Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

Actually, "The Laird" is the last book of a trilogy beginning with "The Captive", then "The Traitor", and last, "The Laird". All the characters are intertwined to some extent. I read "The Laird" first, too. But then, when I found the other two, I read them in order and even re-read "The Laird" to finish it off. It was a lot more satisfying that way since I knew the backstory of "The Laird" that way.
Thank you for mentioning that. I read "The Laird" thinking it was a stand alone, so I am pleased to hear that there are a couple more books which preceded it and which give some background to the characters. I also found that book to be hard going and one could almost feel the barrenness and coldness of the land and the people there. I did find that the Laird had a turn around at the end which was unlikely.
I refer to
how the Laird could be all romantic and emotionally relaxed after his uncle just committed suicide due to his pedophile history a few hours earlier. He more likely would have been devastated and not up to play the romantic lover on a picnic.
Apart from that I think she dealt well with some very tough topics which required time to be addressed and heal.
 
Here's a great description of the principals of 'the hero's journey' as they're conveyed in the Romance genre - that was posted to the YT page of the recent MindMatters show:

Elizabeth Ellen Carter
Elizabeth Ellen Carter has a Webpage and has posted a couple of interviews with authors on her Youtube channel. In an interview is with Anna Markland, they discuss the process of writing and how an author may progress with a story depending on what the characters in their story choose to do and reveal about themselves. If interested it is around minute 6:39 and a couple of minutes further. What they say comments on my experience of the book, I'm reading, A Precious Jewel by Mary Balogh, where the male protagonist's (Sir Gerald Stapleton's) seeming lack of interest in the life and background of the female protagonist (Miss Priscilla Wentworth) is somewhat surprising to me, especially as his best friend (Miles, The Earl of Severn) leaves hints that there is much more to know. If I take the idea of the interview, the surprise is less if I dare to move more fully into the mind of the male protagonist. What I find is a constricted space, with blinds. Although this constriction and the blinds are not there all the time, as otherwise, he would not develop to outgrow them quickly enough for a happy ending, they are initially and for quite a long time present to a degree that makes his choices not to explore the history of the female protagonist earlier appear possible and likely.
 
I have just finished reading A Christmas Bride by Mary Balogh. The main female character was quite different from Balogh’s main characters in the 4 Horsemen/Marriage of Convenience series (which I loved).

Helena’s self-loathing made her a really unpleasant partner to be around. I felt really sorry for Edgar, thank goodness he managed to see through all her meanness and that he had the patience to persevere. I was almost shouting at her while reading “for goodness sake just give it up already!” I didn’t really get the nice happy ending feeling that I did with the other books, it was more like a “finally!” feeling.

I’m part ways (they have just gone to the market on the frozen Thames) into A Christmas Beau, and I feel really sorry for the poor Marquess of Denbigh! I’ll be interested to see how it ends because I’m hoping there was a really good reason for Judith having run off on the poor chap. At least with Rose (Marry in Secret) Thomas was literally a slave in another continent so there was no way he could have gotten back to her, Judith better had been forced at gunpoint or something.
I thought A Christmas Bride was brilliant. I didn't at first though! Lady Stapleton (Helena) seems an irredeemable beeyatch for much of it, while Edgar seems austere and bland...

But then they're placed in this wonderful and idyllic Christmas setting - in such extreme contrast to their apparently loveless pairing - which pulls back the veil to reveal a strong and loving gentleman who expertly and selflessly unties the knots around Helena's heart. Edgar takes a great risk at the end, in order, he hopes, to help free Helena from her vicious cycle of self-loathing. I was in awe of his courage to do what was best for all concerned, at the risk of dooming his marriage, his standing in the community, and his own happiness.

The dynamic in Christmas Beau, on the other hand, seemed to me to be flawed. It's interesting that some of you sympathized with the marquess (Max). I couldn't...

Here you have a saint of an aristocrat bringing street kids, lonely relatives, and down-and-out neighbors into his mansion for an awesome Christmas. He's genuine, loving, considerate, handsome, rich, and to all appearances impeccable. No one has a bad word to say about him. And yet, he's simultaneously working diligently to entrap a widow (through her kids and impressionable sister-in-law) who jilted him 8 years prior... so that he can make her love him... at which point he plans to tell her to scram... so that he can enjoy the momentary satisfaction of feeling revenge for her breaking his heart several years ago.

Judith didn't deserve this. Firstly, she was just 18 at the time. Secondly, Max did nothing at the time to alter her first impressions that he was anything but a frightening, aloof character. Thirdly, they were not in love (at least, she wasn't - and he didn't tell her that he was. As far as she was concerned, it was an arranged marriage). Fourthly, she was manipulated by the guy she jilted Max for, then experienced immediate 'punishment' through a loveless, unhappy marriage. It's not like she was living the life of Reilly while Max spent all of the intervening time heartbroken.

It's one thing to entertain thoughts of vengeance to assuage past hurts, but to act on them in the most hurtful way possible? Who does that?!

IF he had had a messed-up childhood, like James in The Devil's Web, then maybe I could understand Max's motivation for 'revenge'. But no, he consciously gaslights Judith based solely - it seems to me - on relatively innocuous and commonplace misunderstandings between youths. And Judith had told him all of her side of the story by the time he makes spectacular love to her, she declares her love for him, and he just goes 'Meh, I'm done with you now'.

By then there are just a few pages left of the book in which the 'kiss-and-make-up' can take place. I'm thinking 'this better be masterful from Max'. But no, Balogh has JUDITH come to Max all contrite and apologetic and pleading to 'make this work'! Wh-what?!?

It's great that Balogh and others are helping women see more of relationships from men's point of view, but this one surely goes too far in the other extreme of 'understanding why he is being a jerk'?
 
Mary Balogh A Counterfeit Betrothal said:
Lord Edmond’s internal dialog:

Devil take it, but he would have her. And she would like it, too. He would make her tell him so the very next time he had her beneath him and mounted. He would keep her writhing with unfulfillment until she had told him that she enjoyed it. And that she loved him. He would make her tell him that she loved him. By God, he would. And she would mean it, too.
A perfect example of the testosterone demon. We males are cursed with such sexual arrogance that we believe that the women will be overwhelmed by our magnificent sexual performance. Testosterone cannot understand or hear “no”, so it takes a great deal of effort for a man to quell the hormonal beast. The current "wokes" just do not understand this hormone.

In the Counterfeit Betrothal, the love scenes between Marc & Olivia were vexing for me. His behavior was the manifestation of the testosterone beast. I was annoyed by Olivia passivity towards his brutish sex, let alone feeling that she wanted more of it. This depiction of Olivia’s inner reaction to Marc’s crass humping and post coupling rudeness was unrealistic. I expected her to smile sweetly while walking up to him, grab him by the shoulders, fake a kiss then knee him in the jewels.

There are many examples of testosterone demon in these stories because the male characters are rogues and rakes. Their inner dialogs about how they will “conquer” their women does raise my cackles. I am aware that this is a necessary tool of the romance dance, but it is the female compliance and wanting it that is too unrealistic. Do women really respond positively towards the testosterone beast or is this just the author's ploy to heighten the sexual energies?

Then onto the The Notorious Rake, who was all testosterone demon but came back to reality in the last chapter. At least the female character's reaction towards him was more realistic.

Onto Scotland I go and check out the lairds.
 
It's interesting that some of you sympathized with the marquess (Max). I couldn't...

Reading your spoiler, I can see your point of view.

But I don´t see him as a bad person...

What I saw from his inner dialogs is that he is not malicious.
He did plan the revenge and he wanted to be an A.H. but he actually liked being with the kids and he liked being with Judith.

I posted here what I admired about him.
He did a good work and he basically was a decent human.

Yes - it was an arranged marriage, yes - they were young, yes - it´s not her fault that she didn´t fall in love with him.

And now, yes, he didn´t have a messed up childhood like James, but Judith act of ditching him was a big changer for him, it changed his whole world: I behaved as a perfect gentleman, I´m from a good family, doing all the right things by the rules of society, and where did that bring me? It got me nowhere. Only scandal and shame. And lost love.

It was boiling and growing in him for years...

At the end I was also shocked that he really went with his plan! I was really pissed and disappointed.
And what did that bring him? He fed the wolf inside and the wolf devoured him.

And after everything, they were left with the trust issue - one of the worst issues there is. They were both hurt.

Why did Judith came at the end? Well I would say, that she started all and she had to finish it all. She rejected him and run from him the whole book and now that she found him, she had to really resolve the problem, or at least honestly say her part.
Single really brave and honest moment from her part in the whole book...
 
Two Balogh's gems about out human existence.
Mary Balogh: A counterfeit Betrothal/The Notorious Rake said:
We are all ultimately responsible for our own words and actions, my lord. Perhaps circumstances cause major changes and stresses in our lives, and perhaps we can be excused for crumbling beneath the weight of those circumstances—for a certain time. But the real test of the strength of our characters lies in our ability to go forward with our lives unbroken, to rise above circumstance.
Is not this a great view of how we must deal with our karma?:perfect:

Mary Balogh: A counterfeit Betrothal/The Notorious Rake said:
For once something had been born and died, it had existed. It had been a part of one’s life and must be forever a part of one’s memory and therefore a part of one’s very being.
Another hit out of the park.
Everything that has existed in our lives is now part of our data retrieval system of our higher mind.
 
Ann Campbell: The Laird's Willful Lass (The Lairds Most Likely Book 1) (p. 92). Kindle Edition. said:
He’d (Fergus) soon realized that she (Marina) hadn’t exaggerated her devotion to capturing the landscape on paper. During their frequent stops for her to do quick sketches, he watched her disappear into a world of her own.
A great description of how artist, writers, deep thinkers, etc., experience their encounter with their muse.
 
Anna Campbell, The Laird's Willful Lass (The Lairds Most Likely Book 1)


Marina & Fergus love run was a story of self-love. They were mirrors of each other and had to learn how to give and take between two willful characters. Since both were used to getting their way, she as an independent female artist and he as the laird and head of the clan.

Their first encounter bristled with “I’m the boss” bantering with a seething sexual attraction. Like cats on a wooden fence with full moon on a warm spring night. All claws, bristled fur, and arched backs and neither willing to yield.

I truly enjoyed this story and wondered how I would react to my female self. Part of me thinks it would be fantastic but being an Aquarian I know that together we would want to take over the world. It is one of the many attributes of Aquarians that we get along with other Aquarians better than any other zodiac members. So, we would not be hampered by relational conflicts therefore, we would focus our attention on others. God help others if the Aquarian couple are psychopaths!😱😨😰🤪
 
Hi everybody participating in this very interesting experiment. Even though I started reading along with you when the experiment began last year and I’ve read around 30 books so far I have not participated in the sharing of my thoughts. This was maybe because I felt a bit shy as I’ve always been reluctant to share personal things or anything to do with my emotions. I’ve always loved reading fiction, so the project was no problem for me, I’ve enjoyed immersing myself in the characters journeys, transformations and of course learning more about internal considering.

I did start seeing my partner differently, realizing I’ve been incredibly selfish in many instances. Also how truly lucky I am and the need to express my gratitude more for him being in my life. It’s like I was turned inward and now I’m starting to turn outward, to him. I used to be so fiercely independent, thinking this was the path to freedom. Not realizing how selfish this was, I was keeping a part of my self hidden, the most vulnerable part at the core of my being locked up. Thinking this was for my safety. These books have shown me that I’ve missed out due to some very deep trust issues.

The book that really helped me come to these conclusions was “Devil in Spring” by Lisa Kleypas. In some ways I identify quite a bit with the heroine Pandora who is very quirky and independent. The difference is she is very strong willed, determined and refuses to allow anything to stand in the way of her dreams. I on the other hand am always doubting myself and putting my dreams on hold due to fear of failure.

Another reason I’ve hesitated to comment yet on the thread is that even though I’ve enjoyed reading the books and cried along with characters in parts I had not had what others in the thread have experienced in terms of deep emotional experiences. Well yesterday I was at the end of the book I just mentioned and I read a very random part, that had nothing to do with her relationship but to do with her budding business enterprise and it succeeding. I felt a heart-wrenching sob from my chest, this yearning joy for her as well as sadness on my part. I instantly squelched this emotion, it was just too weird and far too strong for such a random part in the story. I continued reading and she started thinking about her future projects and the sob came out again, even stronger. Since then I’ve felt this “feeling” in my chest. It reminds of a deep sadness and sobbing episodes I’ve experienced during deep massage or even has come out during sex. It’s something deep inside, that’s unknowing, as in I can’t relate it to anything in my current life. Yes I had a lot of childhood trauma in various forms but I’ve worked hard for many years to understand it, to deprogram myself, to let it go. However this “feeling” in my chest feels like more, whenever I allow myself to indulge it and cry, it feels never ending, like an abyss. My intuition is that EE will help. It’s just that when I did it before, I felt again in my chest, like I was struggling to get enough breath. At the time I told myself that my lungs had not fully healed from having covid but I think it’s because I was trying to hold the emotions in. I will be trufthul and say I feel scared, I feel scared to face what’s really causing the emotions in my chest. But I’m feeling inspired by Pandora to face these fears and stop being a baby and just do the EE and hope for release and healing.
 
Do women really respond positively towards the testosterone beast or is this just the author's ploy to heighten the sexual energies?
I think the women want to be desired by the men but this is the final stage, as the man must first prove his worthiness of her body and his appreciation of her as an entire person. The assertion that she will not be cast off afterwards because there is more to the relationship than sex. I think these things fuel her desire to be desired by these men.
But! I haven’t read any of the series that you mentioned just going on what I have read.
 
Thanks so much for posting your experience @Candice. I think I may read the book you mentioned next. Your post itself made me a bit teary as I can relate to what you wrote.
Hi @gottathink. The book I mentioned is the third in the series. I recommend starting from the first one. So far I think this may be my favorite series so far. The internal dialogue may not be as deep as others but I’ve fallen in love with the family and characters, they feel very real to me. Enjoy 😊
 
Oftentimes dancing, especially waltzing, is mentioned as a "special occasion" in the romance novels.

I thought that perhaps I could share a story about my experiences with dancing.

Reading the novels reminded me that when I was studying, I attended a dance class that was arranged for university students (time flies: it was 20 years ago!). Tango, foxtrot and waltz were on the menu. I remember struggling mightily with tango, foxtrot was so-so and waltzing went rather smoothly.

I have a brain related health condition, for which dancing would be very beneficial recovery wise. One would have to remember the steps, be in sync with your partner, listen to the cues from the music, mind the surroundings when moving around the dance floor, and so on, combining brainwork with movement. In a way, dancing is the "ultimate brainteaser". :-)

I fell ill about four years ago and once the worst was over, I actually entertained the idea that maybe dancing would be worthwhile to try, along with the other ways I was rehabilitating myself. However, I realized pretty quickly that attending a dancing course would be too much and too intensive at that stage. Then I kind of forgot about it.

Now that I have recovered a bit further, and as dancing (waltz) is being repeatedly mentioned in the novels, I had the thought of maybe looking into it again, see if there are any dance courses arranged locally.

I did a quick search, and found out that indeed there was a dance studio, which arranges dance courses for total beginners. An introductory course consisted of the traditional trio of waltz, foxtrot and tango.

Over here we have had lockdowns due to covid, and the studio too has been closed for some weeks at a time. When the lockdowns have eased, the studio is open near normally: at the moment they ask the attendees to come preferably together with a partner (normally you can attend alone), and the groups are restricted to ten people.

I emailed them, mentioning my history and health condition, and asked if it would be ok to attend alone. The reply was very encouraging and they mentioned that a dancing partner could be arranged. So, I took the plunge and booked a place on a weekend course, where waltz and foxtrot were introduced, the sessions lasting an hour and a half, on saturday and sunday.

I went to the studio on a saturday, and was surprised by what they said about masks: no need to use them. It was like "a breath of fresh air" amidst the lunacy regarding the masks elsewhere (the masks would understandably be problematic while dancing as you get out of breath).

My dancing partner was an elderly lady, who had been attending the courses for a couple of years, so she knew her way around, which was good news for me as a novice! Alongside us, there was actually just one other pair partaking the class.

We started with waltzing, going through the basic steps, and practicing them with the partner. Then we moved on to the turns, again first doing them alone, then with the partner. Maybe it was due to waltz being my "strongest" dance back during the university course, but it started to go somewhat fairly, eventually. I was "relaxed as an iron bar" to start with, and half the time we danced I held my breath as I concentrated on the steps! My dancing partner occasionally commented "remember to breath", in a humorous and kind way. :lol:

We then moved on to foxtrot. The basic steps went ok-ish, but when it came to the turns, I really struggled with them. I guess I didn't pay close enough attention when the instructor demonstrated the moves to us. Then us guys did them alongside him, turning 90 degrees to the right at a time. I was watching the instructor as I turned, but turning away made it impossible to follow his lead, resulting me to "lose the plot", and stumbling with the steps.

I did several try outs, but to no avail, and by the end I was getting nervous, frustrated (feeling the others getting frustrated too) and slowing down the progress of the session. I felt embarrassed (thinking in hindsight terms, quite unnecessarily). Sometimes I overreact and take things too personally, when unexpected and abrupt issues happen to me, and I am not able to rise to the occasion. We tried the turn with my partner, but unsurprisingly it didn't work out, so I said to her that maybe we should just dance the basic steps (without the turnings) for the remainder of time.

As we finished for the day, I told my partner about my health problem and she concurred, that dancing would be a good thing to do. I asked the instructor if there were e.g. any videos on the net, where I could see the correct way to foxtrot-turn, but he replied that it is a "jungle out there" regarding the videos, and not to worry as we will recap tomorrow. He was right, I tried to look for instructions that evening, but could not find any videos resembling the way it was taught there.

Naturally, I was a bit nervous to go to the dance studio in the first place, but now I was becoming very nervous about the following day's class. What if I just could not "get it through my head", learn the moves and would humiliate myself again, and had to quit the whole thing with tail between my legs. The following morning I was still nervous, and was considering ditching the whole affair.

But then I thought about my dancing partner: it would be very rude not to go, as she was making the effort and would make the trip for nothing.

Also, I was finishing Balogh's "The Gilded Web", and at that point in the book it was uncertain if the marriage plan would work for Edmund and Alexandra. If it didn't work out, Edmund mentioned that he would probably be content to continue his life as a hermit at his country estate (paraphrasing), and I recognised a bit of myself in his views. I too tend to need my alone time. Although I meet family and friends every now and then, go to work half a week, I tend to live in a "bubble" of safe routines, and sometimes feel that my alone time moves to loneliness territory. Edmund possibly getting out of his hermit future and me continuing the dance class is not comparable of course, but that part in the book "rattled my cages" somewhat.

Here I would have this opportunity to challenge myself, do something out of my comfort zone and in a way "burst the bubble" or at least puncture a hole into it. If I didn't go to finish the dance course, it might be difficult to try again in the future.

So, I decided that I will go after all, dammit! Even if I embarrass myself further with foxtrot, the waltz went without any major stumbling, so if nothing else there is that. I prepared for the "battle" with pipe and Wim Hof breathing and meditating. Just to be on a safe side, I recharged the crystals with the prayer and put the personal crystal in my pocket. :-)

Curiously, a part of a book about Gurdjieff came to my mind. One of the pupils of Gurdjieff was going to negotiate about buying/renting of a house in France, and he advised her to "self remember" while negotiating (unfortunately I can't remember which book it was). I decided to the same, when attending the dance class.

I went to the studio and the session started with waltz, which went ok. Then it was time for foxtrot and this time I paid focused attention when the instructor showed the turn. It took a lot of repeats, but I was slowly starting to get an inkling of the correct way to do it. When partnering up, again it took a while to get there, but the music in the background helped and at some point it "clicked" and I got it. It was like solving a particularly difficult brain puzzle, and felt like an internal knot was untied! Of course there was some stumbling and breaks in the fluency after that, but the feeling of elation was immense. We finished the session with waltz and on occasions, when there was a "flow" with the twists and turns, I could almost sense how the characters in the romance novels must have been feeling while waltzing!

When we were finished, the instructor said to us students that if we are interested, we could continue the beginner level courses. During the next weekend course we would tackle tango, a couple of weeks in the future. My dancing partner recommended that I should carry on.

Afterwards I had a powerful "natural high", and walked to the nearby riverbank just to enjoy the moment. I am glad that I could summon some courage, and managed to see this through. I was considering not participating that morning, and now am seriously thinking about continuing the endeavour. Looks like I might try taming those darned tango steps!
 
Oftentimes dancing, especially waltzing, is mentioned as a "special occasion" in the romance novels.

I thought that perhaps I could share a story about my experiences with dancing.

Reading the novels reminded me that when I was studying, I attended a dance class that was arranged for university students (time flies: it was 20 years ago!). Tango, foxtrot and waltz were on the menu. I remember struggling mightily with tango, foxtrot was so-so and waltzing went rather smoothly.

I have a brain related health condition, for which dancing would be very beneficial recovery wise. One would have to remember the steps, be in sync with your partner, listen to the cues from the music, mind the surroundings when moving around the dance floor, and so on, combining brainwork with movement. In a way, dancing is the "ultimate brainteaser". :-)

I fell ill about four years ago and once the worst was over, I actually entertained the idea that maybe dancing would be worthwhile to try, along with the other ways I was rehabilitating myself. However, I realized pretty quickly that attending a dancing course would be too much and too intensive at that stage. Then I kind of forgot about it.

Now that I have recovered a bit further, and as dancing (waltz) is being repeatedly mentioned in the novels, I had the thought of maybe looking into it again, see if there are any dance courses arranged locally.

I did a quick search, and found out that indeed there was a dance studio, which arranges dance courses for total beginners. An introductory course consisted of the traditional trio of waltz, foxtrot and tango.

Over here we have had lockdowns due to covid, and the studio too has been closed for some weeks at a time. When the lockdowns have eased, the studio is open near normally: at the moment they ask the attendees to come preferably together with a partner (normally you can attend alone), and the groups are restricted to ten people.

I emailed them, mentioning my history and health condition, and asked if it would be ok to attend alone. The reply was very encouraging and they mentioned that a dancing partner could be arranged. So, I took the plunge and booked a place on a weekend course, where waltz and foxtrot were introduced, the sessions lasting an hour and a half, on saturday and sunday.

I went to the studio on a saturday, and was surprised by what they said about masks: no need to use them. It was like "a breath of fresh air" amidst the lunacy regarding the masks elsewhere (the masks would understandably be problematic while dancing as you get out of breath).

My dancing partner was an elderly lady, who had been attending the courses for a couple of years, so she knew her way around, which was good news for me as a novice! Alongside us, there was actually just one other pair partaking the class.

We started with waltzing, going through the basic steps, and practicing them with the partner. Then we moved on to the turns, again first doing them alone, then with the partner. Maybe it was due to waltz being my "strongest" dance back during the university course, but it started to go somewhat fairly, eventually. I was "relaxed as an iron bar" to start with, and half the time we danced I held my breath as I concentrated on the steps! My dancing partner occasionally commented "remember to breath", in a humorous and kind way. :lol:

We then moved on to foxtrot. The basic steps went ok-ish, but when it came to the turns, I really struggled with them. I guess I didn't pay close enough attention when the instructor demonstrated the moves to us. Then us guys did them alongside him, turning 90 degrees to the right at a time. I was watching the instructor as I turned, but turning away made it impossible to follow his lead, resulting me to "lose the plot", and stumbling with the steps.

I did several try outs, but to no avail, and by the end I was getting nervous, frustrated (feeling the others getting frustrated too) and slowing down the progress of the session. I felt embarrassed (thinking in hindsight terms, quite unnecessarily). Sometimes I overreact and take things too personally, when unexpected and abrupt issues happen to me, and I am not able to rise to the occasion. We tried the turn with my partner, but unsurprisingly it didn't work out, so I said to her that maybe we should just dance the basic steps (without the turnings) for the remainder of time.

As we finished for the day, I told my partner about my health problem and she concurred, that dancing would be a good thing to do. I asked the instructor if there were e.g. any videos on the net, where I could see the correct way to foxtrot-turn, but he replied that it is a "jungle out there" regarding the videos, and not to worry as we will recap tomorrow. He was right, I tried to look for instructions that evening, but could not find any videos resembling the way it was taught there.

Naturally, I was a bit nervous to go to the dance studio in the first place, but now I was becoming very nervous about the following day's class. What if I just could not "get it through my head", learn the moves and would humiliate myself again, and had to quit the whole thing with tail between my legs. The following morning I was still nervous, and was considering ditching the whole affair.

But then I thought about my dancing partner: it would be very rude not to go, as she was making the effort and would make the trip for nothing.

Also, I was finishing Balogh's "The Gilded Web", and at that point in the book it was uncertain if the marriage plan would work for Edmund and Alexandra. If it didn't work out, Edmund mentioned that he would probably be content to continue his life as a hermit at his country estate (paraphrasing), and I recognised a bit of myself in his views. I too tend to need my alone time. Although I meet family and friends every now and then, go to work half a week, I tend to live in a "bubble" of safe routines, and sometimes feel that my alone time moves to loneliness territory. Edmund possibly getting out of his hermit future and me continuing the dance class is not comparable of course, but that part in the book "rattled my cages" somewhat.

Here I would have this opportunity to challenge myself, do something out of my comfort zone and in a way "burst the bubble" or at least puncture a hole into it. If I didn't go to finish the dance course, it might be difficult to try again in the future.

So, I decided that I will go after all, dammit! Even if I embarrass myself further with foxtrot, the waltz went without any major stumbling, so if nothing else there is that. I prepared for the "battle" with pipe and Wim Hof breathing and meditating. Just to be on a safe side, I recharged the crystals with the prayer and put the personal crystal in my pocket. :-)

Curiously, a part of a book about Gurdjieff came to my mind. One of the pupils of Gurdjieff was going to negotiate about buying/renting of a house in France, and he advised her to "self remember" while negotiating (unfortunately I can't remember which book it was). I decided to the same, when attending the dance class.

I went to the studio and the session started with waltz, which went ok. Then it was time for foxtrot and this time I paid focused attention when the instructor showed the turn. It took a lot of repeats, but I was slowly starting to get an inkling of the correct way to do it. When partnering up, again it took a while to get there, but the music in the background helped and at some point it "clicked" and I got it. It was like solving a particularly difficult brain puzzle, and felt like an internal knot was untied! Of course there was some stumbling and breaks in the fluency after that, but the feeling of elation was immense. We finished the session with waltz and on occasions, when there was a "flow" with the twists and turns, I could almost sense how the characters in the romance novels must have been feeling while waltzing!

When we were finished, the instructor said to us students that if we are interested, we could continue the beginner level courses. During the next weekend course we would tackle tango, a couple of weeks in the future. My dancing partner recommended that I should carry on.

Afterwards I had a powerful "natural high", and walked to the nearby riverbank just to enjoy the moment. I am glad that I could summon some courage, and managed to see this through. I was considering not participating that morning, and now am seriously thinking about continuing the endeavour. Looks like I might try taming those darned tango steps!
Fantastic! Congratulations! I love your story. Thanks to the romantic books you did it. This is marvelous.
 
Here I would have this opportunity to challenge myself, do something out of my comfort zone and in a way "burst the bubble" or at least puncture a hole into it. If I didn't go to finish the dance course, it might be difficult to try again in the future.

So, I decided that I will go after all, dammit! Even if I embarrass myself further with foxtrot, the waltz went without any major stumbling, so if nothing else there is that. I prepared for the "battle" with pipe and Wim Hof breathing and meditating. Just to be on a safe side, I recharged the crystals with the prayer and put the personal crystal in my pocket. :-)
Thanks for sharing with us! This is a great example of overcoming yourself. It was helpful for me to hear your story. This will be another building block for showing determination in my life in some situations. I have overcome myself many times, but each new time is like the first time. :-)
 
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