I don't see you as a depression based stereotype and am glad to see you on the forum.
To be a little wicked though your post reminds me of something Oscar Wilde once said:
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I am not young enough to know everything.
Now I am just teasing, but your post did bring to mind that quote.
Thank you for saying this, I don't see it as you teasing but trying nicely to get me to better understand my logic. What this quote means to me is "I am not so young that I will assume I know everything", this brings to mind your previous quote of:
Did you know Socrates proclaimed himself the wisest in the world for he alone knew that he knew nothing?
I did not know that he proclaimed this about himself, I do however recognize the feeling very much and share it. One of my most comforting thoughts when things seem to be too much is that the more I think I know the more I realize just how much more I don't know. In a sense 'the smarter you get the dumber you are'. That there is still time to learn what you don't know is the comforting part and it's ok to not know as long as you strive to learn.
I am not entirely clear, either, what you mean to imply with:
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i know is that i am, like most others, more comfortable with saying "i understand" than saying "i have an understanding"
I have an idea but maybe you could clarify?
I've mentioned in other posts that my thoughts are rapid and I sometimes forget to say what I need to say for the understanding I want to occur, that's the case with this comment. In other words I basically mean that it is a commonly accepted behavioral trait that we share when we think we know instead of realizing what we dont know. if we understood we wouldn't be here, we don't understand we just have an understanding. My being more comfortable with saying 'i understand' instead of 'i have an understanding' makes me aware of the pride i have in my ignorance, sometimes this is such a shocking thought to me because its my goal to defeat ignorance with knowledge so to say, and i don't want to think that i could be proud of thinking i know it all because that defeats my goal. however in the ways i think and talk i can be egotistical in thinking that i know better than some people, it's not that i know better, it's that i feel i'm the only one trying to know because it seems everyone else who say they wish they knew are always trying to forget or look to something else to know something new because what they have they can't seem to learn from. I am still young as a person, but i not only feel that i've tried harder to understand than many others, i recognize that i have by observering other people who are supposed to be much older and wiser than myself. (and to specify, when i say 'most others' i refer to the common ignorant person who is comfortable being ignorant and has no intention of learning and usually only do learn by accident. i refer to them as 'most others' because from what i've seen so far in my short life is a vast majority of these types of people.)
My thoughts flow like a swift river and fit together like a loose puzzle. Sometimes i don't have a full grip on my thoughts and i'm always wanting to put my thoughts out there but before i do i believe i subconciously assume that my thoughts won't be acknowledged so i tend to not word them in the best way for whichever particular situation. all confrontation is merely a lack of understanding, i realize this and i'm not one for pointless confrontation so it makes it hard for me to put into words anything i have to say, especially in a place such as this where many people can read what i say and they will all get different meanings. It makes me responsible to voice my thoughts clearly and in the best way i can, which i find is usually in a confusing manner because confusing things make you think and that's what i do is make people think. however i don't always voice my thoughts as best as i know i can because i subconciously assume they won't be heard anyway.
I want to be a great writer, one of the ones that is remembered for generations past his own, but to do that i need to understand words better than the proclaimed 'masters of the written word'
I'm an exhausted soul who has a lot to say and i would say it here but i would feel selfish for putting all of my thoughts out there without talking about others thoughts equally and i don't usually do this because i'm and optimistic pessimist. my glass isn't half empty or half full, there's just something in it and i want to know what.
I'll end this here because it seems as good a place as any. (one issue i have with writing is not knowing where to start or end anything because i don't see it as a start or an end, it's all a story.) One of the best ways for anyone to understand my logic or creativity that comes from it is too look at it like a balancing scale because i am a libra through and through and life is all about balance for me, and balance is my greatest adversary in the things i don't quite understand but understand better "than most" because i've tried harder it seems. I recognize there are many more wiser and stronger people out there than myself, and i am aware of and respect all of you. all i'm saying is that for my own personal situation i've been used to battling ignorance alone and not getting any help when i needed it most, and usually get confrontation instead. so in a way me always trying to be of help to people is really my need to voice outloud my opinions for myself so i can understand better because i assume no one is listening and they'll just forget what i've got to say. in an odd way i feel i can say anything because i feel safe in the fact that it won't be heard but at the same time i tell myself constantly that all i want is to be heard. which is true but i don't always act like it the best way to make it so.
I apologize for my round-about way of explaining
your post reminds me of something Oscar Wilde once said:
