Yes, I did begin with the rather naive idea that if people just had a decent, reasoned argument presented to them, the lightbulb would go on, and they would see and change. That's why The Wave is so long and has so much material brought in to help with the arguments. And I guess it DOES work for some people, but a lot fewer than I had hoped for.I think Laura started out trying to change the world, but later realized it wasn't going to work, at least not in the way that she envisioned. I still kind of hope that what I do will make a difference, but it's no longer a motivational factor. I don't know if it was a culmination of things I had read bubbling to the surface or what, but the question that the universe or my higher self posed to me when I was in a suicidal depression about all of this was, "When you strip away all of the factors, all of your reasons, what remains? Are you light or are you darkness?" Somewhat anticlimactically, I didn't really have an answer. It did start to change my relationship with reality, over a period of years, probably still ongoing. It probably sounds a little clichéd, but it's not an understanding that can be conveyed intellectually through writing. From an outsider's perspective, I probably just looked like some kid who had issues, but on the inside it was rather profound.
After awhile, when I realized that there were more people who were not capable of receiving well researched and presented information, I wanted to understand why and present that information to those who were capable of understanding it. So, I did that.
Behind it all is my own, personal drive to understand life and reality simply because it deserves to be studied and understood; I guess you can describe that as Love for all that exists. That persists in spite of the repeated disappointments, disillusionments, betrayals, etc. I guess that everything that is presented to me is something I want to know about and understand as best I can.
I guess that in my inner heart I still hope that the efforts will make a difference in some way, at some level of reality; if nothing else, that the Universe won't end without somebody caring enough to know and understand it. I'm just an ordinary, flawed human, but there's that "caring" thing inside me that won't let me go; it's bigger than I am.