Questions about Polar Opposites

[psychic_spy]

I was just reading the article about ''Boris Mouravieff: Polar Opposites, or the Fifth Way of Love by Laura Knight-Jadczyk'' where A says that what they are doing on internet is mostly or at least, at that time '' drawing down fire on our heads'' as an attemp to find out the real purpose of those sessions and of these discussions and that many people who join in are disappointed because they don't follow through with the material , am i right?

But what if there are many for whom the content of this material, that is unfolding right now is of the utmost importance but it needs a lot of time and patience to think about and contemplate its meaning. I for one , last year i was just reading The Mask of Sanity and getting a glimse on the function of a psychopaths's inner lanscape when it came to my mind that it has to be something more ..and then i found out abot Boris Mouravieff's Gnosis , Laura's comparison between the adamic and pre-adamic men with Organic Portals ..and afterthat the Cassiopeans. Then i paused and let myself preoccupied with other personal issues but i would really be baffled and sad if people around here will consider to suspend all discussions and affirm that every ounch of The Work is a non-sense or an utopian idea. So I just want to ask you whether you will continue it in spite of those who do not believe or wallow in illusions to the point of losing track of the actual intent of writing the material?
Another issue that concerns me is that when i signed in here i was told that i should post otherwise my account will be suspended after some time ( it didn't happen yet, though i write here once in 3 or 4 months) but sometimes i'm afraid of it cause i really don't know what to post since i don't have enough time to cover some discussions as to not repeat the same issues..
Anyway i'm happy to be here and i wish you A happy New Year, good luck and inspiration for many , many years from now on !!!! ;D

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Who are you looking for to act as a ''transducer'' and ''stand in the gates of time''?And why that particular person has to be sacrified for that? This sacrifice stands in this case for the burning up of her mental energies up to the point of becoming inccapacited in the material world , as we know it , of course ?

 

[Renaissance]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Then i paused and let myself preoccupied with other personal issues but i would really be baffled and sad if people around here will consider to suspend all discussions and affirm that every ounch of The Work is a non-sense or an utopian idea. So I just want to ask you whether you will continue it in spite of those who do not believe or wallow in illusions to the point of losing track of the actual intent of writing the material?

Hi psychic spy, I'm curious how you came to the conclusion that the forum regards the Work as nonsense or Utopian? Or am I misunderstanding you? I ask because the networking in the forum is based on the Work and is discussed frequently. So I'm confused. And are you asking if you, personally, should continue with the work even if you lose track along the way?

Who are you looking for to act as a ''transducer'' and ''stand in the gates of time''?And why that particular person has to be sacrified for that? This sacrifice stands in this case for the burning up of her mental energies up to the point of becoming inccapacited in the material world , as we know it , of course ?

I don't understand this either. It's seems like it could be referencing something but it's hard to tell what it is. If you could clarify, it could help. Thanks.

 

[Beau]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Then i paused and let myself preoccupied with other personal issues but i would really be baffled and sad if people around here will consider to suspend all discussions and affirm that every ounch of The Work is a non-sense or an utopian idea. So I just want to ask you whether you will continue it in spite of those who do not believe or wallow in illusions to the point of losing track of the actual intent of writing the material?

Hi psychic spy, I'm curious how you came to the conclusion that the forum regards the Work as nonsense or Utopian? Or am I misunderstanding you?

I think psychic spy was asking about getting rid of the forum and the groups and SOTT due to ongoing attacks, and that if that did occur, that it would "affirm that every ounce of The Work is a non-sense or an utopian idea" to those who "wallow in illusions". I don't think the nonsense remark was intended to be taken as her opinion.

Note her initial comments:

I was just reading the article about ''Boris Mouravieff: Polar Opposites, or the Fifth Way of Love by Laura Knight-Jadczyk'' where A says that what they are doing on internet is mostly or at least, at that time '' drawing down fire on our heads'' as an attemp to find out the real purpose of those sessions and of these discussions and that many people who join in are disappointed because they don't follow through with the material , am i right?

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

In the first post i was just expressing my anguish at the thought that one day i will wake up and notice that the majority of posters lost interest in the topic of this forum or simply reconsider things about the Work. As far as i read everything made sense to me , at least in certain respects and i'm very excited that i can participate, though i mentioned that is hard to keep up with all the discussions.

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Who are you looking for to act as a ''transducer'' and ''stand in the gates of time''?And why that particular person has to be sacrified for that? This sacrifice stands in this case for the burning up of her mental energies up to the point of becoming inccapacited in the material world , as we know it , of course ?

I don't understand this either. It's seems like it could be referencing something but it's hard to tell what it is. If you could clarify, it could help. Thanks.

In that article i understood that one person , someone, is somehow expected to save humanity for the sake of graduating in the 4th STO density ..This should be the ''transducer' or the one who will stand ''at the gates of time'' meaning STS 3rd density and STO 4 density. Is it clear now?


Edit=Quote

 

[Renaissance]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Who are you looking for to act as a ''transducer'' and ''stand in the gates of time''?And why that particular person has to be sacrified for that? This sacrifice stands in this case for the burning up of her mental energies up to the point of becoming inccapacited in the material world , as we know it , of course ?

I don't understand this either. It's seems like it could be referencing something but it's hard to tell what it is. If you could clarify, it could help. Thanks.

In that article i understood that one person , someone, is somehow expected to save humanity for the sake of graduating in the 4th STO density ..This should be the ''transducer' or the one who will stand ''at the gates of time'' meaning STS 3rd density and STO 4 density. Is it clear now?

Thanks psychic spy.

I went back to the article and from your referenced words I found this in one of the sessions used in the article:

Q: Now, on a couple of occasions we have talked about trees. You have said that the trees would lead me to an answer. Then you made remarks about beechnut, and oaks, and beech and bloodlines and family trees and the Nordic Covenant. Basically, I asked about this Nordic Covenant and you said that I would find the answer, that the trees would lead me to it. I asked what literary source I should go to to find the least distorted source of information. You answered "trees" again. Then, you pointed out the leaves of the trees on this book. Later, when I read the book that was all about trees, it said that there was a need for someone of a certain bloodline to come along and free the dragon spawn. "None other than she can bring the pryf, or soul, up from the deep, no matter how they may make the serpents squirm. If she can hold her place in the gates of time." You answered me "You cannot see?" It also says that this person with this certain bloodline has the duty of creating a bridge between man and the gods to open the doorways of time. You said to me that these things had explanations that were readily apparent. Then, when I asked the question about this book and all the trees in it, that this was a clue given so that I would notice the things in this particular book, you said "certainly." Now, having gone through all the shamanic stuff, all the information about the world tree, the world axis, and your remarks about building a staircase, which is another variation on the world axis or world tree, and having some kind of mission, and the mission being piercing the spider, which relates again to the world axis and the world tree, which one climbs one step at a time. Then, you talked about Jack and the Beanstalk, which is another example of the world tree. Over and over again we are having all these representations of trees which basically has something to do with some sort of destined action, and it is almost as though you are hinting that some person has to be physically tuned as a transducer of some sort to "stand in the gates of time," for the rest of humanity. Then, you made the remark recently about lodestar. Well, there might have been a time in my life when I might have thought that it was me who could do something like that. And, if I ever did, maybe it was even ego thinking. However, I am getting a little old for that sort of thing, so I don't really think that it is my role. But, I do think that there is somebody in the world whose role that is, and I would like to know if that is somebody we are supposed to be looking for, or that we are going to find this person?
A: Perhaps you shall find, or perhaps they will find you!
Q: Well, it kind of takes the burden off my shoulders. I think that somebody who does something like that is never useful for anything again. Somebody who does such a thing is like a sacrifice. They have to give their life up for others to act as this transducer and it fries all their circuits. Can you comment?
A: No.
Q: Am I correct that somebody who does this is basically sacrificing themselves and they get fried in the process?
A: In some instances.
Q: But, it is true that we are looking for somebody who will stand in the gates of time and act as a bridge?
A: Maybe. You shall see...

the C's didn't provide anything in absolute terms and left much of it up to discovery. It seems likely that someone could easily get 'fried' by attempting to be a transducer of such incredible energies - kind of like overloading an electrical circuit past it's capacity. And we've only got 3D bodies after all. However, it also seems that if the energy can be distributed throughout a group, then there is more of a chance of success and hopefully no one will get 'fried' so to speak. The Cassiopaean Experiment using a board with a group seems along these lines as well. Also, when an individual has done this work and has reached a certain level of commitment and level of being, then the universe may also present the opportunity of combining efforts for a common aim with their polar opposite.

As far as 'who' takes this on, it really comes down to an individual choice of taking on such a responsibility and all that entails.

It strikes me as I write this that Laura has seemed to take on this on, along with Ark in his physics work, and that more 'transducers' are needed so we don't fry them!

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis


You're right Shane, that's what i also thought about and i really hope there will be more people who will get involved in this project. I for one , i would be but i found out that i should not practice channeling because i'm prone to get posessed by astral malevolent entities from 3rd dimension STS but the reason i started to pursue my interest in esotericism is the fact i have strange nightmares and suffer of sleep paralysis and have psychosomatic digestive troubles regardless of practicing channeling or not so i don't know exctly wether i should guard myself or not.

I had a schoolfriend who was very good at guessing, and interpreting things but he seems unwilling to study esoteric teachings to become more enriched with these things and find out what's going on. When i read about Frank in Laura's Wave Series i found a lot of similiarities between Frank and my friend, Victor, in terms of seclusion and sensitivity. I encountered a great opposition from this friend of mine when i tried to explain certain principles to him , and how the world works and to help him get out of his rut. But he didn't take me seriously, not even in terms of accepting a sentimental relationship as he was looking for a mate on a date site ...
It's really akward since in 6th grade he was the one who flirted with me and more or less unconsciously preserved my feelings that were just flourishing back then. Now , after 10 years , when we're both 23 he declines and denies everything, even our uncanny sense of intuition and the synchonicities that brought us together again. I think he's my polar opposite but as Laura pointed out is hard to convince since he's wallowing in self-denial and lies.
What do you think? I know it's confusing what i say but i don't know whom i can adress these thoughts. I talked to a psychiatrist and she told my that my friend might exhibit traits of schizoid personality disorder and i should try to stop fighting for his involvment and pursue other avenues both spiritually and sentimentaly. Meaning taking the easy way out before turning into a dysfunctional individual too...

 

[shijing]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

I had a schoolfriend who was very good at guessing, and interpreting things but he seems unwilling to study esoteric teachings to become more enriched with these things and find out what's going on. When i read about Frank in Laura's Wave Series i found a lot of similarities between Frank and my friend, Victor, in terms of seclusion and sensitivity. I encountered a great opposition from this friend of mine when i tried to explain certain principles to him , and how the world works and to help him get out of his rut. But he didn't take me seriously, not even in terms of accepting a sentimental relationship as he was looking for a mate on a date site ...

It's really akward since in 6th grade he was the one who flirted with me and more or less unconsciously preserved my feelings that were just flourishing back then. Now , after 10 years , when we're both 23 he declines and denies everything, even our uncanny sense of intuition and the synchonicities that brought us together again. I think he's my polar opposite but as Laura pointed out is hard to convince since he's wallowing in self-denial and lies.

What do you think? I know it's confusing what i say but i don't know whom i can address these thoughts. I talked to a psychiatrist and she told my that my friend might exhibit traits of schizoid personality disorder and i should try to stop fighting for his involvment and pursue other avenues both spiritually and sentimentaly. Meaning taking the easy way out before turning into a dysfunctional individual too...

It seems to me that, between your psychiatrist's assessment of Victor and the fact that he reminds you of Frank, maybe it would be a waste of your energy to try to pursue anything with him anymore. Why do you think he is your polar opposite? Based on your description, it doesn't seem that the two of you are going in very similar directions, which might indicate that your feelings are based more on chemical attraction, FWIW. I know you mention that synchronicities were involved in bringing you together again, but there can be various reasons behind those -- sometimes they can be a message from the Universe, but in many cases it seems that they can be a trap set up to divert us from our own path. I think they need to be evaluated within the context of the entire situation, and there seem to be some red flags there that should grab your attention (not the least of which is the fact that Victor doesn't seem to be interested in what you are trying to share with him). In any case, given your feelings for Victor, it seems like moving past him may not really be the easy way out for you, but actually require some resolve on your part. So perhaps it is best to respect his free will and let him follow his own path, and at the same time free your energy so that you can do the same?

Just my 2 cents, given the situation as you've described it.

 

[Approaching Infinity]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

It seems to me that, between your psychiatrist's assessment of Victor and the fact that he reminds you of Frank, maybe it would be a waste of your energy to try to pursue anything with him anymore. Why do you think he is your polar opposite? Based on your description, it doesn't seem that the two of you are going in very similar directions, which might indicate that your feelings are based more on chemical attraction, FWIW. I know you mention that synchronicities were involved in bringing you together again, but there can be various reasons behind those -- sometimes they can be a message from the Universe, but in many cases it seems that they can be a trap set up to divert us from our own path. I think they need to be evaluated within the context of the entire situation, and there seem to be some red flags there that should grab your attention (not the least of which is the fact that Victor doesn't seem to be interested in what you are trying to share with him). In any case, given your feelings for Victor, it seems like moving past him may not really be the easy way out for you, but actually require some resolve on your part. So perhaps it is best to respect his free will and let him follow his own path, and at the same time free your energy so that you can do the same?

Just my 2 cents, given the situation as you've described it.

I'll second what Shijing just posted. psychic_spy, I think you should also do some searches on the forum and reread everything that has been written about polar opposites. Such is a very rare, and very specific, phenomenon and one which many seem to grasp onto when it really doesn't apply to them and their partners. This is a big trap that many fall into. If you take Laura and Ark as an example of polar opposites, just look at what they had to go through (and the WORK they had to do) to find each other. In short, if you are not the person you are meant to be (this means having done all the Work necessary to clear off the garbage accumulated by childhood and education, being the manifestation of the whole person we came here to be), you will not find your P.O., and they will not find you. And once that work has been done on the self, the PURPOSE of joining with your polar opposite is one of service; it's for fulfilling the mutual mission that is the purpose of incarnating in this time and place. It's not just a matter of being 'soul mates', but of being two halves of a whole with a specific purpose and function.

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

It seems to me that, between your psychiatrist's assessment of Victor and the fact that he reminds you of Frank, maybe it would be a waste of your energy to try to pursue anything with him anymore. Why do you think he is your polar opposite? Based on your description, it doesn't seem that the two of you are going in very similar directions, which might indicate that your feelings are based more on chemical attraction, FWIW. I know you mention that synchronicities were involved in bringing you together again, but there can be various reasons behind those -- sometimes they can be a message from the Universe, but in many cases it seems that they can be a trap set up to divert us from our own path. I think they need to be evaluated within the context of the entire situation, and there seem to be some red flags there that should grab your attention (not the least of which is the fact that Victor doesn't seem to be interested in what you are trying to share with him). In any case, given your feelings for Victor, it seems like moving past him may not really be the easy way out for you, but actually require some resolve on your part. So perhaps it is best to respect his free will and let him follow his own path, and at the same time free your energy so that you can do the same?

Just my 2 cents, given the situation as you've described it.

I'll second what Shijing just posted. psychic_spy, I think you should also do some searches on the forum and reread everything that has been written about polar opposites. Such is a very rare, and very specific, phenomenon and one which many seem to grasp onto when it really doesn't apply to them and their partners. This is a big trap that many fall into. If you take Laura and Ark as an example of polar opposites, just look at what they had to go through (and the WORK they had to do) to find each other. In short, if you are not the person you are meant to be (this means having done all the Work necessary to clear off the garbage accumulated by childhood and education, being the manifestation of the whole person we came here to be), you will not find your P.O., and they will not find you. And once that work has been done on the self, the PURPOSE of joining with your polar opposite is one of service; it's for fulfilling the mutual mission that is the purpose of incarnating in this time and place. It's not just a matter of being 'soul mates', but of being two halves of a whole with a specific purpose and function.

Shijing, that's exactly what Victor also told me last time we talked ( after i wrote to him a 4 pages letter where i expressed my disappointment and my sense of failure or approaching him the right way), that we should mind our own path and that we are not truly fated to one other ...This was just an experience, maybe into growing up and dispell some of the illusions from our teenage years , and our attraction. Maybe is better to formulate , my illusions concerning him, my fancy that he's my soul mate or at least a very meaningfull person with whom i have to establish a real bond..but you see ...THere were these dreams that i had ( the first one even before i noticed him liking me , that be at 12 years old, when we kissed on a beach in a summer camp) that were ominuous to this present evolution. Some of them were erotic to some extent but everytime i dreamt him he was conveing a message that i could not grasp or clearly remember after waking up and if it weren/t for those dreams i would have never promised myself one day that i will have it all clarified diven the opportunity to do so.
In highschool and later on i reinforced the idea that i have to get to know him better and act ( i know it sounds corny ) as a intitator , a catalist in his life ( if be the case) in order to figure out why i keep on dreaming him ( despite his change of class, my other relationships and the fact that his fancy with me faded after we weren't classmates anymore). I simply told myself that one day if it pops up in my life through actually meeting him in a public place , or a school reunion ( we live in the same town but pretty far from one another) or on the internet i will not renounce untill i figure it out.
And yet it happened last year on 31 december to give a search on a date site ( and write his first name) and find him , i even talked to him but he was almost unreachable in terms of a more serious conversation. I decided not to talk about these dreams untill i find out if he remembers our interactions ( the fact the he was the one who teased me and challenge me to test my feelings ) and if he's concerned into maintaining contact for a longer period of time. At first he declined thinking i'm forcing him into a romantic relationship which i wasn't in spite of my attachment , i was just waiting to see what he was looking for and after i convinced him not to refuse me he suggested a sexual , noncommital realationship. This was what complicated things further on ..and yes you and Approaching Infinity are both right when you say i might confuse Soul-Mates with Polar Opposites but i still have some doubts because all this relationship has done, apart from troubling me to a very great extent is helping me to clear up debris from my past and engage me to become what i'm designed to be ( I told Victor and i told to myself that becoming a writer, a thinker and a fortune-teller is the right path ) and he seems to understand since he knew i was quite a studious person but i'm amazed he isn't following , in spite of his interests a very similar life path. He told me he didn't even figure out what he's really good at though i suggested him to read more and do some psychic exercises to developp his intuition and awarness. I suggested him because it was very clarly he was ''guessing '' things and even predicting things but i don't want to interfere with his life choices. It's true we are both quite unequal in this respect , since he's doing now what i have started doing 10 or 12 years ago in order to expand my horisons and my domain of interests. So yes , there is a gap and a lack of direction in the relationship which worsens the situation but isn't it suposse to be this way with Polar Opposites? Am i suppose to hope i will meet my POlar Opposite when i'll be 30 or 50 and that i didn't pass the 2 tresholds that are talked about in Laura's text?
I don't want to be subjective , and imagine more then it actually is but at the same time i don't want to reject my dreams and my beliefs for the sake of having a direction in the ''material world'' as perceived by my parents , friends who fear i might get led astray and not become independent ( of course they see my independence in terms of taking a job , earning money and go with the mainstream although they accept my need for spiritual food). I chose this Way as a third option while i renounced to my dreams of becoming a famous writer or artist of any kind, i try to cope with my personal crisis and the failure of my first romantic 2 months relationship and with the fact that i'm not doing very well finding a suitable profession and taking my degree in Russian Culture.
I find myself in a serious crisis , even in terms of health ( i started having some troubling digestive disorders that i got rid off ten years ago and phobias too , headaches, severe mood swings, lack of concentration, fatigue, nausea and some sort of unexplained sense of danger or excitement even, insomnia) ...oh God , at least i can get someone to talk about without being laughted at or criticised, my mother says i'm exaggerating it in order to not get a job) :(

 

[Approaching Infinity]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Maybe is better to formulate , my illusions concerning him, my fancy that he's my soul mate or at least a very meaningfull person with whom i have to establish a real bond..but you see ...

I think this is the crux of the matter: your illusions about him and the amount of projection you've been doing. Reread your post and note the kind of language you use. In the above, you fancied he was your soul mate (love at first site is usually just chemicals) with whom you HAD TO establish a bond. In other words you were anticipating what would happen instead of approaching things naturally. It's pretty normal, and I think we've all done it to one degree or another in personal relationships. But the point is that there is ANOTHER way.

THere were these dreams that i had ( the first one even before i noticed him liking me , that be at 12 years old, when we kissed on a beach in a summer camp) that were ominuous to this present evolution. Some of them were erotic to some extent but everytime i dreamt him he was conveing a message that i could not grasp or clearly remember after waking up and if it weren/t for those dreams i would have never promised myself one day that i will have it all clarified diven the opportunity to do so.

Again, dreams (erotic or not) are normal. However, they do not necessarily mean anything. They could be random, they could be results of attraction by 'type', or even manipulation. Again there's that "have to" flavor.

In highschool and later on i reinforced the idea that i have to get to know him better and act ( i know it sounds corny ) as a intitator , a catalist in his life ( if be the case) in order to figure out why i keep on dreaming him ( despite his change of class, my other relationships and the fact that his fancy with me faded after we weren't classmates anymore).

Again, that's not out of the ordinary. But whether it's healthy is another matter. Wouldn't you say your position was pretty self-important? That you deigned yourself "initiator" and "catalyst" to this guy, when by all descriptions he didn't seem to even want it? We call it a "savior complex", among other things.

At first he declined thinking i'm forcing him into a romantic relationship

Well, I think he was right, at least in part, based on what you've written. He didn't ask for the amount of attention you gave him.

which i wasn't in spite of my attachment , i was just waiting to see what he was looking for and after i convinced him not to refuse me he suggested a sexual , noncommital realationship. This was what complicated things further on

No doubt. Sounds like he saw a desperate person and decided to use you for whatever he could get out of you, without committing to anything deep and meaningful. In other words, you were perfect prey.

..and yes you and Approaching Infinity are both right when you say i might confuse Soul-Mates with Polar Opposites but i still have some doubts because all this relationship has done, apart from troubling me to a very great extent is helping me to clear up debris from my past and engage me to become what i'm designed to be ( I told Victor and i told to myself that becoming a writer, a thinker and a fortune-teller is the right path ) and he seems to understand since he knew i was quite a studious person but i'm amazed he isn't following , in spite of his interests a very similar life path.

Why be amazed? Sounds like you're doing a lot of projection onto this guy.

So yes , there is a gap and a lack of direction in the relationship which worsens the situation but isn't it suposse to be this way with Polar Opposites?

Polar Opposites are on the same path, going in the same direction.

Am i suppose to hope i will meet my POlar Opposite when i'll be 30 or 50 and that i didn't pass the 2 tresholds that are talked about in Laura's text?

Who is to say you even have a polar opposite? As Laura has written, it's a particular phenomenon with a specific purpose. Perhaps there is only ever one pair incarnated at any given time, perhaps several. The point is, you will never find him while looking for him. That's the anticipatory, left-brained, goal-directed thinking. The funny thing about soul mates is that in their own accounts, it was only after they became self-sufficient and no longer NEEDED a partner, that they found one.

I don't want to be subjective , and imagine more then it actually is but at the same time i don't want to reject my dreams and my beliefs for the sake of having a direction in the ''material world'' as perceived by my parents ,

That's black and white thinking. Some dreams mean something, some are nonsense. The key is to discern which are which.

I find myself in a serious crisis , even in terms of health ( i started having some troubling digestive disorders that i got rid off ten years ago and phobias too , headaches, severe mood swings, lack of concentration, fatigue, nausea and some sort of unexplained sense of danger or excitement even, insomnia) ...oh God , at least i can get someone to talk about without being laughted at or criticised, my mother says i'm exaggerating it in order to not get a job) :(

What's your diet like? Are you doing EE? I think you'll be surprised how much your inner landscape changes and grows by simply eliminating evil stuff from entering your body, and putting good stuff in. (Same with meditation and 'food for the soul')

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

Maybe is better to formulate , my illusions concerning him, my fancy that he's my soul mate or at least a very meaningfull person with whom i have to establish a real bond..but you see ...

I think this is the crux of the matter: your illusions about him and the amount of projection you've been doing. Reread your post and note the kind of language you use. In the above, you fancied he was your soul mate (love at first site is usually just chemicals) with whom you HAD TO establish a bond. In other words you were anticipating what would happen instead of approaching things naturally. It's pretty normal, and I think we've all done it to one degree or another in personal relationships. But the point is that there is ANOTHER way.

THere were these dreams that i had ( the first one even before i noticed him liking me , that be at 12 years old, when we kissed on a beach in a summer camp) that were ominuous to this present evolution. Some of them were erotic to some extent but everytime i dreamt him he was conveing a message that i could not grasp or clearly remember after waking up and if it weren/t for those dreams i would have never promised myself one day that i will have it all clarified diven the opportunity to do so.

Again, dreams (erotic or not) are normal. However, they do not necessarily mean anything. They could be random, they could be results of attraction by 'type', or even manipulation. Again there's that "have to" flavor.

In highschool and later on i reinforced the idea that i have to get to know him better and act ( i know it sounds corny ) as a intitator , a catalist in his life ( if be the case) in order to figure out why i keep on dreaming him ( despite his change of class, my other relationships and the fact that his fancy with me faded after we weren't classmates anymore).

Again, that's not out of the ordinary. But whether it's healthy is another matter. Wouldn't you say your position was pretty self-important? That you deigned yourself "initiator" and "catalyst" to this guy, when by all descriptions he didn't seem to even want it? We call it a "savior complex", among other things.

At first he declined thinking i'm forcing him into a romantic relationship

Well, I think he was right, at least in part, based on what you've written. He didn't ask for the amount of attention you gave him.

which i wasn't in spite of my attachment , i was just waiting to see what he was looking for and after i convinced him not to refuse me he suggested a sexual , noncommital realationship. This was what complicated things further on

No doubt. Sounds like he saw a desperate person and decided to use you for whatever he could get out of you, without committing to anything deep and meaningful. In other words, you were perfect prey.

..and yes you and Approaching Infinity are both right when you say i might confuse Soul-Mates with Polar Opposites but i still have some doubts because all this relationship has done, apart from troubling me to a very great extent is helping me to clear up debris from my past and engage me to become what i'm designed to be ( I told Victor and i told to myself that becoming a writer, a thinker and a fortune-teller is the right path ) and he seems to understand since he knew i was quite a studious person but i'm amazed he isn't following , in spite of his interests a very similar life path.

Why be amazed? Sounds like you're doing a lot of projection onto this guy.

So yes , there is a gap and a lack of direction in the relationship which worsens the situation but isn't it suposse to be this way with Polar Opposites?

Polar Opposites are on the same path, going in the same direction.

Am i suppose to hope i will meet my POlar Opposite when i'll be 30 or 50 and that i didn't pass the 2 tresholds that are talked about in Laura's text?

Who is to say you even have a polar opposite? As Laura has written, it's a particular phenomenon with a specific purpose. Perhaps there is only ever one pair incarnated at any given time, perhaps several. The point is, you will never find him while looking for him. That's the anticipatory, left-brained, goal-directed thinking. The funny thing about soul mates is that in their own accounts, it was only after they became self-sufficient and no longer NEEDED a partner, that they found one.

I don't want to be subjective , and imagine more then it actually is but at the same time i don't want to reject my dreams and my beliefs for the sake of having a direction in the ''material world'' as perceived by my parents ,

That's black and white thinking. Some dreams mean something, some are nonsense. The key is to discern which are which.

I find myself in a serious crisis , even in terms of health ( i started having some troubling digestive disorders that i got rid off ten years ago and phobias too , headaches, severe mood swings, lack of concentration, fatigue, nausea and some sort of unexplained sense of danger or excitement even, insomnia) ...oh God , at least i can get someone to talk about without being laughted at or criticised, my mother says i'm exaggerating it in order to not get a job) :(

What's your diet like? Are you doing EE? I think you'll be surprised how much your inner landscape changes and grows by simply eliminating evil stuff from entering your body, and putting good stuff in. (Same with meditation and 'food for the soul')

I guess you're right in many accounts though this isn't easing my situation. I also think it was a projection after reading and taking account of your views and for a short while Victor tried to sustain that projection, being my boyfriend because this is what I so desperately wanted but it's far from what he wants ... :/. What baffled me is that he told me he never had a sweetheat and it's not even concerned about it though he frequents a dating site (?). Yes, you may say that he spots the ones he can engage into sexual encounters only though as far as i dated him he seemed rather withdrawn and unexperienced in terms of sex. He even left me the impression i was the only one he had it with but again , this might be well another trap so that he maintains my fairytale scenario of him. Why bother? He knew for the time being that i had some other realationships but none was as intense as this one.( mainly because this one dates back in our teenage years ) Is it any escape from these dillusions because it's very hard to cope with and accept i've been trapped ...That he acted as a predator in the relationship ...

as far as my diet is concerned i eat 2 times a day , at 4 -5 pm and at 10 pm sometimes later, i usually eat boiled meat , fish , chicken made in the oven , vegetables such as rice, potatoes, beans ( we don't aford in Romania to buy bio-products that are quite expensive) and fruits for desert, i eat chocolate ( 4, 5 small tablets) but not everyday and once a month i eat junk food but usually i stay away from them. I also eat chicken soup or traditional food ''sarmale'' , i do not drink alchohol but i smoke a pack of cigarettes per week.

 

[psychic_spy]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis



Now i really wonder why would we bother about anyting romantically since we mostly project, device partners according to our beliefs and STS behaviours. What you told me now is a typical STS oriented behavior , both from my part and from his. I derived obsession from my feeling of entitlement to him ..i absolutely denied every objective idea that i don't play any particular role in his film of experience, at least not a meaningfull one. And he of course cut me off at the first sign of revolting and wanting more involvement or more expansion. It's true i saw an expansive aspect in this for i tried to eastablish a daily contact with him and he was relunctant to talk , even about hobbies, spirituality and things outside our relationship. He was relunctant to share ideas , and preferences ...why would someone do that when you actually need them too ?

 

[Approaching Infinity]

Re: Re: BORIS MOURAVIEFF: Gnosis

I guess you're right in many accounts though this isn't easing my situation.

Well, an objective view of ourselves is rarely anything by 'uneasy'. In fact, it can be downright terrifying.

I also think it was a projection after reading and taking account of your views and for a short while Victor tried to sustain that projection, being my boyfriend because this is what I so desperately wanted but it's far from what he wants ... :/. What baffled me is that he told me he never had a sweetheat and it's not even concerned about it though he frequents a dating site (?). Yes, you may say that he spots the ones he can engage into sexual encounters only though as far as i dated him he seemed rather withdrawn and unexperienced in terms of sex.

That would fit with a schizoid personality. Schizoids don't seem to relate normally to others sexually, and such individuals do, they fall into pathological patterns (i.e., dating sites, 'womanizing', etc.)

He even left me the impression i was the only one he had it with but again , this might be well another trap so that he maintains my fairytale scenario of him. Why bother? He knew for the time being that i had some other realationships but none was as intense as this one.( mainly because this one dates back in our teenage years ) Is it any escape from these dillusions because it's very hard to cope with and accept i've been trapped ...That he acted as a predator in the relationship ...

Well, it could be true that you were the only one he was with. He could've picked up on your desperation and gone out with you simply because you wanted it so much, and he could get something out of it as well. So even if he is not a predator in the extreme sense (like a psychopath), he essentially acted as one, using you for his own purposes while letting you project a fantasy onto him. Have you read Unholy Hungers? That might be the one to start with if you haven't read any of the 5 narcissism books we recommend.

as far as my diet is concerned i eat 2 times a day , at 4 -5 pm and at 10 pm sometimes later, i usually eat boiled meat , fish , chicken made in the oven , vegetables such as rice, potatoes, beans ( we don't aford in Romania to buy bio-products that are quite expensive) and fruits for desert, i eat chocolate ( 4, 5 small tablets) but not everyday and once a month i eat junk food but usually i stay away from them. I also eat chicken soup or traditional food ''sarmale'' , i do not drink alchohol but i smoke a pack of cigarettes per week.

Rice, potatoes, beans and fruit aren't good for everyone (rice contains gluten, for example). Also, the sugar in chocolate can feed Candida and junk food is bad all around. No problem with the cigarettes, but you may want to peruse the health topics on the forum and try out the detox diet. Even in Romania, you should be able to eliminate most bad foods. I can't stress how important it is to really get a handle on diet and start doing EE.