Hi all
Wanted to share something and see what others thought relating to an event last night (the history of which goes back 24 odd years to childhood)
I've spent the day reading through posts in this section, and there are some quite striking similarities to others experiences...but hopefully I'm adding something new.
I should mention that I am quite sensitive to energy (Qi or whatever you prefer to call it), and have perceived it as physical sensations for pretty much my entire life.
Ok, the history first (sorry if this is a little long, trying to put things in context).
I've had many events of high strangeness through my life from as early as I can remember, but this focuses mostly on two reoccurring themes.
Nightmares involving great fear/helplessness and the presence of something at night. I never made the connection between the two until today that they may be related and having read the New Attack thread with Ben's dreams it does seem to match.
Both of these I remember starting from the age of 4/5 and may have been going on longer. The nightmares would always involve running from a storm, and what was carried by the storm.
And the 'presence'...well I would wake up in bed sometimes aware it was there sometimes not, but if I moved a muscle it'd shake my covers/bed until I froze (With fear). I think that maybe the entity (am unsure if that's the best description) may have only showed up a few times at that age but it was enough to leave a lasting impression....I got so use to it (if you can call it that, more so 'conditioned' by it)...that I'd wake up and freeze and fall back to sleep without moving.
Once I did have enough and kept moving...this time the cover shaking seemed more like an attempt to flee? In that it had to shake them to untuck them from the side of the bed...perhaps this is just my projection of what it was doing mind. It did however then hit the floor and sort of roll away. My floor was lino so it was a recognisable sound.
There where other events (I'm paraphrasing a lot here) but the next one of major significance happened when I was about 14/15 I beleive. It was summer and I had woken up peacefully, the sun was starting to shine brightly through my curtains, so I guess it was between 5/7am. I was happily drifting back to sleep (I should mention that I regularly tingled with energy when I drifted back to sleep at this age).
On the cusp of sleep I noticed something that didn't register at first, a different sensation in my feet...what felt like a cool draft.
This got progressively stronger (cooler), then my feet started to feel lighter....I put this down to the tingling.
My feet then started to feel what I imagine feeling weightless it like...this got my attention. After a second or two the sensation shifted up past my feet and then started traveling up the front of my body (I was laying on my back). Thoughts moved from curiosity to pure terror.
Whatever it was came to a halt on my chest. I cannot tell to this day if it was ontop, under or inside my covers. But it had a physical pressence and weight. It also tingled (in a different way)....
I lay there paralysed with fear eyes wide open wondering what the hell to do. So I moved my right hand a bit.....it moved. I froze.
I tried again only this time slower...inched my hand towards it. As my hand got nearer it felt like it tingled more and more and felt like moving through something denser and denser (energy I presumed). I don't remember if I'd had enough or what but I moved a bit quicker and it sort of changed its energy (best way to describe it, it possible it had a sound to it that also sort of changed) rolled down me dropped to the floor and rolled off. Sound familuar?
I spent 5 minutes laying there wondering what the hell had just happened. Then checked my covers, under the bed, around the cupboard where it seemed to head too...and for good measure looked out the window into the sun to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
That nearly sent me off the rails...
The following years I had sleep paralysis for the first time and more visitations..although all when paralysed so I can't say for certain its the same thing. About the ages of 19 during early mornings, waking up and drifting back to sleep my bedroom door would rattle for a few seconds. I thought nothing much of this and it became a regular occurance (put it down to traffic). However it did anoy me eventually, and I paid attention to it. I noticed that when I focused on it it would stop. It was only when I was drifting that if I stayed unfocused it;d continue.
I thought this observation was not exactly acurate so I watched the door for a while. Nothing. laying back and eventually it started again, so I just reached out and held the door still. After some time it started again so I did the same. Then once more it started again but this time with a thump that made it hit the side of my bed......sheer terror again. I left it alone after that.
The last part of the history was was about 2002/2003....I was trying to recover from a seriouse depression....that led me to revisit my past and these events...gooogling them I came accross the idea of energy vampirism...led me to the 'new age' stuff..and then after a few years here.
I concluded that (having now moved house and still getting the odd thing, like the door vibrating) that it was attached to me. Second that it was draining me.Third it probably had been since about the age or 4...on and off.
Tried sheilding, blocking, fighting and even draining it back (big mistake). Went through all the fear and worry I saw people posting about in the other threads. Eventually I sort of found a calm defiance of it and it seemed to help. So like all other times I slowly forgot about it.
Which leeds back to last night. Yesterday I read this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=102 on parasites no less.....something I'd researched years before but never got round to doing anything about (the same time I revisited this entity). I was desperatly searching for a cure to my lack of energy at the time.
Having read over a bit of Transmarginal inhibition and even seen a simple example of 'conditioning' on tv last night...things kinda clicked this morning.
I woke up at 3am. And do you know what I heard next to my girlfriends bed as I was drifitng off? The unmistakable rattle (this time of a box next to my side of the bed). Waves of fear...Hadn't I delt with this?!
A few things then clicked in my head.....it had been conditioning my responces for 24+years!!! It was using my own 'automaticness' for its gain. Triggering the exact 'reactions' in me it wanted.
Talk about a revelation....
So I turned to face its rough location (normally I keep my back to it....trained responce)...and I self observed. I self observed my thoughts, feelings, posture (as much as you can have one laying in bed) and energy field.
I've never self observed so clearly. Different energetic reactions drifted in (draining...movment)....different feelings (fear...anger..pitty)...and different thoughts....'was it part of me?' 'I should fight it!' 'I'm tired I want to sleep' 'ignore it it'll go away' 'whats it going to do to me?'
Having unconditioned myself of something in the past...I watched them all unravel as they appeared...and as if in responce it felt more paniced...tried energetically searching for weak spots (I countered it all by not allowing it a handle anywhere...following its attentions on me)...thoughts and sensations of being cut off and isolated even came in that I even nearly thought where mine!!!! Talk about confirmation....the predator being discovered.
To experience it first hand it a hell of a way to grok it.
At the moment I am trying to not let my ego run away....as I realise that could be another handle.
Some other observations....in the parasites thread I linked too there is a quote by the C's that seemed to fit
I feel like pavlov's dog....only pavlov is a parasitic energy being?!
The last part that was also a revalation was that not only was it draining me, but it was also depositing crud in return....I get a heavy pressure around my sinuses related to me nodding off/lack of energy/draining of energy.....I always assumed it was a spot I was being drained from that I couldn't block....seems that it was a spot where it deposited crud so no amount of resisting the flow away from me would help!!
I do not know if this is the end of its interactions with me now or not. But I thought that this may be of value to others in of its self.
I do not know if I have done right, nor what consequences may come of it. But for me (once I've caught up on sleep) I think it was a good thing.
I have not felt at peace with myself this much in years.
Wanted to share something and see what others thought relating to an event last night (the history of which goes back 24 odd years to childhood)
I've spent the day reading through posts in this section, and there are some quite striking similarities to others experiences...but hopefully I'm adding something new.
I should mention that I am quite sensitive to energy (Qi or whatever you prefer to call it), and have perceived it as physical sensations for pretty much my entire life.
Ok, the history first (sorry if this is a little long, trying to put things in context).
I've had many events of high strangeness through my life from as early as I can remember, but this focuses mostly on two reoccurring themes.
Nightmares involving great fear/helplessness and the presence of something at night. I never made the connection between the two until today that they may be related and having read the New Attack thread with Ben's dreams it does seem to match.
Both of these I remember starting from the age of 4/5 and may have been going on longer. The nightmares would always involve running from a storm, and what was carried by the storm.
And the 'presence'...well I would wake up in bed sometimes aware it was there sometimes not, but if I moved a muscle it'd shake my covers/bed until I froze (With fear). I think that maybe the entity (am unsure if that's the best description) may have only showed up a few times at that age but it was enough to leave a lasting impression....I got so use to it (if you can call it that, more so 'conditioned' by it)...that I'd wake up and freeze and fall back to sleep without moving.
Once I did have enough and kept moving...this time the cover shaking seemed more like an attempt to flee? In that it had to shake them to untuck them from the side of the bed...perhaps this is just my projection of what it was doing mind. It did however then hit the floor and sort of roll away. My floor was lino so it was a recognisable sound.
There where other events (I'm paraphrasing a lot here) but the next one of major significance happened when I was about 14/15 I beleive. It was summer and I had woken up peacefully, the sun was starting to shine brightly through my curtains, so I guess it was between 5/7am. I was happily drifting back to sleep (I should mention that I regularly tingled with energy when I drifted back to sleep at this age).
On the cusp of sleep I noticed something that didn't register at first, a different sensation in my feet...what felt like a cool draft.
This got progressively stronger (cooler), then my feet started to feel lighter....I put this down to the tingling.
My feet then started to feel what I imagine feeling weightless it like...this got my attention. After a second or two the sensation shifted up past my feet and then started traveling up the front of my body (I was laying on my back). Thoughts moved from curiosity to pure terror.
Whatever it was came to a halt on my chest. I cannot tell to this day if it was ontop, under or inside my covers. But it had a physical pressence and weight. It also tingled (in a different way)....
I lay there paralysed with fear eyes wide open wondering what the hell to do. So I moved my right hand a bit.....it moved. I froze.
I tried again only this time slower...inched my hand towards it. As my hand got nearer it felt like it tingled more and more and felt like moving through something denser and denser (energy I presumed). I don't remember if I'd had enough or what but I moved a bit quicker and it sort of changed its energy (best way to describe it, it possible it had a sound to it that also sort of changed) rolled down me dropped to the floor and rolled off. Sound familuar?
I spent 5 minutes laying there wondering what the hell had just happened. Then checked my covers, under the bed, around the cupboard where it seemed to head too...and for good measure looked out the window into the sun to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
That nearly sent me off the rails...
The following years I had sleep paralysis for the first time and more visitations..although all when paralysed so I can't say for certain its the same thing. About the ages of 19 during early mornings, waking up and drifting back to sleep my bedroom door would rattle for a few seconds. I thought nothing much of this and it became a regular occurance (put it down to traffic). However it did anoy me eventually, and I paid attention to it. I noticed that when I focused on it it would stop. It was only when I was drifting that if I stayed unfocused it;d continue.
I thought this observation was not exactly acurate so I watched the door for a while. Nothing. laying back and eventually it started again, so I just reached out and held the door still. After some time it started again so I did the same. Then once more it started again but this time with a thump that made it hit the side of my bed......sheer terror again. I left it alone after that.
The last part of the history was was about 2002/2003....I was trying to recover from a seriouse depression....that led me to revisit my past and these events...gooogling them I came accross the idea of energy vampirism...led me to the 'new age' stuff..and then after a few years here.
I concluded that (having now moved house and still getting the odd thing, like the door vibrating) that it was attached to me. Second that it was draining me.Third it probably had been since about the age or 4...on and off.
Tried sheilding, blocking, fighting and even draining it back (big mistake). Went through all the fear and worry I saw people posting about in the other threads. Eventually I sort of found a calm defiance of it and it seemed to help. So like all other times I slowly forgot about it.
Which leeds back to last night. Yesterday I read this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=102 on parasites no less.....something I'd researched years before but never got round to doing anything about (the same time I revisited this entity). I was desperatly searching for a cure to my lack of energy at the time.
Having read over a bit of Transmarginal inhibition and even seen a simple example of 'conditioning' on tv last night...things kinda clicked this morning.
I woke up at 3am. And do you know what I heard next to my girlfriends bed as I was drifitng off? The unmistakable rattle (this time of a box next to my side of the bed). Waves of fear...Hadn't I delt with this?!
A few things then clicked in my head.....it had been conditioning my responces for 24+years!!! It was using my own 'automaticness' for its gain. Triggering the exact 'reactions' in me it wanted.
Talk about a revelation....
So I turned to face its rough location (normally I keep my back to it....trained responce)...and I self observed. I self observed my thoughts, feelings, posture (as much as you can have one laying in bed) and energy field.
I've never self observed so clearly. Different energetic reactions drifted in (draining...movment)....different feelings (fear...anger..pitty)...and different thoughts....'was it part of me?' 'I should fight it!' 'I'm tired I want to sleep' 'ignore it it'll go away' 'whats it going to do to me?'
Having unconditioned myself of something in the past...I watched them all unravel as they appeared...and as if in responce it felt more paniced...tried energetically searching for weak spots (I countered it all by not allowing it a handle anywhere...following its attentions on me)...thoughts and sensations of being cut off and isolated even came in that I even nearly thought where mine!!!! Talk about confirmation....the predator being discovered.
To experience it first hand it a hell of a way to grok it.
At the moment I am trying to not let my ego run away....as I realise that could be another handle.
Some other observations....in the parasites thread I linked too there is a quote by the C's that seemed to fit
That parasites alter the host as to not notice it....and to do things that help it. (the thoughts/feelings/energy I was observing), and that despite this being on an energy level....the alterations seemed in some part to be 'conditioned' thought subtle and not so subtle means....I include the nightmares in that.23 October 2004
Q: (H) When you referred to the manipulations with S****, what kind of manipulations were you referring to: internal or external?
A: Both but mostly external as in not directly perceivable in the environment.
Q: (L) Does that mean that if someone believes an illusion, that it leaves a hole in their defences?
A: More or less.
Q: (H) What is the major problem facing the group at the moment?
A: Stalling frequency waves.
Q: What can we do to help?
A: Requires will and knowledge. You share, they find will if it is there to find.
Q: (A) What kind of knowledge do we need to share?
A: That their lack of ability to see and do is due to deliberate stalling.
Q: (H) Can you elaborate?
A: They are in a frequency fence being stored for later food.
I feel like pavlov's dog....only pavlov is a parasitic energy being?!
The last part that was also a revalation was that not only was it draining me, but it was also depositing crud in return....I get a heavy pressure around my sinuses related to me nodding off/lack of energy/draining of energy.....I always assumed it was a spot I was being drained from that I couldn't block....seems that it was a spot where it deposited crud so no amount of resisting the flow away from me would help!!
I do not know if this is the end of its interactions with me now or not. But I thought that this may be of value to others in of its self.
I do not know if I have done right, nor what consequences may come of it. But for me (once I've caught up on sleep) I think it was a good thing.
I have not felt at peace with myself this much in years.