Realization of a new program

I have titled this thread a realization of a new program because I don't know what to call this program but I know it's a program because it keeps repeating itself and I can feel and see it playing out.

I am going to describe this program in different situations to help paint a picture as I don't know exactly what to call it.

1) getting ready for an event instead of getting ready early I know it takes me 45min to shower and get dressed so if an event is at 3pm I will start getting ready at 2-2:15pm

2) studying fo a test. If I know I need a 70 to pass I will study enough to get high 70's until I feel that I know enough to feel comfortable about taking the test

3) with money I have enough in my bank account to provide a comfortable cushion but don't care to put forth the energy to get more or at work do what has to be done and than maybe do alittle more.

It seems that this program is based on feeling if I feel comfortable that I've done enough I will stop if I am rushed or feel pressured I will be active I can feel and see this perpetual spin that I am in and I feel it spills over too much into my life.

I want to go above and beyond more without doing just enough or needing pressure to proceed but for a lack of a better word I just don't care to but I know it would be better more me to care to make the motivation intrinsic and not even call it motivation just a new state of being.Since I have been a member here in 09' the best way for me to do away with or mitigate old problems is to learn about them intellectually and then it has a changing affect. I feel this program is a big block for me blocking me from progress that I want but can't break free to get

Does anyone have any advice or books to read on this program?

From what I understand is that you don't want to just meet the mark by being satisfactory, but you want to exceed perameters. Is that what you mean?

To further expound, you'd like this process of exceeding parameters to be automated or instinctual, much like your current ability to meet minimum requirements/being satisfactory?

I'm not sure myself of any book for this, but I would expect that a measure of conscious observation is required to develop such an instinct.

Example, setting an alarm earlier than 45 minutes, study the subject to master the topic for personal growth, not test marks, to gain more money, perhaps invest your money in an endeavour that you identify with.

Thank you for your reply Zin. To answer your questions Yes I would like to exceed parameters and not just do satisfactory work in a healthy way however I believe this is part of the program.

Really I would not like to see parameters or know what satisfactory is but be balanced in my task not from a get it done standpoint or an over achiever standpoint but a healthy progression standpoint.

What is holding me back from this is my emotions about doing tasks completing situations and my thoughts. I have went above and beyond before in life without an equal result for the energy expended so now I just don't care about putting in that kind of effort it's not optimal for my being. This is one part of the program but the deeper part IMO is feeling accomplished when completing a task just before a deadline needing that deadline pressure for progress. I don't want to operate like this. I know operating like this is a fault holds me back and closes me off to other universal options that could present themselves if I was to get the task done sooner leaving me open to other things.

I'm not sure I completely agree with your aim.

I think it really matters what you'd like to achieve and why. For instance earning more money is maybe not worth the additional effort, if it detracts you from other things you might want to do. So it probably comes down to what you are aiming for.

But maybe I'm projecting my own situation into you, as I generally aim too high and want too much, and don't take into account, whether spending more energy in a situation of diminishing returns is a good investment of my energy.

As regards things like you needing time for having a shower, if you'd like to change that, the cognitive behavioral approach probably works best: small steps towards pushing your mind steadily towards your goal, by repetition and habituation, which really exchanges one habit with another, albeit consciously chosen.

Thank you for your response. My aim is to change this program that runs off of procrastination pressure and progress. A cycle that keeps repeating itself in my life. It is more natural for me to complete something just before it has to get done or leave just enough time to get to appointment.

The money example was just that an example. My aim is to identify this program in its entirety and cognitively know the psychology behind it so I can understand it in an intellectual way.

In thinking about it more I think I get a "high" from the pressure of being late or the feeling of having to rush

Menna said:

In thinking about it more I think I get a "high" from the pressure of being late or the feeling of having to rush

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Hi Menna. I think the above is fairly common for those of us who grew up in stressful environments. This was case for me, anyway. I think that in early childhood, the periodic surges of stress hormones contribute to the formation of neural pathways which then go on to shape how we deal with future experiences. These pathways are so deeply ingrained that the stress becomes a "normal" response to anything remotely difficult, and the powerful effects of adrenaline and cortisol gradually form a type of addiction.

So when someone grows up and life becomes significant less "dramatic" than when they were children, they feel like there is something missing. So in order to fill the 'gap', they unconsciously create ultra-stressful scenarios so that they can constantly get their fix of stress hormones/drugs to feel alive. Whats interesting about addiction is that pain/trauma are usually at the route, and the addiction is merely used temporarily 'soothe the wound'. So im not sure if this is applicable in your situation. But you could ask yourself: is there something you are trying to escape from in your life which is too painful for you to acknowledge? And what were the underlying causes of your addiction to stress in the first place?

1) getting ready for an event instead of getting ready early I know it takes me 45min to shower and get dressed so if an event is at 3pm I will start getting ready at 2-2:15pm

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From my experiance the best attitude to do things on time is do not perceive time in conventional way looking on the clock, do not measuring time and count.

What I mean: You know that you have some meeting for example, at the 3 p.m. Let say you knew about that from yesterday, you get up from bed today and just after opening eyes you organizing yourself to the expected events and it doesn't matter whether this event will be at the 1 p.m., 3 p.m. or 5 p.m.

In other words, this what you have to do later, you do this now.

More metaphoric: Imagine that you are driving a car and red light appear. You start brake far from intersection, you loss most of your speed and you subtly rolling to the intersection with little speed that you are able to push brake pedal and stop immediately. Such way of driving improve safety.

The same with managing time, you do the things NOW and just rolling calmly to the event, to departure.

I am convinced that if you adopt such attitude you will be always satisfied with time you have and be always prepared.

Menna said:

I am going to describe this program in different situations to help paint a picture as I don't know exactly what to call it.

1) getting ready for an event instead of getting ready early I know it takes me 45min to shower and get dressed so if an event is at 3pm I will start getting ready at 2-2:15pm

2) studying fo a test. If I know I need a 70 to pass I will study enough to get high 70's until I feel that I know enough to feel comfortable about taking the test

3) with money I have enough in my bank account to provide a comfortable cushion but don't care to put forth the energy to get more or at work do what has to be done and than maybe do alittle more.

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Here are some ideas, perhaps it will be helpful.

Doing things at the last minute can have several possible explanations.

- If by doing so it causes you to be late and for other people waiting for you, it may indicate that you are being passive aggressive.
- Even if you are not being late, it shows that you are not really interested in going to this specific location or doing this specific activity. As an example of the opposite approach, remember how kids get so excited about going for a trip, they prepare their bag the night before and then wake up several hours early than usual?
- A mundane explanation could be that your daily schedule is packed, and you wait till the last moment to do things, because this is the only free time you have to do them.

Doing only the required minimum is also an indication that you are not doing it "from the heart", but only because you have to. It could also mean that you don't have this "inner drive" to excel or go beyond the basic level. Which isn't something bad by itself, because there are plenty of different kind of problems that cause people to be over-achievers and workaholics. On the other hand, it can also be an indication that you have the tendency to "spare yourself" and go easy on yourself.

But it all comes down to intent and what is important for you. As nicklebleu said, some things are not worth spending more energy than the required minimum. But spotting such behavior can help you with understanding what is it you really want or don't want to do with your life.

Menna said:

The money example was just that an example. My aim is to identify this program in its entirety and cognitively know the psychology behind it so I can understand it in an intellectual way.

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Well, any significant personal change requires "super efforts", or at least "significant efforts" for a specific period of time until it becomes a new habit. So if you will be able to recognize that your problem is "being easy on yourself", there is no easy way to go about it, than stopping being easy on yourself and getting used to self-imposed discomfort. ;)

Here are articles that perhaps will be useful.

Being in the flow: Where energy moves in the direction of our intentions
How to shake your bad habits - for good!

A helpful book to read might be "Brraking the Habit of Being Yourself," by Joe Dispenza.

Hi Menna, thanks for sharing. I have a similar issue with procrastination. I always do things last minute, and it seems I am always rushing to get things done for the day in order to go to bed and get up for work. For me, I think I just need to clear some things up I've set out to do. A lot is just reading some old threads so I can move toward reading the big pile of books I want to read.

Keyhole thanks for that; I didn't realize that it could be an addiction to stress chemicals. That makes sense, and so we go creating these self sabotaging constraints.

zin, I think what you're talking about is called, "getting the ball rolling." Putting in little efforts beforehand, so that the event unfolds more seamlessly and less stressful.

I agree with what others said, that some things aren't as important and not worth overachieving. Chores, work, and mundane life stuff I just want to get done. And then things like reading the forum or posting articles I want to be caught up on. Or whatever project or Aim I set out to do, those should be given more energy.

Menna said:

1) getting ready for an event instead of getting ready early I know it takes me 45min to shower and get dressed so if an event is at 3pm I will start getting ready at 2-2:15pm

Click to expand...

I struggled a lot with the "last minute" program in the past, and still do to some extent, but it got better over the years (I learned a lot from my wife in that regard!). The state of having to rush is really a very bad state IMO - emotions are not under control, you forget yourself, you lose tons of energy.

I second lux' advice - I now try to do things whenever I feel I can/should do it right now, without any rigid plans. For example, if I finished something at 11am and know I have an hour time to take a shower, I do it even if I need to leave the house only at 4pm. If I manage to do it like that, listening to the situation and acting accordingly so to speak, things tend to flow and fall into place naturally. No stress, plenty of "headroom". On the other hand, if I dabble away/dissociate during such "time windows", oftentimes things get in the way in the last minute and I get totally stressed.

As others have said though, these habits are really hard to break, and the only way is to do it again and again, until it feels natural.

Menna said:

2) studying fo a test. If I know I need a 70 to pass I will study enough to get high 70's until I feel that I know enough to feel comfortable about taking the test

3) with money I have enough in my bank account to provide a comfortable cushion but don't care to put forth the energy to get more or at work do what has to be done and than maybe do alittle more.

Click to expand...

I agree with others that it depends on your aim. What you describe could be either very smart or very problematic, depending on what you want to achieve in your life.

Generally, if it doesn't cost you lots of energy (Pareto principle and all that), I think it's better to always do a little more than you need to do, you never know what good can come out of that. It's a good habit to have IMO! I think business guru Napoleon Hill nailed it with his advice "always do more than you get paid for".

Keyhole- yes I believe that this is part of it. I remember posting on this forum a few years ago how I developed a mild OCD having to tap things 2-3 times when I was 14 and wanted to know why. I believe Laura replied with that was most likely developed to get Instill some type of control feeling in childhood. Being that as it may it means that stress was definitely present and I believe this to be part of the cause behind this program. Thank you.

Lux - this is exactly what I am trying to shift towards to not look at time as hour blocks but to feel time to know in a while I have to be at a place so I then get ready based simply on the fact that I have to not looking at the clock or planning to be ready to leave myself just enough time (I think I have this false sense of accomplishment if I plan just enough time to get ready and I make it to appointment right on time or 5min before). This way of being I feel is better than being rigid around time trying to feel accomplished by rushing and just making it. This is a mental state I have to break.

Kiet - thank you for the article links and I believe that is important to think about Is my heart in it? and I can honestly answer yes when it comes to the main reason why I am posting about this which is my profession. However I have to do other things around my profession that I don't care about or that my heart isn't in as much as other aspects but by sccomplishing these other aspects they will lead to doing what my heart is in. I have to view finding what I want to do and liking the end result of what I am doing as a privilege and view the process of my profession as a whole not just the part that I like.

Mr. Premise - thank you for the book reference there is also a meditation CD to go along with book this will enable me to change up my meditation from EE and give it a break. Hope all is well with the Northeast group.

3D student - I was going to call this program procrastination but I believe that's only 60% of it but if I was to give it a name it would be that. Conserving energy and getting things done and leaving them at that can be a smart way to live however this is a pattern in my life and I believe I do this in too many areas of my life it has taken over.

Luc - this headroom that you talk about is a state or aspect in life that I want more of as I feel by having more headroom throughout the day you open yourself up to other possibilities because you are not waiting to get ready for the event that you have to get ready for. I think waiting to get ready and making it to appointment just on time is s form of control for me like I have control over my day but as the C's said this closes one off from future universal energies/situations/gifts because I am being restrictive. It's very interesting that you mention Napoleon hill because I was just about to buy "The law of success" his book before "Think and grow rich" and was going to use that information to help progress however I know my real problem is this underlying program and know I have to fix or at least reduce this program first than read the book or else the program will turn into "successfully rushing to appointment" . I need a change of being before a change in psychology or else it won't "stick" and realizing this is why I am here first before Hills books. This is going to take some time

After networking I think this is a mix of feeling accomplished by trying to successfully control my time/day and with some addicted stress chemicals mixed in. By controlling my time and just making it I feel I have done something. But what have a done? I realize I need to do what I don't want to do in my profession to get to what I love doing in my profession it's a whole picture and by loving doing one aspect I am naturally not going to love equal doing another part so that turns into a negative when the feeling I get from helping people educating in my industry trumps the work needed to be done to get them in my office.

It's amazing how the book recommended to me in this thread "breaking the habit of being yourself" presented itself to me at this point in my life. 2-3 years ago I would being reading this information with doubt and uncertainty however over the past 2-3years there have been experiences compounded on experiences before them that have lead to my understanding of the material. Understanding not only on an intellectual leve but on an emotional/being level that have been verified from experience and logic and the time is right allowing me to connect the dots on a knowing level that I don't want to describe away with words and when these sentences ring true to me page after page it brings tears to my eyes because it is not only confirmation that I am ready for this material that this is an important point on my timeline or what have you but a feeling/knowing that I value and am thankful for.

This is yet another example of the C's workings how they give information when it can be understood this information that I am reading can only be verified by myself at this time now who knows what effect it would of had on me in 2011 I may not have been ready and the simple fact that it's in my hands now is incomprehensible in a good way how everything has aligned this way

Well, any significant personal change requires "super efforts", or at least "significant efforts" for a specific period of time until it becomes a new habit. So if you will be able to recognize that your problem is "being easy on yourself", there is no easy way to go about it, than stopping being easy on yourself and getting used to self-imposed discomfort. ;)

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As others have said though, these habits are really hard to break, and the only way is to do it again and again, until it feels natural.

I second lux' advice - I now try to do things whenever I feel I can/should do it right now, without any rigid plans.

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FORGET "I should", forget it all. Replace it by "I LOVE TO DO ...." and skip completely the TIME issue. If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself.
This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think. (Arkadiusz Jadczyk)

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I have mixed thoughts about procrastination. On one side, it's do it right now , force yourself into doing it and on the other it's do the things you love/want and forget about time. But time IS an issue. I think I am not completely getting Ark's quote here...anybody wants to clarify this issue ? thanks.

Esprit said:

Well, any significant personal change requires "super efforts", or at least "significant efforts" for a specific period of time until it becomes a new habit. So if you will be able to recognize that your problem is "being easy on yourself", there is no easy way to go about it, than stopping being easy on yourself and getting used to self-imposed discomfort. ;)

Click to expand...

As others have said though, these habits are really hard to break, and the only way is to do it again and again, until it feels natural.

I second lux' advice - I now try to do things whenever I feel I can/should do it right now, without any rigid plans.

Click to expand...

FORGET "I should", forget it all. Replace it by "I LOVE TO DO ...." and skip completely the TIME issue. If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself.
This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think. (Arkadiusz Jadczyk)

Click to expand...

I have mixed thoughts about procrastination. On one side, it's do it right now , force yourself into doing it and on the other it's do the things you love/want and forget about time. But time IS an issue. I think I am not completely getting Ark's quote here...anybody wants to clarify this issue ? thanks.

Click to expand...

If I could help. I would suggest flexibility and coming to the problem from different angles. When the outside forces bring one to sleep, then the best is to redirect consciousness to be just in PRESENT, be like a child who is playing and feel like outside world wouldn't exist. But when some difficulties appear, then one should stay on the chosen track and do what should to be done, because often discomfort doesn't come from our true self.

Our true self is open for learning and reluctance and procrastination exist only on the level on system 1 and are totally subjective and don't exist on the level of system 2 and other levels, more spiritual, where there is nothing like "I want" or "I don't want" based on feelings, but there is aim and potential way of grow and possibility of choice whether you make that choice to progression or abandon it.