Intense sadness

Trajan

The Force is Strong With This One
I have noticed that from time to time (for about the last 12-13 years) I have experienced occasional bouts of intense sadness. When I say intense I do mean absolutely intense. One thing I noticed that triggers it is that after I have spent a day or two hanging out with friends and go back home where I am alone (and currently single against my will) it can hit me like a freight train. It eventually goes away but man to I feel alone/sad/depressed. Its like I see something that other people have and feel I do not and it is a negative emotional trigger. Has anyone else experienced this before?

By nature I am introverted and so I keep a small circle of friends and generally I don't mind/actually enjoy being (left) alone but not always.
 
Sorry to hear about your bouts of sadness, Trajan. Have you considered keeping a journal to help see your thinking patterns and perhaps learn to reprogram them a little bit? The Redirect Thread may have helpful information for you :)

Also, Eiriu Eolas is quite critical. As trivial as some of its initial effects may seem, the results are cumulative. The anxiety threads comments, as well as what you've said here does point to dysregulation of emotional arousal due to certain situations and triggers. Peter Levine's "In an Unspoken Voice" is a wonderful book about how our bodies deal with, and clear trauma that can manifest as PTSD, or other affective (emotional) irregularities or maladaptions, and provides some insight as to how EE tonifies the autonomous nervous system (or at least, it does so in a more plainspoken fashion than "Polyvalgal Theory" does :lol:). I'm sure you already have a lot of reading on your plate, so there's no rush, for what it's worth.
 
Trajan said:
I have noticed that from time to time (for about the last 12-13 years) I have experienced occasional bouts of intense sadness. When I say intense I do mean absolutely intense. One thing I noticed that triggers it is that after I have spent a day or two hanging out with friends and go back home where I am alone (and currently single against my will) it can hit me like a freight train. It eventually goes away but man to I feel alone/sad/depressed. Its like I see something that other people have and feel I do not and it is a negative emotional trigger. Has anyone else experienced this before?

By nature I am introverted and so I keep a small circle of friends and generally I don't mind/actually enjoy being (left) alone but not always.

I also used to suffer from this quite intensely when I first started networking here. It is a case of poor emotional health, and the process of healing will take some time. The three most important tools you have right now (and I'm sure you've already seen this mentioned a lot), are diet, EE, and continuous knowledge input.

That said, there are also other things to think about here, such as why you feel depressed after hanging out with friends. Maybe the nature of these friendships are not satisfactory for your essence, or you're being covertly fed on? I don't want to put words into your mouth here, but that proved to be the case with me when I was still hanging round with unsavory types.
You mentioned being single not through choice. Do you think this is affecting you negatively? What do you think you would gain from being in a relationship?

Also there is a lot to be said for the effects of positive social interaction on your emotional health. That is if you can find that, and avoid any unintentional feeding. Even now I still feel down after spending days on end just going about my business, reading, and working. Just trying new things and meeting people in the right setting is a very effective mood cure.

We live in a pathological culture that divides and corrupts us in so many ways, and I think that the loneliness is a natural reaction to living here. However, the advice given will help you stay stable and deal with the ups and downs, and help you see more clearly.
 
Is gonna be a long ride indeed. I had lots of this, but right now thanks to EE and thanks that I stopped eating sugar, and mantain the best I can a low carb diet, I barely get depressed, I can get angry and frustrated of course, bur rarely something will make me deeply depressed. And even when it hits, it doesn't last.

But seriously, if you want to find out the source of that sadness and use it for your benefit, I guess you'll need to hangout here or at least follow some tips given.
 
FWIW I'm introverted too and I've felt the same way before after hanging out and about being in a relationship. In regards to friends I've taken a mental account of what our friendship is built on and if we are collinear. If we aren't going in the same direction than our friendship is sentimental and subjective feeling, so this can definitely bring up contradictions. Like G mentions in ISOTM, an appraisal of them may reveal the true dynamics between you and them. And when it comes to relationships, I've begun to separate being with someone and having someone and have noticed that if I want what others have or want someone than I may just be working from false personality rather essence. I say from experience " Adaptation to a new situation consists in thinking less and less about it" (Daniel Khaneman Thinking fast and slow). When you're alone try a POTS it really helps alleviate tension and you could meet new people in various locations. It helps me to break my isolation by networking on and offline.
 
Trajan said:
I have noticed that from time to time (for about the last 12-13 years) I have experienced occasional bouts of intense sadness. When I say intense I do mean absolutely intense. One thing I noticed that triggers it is that after I have spent a day or two hanging out with friends and go back home where I am alone (and currently single against my will) it can hit me like a freight train. It eventually goes away but man to I feel alone/sad/depressed. Its like I see something that other people have and feel I do not and it is a negative emotional trigger. Has anyone else experienced this before?

By nature I am introverted and so I keep a small circle of friends and generally I don't mind/actually enjoy being (left) alone but not always.

Trajan, have you considered the possibility that you may be projecting something on "other people" that they do not really possess? A something that becomes idealized in your mind and cascades to the sadness and feeling of loss?

It may be that if you could question these "other people" from a truly honest foundation, they might disagree strongly with your projection/assessment.

Just some thoughts fwiw.
 
dysregulation of emotional arousal due to certain situations and triggers.
I agree completely with this statement really sums it up, thanks! Things are a LOT better then where I was a few years ago and yes I do need to hit the EE on a more consistent basis. This bout was actually the first intense one that I have had in well over a year but I thought that I would use the situation to get insight.

you're being covertly fed on?
I do not feel that this is the case.

You mentioned being single not through choice. Do you think this is affecting you negatively? What do you think you would gain from being in a relationship?

I do feel like there is a negative aspect. I have never been the most confidant with the ladies and yet growing up I had plenty of chances (even now I do). I was not considered ugly but man am I socially dense at times. I want a relationship because I am ready to settle down, have kids, grow up.
What is POTS?
 
Funny, I seem to have the opposite experience. If I hang around with non-colinear people, I am SO RELIEVED to get away because it is draining to pretend to be interested in things that simply do not interest me. And I thank my lucky stars that I am not stuck in the same kinds of nowhere lives that they live with no objectives except to believe the lies that they can work at a generally meaningless job that probably contributes to the destruction of human values or the planet, get retirement, enjoy the grandkids, and actually achieve any real meaning that way.

So, if you yearn for all those things and it makes you sad to not have them, go for it!
 
Trajan said:

It’s the abbreviation often used here for the Prayer of the Soul.

As Prometeo mentioned, diet can relate to this in a big way. We’re basically just big chemistry sets and it’s very easy to get your brain chemistry thrown out of whack and then suffer the consequences, withdrawal, mood swings, sadness, depression and the rest. So along with the other good feedback others have given, it might be an idea to study what your putting into your body, especially when hanging out with friends that might later be causing brain chemistry problems.

Not to say that periods of sadness or the longing for genuine companionship are not real, but maybe altered brain chemistry doesn't help us see what state we’re in - when we’re in it, or unnecessarily prolongs the state - the body’s impulse to top up whatever chemical it is that is throwing the system out in the first place, i.e. addiction.

There’s usually more going on than just an emotional/psychological response, it helps when we find ourselves in such states, to consider and factor in the chemistry part of the equation I think.
 
Trajan said:
I have noticed that from time to time (for about the last 12-13 years) I have experienced occasional bouts of intense sadness. When I say intense I do mean absolutely intense. One thing I noticed that triggers it is that after I have spent a day or two hanging out with friends and go back home where I am alone (and currently single against my will) it can hit me like a freight train. It eventually goes away but man to I feel alone/sad/depressed. Its like I see something that other people have and feel I do not and it is a negative emotional trigger. Has anyone else experienced this before?

By nature I am introverted and so I keep a small circle of friends and generally I don't mind/actually enjoy being (left) alone but not always.

I understand how you feel Trajan. What often helps me when I'm alone after being with friends is getting into a good book. Continuous knowledge input as Carlise said.

Also I notice this 'intense sadness' mainly when I'm out of balance, for example if I've ate something bad recently or been making too many bad decisions, like giving into a high produced by orgasm or gaming.

Hope this helps, and good luck :rolleyes:
 
Figured I'd chime in briefly. I've suffered with depression for the best part of a year, not long back. I honestly didn't think anything was "wrong" with me, in the sense of it being an illness. but I got pretty bad, ended up in hospital etc. But I've come to believe that it is an illness in a way; almost like a sickness of the soul. In my case, I eventually became psychotic, which was a result of being in such a low mood for so long and loosing sleep for months.

Don't think anyones mentioned it on this thread so far, but along with diet, exercise can be a great help. Doesn't have to be intense, just a long walk or bike ride can do the trick.

During this time, I actually stopped reading too much into things because it wasn't helping. At the time I had got heavily into reading about the mystery cults, the occult, etc. I'm not saying this in the case for everyone, but I found that stepping away from some of that stuff helped in sorting my mental state out. You can go back to it when you are more balanced, with fresh eyes.

Friends can be great, but like mentioned earlier, maybe the relatiopships aren't based on respect. I can't really comment here, because it's not my place. All I can say is, a friend of mine who I consider a great guy, really did my head in after 3 years of living together. All I saw was his ego and his dominating personality; so full of self importance. This didn't help my state of mind at the time, and I couldn't relate anymore. But when you step back, sometimes you are blessed with a new perspective. We don't live together anymore, but when we see each other it's great.
 
Laura said:
Funny, I seem to have the opposite experience. If I hang around with non-colinear people, I am SO RELIEVED to get away because it is draining to pretend to be interested in things that simply do not interest me. And I thank my lucky stars that I am not stuck in the same kinds of nowhere lives that they live with no objectives except to believe the lies that they can work at a generally meaningless job that probably contributes to the destruction of human values or the planet, get retirement, enjoy the grandkids, and actually achieve any real meaning that way.

So, if you yearn for all those things and it makes you sad to not have them, go for it!

I can sure relate to what Laura wrote. I have had to spend too much time with non-collinear people in my immediate circles and they are just NOT interested in seeing reality like I am and I have to pretend to be interested in what they are interested in, and I have to work hard to find topics that we can talk about comfortably and are at least part way interesting and possibly instructive without ever touching the "big picture" of life on this planet and in this thoroughly corrupt society. Although they can otherwise be lovely people, and they can show warmth that feels good for a little while, I always get a deeply profound feeling of sadness from the interaction.

I also note when I am with them, sharing a tea and making jokes and smiling, that there is something trying to pull me back to be asleep with them, in order to just to "fit in" -- but there is absolutely no going back for me, when the pursuit of truth and objectivity in all things drives my entire core being, and makes me forever separate from them.

So then I go back to my place where I live alone, and read something real on this forum, or contact a collinear person, or else read something that cuts through the lies, to re-orient myself again. That is, re-orient myself towards that "higher" part (for lack of a better word) in me that longs for truth and the pure, real joy that brings, and escape that "lower" part that would probably be just satisfied to be asleep and have temporary and unsatisfactory "feel good" chemicals like my acquaintances and friends do.
 
Those intense sadness episodes hit me in times when I still didn't know what I want with my life. Or I wasn't sure 100%.
In times when I felt I'm in some kind of crossroads where in one way there was my friends and family and in the
other this great opportunity here to be true, objective, network, grow, learn, change for better - The Work.
Good old false, selfish, passive and lazy version of me (4 of them I meet so far) was trying to stick to my old way of life
and was manipulating me with this
feeling of sadness, nostalgic, missing my so called friends, but that's just the way they're (our false personalities)
fighting to feed themself ( waste our precious energy for Work ) and survive...
But thanks to mirroring in other people and selfobserving every time I sow those guys I thought I've
been missing I acctualy sow something I don't wanna be anymore.
So I embraced with great gratitude time to be alone so I can read, think, observe, find out who am I
(actually to find out who am I NOT) and it helped me to let go - everything from my past what was imprisoning me, because it's not me.
I guess there must be a little bit of sadness when something old is dying and something new is to become - it's just important not to identify
with any of those feelings..

And it sure helps to be here as much as possible, cause when you read and understand how much progress some people here made
in understanding and applying knowledge - you really see good example what you wanna be and that you lost nothing instead.
 
I can sure relate to what Laura wrote. I have had to spend too much time with non-collinear people in my immediate circles and they are just NOT interested in seeing reality like I am and I have to pretend to be interested in what they are interested in, and I have to work hard to find topics that we can talk about comfortably and are at least part way interesting and possibly instructive without ever touching the "big picture" of life on this planet and in this thoroughly corrupt society. Although they can otherwise be lovely people, and they can show warmth that feels good for a little while, I always get a deeply profound feeling of sadness from the interaction.
...
So then I go back to my place where I live alone, and read something real on this forum, or contact a collinear person, or else read something that cuts through the lies, to re-orient myself again. That is, re-orient myself towards that "higher" part (for lack of a better word) in me that longs for truth and the pure, real joy that brings, and escape that "lower" part that would probably be just satisfied to be asleep and have temporary and unsatisfactory "feel good" chemicals like my acquaintances and friends do.

I can really appreciate where you're coming from. After sleeping on this thread I realized that I have my own feelings of sadness also, but it has more to do with the lack of sincerity I can share with some people. There's simply no place for the true self in the small worlds of some people.

I feel there's something to he said for "playing a role" in the Gurdjieff sense of the word. We don't have the luxury of colinear people being immediately visible to us in ordinary life, so we have to try and walk a balance between fitting in (to avoid rousing the zombies and creating conflict) and being the Socratic gadfly probing people for signs of awareness and consciousness and thirst for truth. I suppose if we had Ph.Ds in this we'd be natural masters, giving all things their due in human affairs while remaining impeccable and untouched either way a person reaponds. But in order to do that we have to see and know our own machines, so we don't get caught up in their hypnosis and start "believing in ourselves" as Jeanne details Salzmann says in The First Initiation.
 
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