Best Jokes

Since this spoof tells the truth, I posted it here instead of under "Tickle Me"

_http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxBHYU1DMUI&list=UUeYIXc0TLuTwG2EQN4ACFXg&index=1&feature=plcp
 
It’s been two years since The Virus hit us. I am not talking avout Covid-19 I am talking about overseriousness. It might be considered untastefull, but I propose as we collect the facts about covid situation to also collect the best jokes about it.
joke:
What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19? It helps keep everyone at a safe distance.
 
Social Distancing
I looked into her eyes, deep into the emerald green, my heart fluttered, I felt a connection, something deeper, something magical, I was transported to another place and I thought, blimey these binoculars are brilliant.
Paul O’Connor, Twitter
 
Thanks for starting this thread! I have had this doc with jokes I add to as they come to me so I figured I’d share some of my own plus a few I’ve collected over the past months.

Adding to the purpose of the thread and mentioned on other threads and articles posted on SOTT, humor has a way of getting through to people by sorta creating a “nulling effect” that can essentially cancel the cancellers - numb skulling npcs - breaking the spell of the spellbinder’s narrative.

And because sometimes “being wise as serpents” requires a sharp tongue followed by words like hammers with the intent of forcing the other to “crack their own mirror” - aka tough love.

As usual context, tone, and emotional state matters, so please use at own risk! If anything maybe these can be used towards healthy creative expression and general meme madness.

Anyway, here is my compilation of “Jokes and zingers in the COVID 1984 era”

Didn’t you hear? Laughter is still the best medicine…but really…

Fear is the greatest contagion - that and yawning. 🥱😷😵

—

When entering a medical establishment and they ask you if you have any Covid like symptoms, reply:

“Is being human one of them?”

—

On hesitancy: Did you get the jab? Are you vaxxed?

“Oh, I’m all good.” (Be ambiguous)

“I heard it was laced with asinine.”

“I’d rather drink the kool aid”😏

“Is it organic and non-gmo?”🙃

“I’m just keeping an open mind…”

“I guess I’m not easily indoctrinated…”

—

On vaccinated getting Covid again:

“So does that mean your vaccines don’t work?”

—
Regarding masks :

A classic: We’ll, it’s healthier than fascism… What? Not wearing a mask. 😷🤭😵

It’s a simple matter of scale: Would you use a chain link fence as a mosquito net?

Why won’t you wear a mask? “I’m a terrible nihilist.”

—

On pathocrats, tin pot dictators, and petty tyranny (ponerogenesis awareness day):
  • Bunch a Jabberwockies are in power
  • Pathocratic clowns in control
  • Put clown noses on politicians; runny red hitler mustaches.
  • What’s the name of Phil Collins’ new Scandinavian black metal band? A: Ponerogenesis. 🧐
Resurface dubbed over GI Joe PSA’s providing awareness on ponergenesis / ponerology.
  • Billy, have you ever come across the term ponerogenesis? Billy - “Is that like Phil Collins dressed up in KISS face paint?” Something like that Billy…
More meme themes:
  • Einstein quote - “Doing the same thing over again…” with Einstein wearing mask and tongue out. (Made it and posted!)
  • Let it spread! End the lockdowns! [picture of UK spilt fingers] or [US peace sign] #lis - combat social virality
  • Gimme liberty or give me Covid
  • Viruses have rights too!
  • A virus is designed to spread. Let it be, let it be, let it be…
—

Someone calls you a Covidiot:

“Takes one to know one!”

Or go for the gut and call them an “asinine huffer”. They won’t know what hit them. ‍💫
Click to expand...

Well, that’s all I got for now 🙃🕵🏻‍♂️
 
When the virus had emerged and was spreading rapidly in China, I was on my way back from work listening to talk-back radio, and one of the listeners emailed in to the host this question "About this virus - I own a motorbike, and I also own a car, does that mean I'm going to get the car-owner virus ?"

There's a few memes on that as well :
car-owner-virus.jpg
 
Experts suggest that keeping emotes at a safe distance is key to flattening the curve.
:lol:<-------- 2m -------->;-D<-------- 2m -------->:-)<-------- 2m -------->:cool2:<-------- 2m -------->:whistle:

Experts strongly recommend treating asymptomatic emotes with reaction pills.
:clap:-------->💊-------->💊-------->:bye:

Experts say untreated emotes are responsible for spreading the virus.
🤧-------->🤒-------->🤮

Experts argue that the virus can spread from emotes to humans.
🥵-------->👨

Experts consider humans as primary target.
:phaser:

Experts hire emotes to end pandemic.
🚓👮‍♂️👮‍♀️🪖🔫

Experts self-identify as emotes.
⚕️🏥👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️

Emotes finally wake up.
:halo::hug2::halo:

Internet goes offline.
⚡🔌⚡
 
Suddenly remembered this scene from the Red Dwarf episode 'Quarantine', about a mutant space virus.. this seemed like the appropriate place to post it:


Interestingly, this episode also featured positive viruses! Which seemed like a clever but very silly idea at the time.. (they end up escaping by purposely contracting the 'Luck' virus and correctly guessing the door security code if I recall correctly)
 
image-4-copy-1.jpg

IMG_4851.jpeg

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The Week in Pictures: Biden's Terrible No Good Weak Edition

The problem with believing progressive B.S. about the 'side of history' is that sometimes 'progress' hits a sand bar. Like this week for the Dems. So what do they do? Rage against our constitutional order, as noticed here over and over again. But we may look back on this week as the week when...
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