How do you deal with anger?

[Chu]

A few months ago, I stumbled upon a blog which I think contains pieces of information that are good, practical and easy to understand and apply. It belongs to Dr. Lynne Namka. Some of it may help in asking ourselves basic questions in the heat of the moment, or when dealing with an "angry" person, and spotting their manipulations but still setting boundaries. Or just to recognize anger for what it is instead of creating a narrative around it, patching it up with a "be nice" program, revenge thoughts, self-defeating attitudes, etc. And ultimately, it can help to learn to observe it, and to find healthier are more adult ways of dealing with it and communicating.

Anyway, I though it was a pretty handy blog for this type of emotion, and a simplified way to work on some of the issues discussed in detail in this other thread: Splitting as a Symptom of Internal Considering

http://www.angriesout.com

http://www.angriesout.com/grown2.htm

Anger Is One Reaction To An Event That Represents A Stress, Threat or Loss to You

The stress, threat or loss can be real or we can make it up in our mind.

Anger reactions happen when there is a stress, threat or loss to our...

Body
Property
Self esteem
Values
Or when we didn't get what we wanted. Entitlement--'I want it. You owe me. Give it to me now or I'll get angry'

Some Dynamics of Anger

We become more angry when we are stress and body resources are down.
We are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.
We are often angry when we didn't get what we needed as a child.
We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can't stand in ourselves.
Underneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas and triggers.
Sometimes we get angry because we were hurt as a child.
We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past.
We often feel strong emotion when a situation has a similar content, words or energy that we have felt before.

"I Need to Be Right" Way of Thinking Which Accompanies Much Anger

One of life's biggest setups is living with the belief that your way is the only way. People who are constantly threatened when others question their actions live a limited life. Living life always on the defense is no fun! People who are prone to anger have a set pattern of beliefs, attitudes, expectations and behaviors. It's sad, but true, the more of you have of the following characteristics, the more angry you will have:


_____ An insatiable need to be right
_____ A deep fear of being wrong
_____ A high need to control others
_____ An inability to say, "I don't know" and "I was wrong"
_____ Fear of hearing new information that threatens your beliefs
_____ Fear of letting go
_____ Preoccupation with winning approval from others
_____ The neurotic need to always be seen as tough, powerful and strong
_____ Pride at always being rational and logical
_____ Uncomfortable with expressing feelings
_____ Fear of being vulnerable
_____ Fear and severe discomfort about having bad feelings

Things To Think About Right Now!

As you get more in touch with your feelings, you can learn to deal appropriately with things that upset you. You don't have to be afraid of feelings. Feelings are only feelings. They come and go. The best thing to do with uncomfortable feelings is to just watch them and then learn from them.

As you release your need to only see things in the way that you have seen them before, you open up new possibilities and adventures in your life.

As you let go of your need to control others, you have more energy to spend on things that are really important. Life is more fun when you no longer are in charge of making things right in the world!

As you develop your intuitive, creative side, you complement your rational side making you a full functioning human being.

As you relinquish self-centeredness and look to the needs of those around you, you develop intimacy and connectedness.

As you dismiss the belief of "I have to be need to be safe through strict, rigid thinking", you have more self-understanding.

As you let go of your need to be right, you find you have more of a Self. You become more secure and are less upset when things don't go the way you want. Life becomes less threatening. You see things in new and different ways. You become happier.

There Is A Progression Of Anger Build Up

Catch And Interrupt Your Anger In The Early Stages

Irritation
Frustration
Anger
Rage
Aggression

Remember it is normal to be human. Anger is a necessary part of the human species. However, it's not fair to hurt others or yourself with your negative emotions.

It makes sense to try to catch your anger at the irritation and frustration stages before it builds up to humongous amounts and leads to a blow up or major stuffing in your body.

Be in touch with your angry emotions. Your body will clue you in to your feelings if you observe your tension patterns. Own your anger. Call it by name.

Look for new and creative ways to speak it assertively and then release. The more up front you can be with others, the happier you will be. Make verbal contracts with those around you to speak about your anger in constructive ways. Make your family a "Speak your feelings kind of family!"

Keep looking for innovative ways that you can use your anger in ways that do not hurt you or others. Become a lifelong student on the dynamics of negativity as it plays itself out in your life. You can change and become a master over your anger.

What Does Your Body Do When You Are Angry?


____ Adrenalin rush
____ Heart races
____ Body temperature goes hot or cold
____ Muscle tension
___ shoulders tense
___ jaw tightens
___ knots in stomach
___ arms and legs
___ clenched fists
___ all over
____ Agitation/shaking

Anger May Be Only The Top Layer

What Other Emotions Lurk Under Your Anger?

_____ Fear
_____ Hurt
_____ Guilt
_____ Sad
_____ Confusion
_____ Overwhelmed
_____ Startled
_____ Restlessness
_____ Envy
_____ Hate

What Meaning Do Your Give To The Event That Makes You Angry?


What You Say To Yourself About The Event Determines Your Anger Response

Anger Outers-- You Turn Your Anger On the Other Person and Become an Aggressor
I'll show him
It's not fair
That jerk #%*&
I hate him
I'll show him


Inner Angers--You Become a Victim by Beating Yourself Up or Allowing Others To Beat You Up
I'm devalued
I'm exposed
He doesn't care
I'm wrong
I'm guilty (bad)


Withdrawal/Hide from Threat or Stressor--You Run Away and Don't Deal With It
I can't deal with this
This is danger
I'm being attacked
Let me out of here


Divert/Scatter the Energy of the Threat or Stressor--You Change the Subject
Let's joke
I'll divert attention
I feel sick


Deal With It! Good Mental Health Statements To Keep You Focused When Upset
I'm in charge here
I'll breathe and deal with this
I feel___ when you___
We can talk about this
I can handle this
Let's take time out to cool down and come back
I'm safe. It's okay
Yes, I'm angry and I'll just watch what I'm thinking

These statements are called resilient words. They empower you by reminding you that you are in charge not your anger.

Change Your Anger Coping Responses To A Higher Level, Move Your Anger Responses to Self Empowering Ones!


There Are Many Different Ways People Respond to Threat, Stress and Loss:

The Most Harmful Tactics are Used to Intimidate Others
Physically assault others to intimidate them
Scold, lecture and verbally abuse others
Nurse your anger by holding grudges
Engage in revenge thoughts and behaviors
Displace your anger on people who are weaker than the one which whom you are angry
Criticize and put the blame on others. Refuse to see your part of the situation
Use the silent treatment, cold stares, sighs and eye rolls.
Cuss and call names
Use sarcastic remarks to show your superiority
Manipulate the other person to get what you want

Turn Your Anger on Yourself
Physically harm yourself
Blame yourself and beat yourself up
Deny anger and stuff your feelings
Shut down your mind and numb out
Use alcohol, drugs or food to numb out or get high when you are angry
Hit the wall
Drive recklessly
Run away and never address important issues.
Never get closure and keep storing up the anger


Empower Yourself: Use Positive Ways to Deal With Anger
Use humor to defuse the tension in the situation
Put anger on a safe, inanimate object (punching bag, large rubber ball or pillow)
Use movement and exercise to release anger
Write or draw out your negative feelings
Share feelings and talk your anger out. "I feel angry, when you _____"
Confront others appropriately and set boundaries with them
Problem solve the situation
Leave unhealthy situations. Take a take time out to cool down then come back to talk
Take constructive action. Change the word mad to mean "make a difference"
Breathe! center and calm yourself so you can think clearly
Learn about your self and the other person
Observe what you are doing. Watch your reactions, thoughts & feelings
Change the meaning you gave the angering event

These latter reactions are the most helpful and healthy. They increase your self esteem by allowing you to be in control, not your anger!

Do you do the same old thing over and over with your anger? Here's a challenge. See if you can increase the number of anger responses you have instead of doing the same-o, same-o thing each time.

Move more of your anger responses into ones that empower you. Make a conscious choice to use positive anger responses!

Remember, it's OK to be angry. It's what you do with it that counts.

Instead of doing the same negative response all the time, increase the number of your anger responses.

Make more of your anger responses healthy.
Decrease your anger responses that hurt you or others.
Move your anger responses to ones which empower you.

 

[Chu]

When Shame Becomes Rage
http://www.angriesout.com/family5.htm

In an article in the Psychotherapy Networker, therapist Ronald Potter-Efron describes the different types of shame. Like guilt, shame is one of those emotions that feels so terrible that some people try to avoid it at all costs. It's driven by a flooding of adrenalin. Here is how it works.

We have a conscience and know our values and what ways of acting in which we believe. When we do something different than what we believe in, our conscience nags us to tell us we have done wrong. That is the feeling of guilt. Guilt is situation specific. It has a message to try to get you to stop doing something you find distasteful. It nags, "You did something wrong. Stop doing it." Guilt can be productive in helping you change your behavior. If you deny what you did wrong and deny the guilty feelings, you cement it in further. You may even use anger to make guilt go away and get the person who is confronting you to back off. Owning your mistakes and inappropriate behavior, apologizing for them and stopping the behavior is the best way to reduce guilt.

Shame is a message about the self esteem that hits in the pit of the stomach. It is global in nature and says, "You are bad. You are different." It happens when you feel threatened to the very core of who you are. Shame rears its ugly head when there is a threat and you feel helpless, humiliated and dehumanized. If you lose control when you are angry, you have learned to substitute the emotion of rage to take yourself out of the bad feelings of being a victim.

Rage is a much stronger emotion than anger. When you rage, you lose self control and adrenalin and cortisol prepare you to fight. You heat up and go from zero to one hundred twenty miles an hour in ten seconds in a run-away giant semi. And you are not in control of the wheel. Someone very nasty has the pedal to the metal and ugly things are coming out of the mouth which you will feel bad about later. You have been hijacked! You have lost yourself because rage has taken you over when you felt a threat to your self esteem.

The threat is to your sense of who you are and comes out of frustration and shame. According to Potter-Efron four different threats produce four different kinds of hormonally-driven rage that come from different types of shame.

Survival Rage-when you are physically attacked and might be hurt.

Impotent Rage-when you feel threatened and feel utterly helpless and not able to deal with the situation so you rage instead.

Attachment Rage-when you feel threatened because you might be abandoned or rejected by someone you care about. This type may have developed if you had a rejecting type parent who used withdrawal and threats to discipline you.

Shame Rage-when you feel humiliated, embarrassed, or ridiculed and your self esteem takes a drop and you rage to cut off these bad feelings. This type typically develops if you've had a critical, abusing parent or partner or were bullied as a child.

Other kinds of shame specific to certain situations where you feel like you are less than others.

I'm Not Trash Shame Rage-if your family was poor or lived in a run down place or your parents were dysfunctional alcoholics or different in some undesirable way, you probably were embarrassed by them as a child. As an adult, you get angry when you are reminded of how you are different from others.

Loss of Function Shame Rage-loss of your identity as a person because you are less than the person you used to be. You may have lost stamina, memory or are disabled and can't work.

Guilt Piling Up Shame Rage-secretly you feel downright ashamed of yourself because you have not lived up to your values and principles and have become a person you don't respect. When criticized about your behavior, you resort to rage to get the other person to leave you alone.

Break the Threat-Hormonal Arousal-Shame-Rage Cycle

Potter-Efron says to challenge the five core messages that you get from shame which send you into self-loathing and feeling worthless. 1.) You're no good. 2.)You aren't good enough. 3.)You're unlovable. 4.) You don't belong. 5.) You shouldn't be. These are lies that were thrown on you by someone else and your own feelings of helplessness.

Cutting off shame instead of allowing the feeling to come up and be worked through and turning it to rage only keeps the cycle going. As long as you disrupt the feelings of shame, they will stay with you. The best idea is to bring them out into the light and learn to work them through. Understand the dynamics that send you from feeing threatened to rage so that you don't feel the shame. Read about shame, bullying and scapegoating. Make a personal challenge to break destructive patterns in your life. Figure out what types of shame you have.

What triggers your impotent, helpless feelings and what sets you off? Become aware of what's happening within to become the master of your feelings instead of letting them master you. Learn to observe the process of feeling a threat (a trigger that threatens self esteem) and the quick shift to rage. Step back and watch how you lose your control and give away your power to do something productive when you feel threatened.

When a vulnerable feelings of disappointment and frustration comes up say, "This is a feeling. It's only a feeling. Feelings are meant to be felt. That's why they are called feelings. I choose to breathe through this feeling rather than act it out."

Allow yourself to feel the emotion of guilt and own up to what you did wrong. Taking responsibility for your own actions can become a way to gain self esteem. Allow yourself to feel the emotion of shame. Leave the upsetting situation and hang out with the feelings of shame. To defuse its power, call it by name. "So this is shame. I'm being flooded with adrenalin. I can handle this. Even though it feels excruciating, I breathe it through."

Find a therapist to help you look at the pattern of violence that you learned in your family, the neighborhood or at school when you were young or when you were in an abusive relationship. Living with an aggressive person may have affected you so deeply that you took on the energies of the aggressor. Redefine your masculinity or your sense of self as a strong woman as being able to take things as they come up. Real strength is learning to allow feelings of hurt, disappointment and vulnerability instead of losing your cool.

Listen to your body. Catch yourself when you start to trigger, heat up and lose control. Observe how your body reacts when you are about to trigger. Does your stomach knot up or your jaw clench? Do you stop breathing? Do you feel the adrenalin rush as your first clue? Does your heart beat faster? Find your body changes that signal you are about to lose it. Learn body cues to break into the cycle before it goes into nasty behavior.

Show your strength by being the one who chooses not to escalate the fight. Let the other person know that you must leave the situation at once to calm yourself down in order to not hurt yourself or the other person. Give up the need to have the last word or make one more point. Tell yourself that you can be a bigger person by stopping the argument.

Use self talk to keep yourself from blowing up. Talk yourself down. Use several phrases that calm you down such as "This isn't worth it. I refuse to lose it. I don't have to go down the rage road. I can leave instead of blowing up and ruining things." Cool yourself down with deep breathing. Tell yourself, "I will learn to deal with frustrating events."

Shame is released by processing feelings of entitlement. Challenge your belief that you have the right to vent and scream because you are frustrated. Find a therapist to help you use The Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and The Tapas Technique to release old victim feelings and entitlement.

Be gentle with yourself as you are learning these new skills. You are breaking habits of a lifetime. If you mess up and revert back to the mean behavior you dislike, analyze what went wrong. Don't beat yourself up-that only makes things worse. Tell yourself that you made a slip and you will be more careful next time. Keep at this process of chipping away the shame-rage cycle. You will get better over time if you keep at this task of becoming the best person you can be. Give yourself a break; this process takes time.

You are not a bad person because you rage when you feel helpless or bad about yourself. You are just a good person behaving badly. Forgive yourself for doing what you have learned and vow to be different. Change the destructive reactive pattern of shame/rage and develop into the person you really want to be. Use your power to understand your emotions, own them and work with them instead of acting them out. Learn to behave better even when you feel bad inside. Deeply desire to change and you will. You deserve to have a peaceful, happy life.

 

[Chu]

Becoming More Thick Skinned - How To Deal With Criticism

http://www.angriesout.com/grown8.htm

When You Are Criticized, Ask Yourself "How Important is the Threat?" Is This a Big Deal or Am I Being Super Sensitive?

Ask yourself, "How serious is the charge? Is it a trivial one? Am I just playing trivial pursuit to allow myself to be hurt by a small matter?"

What Threat Does The Other Person Feel?

To his body?
To his possessions?
To his self esteem
To his values? (No matter how irrational attitudes and values may seem to us, people generally act in accordance with their belief system and values.)

What Does The Other Person Want To Have Happen As A Result Of His Words? What Does He Really Want?

To intimidate you and squelch you?
To shift the blame from himself to you by externalizing it?
To change or control you by putting his values on you?
To gain attention?
To get his way?
To give information?

What is the threat to yourself?

Is there physical threat?
How does the remark threaten my self-esteem?
How do I allow myself to feel belittled by the remark?
Am I flashing back to how I felt when I was criticized as a child?
Who in the past has used critical remarks in a similar manner?
Am I projecting someone from the past on this person?

How Do I Cope With Critical Remarks?

____ Become confused?
____ Disassociated?
____ Shut down? Become frozen?
____ Retaliate with anger and blame?
____ Withdraw? Run away?
_____ Act silly? Laugh it off?
____ Ignore it and hurt inside?
____ Internalize anger and stew over it?

What Choices Do I Have In The Face Of Threat?

State my limits--"I won't allow you to call me----"
State my feelings. "I feel upset when you speak sarcastically."
Leave the situation. Walk out and give the message of refusal to be put down.
See the issue as the other person's problem.
Breathe, stay centered and calm. Put up my shield of power refusing to engage in an interchange of negative energy. Let the negative energy bounce back or be deflected away.

Criticism gives us a wonderful chance to learn about ourselves.

When You are Criticized, Ask Yourself....

What can I learn about myself?
What information do I need to get from the remark, if any?
Is there a message there that I need to hear despite the criticism?
Why do I need to continue to hurt over small criticisms?
What fear does the criticism bring up for me?
What values of mine are being threatened?

 

[DreamGod]

Hi Chu,

It is a great topic, I was a person who got angry very easily , usually to frustrations caused by not getting what I wanted or could not control a certain situation.

When I met my wife, she made ​​me realize that I had to control my anger, which sometimes made ​​me feel ill, my stomach felt it most of the time. When I started reading this forum a few years ago I began to understand many things, my mind has been expanding and now I am able to realize things that I havent before. I began by trying to avoid getting angry, which was very difficult for me, then I tryied to be my own spectator once I was already angry, I wasnt trying to avoid getting angry, I was trying to understand the root of my anger and meditate about it, to my surprise, years has passed away and I found that my anger was triggered byt not getting what I wanted or not having control of a certain situation (the most common things). This is a slow learning process.

I have been thinking a lot about it, and trying to accept that I have no control over things and that I cant have always what I want, this does not mean I never get mad, but now no one notices because I do not show symptoms of anger, I now assimilate the root of my discomfort and find a solution, I see the problem from another angle and it allows me to find solutions before getting too angry, makes me feel more relaxed and worked me.

The main idea is to work and train the self to let go on things.

;)

 

[DreamGod]

Something that has worked great for me is to listen or watch ASMR videos.

:)

 

[herondancer]

Thanks for all the helpful resources, Chu. The section on shame really resonates for me.

Congratulations on your progress, DreamGod. I'm sure your wife is proud of you. What are the AMSR videos you found helpful? Do you have a link for them?

 

[miguel angel]

Thank you for the info, Chu. And thank you for sharing your experiences, DreamGod.

I'd like to add this:

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28217.0.html

Reading The Angry Book in 2013 helped me a lot to understand this subject/issue/program and to be angry less often and for a shorter time.

Working still on it, though

 

[Kisito]

Maybe what I will say do not speak at all, but I think being next to something interesting. Translation for English will be difficult ...

Some themes of the book are interesting, as explain the different degrees of anger or construction of certain emotions.

However, it is extremely difficult to control anger, like joy. Because the same principle of an emotion is that it escapes in part to our discernment and our reason.

I think that the work on the emotions should be upstream, when the degree of emotion is not yet high.

I myself have done some work on the training of emotions "motiogonie".
It seemed to me that emotion is formed from two main factors:

1- The time between first information, which will solidify belief in, and a second contradictory information.

2- The power contradictory tone.

Over the period of time is longer and more the nuance is contradictory and more the meeting between the two information, the shock will be more violent.

This is what is defined as emotional level.

Thus we can see that the emotion has identity with time.

I ranked 14 emotions. 7 emotions of anger and 7 joy.

The emotions grow alternating anger and joy. The strength of an emotion is proportional to the temporal collision. For example the emotion of hate, ranked emotion 9 is three times stronger than the emotion of shyness, ranked emotion 3. Sex emotional 12 is four times stronger than shyness.

Anger: 1,3,5,7,9,11,13
Joy : 2,4,6,8,10,12,14

1. Underestimating - 2. Overstated - 3. Shyness - 4. Trust -5. Shame - 6. Pride - 7. Jealousy - 8. Friendship - 9. Hate - 10. Passion 11. Depression - 12. Sex
13. Anger fanaticism - 14. joy of bigotry

I ranked these 14 emotions in three stages.

1st stage. Low emotions that are six in number: The underestimation, overestimation, shyness, confidence, shame, and pride.

2nd stage. Intermediate emotions that are two in number: Jealousy and friendship.

3rd stage: The high emotions: hatred, the passion of love, depression, sexuality, bigotry anger and joy of fanaticism.


We see that the more we get into the emotions and the harder it is to our mind to take control of the emotions that are trapped by our ego.

I think if we are in the high emotions, we can't do anything alone. It should, as Gurdjieff could tell, to get help from friends or group who are there to wake up from the illusion of emotions.

A solitary work may be considered for people who are often in the lower emotions.

The goal is obviously to inhibit all emotions. Knowing that emotions are tidbits of information or unassimilated undigested.

 

[Tempus Fugit]

Thanks, Chu - very helpful!

 

[Chu]

Maybe what I will say do not speak at all, but I think being next to something interesting. Translation for English will be difficult ...

Maybe it's a problem with the translation, but I don't understand what you posted. Also, "friendship", "sex" and "overstated" are not emotions.

I think if we are in the high emotions, we can't do anything alone. It should, as Gurdjieff could tell, to get help from friends or group who are there to wake up from the illusion of emotions.

A solitary work may be considered for people who are often in the lower emotions.

The goal is obviously to inhibit all emotions. Knowing that emotions are tidbits of information or unassimilated undigested.

And I don't think the goal is to inhibit all emotions. We aren't robots. It's more like knowing our machine, learning to observe those emotions without reacting but rather acting, and creating new healthier ways of expressing them. But as I said, maybe I am not understanding what you are saying due to problems in your translation.

Thank you DramGod! Glad to hear that you have made progress in this respect!

 

[Kisito]

Maybe what I will say do not speak at all, but I think being next to something interesting. Translation for English will be difficult ...

Maybe it's a problem with the translation, but I don't understand what you posted. Also, "friendship", "sex" and "overstated" are not emotions.

I think if we are in the high emotions, we can't do anything alone. It should, as Gurdjieff could tell, to get help from friends or group who are there to wake up from the illusion of emotions.

A solitary work may be considered for people who are often in the lower emotions.

The goal is obviously to inhibit all emotions. Knowing that emotions are tidbits of information or unassimilated undigested.

And I don't think the goal is to inhibit all emotions. We aren't robots. It's more like knowing our machine, learning to observe those emotions without reacting but rather acting, and creating new healthier ways of expressing them. But as I said, maybe I am not understanding what you are saying due to problems in your translation.

Thank you DramGod! Glad to hear that you have made progress in this respect!

Hi Chu, thank you for your questions they make me think. Sorry for my bad english, I hope that this will not make the "grapevine" (French expression Arabic telephone, :).

I said that friendship is an emotion. For if the friendship is contracted by common interests (Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics), it is nevertheless based on a feeling, an emotion. Otherwise how to define the links of friendship other than by mutual emotion? In sexuality, I speak of orgasm, in addition to the sensory pleasure, there is a psychological feeling. How else to define psychological feelings other than by emotion?

The high emotions of hatred (fear), passionate love (joy), depression (fear) sexuality (joy), fanaticism of fear and fanaticism of joy. Anger is energy which releases the emotions of fear. It would link the emotions. In these high emotions where anger runs high, it is not possible to reason wisely. The ego is too powerful. Emotions are down so that we have a better understanding. Friends and the group are there to make us realize our blindness in the high emotions. So when they come back have can slow their evolution.

When we are in the low emotions, underestimation (fear), overestimation (joy), timidity (fear), confidence (joy), shame (fear), pride/[in french fierté] (joy). It is easier to control emotions and energy of anger. Less was emotion, the more easy to meditate.

For me the emotions control us and transform us into robots. The emotions it is dictated to the ego and imprisonment of our mind. Anger is the struggle between our mind and ego.
I agree with the observation is a great way to improve the flow of energy. Better energy flows, more anger fades.
To achieve harmony and inner peace are emotional resting states.

When I say that emotion is information undigested for our mind. I emphasize the fact that we can not define the information with emotion. Once we understand the emotion work (observation, meditation or experience), it is no more, it evaporates in harmony.
In "Plato's Banquet" Socrates said that beauty (harmony) is greater than human intelligence. This beauty is contemplation. When observing the beauty of emotion turns into contemplation, we touch the harmony of the divine. Contemplation is divinely superior to emotion.

I think as long as the information remains an emotion, it is prey to predators. I think that to strengthen our spirit and our soul, we have to digest our emotions.

Emotions are both our loss and our salvation (rescue).
More emotions are digested, the more knowledge of our mind is great.
The more our mind-knowledge, and the harder it is to go to the high emotions..
Knowledge protects our mind, knowledge of our ego does not protect.

I think that Carlos Castaneda described as a feature of human beings, this luminous envelope around our bodies, making us vulnerable to predators, is perhaps the emotional body. This means, information waiting to be built by our mind and soul..

I do not know if I made myself clear.

 

[casper]

Thank Chu to set up this interesting topic. :)
I have noticed that often when people are angry, "pulls" on its face masks apparent only control, but their anger and rage easily be read as anger finds a way out through the tone of voice and body language. Some use a mask 'deadpan'. When someone gets mad they say they forgive but they become cold, do not show the heat and emotions in relation to that person.
Others prefer to use a mask 'withdrawal'. They say they are not mad at you, but still refuse to talk to you or communicate only when necessary but it grudgingly or nod. :(

 

[luc]

Thank you Chu, this post is very helpful. I recognize every single way of dealing with anger the wrong way described here! But the way forward I think is to constantly push, constantly try to become better with it, it's so worth it! And one thing we need, I think, is "constant input of knowledge", since it's so easy to forget things we thought we already learned. So thanks again.

In connection with anger, I found "acting out" exercises very helpful as well - pillow boxing, shadow boxing, screaming, barking etc. until you cannot help but laugh about the silliness and pettiness of it all. Sometimes, when my wife says something that triggers me (and if I can manage it) I just make a grimace, or play the "grumpy old man", uttering strange angry noises, and that's that. This technique first came up here in the Splitting thread, a super-important thread I think. The particular discussion about "acting out" in the thread begins about here.

 

[Seppo Ilmarinen]

Some Dynamics of Anger

We become more angry when we are stress and body resources are down.
We are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.
We are often angry when we didn't get what we needed as a child.
We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can't stand in ourselves.
Underneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas and triggers.
Sometimes we get angry because we were hurt as a child.
We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past.
We often feel strong emotion when a situation has a similar content, words or energy that we have felt before.

Very good points here. I've found useful during stressful moments to focus more on my body. Listening, acknowledging and respecting how one feels is definitely the first step to disarm the anger. It's important to show compassion to yourself as equally as to others.

It's so true how much there can be elements of your past affecting your angryness today. The Angry Book by Theodore Rubin gave good insights of what is healthy and unhealthy anger. For me one major thing to work has been the habit of re-creating and re-living previous situations in my mind. This is example of unhealthy anger, because you're carrying it with yourself, and it consumes your energy, if not stopped.

When this happens I try to focus that it's mostly my past wounds and unconscious motives which is taking a form of someone i know, and not really that person i think i'm arguing in my mind. Basically my own mental energy that is "running loose" and building scenarios that can create very subjective representations of other people. It's great we have tools like EE, which helps you to step aside and get more objective view on things.

 

[Charade]

Thank you Chu for providing a simple outline of what anger and rage are and how to cope with these emotions.

It is an area of life I am struggling with on several levels. The more I try to address and change my behavior in the face of work frustrations and physical health issues I don't see much progress, except maybe I'm observing and trying not to lie about myself as much. But I've been "propping" myself up for so long there's a lot I don't want to see much less feel and learn how not to express negatively and mean it!

I am reading "Debugging the Universe" where Laura talks about imprinting and "Life is Religion" again. I happened to pick up the latter to take time to absorb the ideas more slowly. I think these both tie in with this topic quite nicely. It is so true that with learning and experience one can really get a different understanding the second time through. So much more meaningful. I am able to relate to the ideas presented by having had examples/shocks in life that allow me to relate better to the concepts.

I am really wanting to learn how to deal with life with greater self control. Especially, I realize how I'm not ready enough for the Wave. I have a lot of preparation to master still.

from LIFE IS RELIGION:
The Wave will bring a hyperkinetic sensate and all feelings will be felt. Cases of pathology, like psychotic episodes and drug-induced visions, can open one to other levels of reality that are overwhelming and for which body and mind are not prepared. A macrocosmic shift in realities like the Wave will be much more potent, bringing up repressed emotions in full force. Daily practice of Éiriú Eolas is therefore essential for releasing whatever potentially harmful emotions are hidden and repressed below the threshold of consciousness, and for gaining the ability to experience stronger and stronger emotions, without traumatizing oneself. P.11

importance—the seeker must practise doubled attention as much as he can during all his activities. He will notice in time that this effort of memory, of presence, not only does not hinder his activities, but on the contrary it helps greatly in carrying them out.” P.10.

The realization of how much I identify with the problems is troubling at this point. My main "i" thinks my best way to attack my negativity is by going "cold turkey" or holding the reins tighter. Pulling the horse of my emotions up short would be more practical. The thought of a long drawn out process is defeating in my mind but inevitable and must be faced with consistency. It's hard not to put oneself down after failing to act with control. Self criticism is another habit to break. It's easy to spiral downward and end up lower than where you perceived yourself to be before.

Training horses was an important and meaningful part of my life. Perhaps this can serve as a very useful and vivid visual analogy to train my emotional self. Worth a try.