Session 13 March 1996


FOTCM Member
March 13, 1996

Frank, Laura

Q: (L) Hello.

A: Hello.

Q: (L) Who do we have with us tonight?

A: Vinxyoh.

Q: (L) And where are you from?

A: Cassiopaea.

Q: (L) You once said that you are always with us. If so, then you must have heard the earlier discussion to the effect that, since we have been doing this project, the magazine and all that, it seems to bring on the most awful attacks from every imaginable corner. I am really tired. I get it from the people out there, and I get it here at home. I'm tired of the dramas, I am tired of the complaints and aggravation. I am tired of doing all the work, and everybody else just coming up with more problems for me to solve. I am tired of being sick. I am tired of pain. I am tired of not knowing the answers. I am just tired. I am ready to stop. To quit. To just sit in my room and vegitate. Any comment?

A: What do you want to know?

Q: (L) I want to know, if all of this activation of Murphy's law is going to stop.

A: This is not the problem.

Q: (L) Well, for beings who are supposed to be able to read minds, you aren't helping much! Why don't you just read my mind and tell me what I need to know?

A: You need to read your own mind!

Q: (L) Considering the state of mind I am in right now, that almost sounds like a facetious answer!

A: No.

Q: (L) What is in my mind?

A: Ask yourself. Discover.

Q: (L) Well, the closest I can come is to say that I am suffering from the most serious loss of faith I can ever remember experiencing. SV and her mother. PZ and the games with getting the magazine printed. The school board. The lunatics at ISCNI. Mike Lindemann...

A: We warned you that there would be attack.

Q: (L) I am at the point that I don't want any more attack. We can stop the channeling, the writing, the internet... everything. I just want to quit.

A: And what do you think that would do for you?

Q: (L) Well, maybe some of the attack would stop.

A: And maybe not!!

Q: (L) Then I need you to tell me what I can do. I am drowning here! I need to know how to shield myself.

A: Re-aim direction somewhat.

Q: (L) Toward what?

A: Ask yourself.

Q: (L) Obviously, since the magazine has been so incredibly stressful, doing everything with no help. I guess I will have to give it up.

A: If you wish, or perhaps change format?

Q: (L) Change the format to what?

A: Anything that brings less stress.

Q: (L) Well, the whole point of doing it was to create a vehicle for the transcripts. And that seems to be what is causing the stress, because people just don't want to hear it!

A: That is not true, it is how it is presented!!

Q: (L) We sent it out to hundreds of addresses. I have a mailing list. It cost a fortune for the bulk mail permit and the postage, not to mention the printing. I sent one to D and Val and tons of other people. D told me the other night that Val called him and said that he just didn't want anything to do with the material because it was so choppy and disorganized. It was a mess.

A: If the magazine is just our messages, would not this be less stressful?

Q: (L) Well, there won't be another issue if it is going to be this stressful. My point was to get enough in there so that a broad range of people would be interested and subscribe.

A: Is your "point" the only one?

Q: (L) Of course not! But I'm the one who has fallen heir to this and I am just doing the best I can without a whole Hell of a lot of help!

A: Because you wish to direct without guidance.

Q: (L) Now wait a minute! That is NOT fair. I have asked for guidance and was told to figure it out myself. This is what I did according to what I thought was the best way to do it!

A: We are trying to help you, not hinder, but you must be willing to understand what is being said. And this requires willingness to have faith and really be guided. Not good to "get lost," as can happen when other problems intercede, such as prejudice and the lack of conduit mindset, i.e. obsession.

Q: (L) This is precisely what I am getting at here. How does one maintain a conduit mindset, or lack of obsession, or any of these other things; those are not the problems, those are only the results of the problems. The problems are the attack, such as the situation with my mother, SV and all of her problems, the kids, the husband, the magazine, PZ and Pk...

A: Try to avoid encumbrances, when at all possible. Also, suggest that you try to stop trying to solve problems for others, especially when your instincts tell you this! Remember, all are on a different learning "schedule," or path.

Q: (L) Well, that is all fine and good, but when other people's problems interfere with getting the work done, the magazine out, and having peace of mind, so that I can focus, it is hard for me to not try and help and solve these problems!

A: Now, give an example of how one's problems interfere with getting the magazine published, please.

Q: (L) Well, PZ's kid in the print shop, being unable to keep any part of the process straight, much less keep his head on straight, caused me to have to go down there repeatedly and work like a lunatic physically assembling copy just so it would be done in time. And this was AFTER spending 18 hours a day typing or formatting! I can assure you that, had I not done so, there would be no magazine... meanwhile SV is acting like a jerk because her mother is acting like a jerk... come on! You guys can see this stuff!!!

A: We can also "see" what you cannot!

Q: (L) Which is why I am sitting here asking. And why I asked you before... and all you gave me was 'open,' and 'up to you' and 'wait and see.' And now, I am physically exhausted, worn out, I have been constantly sick for months... You could have just told us! SV could have left her mother in the nursing home! I just want to crawl into a hole and QUIT!!!

A: If we had told you that, you would not have learned!!!

Q: (L) You could have just told me that SV was a flake to begin with, and that she would cause me all this grief!

A: Subjective.

Q: (L) I know it is subjective and I don't really mean it that way, but if SV had been doing what was her own responsibility and not continuously crying to me on the phone, or coming over here and putting guilt trips on me... then I could have handled what I needed to... and she hasn't done a damn thing she didn't want to do, and I am the one that's paying for it!

A: If you had done nothing, the situation would have solved itself.

Q: (L) I hate to tell you this, but not helping people when they call and ask for help sounds like a pretty STS position.

A: No.

Q: (L) I'm sorry, but that is what it sounds like. To say to somebody: 'that's your problem, sayonara!' Doesn't sound very helpful to me!

A: That is not what needs to be said.

Q: (L) I am very offended by a lot of things that have happened. I am very offended by the fact that when I asked SV to do one tiny little thing for me, which was to go to the store after I had been up for over 24 hours doing lay-out, and get me a ream of paper... she couldn't do it because she had a stiff neck. And, she said this to me! Me, with pus running out of my eyes. And I am offended by PZ and her hours and hours of complaining, and any single thing that she could do herself to straighten her own affairs, she completely ignores it, or does the opposite. And SV did not handle her mother with the result that my mother was calling me on the phone and essentially saying, you got me into this, it is terrible, and what are you gonna do? And, in a sense, she was right. I felt responsible. I believed SV, SV lied to me, and everything got completely screwed up.

A: If your focus had been on the project only, none of these problems would have resulted. And, furthermore, this is not an STS stance. Nothing of the sort!!! If you listen to your inner "voice," it is easy to differentiate between an actual request for helpful assistance, and just another trap, otherwise known as a portal of attack.

Q: (L) Well, do you understand the rock and the hard place concept? I was not in a position to help my mother, and I am still human. And, I didn't like seeing SV's mother suffer and do without, either. It seemed like such an ideal solution.

A: Interesting alternative: what if you had suggested to SV that her mother move in with her?

Q: (L) I did suggest that.

A: And...

Q: (L) Well, we said that she would have to give up her job and her life to take care of her mother and she couldn't do it.

A: And this is the crux: if that were true, SV then would have had to have found an alternative which was always open to her. Also, your mother had other alternatives open to her, but chose to "sit back" and let you handle it, as you have always done. This is a karmic circle, which, though difficult, accelerates the learning process, thus soul progress and karmic advancement.

Q: (L) Well, I felt some sense of obligation to help SV because she was always buying me and the kids things and bringing them over and insisting that I keep them. What were her motives?

A: "Buying your friendship." Still continues...

Q: (L) Well, there are other things here that are related to this issue here. I was not able to buy some of those things, and she knew it. I was sinking a LOT of money in the magazine, and that leads to another problem. Finances. And this seems to be an ongoing portal of attack here! A whole lot of problems would be solved if I did not have to worry about survival!

A: We have told you we would help with the finances, and have, and will continue to do so.

Q: (L) Okay, is the magazine, as it is done, going to work out and carry itself forward?

A: We suggest being open to alterations.

Q: (L) It can be altered next time... but not now, it is printed.

A: Okay. How a book can be created... just concentrate on editing our messages, and nothing else, with each issue, unless camera ready "canned" copy, and at the end, just consolidate for publisher!!

Q: (L) Okay. I already thought of that. Okay. Before we stop for the night, I want to ask one question that is unrelated to all we have been discussing. I asked once before about 'nephilim genes,' and you said 'you don't want to know.' So, let me make a statement. We already know that people get used for 'lunch' or experiments, to be tossed into the blender, milked for emotional energy, made to suffer in infinite ways for infinite reasons. And, we are not talking about something to which I am very much attached, in terms of these missing babies of mine, because it was a long time ago. But, what I would like to know is, what is it about these nephilim children when I asked if I had children with Nephilim genes that made you respond that way...?

A: What specifically?

Q: (L) I don't know. So, we will shelve it. I am exhausted. Good Night.

A: Goodbye.

End of Session
Nephilim genes?

This is a new one to my eyes.

Thanks for posting Laura.

Wow, you were really feeling low, Laura! I'm SO glad (as I'm sure so many others are also) that you got over that hump and continued with the project! I can't imagine what life would be like if you had quit.

On the subject of the Nephilim genes, were you asking about the times of pregnancies that "didn't pan out" that I read in Amazing Grace?
SeekinTruth said:
Wow, you were really feeling low, Laura! I'm SO glad (as I'm sure so many others are also) that you got over that hump and continued with the project! I can't imagine what life would be like if you had quit.

Yeah. You folks should know that whatever kind of misery you go through in coming face to face with yourself, your lies to the self and others, your illusions, getting attacked, etc, been there, done that. And pretty much by myself with no network except the Cs. And ya'll should notice in some of these older sessions that I'm getting up, the Cs gave me plenty of mirrors!

SeekinTruth said:
On the subject of the Nephilim genes, were you asking about the times of pregnancies that "didn't pan out" that I read in Amazing Grace?

Laura said:
And ya'll should notice in some of these older sessions that I'm getting up, the Cs gave me plenty of mirrors!

They really did - they pretty much never let you off the hook. The amount of objective Love on display there is truly remarkable.
Yeah this was a very charged one! It's also very pertinent to my life right now, as I'm currently being stretched trying to financially support people that I probably have no business supporting just because I feel "bad" to just make them "figure it out" on their own, even though it is or should be their responsibility, and it's putting a lot of stress on me to try to maintain the status quo, all because I'm trying to save them the trouble of having to deal with their own financial issues and live within their means, as uncomfortable as it may be. Thanks for the session, it really hits home!
Herakles said:
Nephilim genes?

This is a new one to my eyes.

Thanks for posting Laura

i recently came across to photos on the net that look as if this might be an example of this "Nephilim genes", genetic pass down through the ages.

There was a situation in the past when i had to tour a rock corry involving the stations safety procedures. i was working with a crew, and were introduced to the lead forman of a very large gavel operation. This guy stood easily 6 foot 6 inches tall. Not the biggest guy, but it was his physical propotions that really caught my attention. His hands were massive, as well size shoe size. He was just genetically tweaked was my first inclination. And the rock corry connection was kind of interesting. He was also really well read , he just seem to exude an aura of intelligence.

Thanks 4 another eye opening, and insightful session.


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