I´m just wondering if all the female human beings ( I´m Rh - so I don´t know if I´m ) should have a child for their spiritual growing . From where is the message coming to have a kid ? I´m in the age when most of my friends had already baby and everybody is asking now when is my turn ? To me it seems sometimes like they are programmed from the society, everybody is having a kid so you should have as well, otherwise they think you are a stranger. Is it STS behaving not to have a kid, well I like to have a time for my activities and with children is not so much time left for this . I don´t know if I´m that strong enough like Laura and can manage everything. So if you researched little bit this thing I will be very happy to hear your opinions, thanks Jaela
All the woman should have kids ?
- Thread starter jaela
- Start date
Aneke
The Force is Strong With This One
Hi Jaela,
I too am at an age where most of my friends and cousins have already had children. I can see where a sense of pressure could come from; it is a major stepping stone in life and natural direction to take. I've seen a lot of people have kids just because it's "what you do" -- you go to college, you get married, you buy a house and a few cars, you get a dog, and you have kids. Many times I wonder if people truly wanted these things... or if they just did it because that's "what you do". On the other hand there are people whose lives are fulfilled by having children. They are better people because of it and love and care for them to the utmost of their abilities. Kids aren't just an addition to your life. They become your life. For some this is positive, for others, negative.
I don't feel like it is STS at all to decide not to have children. I could see where you could get that idea... declining to bring another life into the world, and all... But I figure, there are other ways to serve others than to give birth to them. MANY other ways. :P Like you said, you do a lot of activities, most likely some of those could be considered STO? There's no predetermined or single path to spiritual growth. It's up to you to follow your heart.
I too am at an age where most of my friends and cousins have already had children. I can see where a sense of pressure could come from; it is a major stepping stone in life and natural direction to take. I've seen a lot of people have kids just because it's "what you do" -- you go to college, you get married, you buy a house and a few cars, you get a dog, and you have kids. Many times I wonder if people truly wanted these things... or if they just did it because that's "what you do". On the other hand there are people whose lives are fulfilled by having children. They are better people because of it and love and care for them to the utmost of their abilities. Kids aren't just an addition to your life. They become your life. For some this is positive, for others, negative.
I don't feel like it is STS at all to decide not to have children. I could see where you could get that idea... declining to bring another life into the world, and all... But I figure, there are other ways to serve others than to give birth to them. MANY other ways. :P Like you said, you do a lot of activities, most likely some of those could be considered STO? There's no predetermined or single path to spiritual growth. It's up to you to follow your heart.
Gimpy
The Living Force
This is a hot button issue with me.
I knew from early childhood that I never wanted to raise children. My mothers response to that was to buy me an endless supply of dolls. When I got married (compared to her, I married very late at 26) she did everything possible to encourage me to have a baby. Women I thought were my friends put a lot of pressure on me to have kids once they began to, going so far as leave their kids with me as often as possible to 'give me baby fever.'
It never happened. In my early thirties, I found out that I could not have children, and that my ovaries were very scarred by disease. You would think the pressure to have kids would lessen.
Instead it got much worse!
To my shock, one of the local priests (I was catholic at the time) began to pressure me to take fertility treatments. He kept insisting that it was my duty to God to have a baby. I pointed out to him my husband was never home, as he traveled on business. He told me that it only took one night and I had to work at it.
My response was to step into his personal space, look him right in the eye, and ask: "Are you volunteering?"
That was the end of attendance at that parish church.
By my mid-thirties, I found out I was sick with Multiple Sclerosis. And wouldn't you know? Everyone who'd been badgering me about having babies all crowed "Well, at least you never had kids...that's a blessing."
Its my thinking that if you know you don't want to raise a family, then don't allow the insecurities and peer pressure of other idiots force you into having them. Having children when you know you don't want them is guaranteed heartache, for you, and for your children...because they will know the truth even if you never say it.
Apologies if I sound harsh. Its a subject that still grates on my nerves.
I knew from early childhood that I never wanted to raise children. My mothers response to that was to buy me an endless supply of dolls. When I got married (compared to her, I married very late at 26) she did everything possible to encourage me to have a baby. Women I thought were my friends put a lot of pressure on me to have kids once they began to, going so far as leave their kids with me as often as possible to 'give me baby fever.'
It never happened. In my early thirties, I found out that I could not have children, and that my ovaries were very scarred by disease. You would think the pressure to have kids would lessen.
Instead it got much worse!
To my shock, one of the local priests (I was catholic at the time) began to pressure me to take fertility treatments. He kept insisting that it was my duty to God to have a baby. I pointed out to him my husband was never home, as he traveled on business. He told me that it only took one night and I had to work at it.
My response was to step into his personal space, look him right in the eye, and ask: "Are you volunteering?"
That was the end of attendance at that parish church.
By my mid-thirties, I found out I was sick with Multiple Sclerosis. And wouldn't you know? Everyone who'd been badgering me about having babies all crowed "Well, at least you never had kids...that's a blessing."
Its my thinking that if you know you don't want to raise a family, then don't allow the insecurities and peer pressure of other idiots force you into having them. Having children when you know you don't want them is guaranteed heartache, for you, and for your children...because they will know the truth even if you never say it.
Apologies if I sound harsh. Its a subject that still grates on my nerves.
I´m happy I´m not the only one with doubts. I think it depends a lot from the partner as well, my husband is anti-baby. So I was of course thinking ,to have a kid with the person who never wanted will be for the child not really good , she or he will be affected. I just wanted to know a little bit more, about our bodies, why and how we had been created to be able to give new life to somebody else?
Anybody knows how the new soul is choosing the parents and when it comes to the womans body? And what is exactly happening when this new life is created, is it just chemistry ?
There are so many new ways how to became parents, yo even doesn´t have to carry 9 months your child, somebody else can do it for you, but in my opinion the child will be for shore effected, maybe confused, missing something if it was raising in other persons body, and not in the real mothers. What do you think?
Anybody knows how the new soul is choosing the parents and when it comes to the womans body? And what is exactly happening when this new life is created, is it just chemistry ?
There are so many new ways how to became parents, yo even doesn´t have to carry 9 months your child, somebody else can do it for you, but in my opinion the child will be for shore effected, maybe confused, missing something if it was raising in other persons body, and not in the real mothers. What do you think?
jaela said:
No way. It would rather a subjective view from this point, you need that, to become that. As it is often said, the world is on fire and would from this point of view to bring a child in this world for spiritual growth something without responsibility towards the baby. Cause the baby needs to be nourished, loved... and these are really uncertain times. So it is a choice that needs to be considered very carefully, that means looking right and left what is going on.
jaela said:
Imo these are really social influences, I have a house, a car, a family etc.
jaela said:
It would be more objective imo, to ponder about it carefully, as I have written above.
My two cents.
Tigersoap
The Living Force
jaela said:
I think this is a weird thing to say, how can you be "anti-baby" ?
I don't want to generalize my thoughts here but it may be that in some case this is just a narcissistic trait speaking and not a conscious decision made with all the factors taken into account osit.
In my case I was really scared to have to take care of someone else than "me", I did not think I would have the courage to raise a child and do my best. Then my daugther is here and I'd better wise up pretty fast and work on myself even more because it's not only about me anymore but about the family as a whole.
I don't think there will be any clear cut answers to this because each life experience is different but I could be wrong.
Mr.Anderson
Jedi Master
I never wanted to have children because I figured I would just pass my damaged outlook to them. I have plenty of work to do on myself before I would be ready to raise another human that would have half a chance of being healthy. At this point in time, it seems to me, that there is too much uncertainty in the world. Although I said that back in the 70's
Not having kids is not going to slow your own personal growth, especially if you have a good partner.
Not having kids is not going to slow your own personal growth, especially if you have a good partner.
truth seeker
The Living Force
I also never wanted to have children. I knew this from a young age (8?). Looking back at my life I've found that I was placed in the role of emotionally parenting my mother, ended up in two relationships with people that already had a child and am now emotionally and in many cases, parenting my father. Not to mention the work of parenting myself so that I can grow up and help others in their growth. I think there's a running theme here and at least one lesson to be learned. ;D
As was said, there are many ways to fulfill this role but it's we who impose limitations on it by needing it to look a certain way
Try not to see it as either/or. Not having children doesn't have to mean anti baby or that one dislikes kids. I like kids a lot, I just don't feel the need to have any. It doesn't make a person worse just s having kids doesn't make a person better necessarily. There are many examples of this in the news.
The only thing I'll say to that is that couples really need to be on the same page with regards to children, otherwise resentment on one or both parts can eventually build. If you really are just on the fence because you're not sure how you feel, there's a link below that may be helpful. There are definitely others if you do a search for children on the forum but ultimately, you need to know what's best for you.
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=5979.0
As was said, there are many ways to fulfill this role but it's we who impose limitations on it by needing it to look a certain way
.jaela said:
Try not to see it as either/or. Not having children doesn't have to mean anti baby or that one dislikes kids. I like kids a lot, I just don't feel the need to have any. It doesn't make a person worse just s having kids doesn't make a person better necessarily. There are many examples of this in the news.
What you've written above seems as if you may be in a situation where you may be leaning towards having children, but your partner knows for sure. Perhaps you're trying to understand his point of view?jaela said:
The only thing I'll say to that is that couples really need to be on the same page with regards to children, otherwise resentment on one or both parts can eventually build. If you really are just on the fence because you're not sure how you feel, there's a link below that may be helpful. There are definitely others if you do a search for children on the forum but ultimately, you need to know what's best for you.
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=5979.0
Hello, thanks to everybody for the answers. I just have to say, my husband just doesn´t fell for having a child he has his reasons (his parents are his children we can say ), but of course kids like him, and he likes children. But I want to think about myself and try to find answers for my questions myself, Jaela
truth seeker
The Living Force
Sounds good, Jaela. Know that at anytime, you are always welcome to ask questions. :)jaela said:
Sometimes folks with kids deliberately try to make folks without feel that they must be missing out somehow. This is because they often don't have as much freedom or money, fret over schoolwork and other childhood related problems, often don't enjoy such long or adventerous holidays and so on. There can be a certain jealousy factor involved from the perspective of parents, so don't let them make you feel bad.
A friend of mine, tired of listening to someone telling her how much she was missing out on not having a family once retorted "Yeah, but I get to sleep in." End of conversation as she had hit a sore spot.
A friend of mine, tired of listening to someone telling her how much she was missing out on not having a family once retorted "Yeah, but I get to sleep in." End of conversation as she had hit a sore spot.
B
Bar Kochba
Guest
Having children is definitely a great experience in learning to be STO. And learning how to love unconditionally. On the other hand, if there are doubts in your mind, then don't do it because what child wants a parent who resents that child? I always said that I didn't want children, that I didn't take responsibility for myself so how could I take responsibility for another human being? But, it turned out that I did have children and my life changed for the better and it led me here, among other things. It had nothing to do with planning on my part. But you are speaking of planning, so again, if you have doubts, don't have children. That is my advice. FWIW
