Thanks 100c for your comments, I'll work on them. Part 2 is posted just under part 1 and I can post part 3 if we get that far. Part 2 does describe the woman’s village and family life.
I first wrote the stories only for myself, but now I am attempting to make them ‘readable’ to others. One of my concern is the esoteric innuendoes I use when I write about ‘they tell us these are lessons’ (is the reader wondering who I’m talking about, do I make that clear by the end?)
And juxtaposing the exhilaration man feels while imbibing on the suffering and death of the community of sea life with the exhilaration ‘they’ receive with the suffering and death of this indigenous population.
If I made my point clear in the writing, then the conclusion should be ‘someone’ is enjoying the suffering of these indigenous people and while we look in horror at that, we can’t see that we do the same thing and call it good. So if you get that far in the story please tell me…did I make that clear? And how far did I paint myself into a corner by reducing the amount of people that would understand or enjoy such genre?
When I use a Spanish word should I always translate it, or take them out all together? For now I think most readers are savvy enough to figure it out…but what do I know:-)
My responses to your specific questions:
I think I understand what you meant about someone enjoying the suffering and death after you explained it more, but in the story, not very well. I like this sort of thing, but I was just confused by the story to see that deeply into it.
I would translate the Spanish words. I only know a few Spanish words. I think people appreciate a translation, unless it's in dialog, but in those cases, you should make it clear somehow to the reader, what the person said or meant, in general.
Some additional thoughts:
The following line made me smile: "He wasn’t old enough to know anything about anything, yet he persisted in having an opinion." I know a lot of people like that.
When I read the following phrase for the second time, I realized that the first instance had been intentional. I've never heard of this phrase before: "worry my fingers through his hair"
Overall, I had to read a few sections a few times to figure out what was going on. The last paragraph in attachment2 confused me. I didn't know who you were talking about.
I loved how the story began, but after you set the right mood, it would be nice to have a small hint at how the short story is going to end, or what I'm going to get out of it. I still don't know where it's going. It would be nice to have someone else's take on it. Who knows, maybe other people would totally get it already.
Maybe I get it, but just think it's something else. Is the story about a man who left his wife, but gets sucked back into life with her and then decides to give her another chance? I don't mind not knowing what's going to happen, but I like to know what the story is about.
I also like how the story is set among a culture I don't know. It's nice to see different perspectives on life.
Just something I do to help me edit, I read it out loud. I hope you keep writing, even if it is just for yourself.