Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

I did start seeing my partner differently, realizing I’ve been incredibly selfish in many instances. Also how truly lucky I am and the need to express my gratitude more for him being in my life. It’s like I was turned inward and now I’m starting to turn outward, to him. I used to be so fiercely independent, thinking this was the path to freedom. Not realizing how selfish this was, I was keeping a part of my self hidden, the most vulnerable part at the core of my being locked up. Thinking this was for my safety. These books have shown me that I’ve missed out due to some very deep trust issues.

That is wonderful, Candice! I'm very happy for you, and hope that your partner also feels the difference and it helps him feel closer to, and grateful for you too.

Another reason I’ve hesitated to comment yet on the thread is that even though I’ve enjoyed reading the books and cried along with characters in parts I had not had what others in the thread have experienced in terms of deep emotional experiences. Well yesterday...

I think it happens differently for each of us. Sometimes more strongly, others much less. So, I encourage you to keep sharing. It doesn't matter whether it's a big "breakthrough" or not. Often we are bad judges of that ourselves, anyway. I'd say that what you wrote above is a pretty BIG breakthrough, big emotional release or not. :flowers:
 
I think it happens differently for each of us. Sometimes more strongly, others much less. So, I encourage you to keep sharing. It doesn't matter whether it's a big "breakthrough" or not. Often we are bad judges of that ourselves, anyway. I'd say that what you wrote above is a pretty BIG breakthrough, big emotional release or not. :flowers:
Thank you @Chu for your advice. I decided to do some EE and the pressure that had been building up in my chest has released. I now feel a lot better. I’ve started on the next book “Hello Stranger” and it’s already hooked me right in. I will endeavor to keep sharing any insights and not to be so shy about it in the future.
 
I think it happens differently for each of us. Sometimes more strongly, others much less. So, I encourage you to keep sharing. It doesn't matter whether it's a big "breakthrough" or not. Often we are bad judges of that ourselves, anyway. I'd say that what you wrote above is a pretty BIG breakthrough, big emotional release or not. :flowers:

Yeah, it's best not to assume that you should be either crying your eyes out or dancing on the ceiling after reading any of these books. I've found that many times, they 'work on' me in the background. In some cases, the books that I thought were, "Meh! Whatever..." turned out to cause minor revelations or realizations weeks later. So, just keep reading!
 
Another reason I’ve hesitated to comment yet on the thread is that even though I’ve enjoyed reading the books and cried along with characters in parts I had not had what others in the thread have experienced in terms of deep emotional experiences. Well yesterday I was at the end of the book I just mentioned and I read a very random part, that had nothing to do with her relationship but to do with her budding business enterprise and it succeeding. I felt a heart-wrenching sob from my chest, this yearning joy for her as well as sadness on my part. I instantly squelched this emotion, it was just too weird and far too strong for such a random part in the story. I continued reading and she started thinking about her future projects and the sob came out again, even stronger. Since then I’ve felt this “feeling” in my chest. It reminds of a deep sadness and sobbing episodes I’ve experienced during deep massage or even has come out during sex. It’s something deep inside, that’s unknowing, as in I can’t relate it to anything in my current life. Yes I had a lot of childhood trauma in various forms but I’ve worked hard for many years to understand it, to deprogram myself, to let it go. However this “feeling” in my chest feels like more, whenever I allow myself to indulge it and cry, it feels never ending, like an abyss. My intuition is that EE will help. It’s just that when I did it before, I felt again in my chest, like I was struggling to get enough breath. At the time I told myself that my lungs had not fully healed from having covid but I think it’s because I was trying to hold the emotions in. I will be trufthul and say I feel scared, I feel scared to face what’s really causing the emotions in my chest. But I’m feeling inspired by Pandora to face these fears and stop being a baby and just do the EE and hope for release and healing.
I was also reading Devil in Spring and it is a interesting story. These books conveys the a theme of independence, honest expression, respecting others own goals under the protection of understanding spouse.
The duchess shook her head, her gaze warm and encouraging. “No, Pandora. He learned how to love them without changing them. To let them be what they were meant to be.”
As was already mentioned, every body has different way of processing and triggers different snippets of story. For me, after 25 or 30 books, my brain started ruminating of memories of past . Rather fed up, I decided to write it down, but each writing down threw more need to validate. It took me 3 iterations of writing, reading old dairies and come to a point that rumination disappear entirely. I was angry for this process to take so long. Well, it's worth it, though it looked selfish.
Another Lorraine Heath book to add to the list: "Just Wicked Enough".

The title is absurd considering the very serious and troubling story.
The 2 books from the series were added to the list.
206Lorraine HeathRogues and Roses1A Duke of Her Own
207Lorraine HeathRogues and Roses2Just Wicked Enough
 
Have you experimented with visualizing the text, as it is spoken? In a different context, I have sometimes used this approach to assist language learning.

The way you do it with your eyes closed should assist the imagination. If one combines visualization of the audio to text and adds the visualization of the scenes it would appear for the inner eye and ear as similar to a texted movie.

Almost three weeks ago, I wrote a post that included notes on the mental processes that take place during the reading of fiction including visualization. It was a dry even boring post. What I did leave out was my own impression of the information, which left me in surprise and uncertainty as in OMG, what is this, where is this leading? In the following days, I realized I have had hesitations involving my imagination of the settings, the dialogues and the characters. I discovered there were scenes in some novels, where I could stay with the characters, their choices and the results of these in a more full and honest way. I imagine it might be a bit like being in 5th density and being assigned as a guide to a soul going through 3rd density experience. What I am finding by involving my imagination more is that I have more actively been looking around and within for dynamics that are similar to what I'm reading. To read with imagination, I need a library of experiences, and to recognize patterns in my experience I can draw on the characters and the settings I have read in the novels. It works both ways.

This is a great self-observation. I had noticed your 'dry' post, too, and at the time wasn't sure what to say about it, and decided to wait and see. Near the beginning of this thread, some people were writing more surface-level 'book reports' of novels, opinions about authors, their writing style, theme, and so on - and not engaging in these books on a deeper emotional Work sort of way. So there were these 'book reports', but there wasn't a corresponding 'self report' that indicated the necessary inward turn. It seems to have taken a large number of the novels for many (myself included) to get our feet wet, get used to the temperature, and take the plunge.

There was a lot of more technical information packed in your post, which itself isn't a bad thing, but it left me wondering if you'd grasped the main purpose of this reading project, which centres on emotional information. I can see that you're in pursuit of Knowledge - but as has been mentioned already, what we're after here is primarily growth of Being. Technical information and intellectual centre work doesn't necessarily translate into developing empathy, which involves clearing out the emotional centre. And as far as I can tell, empathy is key for developing an STO FRV.

So yeah, kudos to you for taking that step into reading 'with imagination'!
 
A perfect example of the testosterone demon. We males are cursed with such sexual arrogance that we believe that the women will be overwhelmed by our magnificent sexual performance. Testosterone cannot understand or hear “no”, so it takes a great deal of effort for a man to quell the hormonal beast. The current "wokes" just do not understand this hormone.

In the Counterfeit Betrothal, the love scenes between Marc & Olivia were vexing for me. His behavior was the manifestation of the testosterone beast. I was annoyed by Olivia passivity towards his brutish sex, let alone feeling that she wanted more of it. This depiction of Olivia’s inner reaction to Marc’s crass humping and post coupling rudeness was unrealistic. I expected her to smile sweetly while walking up to him, grab him by the shoulders, fake a kiss then knee him in the jewels.

There are many examples of testosterone demon in these stories because the male characters are rogues and rakes. Their inner dialogs about how they will “conquer” their women does raise my cackles. I am aware that this is a necessary tool of the romance dance, but it is the female compliance and wanting it that is too unrealistic. Do women really respond positively towards the testosterone beast or is this just the author's ploy to heighten the sexual energies?

Then onto the The Notorious Rake, who was all testosterone demon but came back to reality in the last chapter. At least the female character's reaction towards him was more realistic.

Onto Scotland I go and check out the lairds.
I haven't read the book so I can't really tell if the author is writing soft porn to titillate the audience.

And some women, at some point or another, may like to be a bit roughhandled by "Alpha males". Most of the time they're not looking for commitment though.

Like Candice said, it's more about a man proving his worth, proving he he has the inner strengh to tame the beast in him and stay faithfull and commited to his wife, even when her body is aging and tired after the pregnancies.

Also, so far, the heros depicted in the books are sometimes promiscuitious and macho, but they don't cross the line to rape, overt manipulation and other niceties. They have strengh of character and that's make them redeemable. Many men who are outwarfly soft and kind would jump at the chance of being unfaithful, if they had the means to. So it's not all black and white.

If thrash like "50 shades of Grey" got such a big success, it's because the author tapped into the trope of "undominable man tamed and /or redeemded by sweet young woman".
 
Like Candice said, it's more about a man proving his worth, proving he he has the inner strengh to tame the beast in him and stay faithfull and commited to his wife, even when her body is aging and tired after the pregnancies.
Um no that wasn’t me who said that. 😂
 
J'ai enfin reçu ma commande de 8 livres, si contente de me remettre à mes lectures préférées et addictives...
J'ai commencé "Le Captif" de Grace Burrowes
Beaucoup de souffrances et de courage, je n'en suis qu'à la moitié (à suivre)...

I finally received my order of 8 books, so happy to get back to my favorite and addictive reads...
I started "The Captive" by Grace Burrowes
A lot of suffering and courage, I'm only halfway through (to be continued)...
 
Is there a live document link somewhere to the book list? Or would it be possible to add the list to the resources?
Yes there is and you can find it at the bottom of the first post of this thread.

 
Here is just a small excerpt for those who don't have the book at hand, but like Laura said, try to read the whole chapter!
In general, quite a number of the older books on the reading list can be found in a digital format, as for instance pdf. The results are not the same across all search engines and from all locations. In this case and with my own copy in a box, I simply tried In Search of the Miraculous pdf on Google. My location was the EU.
 
A perfect example of the testosterone demon. We males are cursed with such sexual arrogance that we believe that the women will be overwhelmed by our magnificent sexual performance. Testosterone cannot understand or hear “no”, so it takes a great deal of effort for a man to quell the hormonal beast.
Testosterone demon? Angel or demon, does not much depend on how energy is put to use? If I added up the risks of diseases, the possibility of messing up the life of a woman which in the case of pregnancy would carry the greater burden in a very literal way, the risks of becoming messed up myself due to a wrong association with the wrong partner, the problems posed by traditional moral injunctions in general along with the risks of passing on a fraction of the suffering I soon realized human life was, then the temptations seemed less tempting. So while the expression "testosterone demon" is a nicely coined expression, I suspect it also contains the risk if applied too generally of simplifying some issues, including the plots of the romance novels and thus suppress what might otherwise deserve an open and nuanced approach.
 
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