The Living Force
DanielS said:Thank you so much for this session. I had some anxieties reading the thread, because I have to face my selfish personality traits.
Q: (L) Why do you say "their ability to compensate me for my time"?
A: We have spoken before about the necessity for energy to be balanced. It is correct for you to make this program available according to the individual ability to compensate. But all must remember that it is STO to GIVE [planchette circles board] ALL to those who ask. You have given all REPEATEDLY and many still do not understand the value nor do they compensatorily give in return. Those who have difficulties with the program may find that they are not giving "all". And that does not always mean money either. It can also mean commitment.
I would think right now, instead of right off the bat trying to give "all" without expectation of reward or compensation, make an inventory of all the times in recent memory when you have given, with the afterthought of what you can get out of it, all the times someone has asked without manipulation and you did not help to your full potential, all the times someone has asked you manipulatively and you did it, all the times you have asked manipulatively to get something, and whether you offered something back in return, or the reasons for the manipulation.
A few things that come to mind for me is reading the Wave Series. Even though I offered a donation for the Eiriu Eolas Breathing Program (which I could've given more than I did) I still haven't given back anything financially for reading the material. I've been planning to purchase books from QFG for a while, but haven't done it. I constantly watch MMA Events online for free, without ever thinking about all the effort and time put into making the show. I haven't been doing the breathing program as diligently as I should. I've skipped days, and sometimes used the Prayer of the Soul as a quick fix to make up for it, which isn't what the proper intent of the Prayer is. I leave my laundry basket in the Laundry Room because I don't want it in my bedroom, even though my Mom has repeatedly asked me multiple times to leave it in my bedroom. She's been asking and I'm not giving my all by complying to a simple request. (I even lied about forgetting it down there (manipulating the situation for my own gain)
These are just some of things that came to my head just now. I'm going to spend more time thinking about it and watching out for these actions on my part and do something about it. Even though some of them seemed small and no big deal to me at the time, they really are adding up now that I think about it. This really shows a lack of commitment and tendency towards laziness, which has been a common trait for me all my life.
It can be helpful to recapitulate as you describe, but important that this is done for the purpose of 'taking stock', perhaps receiving some shocks from seeing the state of oneself, then transmuting the energy of those shocks and learning from it, rather than as an exercise in 'beating oneself up' and feeling sorry for oneself (I hope that distinction makes sense - the latter is more to do with indulging).
Gurdjieff said something along the lines of: to start with, it is not a matter of results (because man in his current state is incapable of producing any meaningful results), but a matter of sincere effort (I think that was the sense of it, if I misinterpreted that, hopefully someone will correct me). If we work sincerely on ourselves we can have in mind the purpose to 'grow' so that we become more able to give whatever is asked of us.