Self Importance

[lainey]

I recently found a good technique for battling my self importance. I joined a gym dance fitness class.
It was my first time at trying it and it was quite difficult, the teacher moved really fast through different moves and I had difficulty keeping up. Normally when I try something and I'm not very good at it I get annoyed at myself and think "This is lame" then I focus on all the reasons why I don't like it and shouldn't try it again. I was at the front of the class and seeing myself move awkwardly in the mirror made me feel self conscious.

Instead of doing my usual I caught myself in the moment and thought OK this is perfect, stay at the front, don't be afraid to look silly and enjoy it.
So I just went with it and made mistakes and didn't get stressed when I did the moves backwards and wrong and actually had a good time laughing at myself.

That's when I started to notice that other people were doing exactly the same thing. Instead of focusing on myself and worrying that other people would notice my inability to be perfect I was laughing with complete strangers at turning the wrong way and kicking the wrong leg.

I really recommend it for people who take themselves too seriously like I do sometimes, it's quite liberating and really a lot of fun.

I guess it's like doing Karaoke or something similar and I'm sure the more I try it the more free I will feel. Plus it was nice to do something in an all female environment and not feel like I didn't belong there. (Not that guys shouldn't do it too!)

 

[Keyhole]

Glad you enjoyed yourself lainey :D

[quote author=lainey]Instead of doing my usual I caught myself in the moment and thought OK this is perfect, stay at the front, don't be afraid to look silly and enjoy it.
So I just went with it and made mistakes and didn't get stressed when I did the moves backwards and wrong and actually had a good time laughing at myself.[/quote]
It's a humble quality, to be able to genuinely laugh at yourself in a non-judgemental way. It takes strength to "stand up and say no" to your programmed mode of behaviour, so well done. Humor is a great way to deal with those difficult moments.
[quote author=lainey]
That's when I started to notice that other people were doing exactly the same thing. Instead of focusing on myself and worrying that other people would notice my inability to be perfect I was laughing with complete strangers at turning the wrong way and kicking the wrong leg.[/quote]
It's interesting, how much time and energy is spent preoccupied with the idea that others are watching us, picking faults in our behaviour and our appearance.

A question we can remember to ask ourselves is : "How often do I do actually this to others around me?". And the answer to this question usually helps me put things into perspective a little.

 

[casper]

You've made my day, thank you, lainey
I thought of the videos that I recorded in which my daughter like a little dance in a hall of mirrors.
The whole time dancing all the girls in the group are constantly looked in the mirror, did not heed each other, it was funny steps, nudge, minor falls ...
This idea's really great, keep up the only muscle inflammation lainey ;D

 

[Beau]

From a cognitive science perspective, what you recognized was the spotlight effect in action. We are so focused on ourselves that we think everyone else is focusing on us. But if everyone else is doing the same thing as you are, then no one can watch anyone else. It's actually pretty hilarious once you have the realization and get outside your own head. I do like Keyhole said, and always the answer to the question about how much I watch other people and judge them is very little. It's a nice little lesson about self-consciousness IMO.

 

[DougEE]

Before I came to this site, I was a frequent curser at myself for making mistakes, but now I use humour and I sense that I am much more relaxed with myself whenever I hit my thumb with a hammer, or I slip and fall clumsily. I also sense in myself a more confident attitude about trying something new and not letting fear rule the day. So yes, I now understand a reason for not cursing because it is so negative and leaves one in a downer mood.
Yes, humour is a great weapon. ;D ;D

 

[Meg]

Its great that you can laugh at yourself, Lainey. Taking a risk that you may look foolish in front of others is a great lesson in checking our self importance. Being centered on your own anxieties also makes them much bigger than they really are. :)

 

[patty2292]

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,26062.0.html

Here is a thread about the spotlight effect, along with others on the same topic, that Heimdallr has mentioned. It's good to hear that you not only noticed this, but pushed through it with a smile on your face!

It's amazing what joy there is to b had, once we loose our self importance.

 

[lainey]

Thanks for the link Huxley. One part stood out to me:

I sorta solved this for myself years ago when I realized that the people who are so worried about making a mistake that they never do anything, don't realize that most other people are worried about doing something dumb too, so nobody is really paying attention to anybody else. So, I got over myself and started being concerned about the other people who were shy and worried and made efforts to try to engage with them and help them get over their worries so they could interact naturally. It was amazing to learn how relieved so many of these people were that someone actually came over to talk to them or whatever.

I took part in a class called body pump which is weights training. Again a first for me. During the class one of the other girls who had lots of experience came over to me and offered me advise on how to feel more comfortable, and to not put on too much weight as a beginner otherwise I would get really tired.
I was really grateful that she came over during the routine to help me and make me feel more comfortable. I will remember her kindness. We exchanged names and she said she would see me at the next class.
This is a perfect example of what Laura wrote above and I'm sure I will have someone to talk to at the next class. Her name was Siobhan.

 

[Approaching Infinity]

That's really great, lainey. It's really easy to get caught up in wanting to get something perfect without messing up - I do it a lot! But like Heimdallr said, it can actually be pretty funny once we realize how silly we're being. Obviously, if we're learning something new, we're not going to get it right at first.

A couple years ago when I was taking a martial arts class, we were practicing a kick, and I kicked, my body lifted off the floor, and I fell right on my bottom. It was only slightly embarrassing, and I laughed at myself, as did others in the class. That actually made the class more fun: they weren't being mean, but just having fun. It lightened the mood. But what made it even better was when others said, "Done THAT before!" I wasn't the only one!

From a different perspective, I think taking a dance class like this or something similar is great for getting to know your body and gaining some control over it. Doing the movements in front of a mirror gives a great opportunity for real-time observation of your body. And as you repeat the moves you can make subtle changes until you finally get it. It's also great for paying attention. For example, trying to actually notice what you're doing wrong by comparing to the instructor or more advanced students.

 

[patty2292]

Thanks for the link Huxley. One part stood out to me:

I sorta solved this for myself years ago when I realized that the people who are so worried about making a mistake that they never do anything, don't realize that most other people are worried about doing something dumb too, so nobody is really paying attention to anybody else. So, I got over myself and started being concerned about the other people who were shy and worried and made efforts to try to engage with them and help them get over their worries so they could interact naturally. It was amazing to learn how relieved so many of these people were that someone actually came over to talk to them or whatever.

I took part in a class called body pump which is weights training. Again a first for me. During the class one of the other girls who had lots of experience came over to me and offered me advise on how to feel more comfortable, and to not put on too much weight as a beginner otherwise I would get really tired.
I was really grateful that she came over during the routine to help me and make me feel more comfortable. I will remember her kindness. We exchanged names and she said she would see me at the next class.
This is a perfect example of what Laura wrote above and I'm sure I will have someone to talk to at the next class. Her name was Siobhan.

From a different perspective, I think taking a dance class like this or something similar is great for getting to know your body and gaining some control over it. Doing the movements in front of a mirror gives a great opportunity for real-time observation of your body. And as you repeat the moves you can make subtle changes until you finally get it. It's also great for paying attention. For example, trying to actually notice what you're doing wrong by comparing to the instructor or more advanced students.

Sounds like your really getting out there lainey, its good to hear! As Approaching Infinity mentioned, this type of exercise and watched movements is very constructive for self awareness of the body, not just of the mind. Accepting that we are not better than the instructors, but there to learn is great work on your self importance. If you enjoy these classes and keep going, you yourself will notice the progression and be able to be kind to yourself and your level, like Siobhan had done for you. It is sometimes nerve racking starting a gym type class on your own, so its nice that you have already met someone to help ease that for future classes.
Personally i think it is a good challenge to get control over the body, possibly pushing it at times and implementing discipline. But mainly to actually listen and respond accordingly to what our body is telling us.

 

[lainey]

Personally i think it is a good challenge to get control over the body, possibly pushing it at times and implementing discipline. But mainly to actually listen and respond accordingly to what our body is telling us.

Absolutely, it's also great for people who are suffering from depression of any intensity. I feels good to get out of the house and interact with people who have similar interests. Plus you get a lovely boost of endorphins.

From the NHS website:

"Exercise gives them back control of their bodies and this is often the first step to feeling in control of other events"

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression

Endorphins act as analgesics, which means they diminish the perception of pain. They also act as sedatives. They are manufactured in your brain , spinal cord, and many other parts of your body and are released in response to brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. The neuron receptors endorphins bind to are the same ones that bind some pain medicines. However, unlike with morphine, the activation of these receptors by the body's endorphins does not lead to addiction or dependence.

Regular exercise has been proven to:
•Reduce stress
•Ward off anxiety and feelings of depression
•Boost self-esteem
•Improve sleep

When you are in charge of your own well being you are less likely to worry about what other people are thinking of you as well. It's important to find that balance and do it for health and wellbeing reasons and not to get an end result of looking a certain way. There is the danger there of beginning to obsess and pushing it too far to try to be the best/slimmest/strongest so it's good to look and feel silly and be a little bit out of your comfort zone.

 

[Seppo Ilmarinen]

I can definitely relate to the fear of looking silly and the spotlight effect that's been written here. But like said it's very funny when you notice the vanity and self-importance in one of your little I's in action. I've noticed many times that making a funny mistake can be great 'ice breaker' with new people, for example when playing music, IF you can laugh at yourself. No one's gonna die when you play wrong note, yet musicians often react to mistake in that manner; like something serious happened, that the mistake is in themselves because they didn't play perfectly! But if we can laugh at ourselves, others can laugh too in a good way, without judgement, because they can relate to the situation.

 

[Tristan]

I think the more oneself senses that feeling of inferiority and fear of not assert is related to the self-importance which are closely interlinked, apparently one feel more able to cope with that kind programs / buffers, while one must improve and find solutions according to chemical imbalances in the body / brain; i.e.with the help of diet, physical activity, supplements, writing, networking, gaining knowledge ...

 

[Renaissance]

But if we can laugh at ourselves, others can laugh too in a good way, without judgement, because they can relate to the situation.

I think this is important. When we break out of our self importance a new reality can open up where we can connect with others. Humor and being able to laugh at ourselves is a good way to not only get out of our bubble, but it also can change the environment for others too.

 

[Thebull]

But if we can laugh at ourselves, others can laugh too in a good way, without judgement, because they can relate to the situation.

I think this is important. When we break out of our self importance a new reality can open up where we can connect with others. Humor and being able to laugh at ourselves is a good way to not only get out of our bubble, but it also can change the environment for others too.

This is so true. Having a giggle at your own mistakes often engages other people and can definitely change the dynamic of an environment. I used this method in the office on a number of occasions to lighten the mood and engage people who were over focused in certain areas of their work or been generally negative about things.
I have also started exercising again recently and the difference In my mood and how I feel immediately has improved. As lainey mentioned doing the exercise for the health and well being reasons rather than focusing on the end result or how you look is a massive factor. I find it fun and often laugh at myself jumping around and how un elegant I can look. Not as much as my wife does though! :D