How can help be given to those who have died?

[lake_george]

(I tried to see if this was already asked and answered but could not find it.)

What happens after death, and, based on the answer to this, if it is still relevant: How can help be given to those who have died, especially >just< died, like this afternoon. Are the Tibetan Buddhists on the right track with their practices?

Thank you.

 

[Nienna]

I don't know if this will answer your question, but in the March 4, 2012 session there is this:

Q: (L) Okay, the first question I have is that I have been contacted by this guy named Armando. His son died. The son was born on August 10, 1996, and died on October 7, 2011 in Santa Barbara, California. Now, he has some questions, and I'm making an exception to ask these questions for him because he's really quite distraught. So, his first question - and I'm gonna try to help out with these questions - as he wrote it is, "Did his son decide to go to the contemplation zone, or did he decide to stay here?"

A: It would not be a good thing to be earth bound. Sergio was confused for a bit, but his father's questions enabled him to move on.

Q: (L) Okay. His father asks, "Is there anything I can do to help him?"

A: His father is not in a position to help in any other way than to release and accept his son's choice.

Q: (L) Are you saying that his son chose to leave?

A: At one level, yes.

Q: (L) But it was a terrible accident. I mean, how can you choose by an accident?

A: At the level of the soul the decision is made to withdraw the awareness that normally prevents such occurrences.

Q: (L) So you're saying that when accidents happen, that at some level even if the specific accident isn't engineered or set up, that the soul can make a choice to withdraw the acute awareness of reality that permits an accident to be more possible or probable? Is that it?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) And is that what happened in this case?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) Why did his son make that choice?

A: He knew what was coming and chose to prepare for the next level of service.

Q: (L) His father asks, "Was his death caused by STS to generate pain and suffering on us and the community just to feed them?"

A: No.

Q: (L) Is there anything you can say to Armando to help him deal with his pain?

A: Death is just passing through a door that is not accessible to the living except on the mental planes. If his father wishes to fully honor his son and his choice, he might do well to use this event as motivation to develop himself in a more fully spiritual way. More than that, he could help others in lieu of his son for his son.

 

[lake_george]

Thank you Nienna!

 

[Deleted member 8431]

Very good input.

What I'm learning about karma and free will tell me that we have to let it happen. Nature has it's ways and we can't change them. It's all about free will. There are many people that don't accept other people's death (mostly close relatives) and this is something that can be in my opinion extremely destructive. I have gone through the death of very close relatives but I got over it quite quickly and quite surprizingly within my dreams!

Actually, I have a very hard time sometimes discussing with such people that can't get over it and just whine about it all the time, cry and whatnot blaming the whole planet for it. I'm not saying that to judge by the way. All there is is lessons.

As much as help is concerned, I would think that there is "nothing" you can do to help if help is not asked. That is what I got from learning about the STO nature. As the C's have said, it is not a STO's job to determine the needs of others but rather to help those who ask.

 

[Meager1]

As much as help is concerned, I would think that there is "nothing" you can do to help if help is not asked. That is what I got from learning about the STO nature. As the C's have said, it is not a STO's job to determine the needs of others but rather to help those who ask.

Hi lake_george, I`m sorry to hear what your going through, I know how difficult it is to deal with this.

I believe the best advice for you is what`s quoted above, even though we might think that our loved one needs our help, they don`t.
Their death is not about us, or what we can or can`t do, it`s about them, and what they do. The best we can do, is to allow the process to unfold without making ourselves the object of a feeding frenzy.

For me, there was a particular sense of peace in hearing from my brother, shortly after his death.

Whether imagination or not, doesn`t really matter, because the effect was what I needed.

The simple words that entered my mind, in his voice and so seemingly like the way he actually spoke and sounded, were simply "so this is what it`s like"..

Yet in his voice I heard happiness, and curiosity, adventure and a certain charm with the situation he was finding himself in. So very like him!
And that gave me immeasurable peace, and the sense that he was ok, that everything was ok.
He didn`t ask for anything. He didn`t seem to need anything.
It was all ok.

Another thing that occurred me later was that knowing my brother and how inquisitive he was, how he had know everything, that he would never have waited until after the death of his wife or kids,etc, to know what they were in for.
He would have had to be the vanguard and know exactly what happens after death, and if possible to be there waiting, to help those he loved.
That`s just how he was, and knowing that, I am not at all surprised that he went first.

All I could really say to help you get through this, is don`t worry, and don`t feed your emotional energy to sts. One of the last things my brother said to us was "don`t mourn, please don`t mourn, celebrate my life"..and that`s probably the best advice anyone could ever give.

 

[lake_george]

There are many people that don't accept other people's death (mostly close relatives) and this is something that can be in my opinion extremely destructive. I have gone through the death of very close relatives but I got over it quite quickly and quite surprizingly within my dreams!

(snip)

As much as help is concerned, I would think that there is "nothing" you can do to help if help is not asked. That is what I got from learning about the STO nature. As the C's have said, it is not a STO's job to determine the needs of others but rather to help those who ask.

Thank you JayMark! I for one have had a very hard time accepting a recent death -- and it has been because I had left things undone and unsaid. I had not realized the level of attachment I had. It really blindsided me to lose my mother's friend. I think now I have figured out what I could not let myself see for some reason about what was going on, and it is easier to accept now.

And as for helping those who ask, I just hope that I can really be present to hear what may be asked only once, and not very clearly.

Their death is not about us, or what we can or can`t do, it`s about them, and what they do. The best we can do, is to allow the process to unfold without making ourselves the object of a feeding frenzy.

(snip)

All I could really say to help you get through this, is don`t worry, and don`t feed your emotional energy to sts. One of the last things my brother said to us was "don`t mourn, please don`t mourn, celebrate my life"..and that`s probably the best advice anyone could ever give.

Thank you Meager1! Yes, you are right. Thank you.

 

[Oxajil]

Hi lake_george, perhaps this may help as well:

Q: (L) S*** wants to know about her uncle who just died in January.

(S) Where is he?

A: He is at 5th density.

Q: (S) Is he having a hard time adjusting?

A: No, but remember, there is no "time" there.

Q: (S) Many members of the family have reported having visions
and dreams of him. What are these caused by?

A: Various processes.

Q: (L) I guess you have to ask about specific ones. Are any of these
caused by Uncle Andrew himself visiting?

A: That is too simplified.

Q: (L) I guess you have to specify...

A: No, you don't understand. We meant that your comment was too
simplified. The question is: are any of these manifestations Uncle
Andrew?

Q: (S) He appeared to his oldest daughter ...

A: The concept is faulty.

Q: (L) The idea of any of them being Andrew, I guess. (S) So, the
appearances are all their own expectations?

A: No, not always, but we are trying to teach.

Q: (S) Is he at peace?

A: Yes. Do you want to learn, or would you prefer to assume?

Q: (L) What are these manifestations?

A: They are 5th density thought projection energy waves.

Q: (L) So, his family are picking up these 5th density thought energy
waves.

A: You are not following well.

Q: (S) So, when the family members are seeing negative things, it is
just their own guilt?

A: There is no time on 5th density. All event sequences happen
eternally and for an instant only at once.

Q: (L) How does that relate to the question?

A: Because you asked if he was at peace, and if he was "adjusting."
Do you not see that by the "time" you realize someone is "dead,"
they have already, in essence, experienced their entire 5th density
incarnation recycling, learning and contemplative experience in
"zero time?!"

 

[ROEL]

I have gone through the death of very close relatives but I got over it quite quickly and quite surprizingly within my dreams!

I'm not entirely sure, JayMark, that you would say this if you had lost father, mother, son or daughter.

 

[Buddy]

I have gone through the death of very close relatives but I got over it quite quickly and quite surprizingly within my dreams!

Can you describe how you know that you "got over it quite quickly" within your dreams? I'm not being confrontational here, just wanting to learn something new if possible, because I am aware of the role that some dreams can play as processors of emotion.

 

[Meager1]

I`d like to know that to..

Most times I still can`t walk by my brothers picture without stopping and looking at him and being on the verge of breaking down, and yes, the tears start streaming.

But this is my weakness, not his.

I stop myself, by kissing my finger and touching it to his face, and thinking, I`m happy your not in pain anymore, I`m happy that your not suffering.. and I have to really try to feel "happy" which does work..most of the time.
Otherwise I would cry until I can`t breath.

I don`t think I will ever "get over it" but I will continually work to integrate it and accept it because that's the way it is.

I still miss some relatives that I lost 40+ years ago.
It might seem odd to most people, but at family gatherings and celebrations we always "toast" those not with us any longer and make mention of them, to keep their memory, in our minds.

I don`t understand how you just "get over" such a thing, as quickly as you say..but then I have had no dreams of my brother, none at all.

Maybe you will share what your dream was, and how that helped you.
I would be interested in knowing that.

 

[Gonzo]

I think to a large degree, we consider our dearly departed as if they arethe way they were,minus perhaps the physical body. But in reality, I get the feeling that we are more, that the aspect of our soul, our spirit that imbues us when we are living, is just a fraction of something larger that coalesces when we pass.

Since I have faith in the universe, I thought I would deal with the passing of my parents better than my siblings. While it initially seemed so, I found myself two years later still mourning their passing, still missing them, wishing I could call them when something happened in my life, good or bad. A decade later, I realized I was attached to them as they were, attached to what they offered me and what they represented for me. And so much of it relates more to my psychological dysfunctions, seeking my father's approval, wanting my mother to comfort me instead of me learning to comfort myself, etc., than to something real. This awareness has helped me let go, although I am still going through the process.

I hope, lake_george, that you are able to find ways to celebrate this person's life, to let go of your attachment to them while still cherishing their memory and provide for yourself whatever they provided you. Hopefully it will help heal your pain.

Gonzo

 

[lake_george]

THank you for your kind thoughts Gonzo.

 

[Deleted member 8431]

I have gone through the death of very close relatives but I got over it quite quickly and quite surprizingly within my dreams!

I'm not entirely sure, JayMark, that you would say this if you had lost father, mother, son or daughter.

What can I anwser to this?

Generally, people who tell me those kind of things seem to imply that I may "not have loved them much" simply because I do not seem "demolished" by their deaths.

They were very close family members. And yes, I loved them a lot. And yes, I still think about them and miss them. They have been an integral and "vital" part of my life until the "end".

The only reason I got through it is that I chose not to let myself "bathe" in sadness and sorrow. It all has to do with my beleifs. I do not beleive in death. I do not think they are "gone forever". Only that their biological vehicle of that very incarnation in 3D have ceased to function and that they are gone towards another step. Nothing else.

So if I do beleive that the soul is eternel and that their "death" is nothing but a natural process (and certainly not "the end" of anything) why would I not accept it and keep struggling with it? That dosen't mean in anyway that I am emotionless or that I didn't love them.

Going through such thing is no easy thing for most (as well as myself) but it dosen't need to be a never-ending hellish nightmare in my humble opinion. "Going over it quickly" here didn't mean that I got over it in a few days as well and that I haven't worked on my behalf in order to do so. Haven't you thought about all this before replying?

As the C's have said (about negative emotions): "You only feel this way becaue you allow yourself to do so."

And they have also said: "The key to immortality is existence."

No harm intended.

Peace friend.

Hope you have a better view of the situation.

Feel free to ask me more if you please.

 

[Deleted member 8431]

I have gone through the death of very close relatives but I got over it quite quickly and quite surprizingly within my dreams!

Can you describe how you know that you "got over it quite quickly" within your dreams? I'm not being confrontational here, just wanting to learn something new if possible, because I am aware of the role that some dreams can play as processors of emotion.

Of course I can.

To clarify things "quickly" here means around 6 months before the big "struggle" ended. I consider this being relatively quick considering all those I know who have been in such a situation and are still "stuck" in it even after years or decades. Note that this is not a judgement in any way.

I had accepted their death and was glad at some point that their suffering was over (they went through hell before passing away).

The thing that bothered me is guilt. I felt guilty because in their last years of living, I was going through severe addiction problems and negleted to go and visit them. So I felt deeply sad, angry and guilty about it and about myself.

Curiously enough, since biggest concern was about the fact I haden't seen them as much as I would have wanted during their final years, I started to have dreams in which they came to visit me. They would tell me they love me, laugh with me and tell me not to worry about a thing.

That's it. From there on I have introspected myself a lot and thought about it for a while. That's where the feelings of guilt and regret started to diminish until they were gone. Of course, I still miss them but the only reason I do not feel "deeply sad" anymore is that I do not allow myself to dip back into the negative feelings that have came out of the whole situation. Why? Because I see no point in doing so. I prefer to stand by the positiveness of their memories within me and contemplate the lessons I have gone through in regards to situation.

Note that it dosen't mean I am perfect and untouchable. No way! Two weeks ago I went to put flowers on their gravestone and I did feel sad. But then I just thought about what "they" have told me in my dreams and went back to a positive mood with their smile in my head.

Hope you get the gist of it. A bit tricky to fully explain.

Peace.

 

[Ben]

I think that the reason people may not be fully understanding you is because the concrete reality in our existence is that someone who has died has gone, they are no longer accessible to us in any substantial way. What you are describing is more abstract, to many people like myself it is not viscerally felt, it is a hypothesis or as you put it, a belief. Even if we CAN feel certain about their persistence after death, they are no longer with us - I get upset when someone has moved away or I might never see them again, even though they are most certainly still alive.