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HeyMrYoshu
Guest
Hello, i want to talk about something that happened to me recently, something really similar to what i have experienced and then lived 5 years backward. I start from the first story. A night i smoked hemp with some friends (i was 16 years old) and after having took several great puffs, a drwarf man passed by, causing my friends to laught and letting me indifferent questioning myself why they was. Soon after my sister passed with a girlfriend on a scooter and took the next street that could be joined by where i was from a path. A friend decided to go block them. It was during the night of halloween, and because only had a tee-shirt, i hesitated one moment to run considering the cold which it made. But abruptly i started running quickly as my friend was already ahead and at this moment, propagating itself from the bottom, i was not feeling my body anymore. Anew with my friends my body begun to vibrate and a strong beat was tinkling in my head in the same way my heart was (today, I can rather distinctly say that it was related with a chakras activity). I remained approximately 7 hours walking outside to adapt myself to these inside swirl and the days which followed i didn't have energy no more. Even the year which followed I was deprived of my idendity, i didn't like what i liked anymore, constantly taken with fear and a massive tiredness which nailed me to the bed. One day, one year after that approximately, i made the discovery of something that transcendented me. I was totally certain that we simply born, and that who we are, is not what we are, we simply are (to be or not not to be), it was like anchored in the flesh and this made me feel high fear (i felt feeling i was different from the world after that). I was in a battle between this part of me which had discovered this thing in question that nothing really reflected among the world and society (tinted at the same time with fear and pride) and the other part which was an attacked victim trying to escape from madness (maybe like two forces really opposed sinking themself inside each other causing constant chocks). When I speak about it, that repeats the diagram which I have just explained like if I was tuning another of my egos, a one who is ok and has nothing to do with all this (it is also this image that is repeated in several other situations). I had hard times trying to concentrate and all kind of stuffs, i was filled with illusory fears, had many weaknesses (as for example a small voice in my head which dualized me and putted my egos in a constant battle). I was victim of massive re-programmings, considering the constancy of my deep fears and by the way my consecutive adaptations, bufferisations. However, that's why made me to come to the esotericism, as the world appeared false and banal. And recently, i lived a similar shock where i felt like i lost my knowledge and my objectives, being in an identical primitive state, having troubles to concentrate, fears, in a kind of a fever with unpleasant odor in the sines (detail : i have a nerve that is stimulated at the level of the amygdala which makes me in a great state when i hear some frequencies [like music]). I talked about it to some friends, and they suggested that i integrated the essense without keeping an ego causing a disfunction, and i also read on Gurdjieff and the Secret History of the World, that's when one face directly his essence, putting down all the buffers, this one could became crazy. So i would like to have some advices and informations (the work, schizophrenia relation etc). Thanks.
