Leaches and bleeding hearts

[Seraphina]

My husband and I are friends with a couple, who 3 months ago gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. It was known before birth, that the little girl had a congenital heart defect called HLHS, which is basically half a heart. Friends and family came together to organize fundraisers for medical and travel expenses. They had to travel up north to a specialist for the birth, and had surgery within a few days of being born. Everything appeared to be going fine until she suddenly stopped breathing Sunday and was rushed to the E.R. where she passed away.

While this beautiful baby girl has brought many people together with love and generosity, a certain pathological was attracted also. There is a woman, I'll call Tracy, who seemed to attach herself to the family early on, and to everyone else for that matter. She only came in to the picture recently, and was suddenly everyone's best friend. She arranged many of the fundraiser's, which the family of course appreciates, but in the process has become a bit of a leach. Every new person she even barely meets she latches on to. On FB, my husband and some friends were talking about a party we had, Tracy asks why she wasn't invited. My husband told her he doesn't know her. She pops up unannounced to the baby girl's family home. I could go on ad nauseum...

Tracy has used this tragedy for some kind of sick selfish agenda, and she clearly has mental issues. The thing is, how is one supposed to extricate themselves from her? She doesn't do anything wrong, per se, but she's very creepy. She makes every appearance to be helpful while at the same time freaking people out. She is still organizing fundraisers for the family, and now the foundation in the baby's name. The mother is even losing "friends" over the whole thing. She has enough to deal with while she mourns the loss of her beautiful baby girl.

We are all so heartbroken and inspired by this precious girl, but Tracy's actions are defiling the whole ordeal.

 

[herondancer]

Hi Seraphina,

I am sorry for your friends' tragic loss. It makes them very vulnerable to this kind of exploitation.

"Tracy" seems to have a pathological need for attention, which she gets from 'being helpful'. Where did she come from? Was she someone's acquaintance, or did she really appear out of nowhere? Does she have a history of this sort of thing? Can anyone do a background check on her?

If it was only annoying the family by being around so much, you and their other friends could ease her out of the picture by saying that whatever she is wanting to do was already being handled by someone else. Then thank her for her consideration etc. But she has created a situation where money is involved, and that complicates things.

What is the purpose of the foundation? Do the parents need financial help with medical bills? Is it for research? Did she get their permission to take her "help" this far? Possibly, the parents themselves will have to make some sort of public statement that this woman's activities are being done without their approval. Maybe they may even have to get some sort of legal injunction to stop Tracy if she is really compulsive.

Unfortunately this woman would likely kick up a lot of trouble over their ingratitude for all her "self-less" efforts. She sounds like she is a master at inflicting guilt-trips. Have you read In Sheep's Clothing, or The Sociopath Next Door? Both books will give you insight on this type of predator.

Keep us posted.

Herondancer

 

[Seraphina]

Thanks Herondancer,

I'm not exactly sure how she came into the picture. Nobody I know has known her for more than a few months. She may have been an acquaintance of someone else's. Although she doesn't seem to know the meaning of acquaintance. Another friend accepted a friend request from her after meeting her once, now she messages her everyday, saying "Oh Michelle, your so funny!", and "My Michelle". The last one really freaked her out.


The fundraisers were for medical expenses, now they're for medical, funeral, and donation for research and such. I think they're hoping it may benefit the friends they've made who also have children with HLHS.

I think they just don't know how to tell her to back off, on one hand she's been very helpful, but on the other she's a psychopathic narcissist with some kind of personality disorder.
I've come across people like that before, and you have to be very careful when extricating yourself...they become loose cannons and even plot revenge for being slighted. Usually these people fixate on one person, but "Tracy" is trying to latch on to everyone. Like she has a group fixation. Most of the guys work together and they've taken to calling her "fan girl".


About the books...I haven't had a chance to read them yet. I have such a long reading list and have other expense priorities at the moment. I try read as much as I can on the internet, so if you know any good websites or threads I may not have seen yet, that would be helpful.

 

[Laura]

You may have a long reading list but it sounds to me like you, and your friends, need to read a bit about psychopathy asap, like without delay.

 

[Seraphina]

I agree Laura...I think I may suggest some of those books to a couple of friends. I don't think the baby's mother is up to reading, but you never know, if it comes up in a conversation, maybe I can slip it in. I see Tracy's behavior, and can steer myself clear, but some of the others are just so vulnerable right now, or have no experience dealing with people like that.

I will definitely get those books when I can...need to read them for many reasons, but I am glad I at least have this forum as a sounding board and Laura's articles, etc.

Thank you for being here.

 

[Menna]

Hand her the book "The Sociopath Next Door", maybe she will get the hint. No but seriously it seems that you and your friends have "Let her in" and like you said you have to be VERY careful when dealing with situations like these. I think one way is to sit down with your friends make sure you are all on the same page about Tracy and brainstorm ways to politely and slowly make her involvement in the situation less and less.

 

[Harold]

Hello Serapina,

That is a gut wrenching story. I echo the remarks and comments said here. I have met these types of people befor, and have probably gotten entangled with this type. All the sincereity and helpfulness is what any person would offer, it is not until they turn creepy that we see the trap set. Is it just me or is there a real indignity in starting a foundation without the permission and sole support of the childs family? I cant imagine the parents having to deal with this person at a time like this. Any buffer between them and this person is a good thing. Idealy they (the parents) do not need to be the one's to tell this person to back away, at a time like this.
Blessings to them and their baby girl.
Harold

 

[Seraphina]

Hello Serapina,

That is a gut wrenching story. I echo the remarks and comments said here. I have met these types of people befor, and have probably gotten entangled with this type. All the sincereity and helpfulness is what any person would offer, it is not until they turn creepy that we see the trap set. Is it just me or is there a real indignity in starting a foundation without the permission and sole support of the childs family? I cant imagine the parents having to deal with this person at a time like this. Any buffer between them and this person is a good thing. Idealy they (the parents) do not need to be the one's to tell this person to back away, at a time like this.
Blessings to them and their baby girl.
Harold

I think the family is setting up the foundation, not the psycho...thankfully. I passed some info onto one of the friends. I don't want to be too intrusive. They've been so busy...today was supposed to be her 3 month birthday...her funeral is Saturday. My husband's taking the Dad and their oldest son to Saint's training camp tomorrow for some distraction.