Update. . .
Earlier this evening, my girlfriend said she wanted to leave my apartment because it felt yucky.
I agreed with her. I wanted to get out too. Just being there made my heart ache with negative feelings; anxiety, fear, pain. Heartbreak. After dealing with this for a few weeks now, and after observing things, it was becoming increasingly clear that those feelings weren't coming from either of us. We had just spent an enjoyable hour at the local cafe talking with some friends of ours. We were in excellent spirits when we got back to my place, and the foul mood here descended upon us like a fog. I should note that we have a really wonderful relationship; its very supportive, we never fight, we each brighten up around the other. But lately we've been avoiding my apartment. We'll spend time in hers or do lots of things outdoors or around town.
This was getting ridiculous. I couldn't justify running away from my own apartment just to avoid feeling bad. I'm moving into a new place, but not for another few weeks.
Then while discussing this, I remembered a similar episode which had happened years before in a different time and place; a room mate of mine had been going through a very hard time and was holed up in her apartment next to mine. That evening I spent hours tossing and turning, feeling just terrible, practically suicidal, filled with horrible angst. Then it struck me that, "Hold on. I have no reason to be feeling like this! My life is pretty great right now. Is it possible that I'm picking up on somebody else's feelings?"
I'd been doing a lot of meditation with a mind to opening myself up to feel other's emotions, and it struck me like a brick that maybe it was working. It seemed immediately obvious that if such negative feelings were coming from anybody, then the most likely source was my room mate. So I left the house in the middle of the night and went for a long walk to get away from the source of all that anxiety, (I am ashamed to admit that I didn't think to knock on her door and ask if I could help her. I could barely manage my own head; I just wanted to run.) Getting out and walking helped somewhat, but in the end, I ended up coming home praying to Christ, actually, (I'd never done that before; I'd always had a disdain for organized religion, but the feelings were just SO bad and I'd been reading the C's work wherein they described Christ in a non-religious sense; simply as a master who made himself available to anybody who asked in times of need.) Well, I thought my heart was going to collapse under the strain of so much anxiety; I'd been in need such as I'd not experienced before so I grasped for the only thing which I could think of in the moment, and that was Christ. The effect of prayer was instantaneous. Within seconds, a calm descended and I let out a long breath. If I'd not read up properly on the C's and Laura's materials, I'd probably have joined up at the nearest church the next day, but I felt I had a reasonable grasp on the true nature of the situation. My roommate was the one who really needed help though, and with some effort and reaching out, she was in time able to pull herself together. Those were some very interesting times. I learned a lot back then.
Anyway, so return to now. All of these memories and others came back, so I tried a technique I'd later learned and which I not used in a long time. I turned off the computer because it was a distraction, (its humming an buzzing were like a cage), and I drew in through several deep breaths a whole lot of ambient energy into my center, (into my belly), collecting as much energy as I could, (or at least, that's what I intended and visualized; I've never been able to see energy.). But I could really feel it. Then with my spine and body tingling, I blew it outward in a big ball. I expanded an energy bubble with the intention of pushing/clearing out the horrible anxiety vibe which had been filling my apartment. I extended the bubble all around me so that my whole apartment flooded with my 'flavor' of energy.
My girlfriend caught her breath. "Wow. I felt a wave pass through me when you did that! I could almost SEE whatever you just did. Wow!" (My girlfriend and I don't talk much about this kind of thing. The subject has come up maybe twice in the year I've known her. For some reason, unlike those times long ago when I was studying this stuff directly, it just doesn't seem appropriate to talk about it openly anymore. We have a lot of friends who are a little weirded out by such ideas, and so we just don't go there. Perhaps that should change, between us at least.)
Anyway, it now felt like Summertime in my apartment! The horrible feelings were gone. It was really amazing!
I think now that it was simply that I'd been not taking care of myself, been allowing myself to feel really bad and scared for a number of reasons, and even when I wasn't feeling anxious in the moment, the energy of those feelings lingered for days, affecting me and anybody who visited. Emotions seem to be like weather patterns or emanations which people broadcast and leave behind them. -Or perhaps it had indeed partly been coming from somewhere else; maybe my landlord who lives below me was feeling bad and I was picking up on that. Either way, when I'd completed the process, all of the negative feelings had dispersed and everything felt right and wonderful and healthy again.
My girlfriend and I were suddenly, like a switch had been flipped, feeling happy and bright and clear. We were joking and laughing together, and were amazed that only minutes earlier, we'd been feeling heartsick. I walked her home and came back to finish the job. I used the same energy expanding bubble technique through all the corners of the apartment, having read somewhere that energy collects in corners of rooms, (geometric shapes, like the insides of cube corners), and now things feel right again. It felt, actually, a lot like the apartment and workout space of a Kung Fu teacher I'd once trained under. (Not a lot of combat training for me, though. My focus was primarily on the energy awareness stuff. I have a great distaste for causing pain.) When I was done, I felt exhausted, but in a good way; like coming home and lying down after a day of skiing.
The funny thing is that I'd let that part of my life slip as I focused on regular work and the fact that I needed to pay bills. I'd stopped meditating, stopped eating well, became overwhelmed with life and draining people around me. I had generally descended into 3D quite deeply without really paying attention. I didn't really associate my crumbling psyche and horrid moods with this regression until it came to a head with Martha Rose Crow's untimely departure. That hit me really hard.
When I am feeling cornered and frustrated like I was, perhaps because there's more adrenaline or immediacy involved, hidden or forgotten abilities rise to the surface. Thank goodness! It was getting pretty grim around here.
Okay. That's a fair bit off topic and I don't want to be inappropriate in talking about myself and my stuff too much, but this has been a process I went through over the last few weeks and I thought it might be useful to share. These energy techniques are available to anybody, I believe.