Aoide
Jedi
When I think of past events of my life, my thoughts always go some 9 years back in the past at one point of time when I had an experience during my visit to Medjugorje, a popular site of religious pilgrimage due to reports of apparitions of the Virgin Mary. I want to share this experience with you because I think that it had a profound effect on my life. I realized this only in last few years when I started to research materials on this forum. This post will be a bit longer. So I will start at the beginning.
At that time I was 16 years old and I had some troubles which I wanted to resolve, like problems with unrequited love, relationships in my family and bad grades in school. I had two female friends (I will call one of them R further in the text) which I had knew for many years. Their families were visiting Medjugorje for a few years already and they had offered me to join them on a trip. After my mom approved it I said yes to them. I was excited because I was sure that my prayers at that place will resolve all my problems. During a bus ride, R's mother, that sat in front of me, suddenly started to speak in tongues very loudly. After some 10 minutes she became quiet and stiff for the next hour. I was terrified. Other people told me that it was her way of communicating with God. Early in the morning we arrived at Medjugorje and immediately after we came out of the bus it was told to me that all our group will circle repeatedly around the statue of the Virgin Mary on our knees for as long as one can endure it. I didn't want to be "special" so I didn't refuse it. I did half of a circle and moved away because of my hurting knees. Rest of the day was free activity for all.
R, Z (my other friend) and me shared a room. Evening came and R decided to tell me a story about her father (he too speaks in tongues). She told me that her father is deeply into religion and that he believes that when you're closer and closer to God, devil will attack you even more. So, one morning her father woke up all other members of her family very violently, ordered them to sit on a couch and kept them there for a few hours while telling them very nasty things, cursing them, etc. In the meantime he called his boss on the phone and repeated all those awful, nasty things toward him. Her father is a principal in a city hospital and he remained in that position even after this because it was concluded that he had a nervous breakdown. R told me that he was behaving like he was obsessed, speaking in a voice that wasn't natural to him, but that it didn't repeat again.
After that story we went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night while others were sleeping, I had to go to the toilet, but I felt some creepy feeling inside me. When I was on my way back from the toilet, R suddenly turned toward me and opened her eyes so widely, staring at me with a serious look on her face. I was petrified from the fear and some time, after I asked her - why are you looking at me in that way? - she began to laugh hysterically while keeping her eyes on me, after which she suddenly turned around and continued to sleep. I can't describe the shock that I felt during this event. She couldn't remember anything of that event when I asked her next day what that was all about.
Next morning was scheduled for a visit to a hill named Krizevac which I wanted to visit very much, but I woke up with a high fever, hardly able to get up from the bed. But fear from staying alone was stronger than my physical pain. We went up to the top of the hill and R's mother started to yell in tongues again, but this time her hands were so much squeezed together while praying that they were totally white from blockage of blood circulation and her body was shaking. Afternoon, we went to the confession at church. There was a priest that had a reputation of being clairvoyant and able to see your sins. So I walked in a confession room, knelt down in front of him while he put my head on his shoulder and told me to tell my sins. I couldn't say a word, like my sins were non-existing and he couldn't count my sins as well. He wasn't a clairvoyant for sure, but his body was slightly shaking and he was speaking like in a double voice.
At the evening there was a Mass of healing which lasted for 4 hours, on 4 different languages. There was no place in the church, it was crowded very much, but there were speakers outside where we were. The procedure was to kneel down and get up repeatedly during prayer. At one moment, while I was kneeling down, some strong burning sensation appeared in my head. It was like my head was literally on fire. I managed to get up and move as far as I could get from the crowd and the sensation was gone.
That evening, after Mass of healing, we were on our way to home. After I finally arrived home, I felt differently. Constantly looking over my shoulders and having a feeling that someone or something is around me. Days were passing by and my fears were getting stronger and stronger. I had fears about everything, even traveling in a car, connecting the plugs into the sockets, stronger fear of being alone or in the dark... About everything. I couldn't function normally at all. I kept praying constantly believing that the devil was close to me.
I see now that I fell into a 'den of snakes' back then and possible repercussions of that.
Presently, I still have some fears of that kind. I want to be stronger and overcome them, but I'm aware that that things can't resolve instantly. I became familiarized with the materials on this forum and learned much about spirit possession through them, also through K&B videos. I know that Work on the self deals with all of this problems most efficiently and I'm trying to apply all the knowledge I gained. Through the diet, EE, PotS and reading I'm trying to help myself and I know that I can give much more effort to all of that activity, but sometimes my troubles with fears are stronger than me and I feel helpless at that moments. I know that that moments are crucial for breaking through the obstacles. There is a light that I can see now, the Aim to which I'm striving for. I realize the importance of the networking, but there is that fear of failure that keeps haunting me sometimes.
So, that's what I wanted to share here and relieve myself of that burden. Thank you for reading this.
At that time I was 16 years old and I had some troubles which I wanted to resolve, like problems with unrequited love, relationships in my family and bad grades in school. I had two female friends (I will call one of them R further in the text) which I had knew for many years. Their families were visiting Medjugorje for a few years already and they had offered me to join them on a trip. After my mom approved it I said yes to them. I was excited because I was sure that my prayers at that place will resolve all my problems. During a bus ride, R's mother, that sat in front of me, suddenly started to speak in tongues very loudly. After some 10 minutes she became quiet and stiff for the next hour. I was terrified. Other people told me that it was her way of communicating with God. Early in the morning we arrived at Medjugorje and immediately after we came out of the bus it was told to me that all our group will circle repeatedly around the statue of the Virgin Mary on our knees for as long as one can endure it. I didn't want to be "special" so I didn't refuse it. I did half of a circle and moved away because of my hurting knees. Rest of the day was free activity for all.
R, Z (my other friend) and me shared a room. Evening came and R decided to tell me a story about her father (he too speaks in tongues). She told me that her father is deeply into religion and that he believes that when you're closer and closer to God, devil will attack you even more. So, one morning her father woke up all other members of her family very violently, ordered them to sit on a couch and kept them there for a few hours while telling them very nasty things, cursing them, etc. In the meantime he called his boss on the phone and repeated all those awful, nasty things toward him. Her father is a principal in a city hospital and he remained in that position even after this because it was concluded that he had a nervous breakdown. R told me that he was behaving like he was obsessed, speaking in a voice that wasn't natural to him, but that it didn't repeat again.
After that story we went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night while others were sleeping, I had to go to the toilet, but I felt some creepy feeling inside me. When I was on my way back from the toilet, R suddenly turned toward me and opened her eyes so widely, staring at me with a serious look on her face. I was petrified from the fear and some time, after I asked her - why are you looking at me in that way? - she began to laugh hysterically while keeping her eyes on me, after which she suddenly turned around and continued to sleep. I can't describe the shock that I felt during this event. She couldn't remember anything of that event when I asked her next day what that was all about.
Next morning was scheduled for a visit to a hill named Krizevac which I wanted to visit very much, but I woke up with a high fever, hardly able to get up from the bed. But fear from staying alone was stronger than my physical pain. We went up to the top of the hill and R's mother started to yell in tongues again, but this time her hands were so much squeezed together while praying that they were totally white from blockage of blood circulation and her body was shaking. Afternoon, we went to the confession at church. There was a priest that had a reputation of being clairvoyant and able to see your sins. So I walked in a confession room, knelt down in front of him while he put my head on his shoulder and told me to tell my sins. I couldn't say a word, like my sins were non-existing and he couldn't count my sins as well. He wasn't a clairvoyant for sure, but his body was slightly shaking and he was speaking like in a double voice.
At the evening there was a Mass of healing which lasted for 4 hours, on 4 different languages. There was no place in the church, it was crowded very much, but there were speakers outside where we were. The procedure was to kneel down and get up repeatedly during prayer. At one moment, while I was kneeling down, some strong burning sensation appeared in my head. It was like my head was literally on fire. I managed to get up and move as far as I could get from the crowd and the sensation was gone.
That evening, after Mass of healing, we were on our way to home. After I finally arrived home, I felt differently. Constantly looking over my shoulders and having a feeling that someone or something is around me. Days were passing by and my fears were getting stronger and stronger. I had fears about everything, even traveling in a car, connecting the plugs into the sockets, stronger fear of being alone or in the dark... About everything. I couldn't function normally at all. I kept praying constantly believing that the devil was close to me.
I see now that I fell into a 'den of snakes' back then and possible repercussions of that.
Presently, I still have some fears of that kind. I want to be stronger and overcome them, but I'm aware that that things can't resolve instantly. I became familiarized with the materials on this forum and learned much about spirit possession through them, also through K&B videos. I know that Work on the self deals with all of this problems most efficiently and I'm trying to apply all the knowledge I gained. Through the diet, EE, PotS and reading I'm trying to help myself and I know that I can give much more effort to all of that activity, but sometimes my troubles with fears are stronger than me and I feel helpless at that moments. I know that that moments are crucial for breaking through the obstacles. There is a light that I can see now, the Aim to which I'm striving for. I realize the importance of the networking, but there is that fear of failure that keeps haunting me sometimes.
So, that's what I wanted to share here and relieve myself of that burden. Thank you for reading this.
