Truth Seeker:
To me, it sounds as if the part in bold may be closer to the truth. Many times, other people in our dreams are a reflection of aspects of ourselves. If this is the case, then perhaps there is some part of you that is experiencing a death. You may want to look at your life in order to find out if there is a situation that requires a holding back of yourself or if there's some idea you have that you may be giving up. This can be "positive" or "negative" depending upon your particular situation.
Well, yeah, there are many situations where I ‘hold back’. For example being a step parent often times means that I’m holding back on saying or doing something that my mother would do, and I can see how her method of handling it may not have been the best, yet a reaction that is similar to hers is the first that raises up in me.
So this type of ‘holding back’ I believe is in the best interests of my step children, but it may not be. I never really wanted to be a parent, and to be truthful, I’ve often resented the fact that I’ve found myself parenting, but at the same time, I certainly don’t want to have a bad influence on the kids (or in this case young adults). Like it or not, I now have an influence on how they turn out and I’d prefer that to be a good influence despite my own short comings.
I also sometimes hold back out of fear of conflict. I am improving in this area though...but I find I’m more comfortable stating my case after the emotional charge has passed and I’m calmer. I don’t always process things terribly quickly though.
The fear of being seen is interesting and at the same time, not unusual, I think. We all have fears surrounding others seeing who we really are and that we won't be accepted once others find out. So another possible take may be that you are processing fears relating to unconscious realizations of parts of you that you don't "like" if that makes sense.
I don’t know. I think (and I use that term loosely) that I know many parts of myself that I don’t like. There is a good probability that there is more to me that I don’t like, but I’m not ready to see it yet? Its having others know these parts I think that the fear comes from.
Funny thing is I’ve been through this exercise before so there is something in there for me to learn. Coming out as lesbian was such a process. There was that period of time where I denied/suppressed it or hid it from myself and others. There was that period of time where I admitted it to myself but swore that I’d never act on it or ever let anyone else know, I was that frightened of people finding out. Then finally when I hit rock bottom with the fear and sick of it ruling my life I come to the conclusion that keeping the secret was not worth it even if it meant losing all my friends and family.
When I was finally honest, I did lose some friends, while I didn’t really lose any family members, my relationship did change with some of them, some for the better some for the worst. How I felt about myself definitely improved. There really is something in that statement: “The truth, no matter how beautiful or ugly is the only thing that can set you free”.
I guess there could be things in me that I have lied about for so long though that I don’t even realise that I am lying about them anymore....
Laura:
Ark reads to me or tells me story as I go to sleep, too. He considers his story/reading successful if I go to sleep fast! Funny thing is, I may struggle to stay awake because what he is saying or reading is interesting, but his voice is so soothing to me that I just go out like a light! This has been a real life-saver during those times when I have been very stressed or ill. I also think that I MUST be absorbing some of what he is saying even if I don't consciously remember it!
Ha...I just checked with my partner and she said the same thing. Curious that I’d made the assumption prior to checking with her that she found my reading boring and monotonous if she did go to sleep quickly, a silly assumption to make since she can be really seriously tired!
Al Today:
I read out loud to myself when trying to understand a difficult concept. Seems to slow the brain and help concentrate on the what is being stated. I've done this as far back as I can remember. Works for me...
I haven’t actually read out loud as a practice to understand a concept, but I do try to explain it, not out loud though-just mouthing the words, as though I’m trying to help someone else understand. My partner has witnessed this on occasions and thinks it can be quite funny to see.
I’m usually pacing, mouthing words with accompanying facial expressions, and gesturing.
I’ve just remembered as I’m writing this that this is how I used to express/process emotions as a kid if I thought no one was watching. I don’t think I still do that, but will keep it in mind.
Loreta:
To read for me is a very intimate act so reading aloud is the contrary. Sometimes I read aloud but I see it as an exercise of vocalisation, and also of breathing. It is really an exercise to read aloud, all your mouth and your throat are working. It is a good exercise but I prefer to read in silence.
Laura:
Me too. I don't understand anything if I read out loud because I'm totally focused on making the experience pleasant for my audience... not rushing, giving proper emphasis, etc. All of that sort of takes the fun out of reading for ME.
I’d already read Amazing Grace once through for myself.
But as for reading to my partner, I’ve found that in order to do it well, I
have to utilize the breathing exercises learned through EE, making sure that I’m using my diaphragm and belly breathing and I have to start by saying to myself or rather hearing in my head ‘Relaaax your body’
If I don’t then I often don’t have the breath to complete a sentence so I would rush, and increase the probability that I’d make an error. So I wonder if there’s a connection here between this, and me seeing the material in more depth given that the next step after the breathing exercises is the Prayer of the Soul?
Maybe something here has been handed over to the adaptive unconscious that is triggered by my breathing? Something to do with patterning?
To clarify though, I’m not using the exact 6-3-9-3 breathing pattern though I do take my time to inhale deeply and fully when I need to, nor am I strictly doing pipe breath, but there may be some low intensity vagal manoeuvres because I do find reading out loud in this manner very relaxing and refreshing. I’ve also noticed that I can actually easily see the words ahead of those that I’m saying if I’m giving myself the time to breathe well. So I’m prepared for the words before I have to say them if that makes sense?
Buddy:
What do you think about a possibility that the dream was the release?
Thats possible, however I feel that release would come with the resolution or expression of fear. I could be wrong about that though. But I wake up at that point where I’m right in the middle of the intense fear and its still there after I wake up. It may be partially or wholly dealt with simply by talking it through here now though. Time will tell.
Buddy:
Currently I view my own dreams as metaphorical narratives, somewhat reflective of an inner state, as you suggest. I think of the individual dream objects, people and relationships as metaphors (containers) that ferry stored, unintegrated (fragmented) emotional and other sensory impressions from the right brain across to the left brain. Either that, or the location of awareness shifts over to the right brain.
I don't understand all of the left brain-right brain stuff yet so thanks for including this. I think it will help me to learn about it.
Buddy
I would think that dream time would be the best time for this kind of processing for most people - especially anyone whose thinking center actively suppresses right-brain emotional cognition during the day.
I’m not sure that I suppress emotional cognition (that is of course if I’ve understood the term correctly) but I do suppress emotional expression often. There once was I time that I would have denied that I had emotions at all. But upon examination this was a lie. I did have emotions, I just didn’t allow myself to acknowledge or express them......
Manitoban:
Yeah, my first thought was that possibly the person you murdered in the dream may well represent an aspect of yourself that is dying or you are bringing to an end. And maybe the "authority" you fear in the dream represents the predator fearing and resisting this change.
Zadius Sky:
My initial thought was as same as manitoban...that you (Jones) murdered a certain aspect of yourself.
But, the most seen aspect of your dream, to me, is your own fear of being "discovered" which oddly is similar to the Predator's Mind's fear of being "discovered." Maybe you are playing the role of the Predator and how you can see its action through your Predator's eyes via dream? Not to confuse the interpretations of this dream, but that's my thought on it, fwiw.
.....So perhaps that is the part of me that I was killing off?
I'm not really sure how to apply the 'Predators Mind' here. But I'll have a shot. The Predator wants me to stay fearful, so it would keep refreshing this fear of me showing/acknowledging my emotions or fearing being seen wholly, warts and all. While I fear showing/acknowledging my emotions, fear being seen, then I'm kept in a weak controllable situation and this suits the predators purpose, or in another context, drains me of energy that could be put to better use, in yet another context, maintains me as a good food source for STS?
I'd appreciate clarification if I haven't quite 'got' it.
Buddy
Unless I'm mistaken, the "confession" practice taught in the ancient eastern orthodox Christian church was an example of some basic Depth Psychology. The idea being that we become passive, immobile and "at effect" in life, due to the wrongs we feel guilty about. We hold these wrongs close to our own heart under a mistaken belief that if no one else has to bear knowledge of our weaknesses or bear witness to our pain, then we are sparing them some hurt and limiting the damage we've done. Holding onto so much emotional weight would naturally drain a lot of our available energy - further reinforcing any existing limitations, OSIT.
Yes. I think you’re right in the above. I’ll add though that there is another motivation in regards to the part I’ve bolded which may be more selfish. That is fear or avoidance of the consequences/retribution/vengeance for that which we feel guilty about. This is the sense that I get from my dream, there is little thought for anyone else.
Buddy
So, maybe what you're beginning to see about your limitations brings you closer to reality and truth than those who insist on blaming others? Or do you find anything about this idea that needs looking at a bit closer?
It’s an idea that I accept in principle, but I don’t think I fully understand it on all levels. I can still lapse into blaming others or circumstances when I feel rotten. So I either haven’t taken full responsibility for it yet, or haven’t uncovered all the ways in which I’m reacting mechanically. If I’ve understood some concepts of the work then it’s not yet fully part of my being?
