Problems with the lady I am working for at the moment

naorma

Jedi Master
Encouraged by the advice I got at yesterdays EE-session I try to put down the problems I have with the job at the moment.
I am not employed but working as a freelancer mainly 2 days a week and at home. Since I always have some kind of blockade when I am in this mood my writing will be a little bumpy I assume.

I started working for her more than a year ago and at the beginning I was very enthusiastic. I came to her via a common friend who recommended me to her for the reason that we both were doing ketogenic diet and it seemed to fit. When I first met her I saw a lot of books on the table that confirmed me that we had something in common. It all started slow, I had no job description, merely talking about the world and how to see it. In a way it was to find out in what way I could be helpful for her, I assume.
Her plan was to open a small shop where she would sell her product (which is a good and helpful one), as well as creating a meeting place for people, something that I always wanted, too. It should be a place to discuss things and so creating a good and helpful energy. At least that was my intention which seemed to go along with her plans to have discussions about problems in medicine or philosophy or even literature (she is a doctor in medicine but did not practice for more than 20 years, mainly focussing on the product she had developed). She also has a trading company that she mainly gets the money from.
It started good at the beginning but then came the lockdown.

I will stop here for a moment in describing the history but telling more of her personality. She seems to be a highly intelligent person, did her medical degree with a left hand ( in German that means very easily), worked in a pharmaceutical area as well as a doctor in a Civil War in Near East and did a lot of other things, with very hard downs in her life, too. She has a very good recognition what is going on in the world, also trying to bring peaceful wording into medicine language (not fighting against the virus i.e. but accepting it as a thing that has been in the world for a long time and we have to arrange with it.) But on the other hand she is a fighter.

My problem now is that I feel I cannot go along with her anymore. It all started when she got the Corona Virus in November (I did not get it, although we were on very close contacts always). She got ill because she was overdoing herself in an extreme way. Not sleeping, traveling, hard working etc. She is a person who obviously never comes to a rest and is very very often at the edge and desperate and emotional down. On the other hand she can be nice, too. Now I assume that is only the case when she needs you. But isn't that normal in business?

When I called her during her illness I got back such an emotional outburst that I obviously quitted internally. She always had her outbursts during these months and normally I can handle those things, although very often I had to recover the next day when I was back home. Very often it was like she talked about her problems, I tried to figure out what could be helpful for her and she was feeling better when she left. For a time this was okay for me, because the job brought me back to being creative again, something I missed during the last years, having ideas, making posters and flyers, talking to people and so on, using my brain again. But at that time it was too much.

I decided over Christmas time to stay at home until January 8, there was no need to be in the shop and I needed time to recover and to think about life. Meanwhile she worked on creating her life stream and when we met again I felt that there was something, that she did not like me any more. She told me very subtile to go back to my old job again. Something that hurts me much. I had supported her through her downs, more acting like a Psychologist. In a way it feels like losing a close relationship and I am sad about that and want to have back that good feelings again we had through all those months of the hard times.

I think I will have to quit that connection, because it damages me. I cannot work with people who when they are upset say things like: "All the elder people should be killed" and always ranting about people who are fat etc.. I also feel that she now wants my brain. If I do not see things the way she does it, she cuts me off, also saying: "Who is not with me, will have to leave!"

It is a little bit difficult, because at the moment I need her laptop to be connected to the internet and also there is another dependency concerning my official living address which I cannot change rapidly.

Today I will go to the shop, probably meeting her and try to find out how it will go on. What bothers me most is that during the last week I lost my "inner light".
When I was scrolling through this pages a few days ago something happened to me.
I got connected to a very inner part of me that I had nearly lost during the harshness of life. I remembered (not for the first time, but it came more on top now) my childhood. I am about seven years or so and am sitting at my writing desk and looking at the wonderful pictures and stories of Jesus and this warmness and kindness and I am totally happy and safe and feel protected. it is like light, shining, bright and it feels like it cannot be destroyed and is going to shine through me.
Through the last two days these thoughs and feelings came again and again to my mind. And now that I write it down it even gets stronger. So in a way I decided that this is one of my tasks in life. I will walk around with that light in me and let in shine on other people, giving something of the gift I obviously have in me. Smiling at them and be friendly the most often it is possible!

I hope this sounds not to confused but at the moment this is the best I can do and I feel it is important for me to post this. To help me to stay on that line! Thank you very much!! :-[ 🥰 🥰
On the other hand I had some very heartwarming phone calls with friends to whom I talked about my situation.

I am saying to myself: Be rational, you cannot work there anymore and as always in your life something new will turn up. But it is a little bit hard at the moment and I don't know how to get out safely. because my clearness is gone away and I feel like being lame.

Thank you again for encouraging me to open this thread!!! 🥰 🥰🥰
 

Mililea

Jedi
What bothers me most is that during the last week I lost my "inner light".
Hi Naorma :hug2: unfortunately I couldn't hear your comments yesterday at EE because of my sound problems.

I am very sorry that you are feeling this way at the moment. And especially that you feel you have lost your inner light. I don't think it's lost. It's still in there, maybe smaller, maybe not, and just covered by the dark thoughts you have.
I think at this time everyone is a bit "on edge" and many don't know how to deal with the situation. Since she has a medical background, maybe she is thinking the wrong way again after her COVID illness.

Maybe she is the one who has lost or no longer sees her inner light and is just reflecting this problem onto you and transferring the feelings.

Dogs, for example, who are pushed into a corner and are afraid, usually growl or bite because they can't help it.
I don't know the exact situation in connection with your flat or the laptop. However, I think that these are things that can be dealt with in some way. My life so far has shown me that it always goes on somehow and there is always a solution.

In any case, I wouldn't react too quickly and first observe what exactly she triggers in you. And whether she really doesn't want YOU anymore. Or maybe she has just lost her courage. Maybe there are more things going on inside her that you don't know about.
And also to check out your options first. Then you can always say "I'm leaving". Unfortunately, no one can probably tell you what is the RIGHT thing to do.

Allow your inner light to guide you, I'm sure it's still in there. :love: You are in my thoughts...
 

Atis

A Disturbance in the Force
When I called her during her illness I got back such an emotional outburst that I obviously quitted internally. She always had her outbursts during these months and normally I can handle those things, although very often I had to recover the next day when I was back home. Very often it was like she talked about her problems, I tried to figure out what could be helpful for her and she was feeling better when she left.
Sometimes people don't take notice of how they affect people around them or ones in direct interaction. And it grounds itself into being 'normal' until critical mass has been reached and then everything explodes.

Question would be - when she had her outbursts, was she informed or did she know how she affected you? If not, there's a pattern right here which only grows stronger (aka the greater amplitude of energy bursts).

First thing would be to have a discussion and share how you've been feeling near her, maybe bring up some episodes. Not in a way the she or you did something wrong, but that it just happened and this was the result. Don't make it personal, emotional. It's not about finding who's guilty. It's about bringing awareness into the situation.

And, if you like working with her (or have any other reason to continue this story with her), do mention that and ask, how can both of you proceed together. Else (and this is where I'm getting a deja vu) it's maybe time to move on through understanding - how it started, what was happening and how it ended.

Also think of what lesson can you learn from all of this.
 

Dakota

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
Dear naorma, I'm glad that you decided to share your story. Every experience is unique and every persons involved in some scenario (drama) are valuable source of data. That's way I have encouraged you to share your story, thoughts and feelings. People usually thinks that all is already shared on forum and that one doesn't have something new to share. He just have to find the right information and use it to solve his problem. Also, when we experience some heavy experience we usually feel like we're alone and forum helps you in this feeling. And every support and encouragement is helpful.

I don't know is your boss psychopath, there's a palette of different kind of character disturbance and to mark someone as psychopath needs a years of studying.

C's said that everything is lessons. And when we close one chapter of our life we can see that clearly, but what when we are in The Drama?
Like a blind man, suffocating in programs and negative emotions we only see that we are powerless, used and betrayed. Actually (and this is my understanding of Laura's words in Wave) we have opportunity to get rid of our programs, illusions. Off course, our predator's mind enjoying in this feeling of helplessness and the more you try to get of it (mentally & emotionally) he pressure negative buttons stronger. How can we fight that, right? If we decided to give up doesn't solve the problem, because we eventually have to fight. But not with persons that "want to harm us" (and that's not black&white thing) but for that inner light which you mention. Only through obstacles and hardship we can evolve.

Maybe you can focus what your boss triggers in you. How are you feeling in her company, when you think about her. And also become aware of your thoughts.
I can see in this story lot of potential for grow. When we experience this kind of drama it is much easier to see predator's mind, to discover what programs are installed in our system or what are our lessons. In "good times" we are just chilling and live illusion that everything is just ok.

p.s. I'm still new in reading and understanding books and knowledge on forum so please correct me if my understanding is poor or false. Because of that I'm always careful when I share advice to someone.
 

lainey

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Hello Naroma,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at work. Let me see if I have got this clear, you have a job working 2 days a week for a lady and you are doing admin/marketing for her business? You started out thinking that you had a lot in common, but over time you realised that she was toxic and draining and that you held opposing views on Corona virus.

After a break in working with her during lockdown you have returned and "She told me very subtile to go back to my old job again". Can you clarify this? How do you know she has asked you that?

With what you have written though, regardless of if she needs you as an employee there or not I don't know if it is a very good environment to work in if she is having emotional outbursts. It's not really clear what your role is or how many other people are working there too so I can't paint a mental picture of what your work situation is exactly but perhaps you can think about what transferrable skills you have and think about looking for employment elsewhere?
 

seek10

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I think I will have to quit that connection, because it damages me. I cannot work with people who when they are upset say things like: "All the elder people should be killed" and always ranting about people who are fat etc.. I also feel that she now wants my brain. If I do not see things the way she does it, she cuts me off, also saying: "Who is not with me, will have to leave!"

It is a little bit difficult, because at the moment I need her laptop to be connected to the internet and also there is another dependency concerning my official living address which I cannot change rapidly.

Today I will go to the shop, probably meeting her and try to find out how it will go on. What bothers me most is that during the last week I lost my "inner light".
On the other hand I had some very heartwarming phone calls with friends to whom I talked about my situation.

I am saying to myself: Be rational, you cannot work there anymore and as always in your life something new will turn up. But it is a little bit hard at the moment and I don't know how to get out safely. because my clearness is gone away and I feel like being lame.
You got a good advice. It is better NOT to jump on to "Lost inner light" type of thing. There are many dynamics in human relations and our perceptions of them. During COVID times, people are changing very fast. Gather more information on the situation from her perspective and your point of view.
 

naorma

Jedi Master
Dear all! Thank you very much for your comments. Each one was helpful.

When I read Dakotas remark ( I had to read it twice!) I felt an instant relief on my shoulders. If it is the predators mind that is haunting me that gives me a new way of thinking at the situation and probably get out of the drama I am doing right now. Very much thanks also for he remark "We eventually have to fight".
C's said that everything is lessons. And when we close one chapter of our life we can see that clearly, but what when we are in The Drama?
Like a blind man, suffocating in programs and negative emotions we only see that we are powerless, used and betrayed. Actually (and this is my understanding of Laura's words in Wave) we have opportunity to get rid of our programs, illusions. Off course, our predator's mind enjoying in this feeling of helplessness and the more you try to get of it (mentally & emotionally) he pressure negative buttons stronger. How can we fight that, right? If we decided to give up doesn't solve the problem, because we eventually have to fight. But not with persons that "want to harm us" (and that's not black&white thing) but for that inner light which you mention. Only through obstacles and hardship we can evolve.
And also this remark from seek 10 ( I also had to read it twice!!) goes in the same direction.
You got a good advice. It is better NOT to jump on to "Lost inner light" type of thing. There are many dynamics in human relations and our perceptions of them. During COVID times, people are changing very fast. Gather more information on the situation from her perspective and your point of view.

Maybe you can focus what your boss triggers in you.
It seems to me that I always want to be loved by everyone and in a way seeing myself only as a poor girl that had. been hurt and making a drama out of it.

Very much thanks again! And I am very happy that I opened this thread! 🥰🥰

P.S. I did not see my "boss" today, we talked only on the phone, she will be closing the shop until lockdown is over but she also tries to involve me in the things she is doing now for her livestream. Hopefully with my new thoughts now I will be able to go on and keep out the drama.
 

naorma

Jedi Master
Today I feel like everything is okay again. I realized a pattern that goes back to my childhood. My mother very often overruled my feelings, i.e. reading my diary and getting angry or worried about the things she read. And I never felt my parents where behind me but listening more to school directors and other officials, even police. I left home at the age of 17, it was an escape. I have worried and struggled a long time about this, finally I got to peace with my parents, accepting that they could not act in another way because of her own history and the situation they were in. Nevertheless the hurted feeling obviously stayed.

During the last two years - this is what I remembered and brought in connection to now - I had two similar situations. One was when the owner of the house I was living in destroyed a rose hip I was always longing for to have. The rose planted herself (I did not plant her) nearby my garage door and one or two of their branches could disturb the entrance to my garage. Nobody besides me was using this garage (it was a lone-standing house), but branches would reach a litte bit up to a stairway that was seldom used by the owners. Although I very often told the lady that this rose was important to me and I would cut some branches if they grew too much on the stairs (which was not a problem). She agreed and said okay, but always came up with it again and one day when I came home the rose was cut and the branches were lying in front of my door.

I was terribly upset because this rose was really connected to my heart. She knew that she had hurt me very much because next day she came up with a box of apples, - she knew that I did not eat apples - asking me if I wanted some. In a short way I cut her off, and never was friendly again to her. At that time I also had the feeling: this has something to do with my mother. I didn't have to be the well-behaved child any more, and so I never got back to friendliness. To make a long story short: In the end I had to leave the house. She wanted me to leave and I had to go.

Although I had a very stressful time looking for another place to stay it was a good thing to happen. As an old farmer lady said who helped me to calm down: "Well, its a good thing, isn't it? You wanted to leave and couldn't do it by yourself so somebody else had to do it!" (This was true, I was wondering for a few years how I could get out of the place, where to go next etc.)

In my new place I also had a situation of struggling with the owner (also a woman) and in this time I learned to defend my rights, stand for my position and in the end we now have a good arrangement. I learned to arrange myself with her sometimes dominating behavior, she also has her problems.

To come back to my original problem: Obviously there is also a part of learning for me that sometimes it is hard for me to accept other peoples behaviors or opinions. I have to accept that my lady-boss is doing things in her way, even if I see that what she is doing is causing her more troubles. And I don't want people to have troubles - something to learn for me here, too.

I stop now because I have to do my job which is at the moment doing some research on the internet. Thank you very much 🥰 🥰🥰
 

Dakota

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
naorma, I'm so happy for you that you decided to be more open about your inner world. It's a good feeling, right? ;-)
One more thing that I wanted to share with you, related to the dramas that we experiencing in our life's. Practicing of free will.

The Wave Chapter 27: Stripped to the Bone The Shamanic Initiation Of The Knighted Ones: Technicians of Ecstasy

If the person is unaware, not because of fear, but simply because he is asleep is he then responsible for his lack of awareness?

According to the Cassiopaeans, yes. It is his choice. He has chosen it for a reason at some level, and he is entitled to it. He has chosen his environment; he has chosen his grade and his lessons. Perhaps chosen in the conscious sense is an inappropriate term. It is more like he is there because that is where he “fits”. He is a consciousness unit, and he is learning. Only when he reaches a certain level will he begin to wake up. Only when something has grown in him. Will.

What this means is that, as long as we do not engage in disciplined efforts to widen our perception, we appear to have little freedom within the field to behave other than we do. The more aware of the Noumenal/causal realm we are, the more free will we can have. And this is because we are overcoming the damping effect of matter and the predator’s mind. By doing this, we are increasing our polarization.

In the simplest of terms, Service to others is a CREATIVE impulse. It is to find delight and satisfaction in variety and change. It is to serve God in others, which means to give all others the right to BE what they choose, to give them the right to their own Free Will. It does NOT mean to give them your energy, your love, or any part of your creative force UNLESS THERE IS WILLING EXCHANGE. In an STO exchange, all parties give freely to all others and therefore, all are sustained and grow.
In my understanding of above, we need situations where can we practice awareness, choosing our choices. It's interesting that C's said that for us is hardest thing to not act at all. Just to be observer. That's hard for me, but when I managed to do that I feel peace within.
Also, when you succeed to not judge someone, it opens different kind of possibilities. It's really fun to expand our narrow view of situation/someone. And that's one of the way to not let predator's mind to rule your choices.
 

naorma

Jedi Master
There are a few things I would like to react to_

Hello Naroma,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at work. Let me see if I have got this clear, you have a job working 2 days a week for a lady and you are doing admin/marketing for her business? You started out thinking that you had a lot in common, but over time you realised that she was toxic and draining and that you held opposing views on Corona virus.
My job is/was not so much about admin/marketing but more doing things that are necessary in various ways, like a part time assistant, one part was to make posters and flyers, another would be supporting her with her tax preparations, most often just supporting her with talking about her problems, etc. Some of this I can do at home. During the shop opening days (2 days a week) I was in the shop, meeting with her and also talking to people on the streets and offer the product.
We had no disagreement about that Corona virus, on the contrary I learned a lot from her about how the virus worked and how definitely unnecessary it is to be more afraid from it than from influenza. Her ex-husband who is working with her is a virologist and was also shaking his head about that craziness that was going on. We also agree on the situation that this Corona is to implement a fascist regime, to ruin business and to install "the new world order".

Although the times were very hard we got along very well through many months, my part was very often to help her to stabilize herself, meaning she told me for hours about her problems (which also concerned some private ones) and when she left she felt better and was very thankful that I was listening and helping her with advices.

After a break in working with her during lockdown you have returned and "She told me very subtile to go back to my old job again". Can you clarify this? How do you know she has asked you that?
There was no need to close the shop during lockdown, because the product is declared as food and food shops could have been open.
The break was over Christmas when the shop closed due to holidays.
Due to my feeling that I wanted to have more distance I wrote her an email saying that to my opinion I thought it wouldn't be necessary to open the shop during the first week of January.

(We always shared our opinion whether or not we should open and what would be suitable opening times. Nothing about that has ever been a problem. It was also accepted that I would not come to the shop when there was a very bad incident a few hundred meters away and I felt I would not like to go there because of the bad energy that would last there for some days. )

In response to my email she answered me that she would call me but at that day I had a little job in a place without internet or phone access and so I wrote her back that I would not be available. And I think this is what she did not want and in a way I would say that this was my secret message to her: I am not always available for you.

Concerning the way to go back to my old job:
The very subtile way was that she said, that she heard from a common friend that in my old job there would be a lot of work to do.
Since she is working very often with hints and wants people to react to them (and of course I always did) I knew that this was a message.
With what you have written though, regardless of if she needs you as an employee there or not I don't know if it is a very good environment to work in if she is having emotional outbursts. It's not really clear what your role is or how many other people are working there too so I can't paint a mental picture of what your work situation is exactly but perhaps you can think about what transferrable skills you have and think about looking for employment elsewhere?

That is my conclusion, too at the moment. And since I am not an employe but a freelancer I have to find other persons whom I can work for, even for one day or so. There is a lady around me who has some work, at least when lockdown is over, and this is not so an emotional thing. You do your work, have fun while working and then its over. No need to think about it any more. Not much money, but nevertheless okay.

Last week I did some internet-recherche and proof-reading, and in a way it is now a situation of wait and see . . . I have to go to her living place tomorrow because I need some papers and then I will see what happens . .
 
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naorma

Jedi Master
Sometimes people don't take notice of how they affect people around them or ones in direct interaction. And it grounds itself into being 'normal' until critical mass has been reached and then everything explodes.

Question would be - when she had her outbursts, was she informed or did she know how she affected you? If not, there's a pattern right here which only grows stronger (aka the greater amplitude of energy bursts).

First thing would be to have a discussion and share how you've been feeling near her, maybe bring up some episodes. Not in a way the she or you did something wrong, but that it just happened and this was the result. Don't make it personal, emotional. It's not about finding who's guilty. It's about bringing awareness into the situation.

And, if you like working with her (or have any other reason to continue this story with her), do mention that and ask, how can both of you proceed together. Else (and this is where I'm getting a deja vu) it's maybe time to move on through understanding - how it started, what was happening and how it ended.

Also think of what lesson can you learn from all of this.
She knows that she is affecting people with her outbursts and she is very often sorry about that, saying that she does not want to behave in this way, but due to her overstressed situation she cannot act in another way.
And therefore having a discussion would not be successful in the way that it would change something.
My position at the moment is that I don't want to get involved with that emotional outbursts. Should it be possible to have it on an "unemotional" level this would be alright for me. But I am afraid she needs that emotional contact.
 

Dakota

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
My job is/was not so much about admin/marketing but more doing things that are necessary in various ways, like a part time assistant, one part was to make posters and flyers, another would be supporting her with her tax preparations, most often just supporting her with talking about her problems, etc.
...
Although the times were very hard we got along very well through many months, my part was very often to help her to stabilize herself, meaning she told me for hours about her problems (which also concerned some private ones) and when she left she felt better and was very thankful that I was listening and helping her with advices.

In response to my email she answered me that she would call me but at that day I had a little job in a place without internet or phone access and so I wrote her back that I would not be available. And I think this is what she did not want and in a way I would say that this was my secret message to her: I am not always available for you.
naorma, I just don't get it, when and how you came to the arrangement that in your work for her sessions with a "psychologist" (in this case you) is included? And if it so, did she payed extra for this sessions?
And if I may ask, how often did you experienced this dynamic in other relationships (in private life, social and working)?
 

Recto

Padawan Learner
She knows that she is affecting people with her outbursts and she is very often sorry about that, saying that she does not want to behave in this way, but due to her overstressed situation she cannot act in another way.
And therefore having a discussion would not be successful in the way that it would change something.
My position at the moment is that I don't want to get involved with that emotional outbursts. Should it be possible to have it on an "unemotional" level this would be alright for me. But I am afraid she needs that emotional contact.
naorma, I just don't get it, when and how you came to the arrangement that in your work for her sessions with a "psychologist" (in this case you) is included? And if it so, did she payed extra for this sessions?
And if I may ask, how often did you experienced this dynamic in other relationships (in private life, social and working)?
I think Dakota is right here. On that note, have you had the opportunity to discuss with your lady-boss about the possibility for her to seek professional assistance (e.g a psychologist) ? My guess is that, if she's truly sorry about her impact on others, she'd be open to this solution. In any case, it is beyond the boss/employee contractual relationship, IMO. Taking up the role (implicitly or not) of counselor/"psychologist" can often be slippery-slope, even in a private life context.

Edit: Grammar
 

naorma

Jedi Master
naorma, I just don't get it, when and how you came to the arrangement that in your work for her sessions with a "psychologist" (in this case you) is included? And if it so, did she payed extra for this sessions?
And if I may ask, how often did you experienced this dynamic in other relationships (in private life, social and working)?
Well there was no arrangement for some kind of psychologist work, this just happened. I am a trained person, was doing coaching for many years and helped people to get rid of their patterns if they wanted it.

Since this seems to be part of my purpose being here in this world (I did this for a long time without knowing that I did it) it happens very often. So for instance on my other job when some colleagues were talking about their problems I gave them a hint what might be another point of view or what pattern could be behind it. If it was welcome, okay, if not, I stopped. This lead to two very good friendships and with this two friends it also works the other way round. If I am at the end of my wits I can call them for advice. And this is in my whole private life as well as social and working.

Not in general and with all people. But very often I have / had the feeling I need to talk to a person, to get in closer contact. If I did it, it most often turned out to be right and we got closer to each other. It is easy for me to talk to people and

Now the other thing is that nearly every time in my life there was no strict border between private and working. I always used to work with and for friends, or friends of friends, a long time in groups (or collectives as it was called at that time), never in the center of society but partly in avantgarde areas or even social surroundings.

So there was always a kind of privateness in this working-relationships. It was the same here. She was the schoolfriend of a longtime friend of mine. There never was a kind of job description - which was not necessary because the whole company consists mainly of 2 persons (me excluded) and 3 employes on a far away place. The plan was to do what was necessary to make this small shop to a selling point for her products. And following this plan I brought my knowledge in whatever I had, that was that coaching moment as well as the graphic knowledge and other things.

Generally I am a person who always tried to help people to get rid of their patterns and I had to learn that it is not always appropriate.
 

Dakota

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
Generally I am a person who always tried to help people to get rid of their patterns and I had to learn that it is not always appropriate.
I was also someone who thought that most people turn to me for an advice. It was great feeling most of the time have some comforting words or even wise (I thought that than). But then I realize:
1. that's a program;
2. that's a trigger;
3. that is huge responsibility to give advice to anyone and most important;
4. how can I know what is good advice and especially for someone else?

Also, I think that's important that one's distinct why he doing what he does, why he participates in certain dynamics. Second, we're all STS, we can try to be good people but that doesn't change the fact that we're STS. And doing something "good" doesn't mean that is without expectation. Actually, for me that's the hardest thing. And every time when I'm so sure that I did a good deed, that thing blows up in front my face and reveals that I did have a motives. For me, even that is always hard cognition it's better than live in ilusion.
 
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