Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

Mari

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I´ve finally finished Mary Balogh´s "The Huxtable Quintet" aka "H5" series. ;-)

I was thinking about the discussion we've been having about this exercise and how some of you have been struggling with it a bit. FWIW as I understand it based on what Laura has written and from my own experience reading a few of these books the exercise is meant to stir up powerful emotions and awaken the sleeping emotional center. This creates an opportunity for resolution of unresolved feelings via the resolution of the storyline of the book. You don't have to do anything other than read the books and let yourself get lost in the storyline.

Thank you for the reminder @Séamas ! :flowers:

So, I´ve opened the last H5 "A Secret Affair" book and I did just that - didn´t think about plot or how it will roll out or who I like or don´t like.
I´ve just read the book.

And I´ve finally cried. Really cried - with the running nose and the tears, so not just lump in the throat and watering eyes.
And I feel there is more tears inside and I feel like crying right now writing this post.
Oh well...

I´m also having these dreams in the last months and I feel they are telling me how to move on with my life, basically what I feel/know for years now.
And I´m so ashamed I don´t have the courage to make the move jet.... 😞

I´ll switch now to single books and take a rest from the series - once I start the series it´s hard for me to stop. :-[
 

Laura

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
It appears to me that quite a few people are having their emotional centers opened and balanced along with a whole lot of emotional IQ raising via absorbing learning vicariously. I suspect that there is also quite a bit of past life resolution going on.

I hope that those who have not yet begun to participate in this important project will soon do so - before it is too late.
 

thorbiorn

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
So if Balogh didn´t "push" the baby, Cass would go on living unhappily ever after in some cottage in the middle of nowhere and be settled with it. It was a situation forced on her, to made her confess, not her own courage and will.

And perhaps pregnancy hormones helped her break down her last barriers (I think Stephen did an admirable job and so did his sisters in the end), because sometimes these pesky hormones are a force for good.
The process of conceiving and carrying a child may be unexpected for the character, I have not read the book, but would sudden pregnancy in a literary plot be any less unexpected than a sudden unforeseen challenge that requires immediate resolution by a male protagonist and which then affects the further developments and matures him, so that he has completed his penance, rectified his character, balanced good and evil, and deserves to marry the female protagonist?

The above consideration led to the issues of female fertility, pregnancy and giving birth in the time of the Regency Era. If I combine what one learns about one minor character and one protagonist in two different novels I read and combine this with a modern perspective, then I get this:

First, there were fewer means of contraception. Or we could say that there were fewer means of preventing the male sperm form fertilizing an egg in case of a completed sexual intercourse.
Second, there were fewer means of avoiding the possibility of a pregnancy once the sexual act had been completed and pregnancy had followed. The above two points meant that good upbringing, protection of the women, chastity, and self-control were of utmost importance.
Third, complications during childbirth were far from uncommon, including those leading to the death of the mother, or the child or both. In My Sweet Folly by Laura Kinsale, the fear of giving birth is a point of concern for one of the minor characters. I tried to look up the chances of the mother dying in childbirth and one article estimates it to between one and two percent. So if a woman had many children, her risk of dying would increase assuming all women were equally vulnerable. After five children the chances of still being around would be 95 % if the risk was one %, and 90 % if the risk of dying in childbirth was 2 %. In other words, the fears held by the minor character were not entirely groundless. These difficulties continued into modern times. I believe one of my grandmothers sisters experienced something like this. First her a son died before he had turned five, and then she died herself in childbirth. I grew up where she had lived, but never thought too much about her situation, before writing this post. Now while mentioning the issue of infant mortality, in the Regency Era the rates varied depending on the social and economic conditions of the people. Again according to this article, it was not uncommon if only 80 % survived beyond 5 years. In other words, if a woman had five children the chance that all of them would live beyond 5 years would be about 33 %.
Forth, there was also pressure on women to give birth to children, especially a boy who could inherit the property and carry on the line. This subject is alluded to in several novels, in one novel it was the expectation that the daughter-in-law should give birth to a son no later than a certain date after marriage.
Fifth and this follows from the previous point, infertility was also a concern. There were fewer means of finding the cause or treating it. The possibility of infertility plays a role in, Untouched by Anna Campbell, where the female protagonist was a widow, but had been married for nine years, before she meets the protagonist with whom she, as long as we follow her, has an intimate relationship for a few weeks. Still, her body shows no signs of a pregnancy which leaves the female protagonist with the suspicion she is "barren". In the plot of the novel, the lack of children from a previous marriage and the lack of pregnancy in spite of doing nothing to prevent it fits very well, since it allows the two protagonists a Happy Ever After with all the honors of family and society restored and upheld.

If one accepts what is laid out in the plot, did the female protagonist have reasons for concern? Here is what the Wiki says:
In humans, infertility is the inability to become pregnant after one year of intercourse without contraception involving a male and female partner.[2] There are many causes of infertility, including some that medical intervention can treat.[3] Estimates from 1997 suggest that worldwide about five percent of all heterosexual couples have an unresolved problem with infertility. Many more couples, however, experience involuntary childlessness for at least one year: estimates range from 12% to 28%.[4] Male infertility is responsible for 20–30% of infertility cases, while 20–35% are due to female infertility, and 25–40% are due to combined problems in both parts.[2][5] In 10–20% of cases, no cause is found.[5] The most common cause of female infertility is ovulatory problems, which generally manifest themselves by sparse or absent menstrual periods.[6] Male infertility is most commonly due to deficiencies in the semen, and semen quality is used as a surrogate measure of male fecundity.[7]
After nine years without children, the protagonist has reasons for concern, but considering that her body, from what little we are told, seems to go through the usual phases, there is no reason to give up hope, just because the first few weeks with a new active partner did not result in pregnancy. Here are some statistics relevant to the age of the average romance novel protagonist.
A woman’s best reproductive years are in her 20s. Fertility gradually declines in the 30s, particularly after age 35. Each month that she tries, a healthy, fertile 30-year-old woman has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. That means that for every 100 fertile 30-year-old women trying to get pregnant in 1 cycle, 20 will be successful and the other 80 will have to try again.
If one uses the above numbers, that a fertile young woman has an 80 % chance of not conceiving during the first cycle she tries, then she has a 64 % chance of being in the same situation after two cycles, after three the number is 51 %, after four, 41 %, after five 33 %, after six 27 %, and then follows 21 %, 17 %, 13 %, 11 %, 9 %, and after a 12 cycles there would still be close to a 7 % chance that she can conceive, but has not yet done so in spite of trying. Perhaps the women and men of old were more fertile, (I guess so), but at least the above numbers explain why some literary plots could work in reality too.

An additional comment on the possible condition of a minor character in another novel
Finally, there is one novel about a minor character that after a certain childbirth was no longer able to engage intimately with her husband. The novel does not give more details, but it reminded me of the case of a woman in the generation of my grandmother, who gave birth to four children each weighing 5-6 kg. After the last and largest her reproductive organs had been overextended. I looked up the condition she suffered from on a Russian site, and they said that the probability is higher after two children born through the natural passage, or after a difficult childbirth, but there are several other factors that can lead to this condition including health and hereditary conditions. For an English site check this. When many women had many children, one could imagine this condition was not uncommon, and if that was so serious that the husband was not able to fulfill the needs he felt entitled to, then it may have led to other complications in the marital relationship. Life was not easy, even for the wealthy, and I think appreciating the circumstances at the time makes it easier to understand the characters, some of their fears, and their decisions.
 

luc

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
I see that this is not a single book but book 2 in the series:
The Regency Romances: Midsummer Moon, My Sweet Folly, and Uncertain Magic

Is the whole series recommended or just this one book?
In excel sheet in the cloud is only "My Sweet Folly".....

I read the first one, but didn't like it much; it's very weird and hasn't touched me really, although the story is entertaining. The 3rd one I didn't read because my wife said she doesn't recommend it and there's supernatural magic in it.

The books are not connected in any way, so I would only recommend My Sweet Folly.
 

manitoban

SuperModerator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
I have just finished reading Anne Gracie's Devil Riders series. Once you get used to the style of it, all 5 of the books were enjoyable reads. I won't go into the plot details, the books were light and quick reads, but they sure pulled a punch when it came to triggering emotional release.

My main take on these books is that they are not really about reading the books, but about feeling them. What I mean is that very often the simplest action of the characters triggers emotions, or at least it did in me. The first two books had a strong theme of motherly love for their children, and that certainly brought many tears to my eyes, as I could relate to those powerful feelings. How the mothers would do anything for the love of their child, and what a powerful protective love of your child really means.

The sex scenes, and there were a lot of them, were very passionate and dramatic and for the most part, pretty good. They showed people being overwhelmed with sensation and lust, yet there was a naturalness to them as they bonded this way, which did open the door to developing deeper feelings of tenderness and caring. The men in these books , while flawed, were uniformly brave, courageous, and good old-fashioned men, the kind that are rare nowadays. They sure as heck weren't looking for a "safe space" or worrying about "micro aggressions".

All the main characters had wounding and trauma through family backgrounds, war, and various other scenarios, so you could see why they acted as they did, often making dumb decisions and acting quite arrogantly. Nevertheless, you can't help but cheer for them, as you watch them having to dig deep inside themselves to really think about their partners feelings and where they are coming from. They all have to open up to love, to give, to share, to be vulnerable and truthful, putting aside their fears and past patterns. One thing that stood out to me was how often the characters making assumptions caused so many problems. A timely reminder that assuming the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of another person can really send you way off track.

So many things in the books touched my heart, the simplicity of life, the kindness of the minor characters, the way so many thought of others first, the beauty of falling in love without all the toxic distraction and morals of the modern world. It was a world centered on community, family, and seemed to me to be a much more natural world, more vivid and real than the current detachment and lack of connection in the modern world.

It often felt that I was briefly living in another reality as I read, a reality that was much purer and more wholesome than the one we live in now. Sure, there are bad guys, but most people are truly good. And being in that reality felt very good, although I shed a few tears during the books, it was a good and cleansing release. I also felt something in my heart opening a bit, just like the characters did. And this happened despite the outside world events at this time being absolutely heartbreaking and terrifying. Overall, although I can't pinpoint anything specific, the books are doing something, at the very least, perhaps simply being emotionally in this other realm while engaged in the book is having a positive effect. I'm looking forward to continuing on to the next series.
 

seek10

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I see that this is not a single book but book 2 in the series:
The Regency Romances: Midsummer Moon, My Sweet Folly, and Uncertain Magic

Is the whole series recommended or just this one book?
In excel sheet in the cloud is only "My Sweet Folly".....
Wherever a single book mentioned, I only put single book in the sheet. I know some people read the entire series.
 

seek10

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I should also mention that reading the books from the romantic fiction thread are really helping both of us to get through this stuff. Ark is highly entertained by the stories and they really help him relax to sleep. He recently finished one entitled "Lady Wallflower" by Scarlett Scott and liked the main guy a LOT. Then he read "Dark Angel" by Balogh and now onto "Lord Carew's Bride." He is irritated by the heroine in this last one. He told me he would NEVER have ever thought to read such books, but now that he has, he enjoys them more than reading "Jack Reacher" stories, which he was very fond of before for his relaxing reading.

I read 'Lady Wallflower" novel as per my plan of trying out the different author's writing styles. Typical Story
of a wounded, rebellious protagonist does forbidden things to be successful, marks himself as bad to hide the hurt, try to take advantage of a naive girl with naughty intentions only to be reformed by her due to her inherent character
. More like in Seven Nights in a Rogue's Bed. I thought the spicy component is too much, even I wondered it as a "Kamasutra user manual" ( i mean, use of mouth - probably, it is cultural). At the end of the book notes, the author wrote about the timeline coincided with the emergence of pornography and sexual literature in victorian era as blowback to the rigid sexual rules of the regency era.
The Victorian era tends to have a modern reputation of being a conservative period ruled by prudish mores. However, that simply isn’t the full picture. During the Victorian era, erotic and pornographic art, photography, and literature flourished. In many cases, because of existing decency laws, erotic art and literature were privately produced rather than publicly mass-produced. Specifically in the case of erotic literature, many books or story collections were published in limited runs and distributed only to club or subscription members. I have done my best to accurately portray Decker’s erotic collections based on similar collections of the time period, including the set of naughty alphabet lithographs.
This made me look into historical precedence. Kamasutra that tends to evoke smirking (atleast in India) is considered a book written in 400CE based on much older texts
The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian Sanskrit text on sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment in life. Attributed to Vātsyāyana, the Kama Sutra is neither exclusively nor predominantly a sex manual on sex positions,but written as a guide to the art of living well, the nature of love, finding a life partner, maintaining one's love life, and other aspects pertaining to pleasure-oriented faculties of human life. It is a sutra-genre text with terse aphoristic verses that have survived into the modern era with different bhasya (exposition and commentaries). The text is a mix of prose and anustubh-meter poetry verses. The text acknowledges the Hindu concept of Purusharthas, and lists desire, sexuality, and emotional fulfillment as one of the proper goals of life. Its chapters discuss methods for courtship, training in the arts to be socially engaging, finding a partner, flirting, maintaining power in a married life, when and how to commit adultery, sexual positions, and other topics. The majority of the book is about the philosophy and theory of love, what triggers desire, what sustains it, and how and when it is good or bad.
According to Wendy Doniger, the Kamasutra became "one of the most pirated books in English language" soon after it was published in 1883 by Richard Burton. This first European edition by Burton does not faithfully reflect much in the Kamasutra because he revised the collaborative translation by Bhagavanlal Indrajit and Shivaram Parashuram Bhide with Forster Arbuthnot to suit 19th-century Victorian tastes
...
The Burton version of the Kamasutra was produced in an environment where Victorian mindset and Protestant proselytizers were busy finding faults and attacking Hinduism and its culture, rejecting as "filthy paganism" anything sensuous and sexual in Hindu arts and literature. The "Hindus were cowering under their scorn", states Doniger, and the open discussion of sex in the Kamasutra scandalized the 19th-century Europeans. The Burton edition of the Kamasutra was illegal to publish in England and the United States till 1962. Yet, states Doniger, it became soon after its publication in 1883, "one of the most pirated books in the English language", widely copied, reprinted and republished sometimes without Richard Burton's name.

Burton made two important contributions to the Kamasutra. First, he had the courage to publish it in the colonial era against the political and cultural mores of the British elite. He creatively found a way to subvert the then prevalent censorship laws of Britain under the Obscene Publications Act of 1857. Burton created a fake publishing house named The Kama Shastra Society of London and Benares (Benares = Varanasi), with the declaration that it is "for private circulation only". The second major contribution was to edit it in a major way, by changing words and rewriting sections to make it more acceptable to the general British public
It is interesting how West and India influenced( or continue to) each other in the aspect of sexual liberalism, I guess according to the financial circumstances of the time and location.
Conservative views of sexuality are now the norm in the modern republic of India, and South Asia in general. It is often argued that this is partly related to the effect of colonial influence, as well as to the puritanical elements of Islam in countries like Pakistan (e.g. the Islamic revivalist movements, which has influenced many Muslims in Pakistan and Bangladesh). However, such views were also prevalent in the pre-colonial era, especially since the advent of Islam in India which brought purdah as ideal for Muslim women. Before the gradual spread of Islam largely through the influence of Sufis, there seems to be evidence of liberal attitudes towards sexuality and nudity in art.
...
While during the 1960s and 1970s in the west, many people discovered the ancient culture of sexual liberalism in India as a source for western free love movements, and neo-Tantric philosophy, India itself is currently the more prudish culture, embodying Victorian sensibilities that were abandoned decades ago in their country of origin. However, with increased exposure to world culture due to globalisation, and the proliferation of progressive ideas due to greater education and wealth, India is beginning to go through a western-style sexual revolution of its own, especially in cosmopolitan cities
 

Ancient of Lore

Padawan Learner
It appears to me that quite a few people are having their emotional centers opened and balanced along with a whole lot of emotional IQ raising via absorbing learning vicariously. I suspect that there is also quite a bit of past life resolution going on.

I hope that those who have not yet begun to participate in this important project will soon do so - before it is too late.
Laura, do you believe fear is necessary for evolution?

I mean like understanding it, accepting it, having it, etc.
 

Laura

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
Laura, do you believe fear is necessary for evolution?

I mean like understanding it, accepting it, having it, etc.

“Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.” Samuel Johnson​


Death is our eternal companion. It is always to our left, an arm's length behind us. Death is the only wise adviser that a warrior has. Whenever he feels that everything is going wrong and he's about to be annihilated, he can turn to his death and ask if that is so. His death will tell him that he is wrong, that nothing really matters outside its touch. His death will tell him, I haven't touched you yet.' Carlos Castaneda

"One of the best means for arousing the wish to work on yourself is to realize that you may die at any moment. But first you must learn how to keep it in mind."
― George Gurdjieff

"Every one of those unfortunates during the process of existence should constantly sense and be cognizant of the inevitability of his own death as well as of the death of everyone upon whom his eyes or attention rests. Only such a sensation and such a cognizance can now destroy the egoism completely crystallized in them that has swallowed up the whole of their Essence, and also that tendency to hate others which flows from it."
― George Gurdjieff

If a man could understand all the horror of the lives of ordinary people who are turning around in a circle of insignificant interests and insignificant aims, if he could understand what they are losing, he would understand that there can only be one thing that is serious for him - to escape from the general law, to be free. What can be serious for a man in prison who is condemned to death? Only one thing: How to save himself, how to escape: nothing else is serious.
― George Gurdjieff

The evolution of man is the evolution of his consciousness, and 'consciousness' cannot evolve unconsciously. The evolution of man is the evolution of his will, and 'will' cannot evolve involuntarily.
― George Gurdjieff


Awakening is possible only for those who seek it and want it, for those who are ready to struggle with themselves and work on themselves for a very long time and very persistently in order to attain it.
― George Gurdjieff

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can't escape.”
― G.I. Gurdjieff
 

Ancient of Lore

Padawan Learner

“Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.” Samuel Johnson​


Death is our eternal companion. It is always to our left, an arm's length behind us. Death is the only wise adviser that a warrior has. Whenever he feels that everything is going wrong and he's about to be annihilated, he can turn to his death and ask if that is so. His death will tell him that he is wrong, that nothing really matters outside its touch. His death will tell him, I haven't touched you yet.' Carlos Castaneda

"One of the best means for arousing the wish to work on yourself is to realize that you may die at any moment. But first you must learn how to keep it in mind."
― George Gurdjieff

"Every one of those unfortunates during the process of existence should constantly sense and be cognizant of the inevitability of his own death as well as of the death of everyone upon whom his eyes or attention rests. Only such a sensation and such a cognizance can now destroy the egoism completely crystallized in them that has swallowed up the whole of their Essence, and also that tendency to hate others which flows from it."
― George Gurdjieff

If a man could understand all the horror of the lives of ordinary people who are turning around in a circle of insignificant interests and insignificant aims, if he could understand what they are losing, he would understand that there can only be one thing that is serious for him - to escape from the general law, to be free. What can be serious for a man in prison who is condemned to death? Only one thing: How to save himself, how to escape: nothing else is serious.
― George Gurdjieff

The evolution of man is the evolution of his consciousness, and 'consciousness' cannot evolve unconsciously. The evolution of man is the evolution of his will, and 'will' cannot evolve involuntarily.
― George Gurdjieff


Awakening is possible only for those who seek it and want it, for those who are ready to struggle with themselves and work on themselves for a very long time and very persistently in order to attain it.
― George Gurdjieff

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can't escape.”
― G.I. Gurdjieff
Thank you.
 

lilies

The Living Force
Thank You for recommending these amazing books! I found them to be the best ones I read in my entire life. I compared them with movies and computer games and determined with these books I met the highest quality entertainment ever! The first three books, I think, could be taught as "Masterclasses in True Love".

Regards the Work, I think, its important to note that Campbell's characters repeatedly fall back into their old personalities / have to face their worse Is often, so they must fight dearly with themselves again and again, before achieving a permanent better state. Mirrors real life, I think.

Such a welcome relief was the second book - A Rakes Midnight Kiss - that it took a lighter tone! When the protagonists became closer and more intimate, that was, when I started to practice love declarations, because the ones in the book felt like healing salve on my soul. Genevieve is a more intelligent heroine, so (thank God!) she offers her sober approaches and finds excellent ways out of their conundrum, before their impasses get too dark. As a result, their more colorful adventures were such a joy to read! Then the third book - What a Duke Dares -, has the best beginning I think. Importantly here the male protagonist goes through an amazing character transformation, fighting all the way to present progressively better versions of himself. I must follow his example. As a result of Campbells masterful presentation, all protagonists became likable pretty fast.

The serious theme and the masterful presentation in the third book made me meticulously record & note all unknown words [using 4 dictionaries] in my notebook and even further research the known, more intricate ones to get their full meaning. Plus I had to see, what Regency era looked like and so far I searched and found 39 images of 19th century life, from amazing carriages and horses & side-saddle to clothing, furniture and architecture. So this "visual reading" goes slow. :)

Internal changes:
These books have started to affect me deeply, as a result I changed my social behavior. The more difficult aims and goals presented in the books I recognized as future targets to reach.
I realized that these books offer the highest level of advancement - unconditional love - is way above my head [I determined unreachable in this life], so I'm merely resorting to writing from my heart and hope it goes well. The love scenes didn't affect me physically, but rather on the emotional / devotional level. The absolutely stunning love declarations - I am still awestruck reading them - among their many positive effects, also made me progressively heartsick: I started longing for a paramour [idealized in my mind] and a relationship with her, that was is even remotely similar to the idealized-situations in the book. At first I thought this is a negative effect. But days of feeling heavy-hearted and pondering on my condition made me realize that it's benevolent: I think becoming heart-sick (reading the first three books) calls me toward the Light, to fight toward and present a better version of myself, just like the protagonists do in the books.

All three books I now consider the highest quality entertainment. As a result I can now only watch the best TV Shows, several of my usual ones I had to drop. Also I'm now trashing most new movies - and I can't play computer games, because Campbell presented such a high class of entertainment that my old dissociative materials are just not good enough anymore.

I couldn't help, but have a welcome, warm, heartfelt laughter, when I spotted the writers photo on her biography page: she appears to have such a shining, beautiful personality!

Currently I'm fighting through the fourth book in the series, A Scoundrel by Moonlight. Unfortunately, the situation Campbell puts her heroine in this story at about 42% - when she agrees to change location - is an unfortunate one, I think. Because (for me) it pretty much destroys 'female virtue' and appears to make a mockery of the entire 'true love' concept that the first three books are so excellent at. Describing the class problems in 19th century society and the inequality, poverty, only made me think and research about how impoverished and frequently going broke the tailors and hat makers were, who had to slave away their entire lives, just so the nobility could wear those dresses "costing a fortune" at £500.

Creative exhaustion is very common in artist circles and perfectly understandable. Maybe Campbell had a contract to write four books and maybe she was pressed by the deadline and apparently thoroughly exhausted by the time she reached the fourth. No problem! Perfectly understandable! Since I'm acquainted with the burnout condition. Actually, I should read this entire "hard to progress with" book to fully get the writers personal situation - through how she continues the story - and see if she found a way out - for herself - in her story presentation.
 

motherofrsd

The Force is Strong With This One
I have read Sons of Sin series and Untouched by Anna Campbell's and Mary Baloghs First Comes Marriage. I havent read such kind of books before. I always read scientific and psychological books. To me, romantic books especially with sexual scenes are distracters, and not needed. We live in an Islamic culture in Turkey. So from childhood I raised with not to feel pain because it is kind of a riot to God and not to be feel sexuality because it is completely shame, and other feelings with this kind of explanations. Nowadays I see myself in a cage. A cage in that I cant be myself. Every part of myself, every words and every attitudes of me are not belong to me, I dont want to be like this. I see now I was programmed by my family, my culture etc. I now undestand they aimed to make me not to live my natural existance.

While reading these books I feel some kind of intensity under my stomach. I dont know why. Sometimes it happes when I read sessions. The stories connected me to books. The relationship between man and woman are like a dream for me. To me, it was not possible to live this kind of connection full of love, patience, loyalty etc. in this world before. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes feel sorry and excited. I read them very fast.

Also I remembered one of my past traumas. In my dreams I was frightened by locking door and zipper sounds. I didnot undestand what these sounds mean for a long time. Then during meditation I remembered an abuse that happened me. I was shocked that how I can forget it. I pushed it deeply in my subconscious. And I recovered the effects of this abuse to my life, to my relationship with my exhusband ( I always felt I am a bad woman, I cant be loved, I am just a tool, I must be quiet when he shout or hit) This trauma also programmed me not to feel any emotion. But from a few years I want to be out of this cage and work on myself, try to get rid of hooks.

And the other thing I find out is that I behaved my son in a way that my mother behaved me. My mom never touched me and never said her good feelings, she pushed me coldheartedly. She was also raised in this way. But when I see in some ways I didnot transferred my emotions to my son. I really felt pain. I couldnt give him a lovely atmosphere. Hurting my son... I dont want to do that any more. And I want to change myself for me and for my lovely son. How can I do that?! This can not be possible in a moment. So I watch myself in my daily life. I watch me closely, every emotions, every attitudes. Sometimes I become angry or stressfull and fearfull. I watch myself. I dont let me be scattered by these emotions. If I let then I feel guilt and dissociation appears. So I aware of my emotion and if I sense there is a program under this emotion I try to resistance. So there can be much more space for good emotions. When my son come to me and say a lot of things about his toys I listen three minutes. But after three min. I feel impatient and anger. at that time I resist this emotion and try to attend his speech and play. Even I really enjoy playing with him.This is a new and good atmosphere for both of us.

Now I started to understand things can change, I can change so the world I experience can change. I am now at the start of the start. But these awereness made me happy and give me hope. I wanted to share with you. Thanks for recommendation of these books.
 

NewEngland Seeker

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member

“Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.” Samuel Johnson​


Death is our eternal companion. It is always to our left, an arm's length behind us. Death is the only wise adviser that a warrior has. Whenever he feels that everything is going wrong and he's about to be annihilated, he can turn to his death and ask if that is so. His death will tell him that he is wrong, that nothing really matters outside its touch. His death will tell him, I haven't touched you yet.' Carlos Castaneda

"One of the best means for arousing the wish to work on yourself is to realize that you may die at any moment. But first you must learn how to keep it in mind."
― George Gurdjieff

"Every one of those unfortunates during the process of existence should constantly sense and be cognizant of the inevitability of his own death as well as of the death of everyone upon whom his eyes or attention rests. Only such a sensation and such a cognizance can now destroy the egoism completely crystallized in them that has swallowed up the whole of their Essence, and also that tendency to hate others which flows from it."
― George Gurdjieff

If a man could understand all the horror of the lives of ordinary people who are turning around in a circle of insignificant interests and insignificant aims, if he could understand what they are losing, he would understand that there can only be one thing that is serious for him - to escape from the general law, to be free. What can be serious for a man in prison who is condemned to death? Only one thing: How to save himself, how to escape: nothing else is serious.
― George Gurdjieff

The evolution of man is the evolution of his consciousness, and 'consciousness' cannot evolve unconsciously. The evolution of man is the evolution of his will, and 'will' cannot evolve involuntarily.
― George Gurdjieff


Awakening is possible only for those who seek it and want it, for those who are ready to struggle with themselves and work on themselves for a very long time and very persistently in order to attain it.
― George Gurdjieff

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can't escape.”
― G.I. Gurdjieff
Love the quotes!
I have learned that my great teachers are; humiliation, hunger, pain, poverty, loneliness, depression, and death. Death by far is the best teacher.

I hope that those who have not yet begun to participate in this important project will soon do so - before it is too late.
Before it is too late???
Do you have a hunch of how long we have??? 😱 Just asken :lol2:
 
Top Bottom