My son has mangas with violent sex scenes and violence

Hello, everybody!
Tonight, my girlfriend was exploring the manga of her son (which a friend lent him ; she recognized it wasn't his manga, that's why she looked at it) !
While she was exploring it she fell on one with a sex scene, a violent sex scene with two old people (50 years old) doing a sexual position where the man was behind the woman, and the woman was blindfolded... and facial expression of the man is really perverse, we can saw the woman was brutalized...
This scene is in three drawings! This is a crime fiction manga!
Her son is 13 years old!
My girlfriend talked with her son, she asked him what did he think about this, etc... she told him she found it was a little bit pervert... her son told her that he found this disgusting but that he wasn't traumatized by this, not chocked.. that the character was just a pervert, a boss with alot of money and not a good person, that is was just fiction... so, for him, this wasn't a model, it was just a pervert dude exposed (in the story)...

My girlfriend would like to know what to say to her son... what could she say? Speak about sexuality? She would like to know how to explain things, with sanity, as her son is 13 years old!

Well, i thank you very much!
Peace!

Hi SunEterna

I don't think it's uncommon at all, specially these days, Yes, I do think that the most advisable thing for her to do is to reach out for her son, definitely discuss the subject of sexuality, maybe not in a punishing way or a judging way, but in a way to show him that what he saw there is not the norm, and is not what an intimate relation is built upon.

To maybe help him see that, what kind of being would treat or have those "deep" intentions for another being whom they claim to care for, and maybe he will go beyond the story of "a dude who got exposed" and realize what it means.

I think this provides an important opening for her to discuss this with her son, as he's 13 and he will only continue to get exposed to things far worse than this constantly as he grows up, and the best way to avoid him having his perception of intimacy twisted is by having a guide there at the beginning.

Hope it helps

Alejo

Hi SunEterna.

The only advice I am able to give is to suggest that your girlfriend calmly sit down with her son and to gently explain to him that the pornographic material he will be exposed to is NOT an accurate portrayal of real-life sexual relations between two adults. I think that this is the most important point that must be emphasized. The problem is that, if the child is not made aware of this early enough, many false beliefs regarding sex can develop and later on in life these underlying beliefs can be difficult to overcome.

Other than this, I don't think there is much else you can do about it. Good luck :)

There’s an article on SOTT on Pornography that might be helpful, in gleaming a little insight on the matter.
.
http://www.sott.net/article/299127-Courage-to-quit-Outgrowing-pornography-and-waking-up-to-your-true-self

SunEterna said:

Hello, everybody!
Tonight, my girlfriend was exploring the manga of her son (which a friend lent him ; she recognized it wasn't his manga, that's why she looked at it) !
While she was exploring it she fell on one with a sex scene, a violent sex scene with two old people (50 years old) doing a sexual position where the man was behind the woman, and the woman was blindfolded... and facial expression of the man is really perverse, we can saw the woman was brutalized...
This scene is in three drawings! This is a crime fiction manga!
Her son is 13 years old!
My girlfriend talked with her son, she asked him what did he think about this, etc... she told him she found it was a little bit pervert... her son told her that he found this disgusting but that he wasn't traumatized by this, not chocked.. that the character was just a pervert, a boss with alot of money and not a good person, that is was just fiction... so, for him, this wasn't a model, it was just a pervert dude exposed (in the story)...

My girlfriend would like to know what to say to her son... what could she say? Speak about sexuality? She would like to know how to explain things, with sanity, as her son is 13 years old!

Well, i thank you very much!
Peace!

Click to expand...

Peace, SunEterna!
If I were in those shoes, I wouldn't get too carried away about it.
The boy is 13, and this is something all boys do to some extent at that age.

When I was that age it was the 'Playboy' magazines..

He seemed to be fairly level headed about it, so that's a plus.

I guess it's time for 'The Talk'.

I don't know what this thing called manga is but I would be worried for your son developing sexual tastes that are out of the spectrum considered normal.. Maybe this is what is considered normal nowadays by kids growing? The envelop seems to be getting pushed and pushed with each generation. I would explore the storyline and the significance of that scene. My first impression upon reading the post is that this sexual violence is something that he may explore more in future in art form...

I think young boys being curious about sex or the female form once they hit puberty is normal and part of a natural process but I don't think depictions of sexual violence or sexual perversions are.

I think there's a chance at his age that this may not be the first time he's been exposed to this kind of imagery. And whther he has or not, we live in a ponerised world where it's impossible not to see this sort of thing.

I think his response was promising though. He seemed to link the actions of the man in the images to the idea of evil. So if you decide to talk to him about it, and how this is violence and not what sex with a partner is about, I think he'll take that in and understand what you're saying.

Whatever be ends up thinking about it, at least you'll know that he's had someone around who has actually talked to him about it and tried to educate him. That's something I think most boys (and girls) rarely get. We might get told about the birds and the bees, but our education doesn't go into pornography, as much as the PTB are pushing for it to be normalised and 'healthylised' in children's education.

This video about consent may be helpful too:


https://youtu.be/fGoWLWS4-kU

There's this scary tendency to normalize abuse, and I definitely wouldn't want my children to think rape is sexy just because they saw it on a manga.

I would add a little context for the boy, too: The larger manipulation of male-female relationships, as well as the misogynistic aspects of it. Kind of an opener to talk about the matrix we live in: how society is being manipulated by such imagery. He can say "no biggie" but that is kind of what guys tend to do, but you know it has a subconscious impact. I wouldn't pooh-pooh it either as being no different from Playboy. Furthermore Playboy has always objectified women, presenting them as fun toys for men, or hot sex-crazed vixens. No depth of mind which they do indeed have. It is a set-up for a rude awakening. 13 is the time to talk about higher things as well. Frame the base aspects in a larger, higher context. Time to be a vehicle for the B influences. That's my 25 cents.

MusicMan said:

Peace, SunEterna!
If I were in those shoes, I wouldn't get too carried away about it.
The boy is 13, and this is something all boys do to some extent at that age.

Click to expand...

I don't think that all boys at 13 are exposed to violent rape scenes, and those who are, it is not normal or healthy for their emotional and sexual development to do so. Personally, like suneternal and his girlfriend, I would be very worried too. During his sexuality maturing years, what he "consumes" is going to have consequences in the way he views relationships and sex in his adult life, as others mentioned. It is wise for the parents to talk to him about it, in an open non-judgmental way, and help him understand the reality of relationships, and prepare him on what else he might be exposed to growing up. There's countless sources on the web about this, talking to teenagers about sexual violence, talking to teens about porn, etc. I am sure many parents have to deal with this issue in our day, and boy, I don't envy them at all! Today's kids grow up in an environment with access to so much wrong/false information, it must be a full time job for a parent to keep on top of it and help guide the child.

musicman said:

When I was that age it was the 'Playboy' magazines..

Click to expand...

Entire generations of teenagers went through the Playboy phase, and look around: objectification of women, a society that sides with the perpetrators of rape and punishes the victims.

How do you think exposure to violent rape scenes in mangas is going to affect the next generation, when we already see around us the effects of "mild" Playboy? There are other factors involved, true, but it all starts somewhere. Normalizing the first step, leads to a worse second and on and on, to:

Rape Culture in America - How the system protects the rapists and fails the victims

Alana said:

MusicMan said:

Peace, SunEterna!
If I were in those shoes, I wouldn't get too carried away about it.
The boy is 13, and this is something all boys do to some extent at that age.

Click to expand...

I don't think that all boys at 13 are exposed to violent rape scenes, and those who are, it is not normal or healthy for their emotional and sexual development to do so. Personally, like suneternal and his girlfriend, I would be very worried too. During his sexuality maturing years, what he "consumes" is going to have consequences in the way he views relationships and sex in his adult life, as others mentioned. It is wise for the parents to talk to him about it, in an open non-judgmental way, and help him understand the reality of relationships, and prepare him on what else he might be exposed to growing up. There's countless sources on the web about this, talking to teenagers about sexual violence, talking to teens about porn, etc. I am sure many parents have to deal with this issue in our day, and boy, I don't envy them at all! Today's kids grow up in an environment with access to so much wrong/false information, it must be a full time job for a parent to keep on top of it and help guide the child.

Click to expand...

FWIW MusicMan I think that Alana made some important points here. Speaking from personal experience, being subjected to this violent pornography from an early age had a profound effect on the way that I viewed relationships and women in general, beginning especially when I grew up into my teenage years, and these issues actually still persist somewhat. Looking back, I can see how easy it is was for pornography to corrupt my mind, to utterly skew my world-view and to so strongly influence my beliefs about women and sexuality. It is truly no wonder that man and woman are seemingly becoming ever more increasingly disconnected from on another emotionally speaking. This is my impression anyway.

So I think that your comment "I wouldn't get too carried away about it" is wholely based on a lack of understanding of the severity of these consequences of subjecting oneself to this kind of material.

MusicMan said:

When I was that age it was the 'Playboy' magazines.

Click to expand...

Have you considered that, because YOU went through this stage and were yourself subject to the conditioning and to the objectification of women through pornography, you may actually be attempting to normalize this phenomena in order avoid acknowledging the negative impacts it has had on your own beliefs and perceptions? This might be something to contemplate MusicMan

Keyhole said:

Speaking from personal experience, being subjected to this violent pornography from an early age had a profound effect on the way that I viewed relationships and women in general, beginning especially when I grew up into my teenage years, and these issues actually still persist somewhat. Looking back, I can see how easy it is was for pornography to corrupt my mind, to utterly skew my world-view and to so strongly influence my beliefs about women and sexuality. It is truly no wonder that man and woman are seemingly becoming ever more increasingly disconnected from on another emotionally speaking. This is my impression anyway.

Click to expand...

Same here. In case it's helpful, back in 2010 I discussed my own issues of this kind in a thread in The Swamp. (Though it's also about other aspects of the ponerized worldview of my late teens.) I think part of what's mentioned in the opening post drives home where indulgence in such material can lead over several years. (Other issues discussed are more broadly connected to the possible impact of the kind of world we live in.)

More recently, only a few months ago, I found that part of the old attitudes were still there, despite all that's happened since. Various ponerized beliefs held apart - compartmentalized - from everything else, as well as emotional attitudes which had been suppressed but not really dealt with. In the end, I felt an incredible disgust at all the filth, both what had been and what could then still be "seen" inside, and all of this nature in the world.

Thankfully, perhaps, I've never been in any relationship, and none of that internalized garbage has directly affected another person.

If the boy isn't familiar with the sex subject, it would be ideal to broach it before modern culture does it for him.

Many Mangas are full of that kind of material. It is not an elevated art form. As Japanese art and culture continues to die and the population becomes more and more delusional, these trends will continue.

You can compare modern Japanese men to individuals just 30 years and the differences in the Manga they produced. Modern Manga is lazier, more pornographic, and generally degenerate.

That's not to say there aren't alternatives, but having grown up in communities where manga is popular I wouldn't recommend letting a 13 year old child read it till he's older, just like I wouldn't recommend give a 13 year old literary books that could be harmful to his growth.

Just my two thoughts. TL;DR: Talk about Sex, Don't Encourage Manga

Just wanted to add that even if the kid says hes not consciously traumatized, that doesn't mean that there are no subconscious effects. The parents are justified in their worry and an open communication may be the way to go indeed. The actual culture he'll be growing in is sufficiently ponerized to add exposure to the rape culture. Today when young people (especially males) refer to sex, it's about doing something to someone, not with someone. That alone introduces a bias that prevents genuine emotional connection. OSIT

Psalehesost said:

Keyhole said:

Speaking from personal experience, being subjected to this violent pornography from an early age had a profound effect on the way that I viewed relationships and women in general, beginning especially when I grew up into my teenage years, and these issues actually still persist somewhat. Looking back, I can see how easy it is was for pornography to corrupt my mind, to utterly skew my world-view and to so strongly influence my beliefs about women and sexuality. It is truly no wonder that man and woman are seemingly becoming ever more increasingly disconnected from on another emotionally speaking. This is my impression anyway.

Click to expand...

Same here. In case it's helpful, back in 2010 I discussed my own issues of this kind in a thread in The Swamp. (Though it's also about other aspects of the ponerized worldview of my late teens.) I think part of what's mentioned in the opening post drives home where indulgence in such material can lead over several years. (Other issues discussed are more broadly connected to the possible impact of the kind of world we live in.)

More recently, only a few months ago, I found that part of the old attitudes were still there, despite all that's happened since. Various ponerized beliefs held apart - compartmentalized - from everything else, as well as emotional attitudes which had been suppressed but not really dealt with. In the end, I felt an incredible disgust at all the filth, both what had been and what could then still be "seen" inside, and all of this nature in the world.

Thankfully, perhaps, I've never been in any relationship, and none of that internalized garbage has directly affected another person.

Click to expand...

Totally agreed. There are many things that I wish I could unsee. Pornography use during the early teenage years has serious effects that are only just beginning to be studied, and they require a very long period of abstinence and re-wiring of the brain to get over. The media and current societal attitudes are designed to reinforce those same pathological mind pathways.

I think ideally he needs an understanding male who has 'been there' to candidly offer some experience. So few of us have that, and I think it would have made a world of difference for me. Are you close enough to him for this to be an option?