know_yourself_1234
Jedi
Dear All,
I wanted to share the following; I do not know about its validity, but it is helping me a lot during the days I am going through.
First I have to say that for writing this post, I have been in an Internet café; as I wrote down 15 ligns, the computer shut down automatically, and the boss told me the shop closed!
Two days ago, it happened as I wrote a private message to a forum member, in another Internet Café. Computer started bugging and I had to write my message in a hurry, in 3 different parts.
-
I found a new job, as a waiter, and it is extremely difficult. People there are very strange, and I would like to speak about it more pirvately, if possible (I know I had been granted the access to 'the swamp', but I do not know how to get there: is there a link to follow, or is it a 'chat'?), because I am really feeling harassed.
-
Well, I had always been a highly empathetic, solar and sensitive person, with the ability to 'know' about the person in front of me (feelings, character,...).
This has been shut down for now maybe 7 years. Through post-obligatory school, military, first 'jobs', discovering the 'commercial attitude', wearing a suit, accessing to private nighclubs, evolving with 'high-class' people (...), My ego had been fed quite perfectly; needless to say that humility, being what I really am (or being close to it..) went far away.
I am now learning through castaneda's book 'fire from within' some way of fighting my self-importance; it is a good guidance, and it helps me a lot, because my working place seems to be full of petty tyrants.
Reading Elan Golomb's Trapped in the mirror shows me how much narcissism is present in my life.
Today, I am fighting to keep my integrity. I am aware that I am fighting against myself, but people around me add their contribution too. Actually, they add it in so vulguar ways that I cannot stay and simply think about 'coincidence' or 'adding it myself'. It is sometimes so strange that the only power I have left is laughing at it. But if I stop for a while, I am scared and would feel enclosed (but still there and capable!).
Today, I am sorry to see that they are not that many 'integer' people left... It is like people do not have kindness, having only 'profit thinking' logic, and even more, predation.
I know that I am not like these. I know it, because I do not recognize myself, and moreover, I feel that it is really easy to 'follow the wrong river'. Moderation helps me to find my spirit back. No coffee, no ice cream!
Today, I have to overcome what I am not, to reach what I think vibrates more with myself. The pressure I feel there is so BIG that I do have two choices: becoming an a**hole, letting the final overwhelming from my ego, and being lost, or finding my 'ol'way'of'being'. I chose the second one, and I am finding some tips for carrying it on. This is what I would like to share.
Basically, it is a way of perceiving the way I was inconsciously doing it before all post-obligatory education.
It is a kind of happy-go-lucky-go atittude, and I would like to say that that words 'unconditionnal love' describes best this 'state': I feel things as they really are, not judging them, accepting them, and keeping my integrity.
-
I would best describe it as follows, and as it is hard to express, I would like to do it with my words, with my feelings.
1. Being centered
= Keeping the focus on my 'essence'; Castaneda told about 'La Gorda' that she was the first to have its attention to be carried away, and this is important to me to keep the attention in myself; I realized that my mind really drifted too easily. I realized that there were people around me trying to attract my attention. I am not able to seat in a park without getting a group of football player(whatever..) close to me, shouting insanities at loud in the following minutes. Today, I am not able to experience a quiet moment without having noise next to me. My bus transportations are sometimes crazy, and there are really strange patterns.
So I am now trying to improve this. When doing a task, keeping the focus on it, without wishful thinking or self-importance. Knowing that I am 'nothing' helps me a lot! Doing slow gestures helps me to do the action correctly.
This originates more from my belly area. My base center/chakra had to be worked on much(it was completely shut down), and I had to take care of my feets in order to feel a better 'grounding'.
Spirulina pills helps me a lot, it is a great 'focus boost', 'integrity keeper' for me!
2. Keeping a 'bird-eye view'
It is a kind of 'scanning the surroundings', without judging them. It is like a 'sonar' sending and getting back the informations. It is like 'being open', or even 'just be', and not 'thniking to be'. I realized I was cut off from my self, cut off from 'direct feeling', and that thought were always between myself and any information. Reactivating my 'scanner' is like strentghening a direct connection to things, imo BE and feel them directly, without' intermediary'.
This originates from my head.
-
Doing both of these at the same time allows me to be centered on my actual action, and staying in touch with the rest in an 'efficient way'; I would describe it as way of dealing with my energy, and it allows me not to loose the focus or being distracted.
When I reach this state, I am really concentrated on my work, and it is like 'catching a flow' and sometimes 'riding a wave', like a 'dance'.. These days, it helps me to 'cover the basic' of 'keeping a small amount of integrity'.
I have to say that this reaches a kind of 'unconditionnal love' or at least it helps me to understand it and to feel it. In this state, it is like I am far away from anger feelings, ego traps, and I am really laughing at them when they come. It is like nothing has much importance, but I am aware of everything, and every single act counts.
Here is what I have been through; may I demand what is your feeling about this?
-
My post is maybe baked noodle again; if it is the case, I am sorry. These are my impressions, and I hope that I am not following a wrong road.
At least, there are still valid help I am relying on:
The EE program which quite saved me in these hard times.
Even when not doing it, breathing out through my mouth is just a basic operation which provides me great help.
I have to mention that the 'prayer of the soul' connects me with good energies.
With these I am able to dissolve daily blockages and to keep on an unkown road, but what seems to be the 'correct' one for me.
Please allow me to be thankful and I would like to thank everyone with humility.
Might truth appear more and more... Please...
I wanted to share the following; I do not know about its validity, but it is helping me a lot during the days I am going through.
First I have to say that for writing this post, I have been in an Internet café; as I wrote down 15 ligns, the computer shut down automatically, and the boss told me the shop closed!
Two days ago, it happened as I wrote a private message to a forum member, in another Internet Café. Computer started bugging and I had to write my message in a hurry, in 3 different parts.
-
I found a new job, as a waiter, and it is extremely difficult. People there are very strange, and I would like to speak about it more pirvately, if possible (I know I had been granted the access to 'the swamp', but I do not know how to get there: is there a link to follow, or is it a 'chat'?), because I am really feeling harassed.
-
Well, I had always been a highly empathetic, solar and sensitive person, with the ability to 'know' about the person in front of me (feelings, character,...).
This has been shut down for now maybe 7 years. Through post-obligatory school, military, first 'jobs', discovering the 'commercial attitude', wearing a suit, accessing to private nighclubs, evolving with 'high-class' people (...), My ego had been fed quite perfectly; needless to say that humility, being what I really am (or being close to it..) went far away.
I am now learning through castaneda's book 'fire from within' some way of fighting my self-importance; it is a good guidance, and it helps me a lot, because my working place seems to be full of petty tyrants.
Reading Elan Golomb's Trapped in the mirror shows me how much narcissism is present in my life.
Today, I am fighting to keep my integrity. I am aware that I am fighting against myself, but people around me add their contribution too. Actually, they add it in so vulguar ways that I cannot stay and simply think about 'coincidence' or 'adding it myself'. It is sometimes so strange that the only power I have left is laughing at it. But if I stop for a while, I am scared and would feel enclosed (but still there and capable!).
Today, I am sorry to see that they are not that many 'integer' people left... It is like people do not have kindness, having only 'profit thinking' logic, and even more, predation.
I know that I am not like these. I know it, because I do not recognize myself, and moreover, I feel that it is really easy to 'follow the wrong river'. Moderation helps me to find my spirit back. No coffee, no ice cream!
Today, I have to overcome what I am not, to reach what I think vibrates more with myself. The pressure I feel there is so BIG that I do have two choices: becoming an a**hole, letting the final overwhelming from my ego, and being lost, or finding my 'ol'way'of'being'. I chose the second one, and I am finding some tips for carrying it on. This is what I would like to share.
Basically, it is a way of perceiving the way I was inconsciously doing it before all post-obligatory education.
It is a kind of happy-go-lucky-go atittude, and I would like to say that that words 'unconditionnal love' describes best this 'state': I feel things as they really are, not judging them, accepting them, and keeping my integrity.
-
I would best describe it as follows, and as it is hard to express, I would like to do it with my words, with my feelings.
1. Being centered
= Keeping the focus on my 'essence'; Castaneda told about 'La Gorda' that she was the first to have its attention to be carried away, and this is important to me to keep the attention in myself; I realized that my mind really drifted too easily. I realized that there were people around me trying to attract my attention. I am not able to seat in a park without getting a group of football player(whatever..) close to me, shouting insanities at loud in the following minutes. Today, I am not able to experience a quiet moment without having noise next to me. My bus transportations are sometimes crazy, and there are really strange patterns.
So I am now trying to improve this. When doing a task, keeping the focus on it, without wishful thinking or self-importance. Knowing that I am 'nothing' helps me a lot! Doing slow gestures helps me to do the action correctly.
This originates more from my belly area. My base center/chakra had to be worked on much(it was completely shut down), and I had to take care of my feets in order to feel a better 'grounding'.
Spirulina pills helps me a lot, it is a great 'focus boost', 'integrity keeper' for me!
2. Keeping a 'bird-eye view'
It is a kind of 'scanning the surroundings', without judging them. It is like a 'sonar' sending and getting back the informations. It is like 'being open', or even 'just be', and not 'thniking to be'. I realized I was cut off from my self, cut off from 'direct feeling', and that thought were always between myself and any information. Reactivating my 'scanner' is like strentghening a direct connection to things, imo BE and feel them directly, without' intermediary'.
This originates from my head.
-
Doing both of these at the same time allows me to be centered on my actual action, and staying in touch with the rest in an 'efficient way'; I would describe it as way of dealing with my energy, and it allows me not to loose the focus or being distracted.
When I reach this state, I am really concentrated on my work, and it is like 'catching a flow' and sometimes 'riding a wave', like a 'dance'.. These days, it helps me to 'cover the basic' of 'keeping a small amount of integrity'.
I have to say that this reaches a kind of 'unconditionnal love' or at least it helps me to understand it and to feel it. In this state, it is like I am far away from anger feelings, ego traps, and I am really laughing at them when they come. It is like nothing has much importance, but I am aware of everything, and every single act counts.
Here is what I have been through; may I demand what is your feeling about this?
-
My post is maybe baked noodle again; if it is the case, I am sorry. These are my impressions, and I hope that I am not following a wrong road.
At least, there are still valid help I am relying on:
The EE program which quite saved me in these hard times.
Even when not doing it, breathing out through my mouth is just a basic operation which provides me great help.
I have to mention that the 'prayer of the soul' connects me with good energies.
With these I am able to dissolve daily blockages and to keep on an unkown road, but what seems to be the 'correct' one for me.
Please allow me to be thankful and I would like to thank everyone with humility.
Might truth appear more and more... Please...
