Over and over again I hear women of all ages say, "There isn't anyone decent out there." It seems to be especially said of this current 20-something generation in which "It's all about me" has become a significant icon of the decade. Women give up and give in to the common dating practices that are prevalent right now only to cycle through relationship after relationship not only not getting her needs met, but being damaged by the relationship as well. There HAS to be something better out there for women -- but is that what you REALLY want?
Why do I ask that? This week I have had painful contrasts... I got a letter from a previous client who discussed the latest relationship she was in. While she was hoping she had overcome her previous relationship choice patterns, she was shocked to find herself in yet another relationship because 'she didn't want to be alone.' It wasn't a crushing kind of loneliness -- but a general 'wanting to find the right guy.' She thought it started out well -- and when problems arose counseling was sought from several sources. Feeling like she had gotten a handle on what the issues were and he had 'voiced' his desire to work on the problems, she stayed trying to find 'that love' that she was seeking. But after emotional and verbal abuse, a threat with a deadly weapon, a display of alcohol abuse and some physical assaults -- she decided the relationship was probably 'dangerous or deadly.' Another couple of years down the tubes -- another guy simply 'a dangerous man' and her emotions dashed against the trigger of a deadly weapon.
In contrast, my foster son Cody died Sunday morning at the age of 25. He was a young guy who ironically in this day and age, never succumbed to the sex and drug culture.
He was gentle -- with nature, with feelings, with people. His integrity was thorough, weaving a rich and deep seam through his character. In a blazing black and white contrast to what women have been selecting, I wondered why it's so hard to 'see' character. Yeah, yeah, I know they 'hide' and 'mask' and do all the other subversive types of behavior that don't allow you to see. It's often said that "Character is who you are when no one is looking." Well, a pathological could careless about that! They only want to fake character when someone IS looking.
But just knowing that character and it's glaring deficits are often related to pathology should be enough to make people sit up and take notice. We live in a world that is numbing itself against any moral and behavioral absolutes. This numbing causes people to accept pathological behavior as the norm.
"There aren't any good ones left" is an excuse to accept the pathological culture that is
developing before us.
It takes someone like Cody to make us realize that good people are worth waiting for. When you accept bad character, you get bad behavior. When you accept bad behavior, you accept being hurt because it's inevitable. Thank you Cody for being a teacher to me about what good mental health looks like in a young man. I will miss you but always remember what you taught me.
Character counts ladies [and gents]. Don't sacrifice.
