(A)Sexual and Asexuality

Starshine

Starshine

Jedi Master
FOTCM Member
I found that to be a really interesting watch which brought my awareness on something I would have not understood before. I remember, some years ago, judging someone I knew because he told me he had no sexual desire and didn't want to experience sex. I just thought he was a weirdo and was really judgmental. Since that day, there's been several times I've been wishing to be an asexual. :p

Summary:

(A)Sexual follows the growth of a community that experiences no sexual attraction. In 2000, David Jay came out to his parents. He was asexual and was fine with it. And he was not alone. Studies show that 1% of the population is asexual. But in a society obsessed with sex, how do you deal with life as an outsider?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgRxxls7JxI



From ASEXUALS: Who Are They and Why Are They Important?

We have so much more to learn about asexuality.
Post published by Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on Dec 23, 2009 in Living Single

Asexuality poses a challenge to some of our most fundamental beliefs about humans and their feelings. Yet, on this topic, we are mostly ignoramuses. Many Americans regard the prevailing assumptions about sex and sexuality as universal. They don't appreciate the ways that these ideas have changed over the course of history. Even within the scientific community, the study of asexuality as an orientation is starkly underdeveloped.

Recently, I asked for suggestions for updates for the 40th anniversary edition of that classic book, Our Bodies, Ourselves (link is external). Kris suggested a new section on asexuality, and pointed readers to asexuality.org (link is external), the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. I checked it out - it is a terrific resource - and also started searching for academic papers.

The first thing I learned is that there is a startlingly small number of serious studies of asexuality. Type "asexual" into a database such as PsycInfo, and what spills out are mostly discussions of whether old people are sexual beings.

Only a few more comprehensive articles pop up. For example, a 2004 study (link is external) in the Journal of Sex Research reported the results of a national sample of more than 18,000 British residents. About 1% described themselves as asexual.

For this topic, though, what should come first is some basic understanding of what the term asexual means. The best source I found on that, and the one I will refer to most often throughout the rest of this post, is a 2008 article (link is external) by Kristin Scherrer published in the journal Sexualities. In addition to her thoughtful conceptual analysis of asexuality, Scherrer contributes some empirical grounding. With the help of asexuality.org, she recruited 102 asexuals who were willing to answer open-ended questions about their asexuality and how that related to the rest of their lives.

Here are some of the basics of what I've learned so far from Scherrer and others. I want to note, though, that our understandings may change as research and writing on this topic grows.

What ASEXUALITY Is

On its homepage, Asexuality.org defines an asexual as "a person who does not experience sexual attraction." This is a definition about desire - how you feel, and not about sexual behavior - how you act.

Beyond the dimensions of feelings and behaviors is something broader - an asexual identity. There a process of self-examination involved in identifying as asexual. Importantly, though, an identity is not just personal - it is also social, cultural, and interpersonal. Asexuals who come together on asexuality.org to share experiences are building a community. They have the potential to engage in consciousness-raising and collective action, too. Health and mental health professionals, for instance, may be a little less quick to pathologize asexuality (see below) if there is a defined group of asexuals keeping the opinion leaders on their toes.

When the 102 asexuals in Scherrer's study discussed the meaning of their own asexuality, they most often pointed to desires: They said they did not experience sexual attraction or desire. One of the participants, Jenn, said this:

• "I just don't feel sexual attraction to people. I love the human form and can regard individuals as works of art and find people aesthetically pleasing, but I don't ever want to come into sexual contact with even the most beautiful of people."

Others, though, said they did feel sexual attraction but not the inclination to act on it. Sarah said this to the researcher:

• "I am sexually attracted to men but have no desire or need to engage in sexual or even non-sexual activity (cuddling, hand-holding, etc.)."
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In the documentary we have some background on the creation of AVEN, which is the Asexuality Network. A lot of them have been feeling really lonely about their condition and finding this community and others to identify with has been a great relief for them.

Somehow, it just made me think about the Forum and this same feeling I had reading other people having the same struggles I had.

However, the way sexual people react to them, and it includes LGBT community, is quite surprising and a lot of them can't process the "I have no sexual attraction" part.
Another thing is that it mess up with their intimate relationships, as most people consider sex as the ultimate build up of intimacy. They are hardly understood.

I find it fascinating to not experience any sexual desire.
 
Hi Starshine,

I haven't seen the documentary, as it's behind a paywall, but I'm familiar with asexuality and AVEN. Hopefully, none of this is too TMI. When I was younger, I used to identify as asexual because I was completely repulsed by anything remotely sexual, which I think developed from cultural programming. No religious parenting, but it was the idea from cartoons and other television programs that boys and girls weren't supposed to like each other, and that kissing was gross, that stuck with me. Needless to say, that attitude got worse, even causing me to cover my eyes throughout the Louvre when I was seven, since I thought nudity was supposed to be disgusting. I was ashamed to feel any sexual attraction when it rarely happened, and denied that it was a part of me. Non-sexual acts of love, such as hugging and hand-holding, were also repulsive to me.

That is, until I found SOTT and the forum, and started getting off gluten and processed foods. As I began to get healthier and have more energy, I noticed that I was, in fact, attracted to other people, and the idea of a loving relationship, even without sexuality, became less alien to me. Now, I'm no longer ashamed of it, but I still have no interest in actively flaunting it as promoted by our junk culture. I think a lot of asexuals would change like I did if they implemented the diet and acknowledged that their disgust towards sex may have been imprinted during childhood, instead of just blaming genetics.
 
I've met a couple asexual people here and there. It's not the kind of thing they tend to wear on their sleeves so I'm sure I've met more without realizing it. A part of me does wonder if some asexuals are so simply due to loss of physiological vigor due to poor diet, stress, etc. I'm sure a good number of them may wonder if they're spiritually advanced (or whatever) since the conservative angle of western culture tends to shame sexuality.
 
whitecoast said:
I've met a couple asexual people here and there. It's not the kind of thing they tend to wear on their sleeves so I'm sure I've met more without realizing it. A part of me does wonder if some asexuals are so simply due to loss of physiological vigor due to poor diet, stress, etc. I'm sure a good number of them may wonder if they're spiritually advanced (or whatever) since the conservative angle of western culture tends to shame sexuality.
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It would be interesting to see if the people who claim that they are asexual have had any hormonal tests done. I would be inclined to think that the lack of sexual attraction may be due to some physiological factors like environmental toxins, diet and general poor health. If it IS genuinely innate then I doubt this would be any indicator of spiritual development, alot like PK phenomena. I would imagine it is merely that these individuals have different lessons to learn in this life time. Fascinating indeed.
 
Starshine said:
• "I just don't feel sexual attraction to people. I love the human form and can regard individuals as works of art and find people aesthetically pleasing, but I don't ever want to come into sexual contact with even the most beautiful of people."
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I don't think that asexuality ( in terms how sexuality is understood by major society ) has to go hand by hand with absence or dislike of any sexual activities. I see it more towards how do we respect others and ourselves. I can relate to this quoted sentence completely, and I don't really get sexually attracted to a person before I get involved in more personal relation. I can found someone aesthetically pleasing, but it is really not enough to get sexually attracted. On the other side, once if we "click" on personal level, I love sex very much, but only as a result of friendship, mutual respect, understanding etc ... for me it is like a most intimate form of respect towards other person. I can't imagine just to get involved in sexual relation with someone just for one night, or just for sex here and there ... So far due to that I tend to have long term relationships. So far i didn't have much "experience", but I can say that I had great sexual life, even though I wasn't thinking about that to much.

Also asexuality is very characteristic for people that are devoted to creative or scientific work. Some how our brain get completely occupied with the probelm solving and finding new solutions, that some time, excitement that came out of working results can simulate that feeling physically. Also working with someone closely on some new work, discovery, etc, can gave very powerfull sensual feelings, I call it "brain sex", and it can be very strong and sensual physical feeling.

I can found more sensually attracted to someones work, than just to physical look, body is just not the thing that will first attract me to get involved in sexual intimacy with someone. But if work is, and if person is good, than body for me will be as beautiful as his mind and work.

I remember one very good painter who was asked, how does he know that his work is good, and he said that he knows, f it brings in his body sensual and sexy feelings it means that it is done and good. It is interesting observation, as most of creative work comes out as modulation and expression of our subconsciousness world through the conscious frame we set up for ourseves.

Nikola Tesla was one of the most famous asexual scientist of all times. He said that in order to be able to devote himself completely to the scientific work, he can't get involved in any romantic relationship that will disturb his emotional balance. So once devoted to the high science, with his mind into the stratosphere, he obviously didn't feel any need for sexual relation, as at the end of 19th century, he was young attractive and one of the most popular bachelor among elite in New York, but in whole his life he never had any sexual relationship.

I don't know, just thought to share my experience, as it is a kind of controversial and unusual ....
 
Two years ago I was very sexual person. Before I was a vegan, didn't smoke, no alcohol, work very hard and didn't know anything about the Work, at least not in this way.
When I have realized that for me sex was a game, control, power I had become repulsive by sex. Maybe I'm not young anymore, but now for me tenderness, talk, connection and closeness is much more important. I probably doesn't have a desire at all anymore.
 
I'm not sure about the poor diet thing, it really seems to bo innate from the people interviewed. But it is still an interesting angle to have since most of them may have a poor diet.
What I noticed personally is that I had more sexual cravings on a poor diet. Since I've gone keto, my sexual desire actually decreased even though my need for intimacy, caring for each other, hugging and basically sharing a true relationship remains the same with my girlfriend.

I don't feel the "hunger" anymore as we say in French. Just as for food. The connexion seems obvious in some ways.

Maybe some of them feel more spiritually advanced, they feel at least really different from other people and that is what makes people feel more spiritually advanced in a roundabout way, so I wouldn't limit that to being sexual or not. Some peeps base their spiritual development on how they live sexuality, after all.

Still, if that is really innate, I wonder what happened genetically there?
Low hormone levels ?

I found this comment on AVEN to be of interest:
From : _http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/46711-could-low-hormone-levels-be-the-cause-of-asexuality/
Regarding "scientific explanation," I agree with a friend of mine who said that simplifying feelings/orientation by trying to explain them biologically is more harmful than helpful (it's useless to say the least).

If I identify as asexual, no matter how my body behaves, I'd still "feel" asexual. That's where I fit it. It has nothing to do with my gender, past, sex drive, whatever.

Maybe you became asexual due to a horrific past.
Maybe your hormone levels are fluctuating.
Maybe it's due to anti-depressants.
Maybe it's genetic....

HOWEVER,
Many people are traumatized by their past and they're still sexual.
People have different sex drives and libidos, the same goes for asexuals. They could be aroused physically and not even think about sex or be attracted to anyone.
Not all people taking medication identify as asexual...

It's an orientation not a medical issue or a bodily function. Impotent males, frigid females, people with disabilities that don't allow them to have sex would still identify as sexual. It depends on how you perceive yourself. It has nothing to do with your hormone levels or physical condition.

We're about 30.000 people here; I'd say there are about 30.000 "reasons" to be asexual. We're humans not machines. We're a combination of a lot of stuff that lead us to make the decisions we make and lean toward one thing not the other. You could face the exact same experience as the person next to you and you'd both have different reactions and take different approaches to deal with it.

I've been pressured to "rationalize" why I'm asexual (without knowing the word for it) all my life.
Whether you're born with it or whether you became one, it's irrelevant in my opinion.
If you identify as asexual, then people should be aware of your existence so that you can have a better life, without fear of being fixed, healed, forced to try and have sex or relationships... so that people respect you for who you are, who you identify with.

Awareness is the key for me.
Those who don't want to be asexual or feel it's not "right" for them should seek help and maybe they can change. As for the rest, why bother with scientific aspects if you accept who you are and feel good about it?

I like to analyze myself and introspect but I don't like it when human nature is simplified into a scientific equation that fits all.
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And from the FAQ: _http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/63080-faq-new-and-improved-version/

General FAQ

Am I asexual?

The definition of asexual is a person that doesn't experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is not to be confused with celibacy, which is to choose to abstain from sex in spite of having sexual attraction.

It's also important to remember that no one can tell you if you're asexual or not, only you can decide what is right for you.

No one fits neatly into a label, as asexual people are as different as sexual. So there's nothing wrong in applying a label even if you don't feel like you fulfill all the criteria. You can also have a closer look at terms such as demisexual or grey asexual.


Demisexual

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone, often (but not always) in a romantic relationship. A demisexual person would pretty much be like a sexual person in a relationship, and like an asexual while not in a relationship.


Grey-A/Gray-A

Asexuality and sexuality are not black and white; some people identify in the gray (spelled "grey" in some countries) area between them. People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who:

do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances



Relationships

Many asexual people experience attraction, but feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Relationship FAQ on the Front Page has answers to some common relationships-related questions.
"We're married, we just don't have sex" by Paul Cox


For partners, parents and friends

AVEN's front page has useful material to family and friends. It can be given to them as a handy guide to asexuality. It might also be useful to read beforehand when explaining asexuality to someone. There is also a separate page about Relationships, with a part specifically for sexual partners of asexuals. We also have a forum For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies.


The AVEN Wiki -- a general wiki resource of information related to asexuality and AVEN.


Types of attraction

Romantic attraction is a feeling that causes people to desire a romantic relationship with a specific other person. Many asexual people experience romantic attraction even though they do not feel sexual attraction.

Other asexual people do not feel romantic attraction, and classify themselves as aromantic as well as asexual.

Sensual attraction: Some asexuals have a desire to do sensual (but not sexual) things with certain people, especially relating to tactile sensuality such as cuddling.

Aesthetic attraction: Some asexuals feel attraction to other people that is not connected to a desire to do anything with them, either sexually or romantically.


Queer-A & Gender Relations

Gender identity is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological fact, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may identify as include male, female, both, somewhere in between ("third gender"), or neither. (from the big wiki)

[Links]
AVEN's own Gender Discussion forum
Gender Forum definitions.
The Yadaforum


General list of terms
[Link]The Wiki Lexicon


Sex and asexuality

As asexuality simply means one does not experience sexual attraction this means asexuals can have sex drives, that is desire for sexual contact. Autosexual is a term that describes a person that derives adequate sexual satisfaction from masturbation. An asexual may also be autosexual, being capable of taking care of bodily arousal without needing to seek partnered sex.

**Myths And Misconceptions About Asexuality***

Arousal =/= Attraction
A persons capability of arousal has nothing to do with sexual attraction.
Masturbation
Some people believe that asexual people doesn't masturbate at all, but this is just a myth. Just like sexuals, asexual people can have varying degrees of libido and masturbate just as much or little as anyone else.
Sex-positive
An asexual person can be just as sex-positive or negative as the average joe. Some might be repulsed by sex, while others are quite capable of enjoying sex or sexual acts.
Sex drive (libido, nonlibidoism, desire vs. attraction)
Another myth is that asexual people doesn't have any libido at all. But as mentioned above, asexual people can have very high, low or average libido.
Fetishes (fetlife)
It's also a myth that asexual people don't have any fetishes. A fetish doesn't have to be sexual at all.
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So much terms to define how one's feel with one's (a)sexuality.
 
Very interesting thread. I was just reading some transcripts from last year and I came across this:
Laura said:
(Galatea) Can I ask a question? The C's have said that abstinence is ideal for graduation but only if it is sincere. So, what do you think about people who claim that they are asexual? Are they somehow superior to us, or what?

A: No

Q: (Galatea) Okay. So, what makes them feel the need to be asexual? Is it biology or what?

A: Discombobulated brain chemistry.

Q: (Galatea) So basically they're just messed up in the head.

(Perceval) Literally.

A: Yes
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I found this part very interesting and it left me with more questions than answers. I was surprised noone mentioned it either. Reading some of the replies here helped me a bit.

So would this mean that asexuality wouldn't be considered a "real" sexuality, and that it could eventually be "overcome"? Because it sounds to me as some sort of trauma or a bunch of programs that have somehow been inflicted in a person's head. Maybe, in a way, even similar to people who crave any sort of ritualistic sexual activities such as sadism and masochism, and anything along those lines. That can't be healthy, in my opinion. But that's more on the side, I think.
 
It would seem that the chakras come into play here, demonstrating the flow of energies through the system... STS expression in this realm is based and enforced in the lower while the natural tendency is to rise when the self reaches beyond the basic drives to the expression of 'higher' energies, not just up to 'love' but possibly up the rest of the system, even if in mirror mode.

The cultural aspect would seem to interact with the basic drives, depending upon how many and types of limitations are placed upon such expressions of the self within society and what other types of outlets are available/encouraged for self expression. Japan is a good example of this.... when it's all available or not limited in obvious ways, then those energies can seek different expressions. This would seem to be further enhanced in our 'net' culture of lesser direct physical interaction. Empires always seem to be an outgrowth of societies based in lower energy expression, to the point of placing greater limitations of any other forms that might cause a loss of focus on the imperial desires of the leaders of that country. Isn't that seen here in the States, with sports, wars, and even lesser forms of red/orange/yellow energy expressions? Look how PM Abe is seeking to reinstate those energies in Japan and all the difficulties he's having given that his society has mostly moved on... Erdo the Idiot in Turkey seems intent on doing the same, though in a much less organized manner.... but focusing society on imperial desires as the best form of social and personal expression. Turn religion into an instrument of those lower based energies... isn't it always this way? The cycles come and go, up and down... like an erection.. you simply can't keep it up forever, no matter how much Viagra you take.... and too much of that has negative reprecussions of its own... like an empire forced upon an unwilling people... thus the reason it takes generations to build up these energies.... 'you have to be carefully taught'.
 
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