Some compass adjustment please....

[Wunjo]

Hello,
I guess you could say I am lost to an extent. I have arrived at some village of knowledge through the Work. I realize I am no where near the end but I do not know what I need to gather or what direction to go from here. I know that I must continue with what I have done for I am not a truly unified I and there are a few programs lurking in this “Whack a Mole” process. In many ways I “get it”, but obviously I don’t if I am lost.

After reading SHOW and The Wave series twice, High Strangeness, Gnosis I-III, 4th way, In Search of Miraculous, Political Ponerology Amazing Grace, books on history, books on the mind, books on politics, endless web pages and videos, tones of SOTT, I’d like to say “I get it!”

I get that my history is faked, we are being controlled by sick people who are controlled by sicker higher density beings, every messed up institution is more than likely engineered to dumb us down and keep us sick, fluoride, BP, whales and quakes, molesters, engineered fake markets, Monsanto and scads of evil henchmen in banks and statehouses, religion as a control mechanism, my mind isn’t my mind but a programmed array institutionalized experiences to make me behave in predictable patterns. I get it. I raged, I cried, I moped, I galvanized, I quit, I got back up, I kept going. But to where?

After 2 years of directly working with my partner on attachments, buffers, self importance, personalities, lying, programs, illusions, and sleep, I look around at my inner landscape full of blasted and bloody sacred cows, yes there are some I am still chasing and taking pot shots at over the yonder hills, and what have I got? I will be honest, there are some very nice benefits to getting rid of jerk mechanical actions, feeling more human in retrospect, but I am still existing in a world of mutilated cattle none the less, internal and external.

I have gotten rid of most of the illusions that I am currently aware of. I could never go back, not now, I’d never choose a Lie over Truth. I’ve destroyed the majority of the “beautiful” illusions that brought me happiness, I feel I am just sitting amongst the rubble, with no direction. There is a blessed emptiness where the endless BS of fantasy used to chatter at me, what do I fill it with?

I understand I must keep working on the same things to conquer them but what direction to head out in for new horizons? I truly can’t read any more SOTT, its overwhelming, endless pages of sickness and destruction. And added to it is the C’s commentary saying the whole thing is going up like a soda can in a bonfire. The EE program is interesting, 3 stage is calming, with Bio breathing makes me want to jump out of my skin and run screaming through the house. (A clue I am investigating). I struggle with the overwhelming-ness of the magnitude of the forum, still chipping away.

This lack of direction and emptiness has given rise to anxiety. Anxiety that I may very well be left behind for the next 300K go around when they skies glow red. I guess, I am getting scared.


Thank You for your time guys, I am really trying to get out into the forum so I appreciate your patience and help .

 

[Nicholas]

Hi Wunjo,

I find myself in a similar situation as you are in. I have gone through the same progression as you have these past couple of years.

The main difference for me is I have consistently and regularly followed the the full breathing exercise and meditation with POTS as well as concentrated on detoxing and nurturing my body. This emotional, spiritual and physical cleansing is the most important contribution I can do.

I continue to learn, read, and watch the events of the world unfold. Trying to discern as objectively as I can. This knowledge will be crucial for whatever role we play in the upcoming events, no matter where we find ourselves to be.

This is what I focus on to give me guidance. Hope it is useful for you. :)

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

The direction, continue filling the "empty" with more knowledge. Do not pressure yourself, let it flow naturally. Explore your thoughts. The answers will come.

 

[shellycheval]

Hello Wunjo,

I have gotten rid of most of the illusions that I am currently aware of. I could never go back, not now, I’d never choose a Lie over Truth. I’ve destroyed the majority of the “beautiful” illusions that brought me happiness, I feel I am just sitting amongst the rubble, with no direction. There is a blessed emptiness where the endless BS of fantasy used to chatter at me, what do I fill it with?

Wunjo, It appears to me that you are still in mourning--you are grieving the loss of the world you knew. This is an immense shock and the process of grieving this loss will probably take a while. Every one is different--some people need weeks or months to process such a ruthless paradigm change. Grief usually follows regular steps of shock, denial, anger, despair, negotiating, acceptance, and it can be an exhausting journey.

Processing grief requires feeling feelings. It is painful but it won't kill you--it does make you stronger and clearer in the end. There are many techniques for experiencing our emotions and when we are very burdened a combination might be best.
The best and most available one is the BA HA breathing which you already suspect--what we run from is what we usually have to turn around and face to move past or it continues to own us. I would explore doing a couple times a week at night in a safe place when you have the time alone to feel the feelings that come up and to cry, sob, shout, what ever. Talking later about the experience to a trusted person or here on the forum can help the process.

You could fill the void with the hope/faith that, while very real, the chaos and negativity here on 3D Earth is not all there is to life and that it serves a purpose in the the greater workings of the Universe. Try focusing on what is left in the world of beauty and goodness and there is much there; the trick is to balance viewing the reality of the negativity with the reality of what remains positive. Good Luck.
shellycheval

 

[Al Today]

Wunjo,
Your post reflected back to me, I gotta say something. I totally agree with how you feel. I find that for myself, there is nothing I can do personally to change anything in this F'd up BBM situation we find ourselves in. I have also come to the conclusion that the world in general, don't give a rats ass about me, or my situation. I feel we chose to be here. I'd like to know why??? And I think we will find out some day. All this eye-opening Work is based on you, me, we, anyone who wants to wake up and "see". Basically, the Work boils down to you working on you, me working on me, etc, etc, etc... The best accomplishment, seems to me is LOVE THYSELF. I don't like what I am or have, or this situation I find myself in, but LOVE each breath you take, LIFE is a precious gift. I understand that we are supposed to love life to the fullest and that will emanate out into our essence. Appreciate the wonders we see around, for life is full of wonder. "Good" AND "Bad". Takes time for acceptance. To me, non-anticipation has a little touch of apathy. All this is sooo easy to say and cannot be maintained every day, 24/7/52. Now I gotta have a smokie and relax. FWIW, just my thoughts...


edited my typos again...

 

[stellar]

Sounds to me like you're cramming for a final exam and it's all getting muddled upstairs.
Maybe if you slow down and pace yourself from start and hand in hand with the EE program it may be a little less overwhelming.
I don't think it's all about a space race.
It's just fun through experience and learning and not being hard on yourself.
Just my thoughts FWIW.

 

[Lilou]

This lack of direction and emptiness has given rise to anxiety. Anxiety that I may very well be left behind for the next 300K go around when they skies glow red. I guess, I am getting scared.

I understand how you are feeling, Wunjo. It has been about a year since I found this forum, and at different times during the past year, I have felt confusion and a lack of direction. I was wishing for a nice, neat summary of all the data - without having to do any work myself! (I tend to be lazy at times).

So I continued to plug along, and found that working on myself - detox diet, EE breathing - relieved my anxiety and impatience. The most difficult thing for me is to NOT anticipate outcomes. I agree with Al today, not anticipating things, does feel like a "touch of apathy". But maybe this is because we tend to look at things subjectively and how it'll benefit us, so objective just feels foreign and apathetic?

Don't be too hard on yourself, Wunjo. If enough folks wake up, clear their emotional baggage, we can ride the wave to 4D, where STO will be on equal footing with STS.

 

[Wunjo]

Thank you for the suggestions. I’ve re-read them several times over the last couple of days to absorb them. Actually seeing the suggestions and the connections with others’ experiences was in itself a very calming aspect. I don’t think I realized how much tension was built up in the attempt to express those feelings alone. Thank you all for your honesty.

I found the aspects regarding gathering more knowledge, calming down, and realizing the bigger picture, excellent reminders, its an eye rolling experience to continually fall asleep to this fact. Almost humorous, but not quite. Perhaps with more time, slowing down as suggested, remembering that “All are lessons and lessons are fun” I’ll get closer to laughing at the absurd “I’s”.

And to Shellycheval, your response to the possibility of still grieving for “my loss” really got a knee jerk, personality response from me. This is excellent, in the sense of having something pointed out to me with a simultaneous personality confirmation of its validity. Awesome, and now the work, right? The confirmation of denial brought to my attention I have to explore this grieving. Thank you for your forthright observation.

I believe I am resistant to this grieving process because to finally overcome and awaken to mechanical aspects of myself and releasing them is sad and liberating at the same time. I don’t want to have to look at the fact that perhaps, and most likely am, holding onto the image of myself as I used to be and the glimmer of illusionary hope that perhaps “I” “was right” and can “still be” what “I wanted to be”. It feels childish and weak (personality attachment) to cry over a lie.

Although the truth is apparent, as even writing those words I feel the weight in my chest. Ok, so it’s true, I also have to deal with the fear of being embarrassed to admit such (personality attachment).

Deal with these types of things with EE? While I acknowledge that the fight or flight response I get from the Ba Ha is indicative of something. Pushing through it will increase something in me, will or something of the sorts. Is there anything in particular I should focus on regarding grief and fear? Do they manage to just all be taken care of under the surface through the physical action of the breathing?

Thank you

 

[vectis]

Hi Wunjo, thank you for posting this, it is one of the many personal posts that I have read on this forum that help keep moving me forward, with purpose and direction. Maybe I don't always know what purpose and direction, but it was your subject title that caught my eye. Your clear description of your frame of mind and point in time mirrors some of my sentiments. Yesterday I reviewed the definition of the word "vector" which basically means "a point of magnitude and direction," where in aeronautics, it would be "altitude and attitude." Maybe that is why your subject title caught my eye today. I wonder; where am I in this forum (with all its information), where am in this BBM (with all it's trouble), where am I in the universe (with all it's unknowns)? That's what I like about this forum, it is a good place to network (as the C's recommend) to be able to get our bearings straight, and to be able to get the answers we each need for our own individual selves.

Although the truth is apparent, as even writing those words I feel the weight in my chest. Ok, so it’s true, I also have to deal with the fear of being embarrassed to admit such (personality attachment).

Does the weight get lighter the more you share? Maybe there is an answer there for you. Thanks for bringing up things I feel, but haven't quite been able to verbalize.

 

[T.C.]

Hi Wunjo

You've obviously covered a lot of the recommended reading material, but it wasn't clear if you'd read the big five? The narcissism books etc. The crux of your post seemed to me, to lay in the fact that you don't know yourself very well. What I mean is, knowing what you WANT. What do you like, Wunjo? What are your talents? What is your attitude regarding experimenting with new things?

T.C.

 

[Wunjo]

Thank you for sharing those feelings Vectis, they have haunted me as well, in fact they used to be the foundation for some of my heavier Illusions and the fake realities I created to escape those feelings. The question regarding if it gets easier through sharing is indirectly yes. There is still a level of fear regarding sharing. It is only the acceptance of what I have written when the weight lightens. Only when it is evident that someone isn’t going to pounce on me with the Moron Hammer, that I am able to breath. It’s an excellent lesson, this sharing and reaction to my sharing, it shows a deep level of attachment in yet another area that I desire to be validated in. Some hope that there is some aspect of this personality that can be salvaged, clinging for sure.

Thank you Vectis, while this truth was in front of me, the act of asking your question brings it to the conscious front. And I guess for this one, it is only through continual action that it will be rendered inactive.

As far as the reading goes, T.C., I am only beginning the “Big Five” about halfway through the Myth of Sanity; it too feels both relevant and irrelevant depending on who is at the controls. It’s something I dealt with in therapy years ago and had figured it was gone, it was only after reading a bit that perhaps I have been existing in a low level state of disassociation on and off for the last year due to radically changing life circumstances. I mainly just don’t want it to be true because I am supposed to be past it. It’s easier to recognize when practicing “’waking up”.

I agree with you that perhaps I really don’t know myself, it’s entirely possible. Since I began the Work for real I’ve worked hard on letting go of “Being Right”. An amazing exercise, mind blowing, self altering, to sit and look at something that you believe you are so correct in and turn it over and truly believe, “Maybe I truly cannot see the truth here, and this person is correct.” despite all logic pointing to the opposite. I since use the idea, “You never know what you don’t know if you don’t know it.” A bit silly, but it sticks.

Now to the meat of the subject. As you asked T.C., what do I want or what do I like? I have no concrete idea. I have ghosts of ideas but much of what I liked was based so heavily upon false personality that I got rid of much of it, to surrender so to speak. It was all based on some form of power, never power over others, but the idea “If I can be good enough at this something,” then I will be able to have enough blah blah to protect myself from the world. I literally spent 12 years of my life attempting to get ready to almost start this “world altering project.” I know nothing is ever wasted; it was all a necessary time to head in this direction.

I still have flashes of “Insight”, but it’s impossible to determine what level of illusion I am operating from. There are always obvious things like, leaving to go play in la-la land between ones ears, or negative feelings of fear. But when desire comes along, how do you trust it? After losing so much footing in “reality”, how can one trust oneself? How does one know that it’s OK? I am naturally a very self centered person and all my activities take a tremendous amount of “Just me” time, I used some of my pastimes as meditations, or was it all just really disassociation? I cannot tell, I don’t trust it. I’ve worked so hard on getting rid of the “negative” I don’t know what I can put back in without getting lost.

I guess in the end I just want to be able to exist in what manner my heart feels drawn to express itself, and at the same time be useful to others in my capacity and valued for what I can offer.

I apologize for being so wordy.

Thank you for your time.

 

[vectis]

I don't think you are being too wordy, Wunjo. I worry about the same thing sometime with things I've posted on the forum. Some things can't be expressed in a few words, especially if you (or I) don't really know how to say something in a short, concise fashion. It is an honest "dare" to self, where the worst than can happen is someone can tell you that you are wrong (or worse than that = silence!). Seems to me this sharing of expression is a big part of how this forum works. That is where the answers, corrections, and lessons are. "Dance like no one is watching, Sing like no one is listening, Write like no one (but the Cosmic Mind) is reading..."

I’ve worked so hard on getting rid of the “negative” I don’t know what I can put back in without getting lost.

Somewhere I read how an element of depression is really the time for reflection, of all the lessons learned, and all the innocence lost. Maybe I could suggest not being so hard on yourself. Write a list of the things you are thankful for. To find out what you really like, you could observe the things that make you smile an honest smile. Look for the things that make you laugh. I hope to be sure for every "negative" shed, there has been a positive gained. I personally try to do this by maintaining a sense of good humor. I try to take the world seriously, but to not take myself too seriously..... hope this helps, Wunjo! Keep up the good work!

_http://www.webhamster.com/ (the hamster dance)

"dance, like no one is watching...." ;D

 

[Breton]

I don't think you are being too wordy, Wunjo. I worry about the same thing sometime with things I've posted on the forum. Some things can't be expressed in a few words, especially if you (or I) don't really know how to say something in a short, concise fashion. It is an honest "dare" to self, where the worst than can happen is someone can tell you that you are wrong (or worse than that = silence!). Seems to me this sharing of expression is a big part of how this forum works. That is where the answers, corrections, and lessons are. "Dance like no one is watching, Sing like no one is listening, Write like no one (but the Cosmic Mind) is reading..."

This popped into my mind when reading this and thinking of fear of posting and writing too much or too little: You just need to write sincerely and then have faith that when you post, the Universe will see to it that the response will be what you need at that time.

 

[Breton]

I think you all have been able to get a good discussion going here in this thread.

By the way, Wunjo, it sounds have done really quite good work in your studies, probably better than I. Think of the vast amount of knowledge you have chosen by your diligent efforts to try to learn and retain the studies here by Laura and the QFG?

Further, it is not just any knowledge, but ACCURATE knowledge - not false knowledge. Knowledge that came from Laura's lifetime of diligent searching and paying everything in advance. It is not false knowledge that comes from wishful thinking like many false dogmas of this world proclaim.

However I wonder if for me, and for many us us, including you, is that maybe what might be missing is now DOING. The knowledge needs more application somehow?

Also we have discussed on this forum the possiblility of incurring an imbalance: when one has received knowledge, but now perhaps none needs need to GIVE back in some way. Otherwise we may become blocked. Our subconscious recognizes the imbalance and causes an internal block.

This C's session came to mind today, and I am not saying it is directly applicable to you, I do not know. The kind of block you are facing may not be the same kind of block mentioned here. Nevertheless I will share it for anyone else also thinking about feeling stuck or blocked or directionless so they can consider it also. In fact, maybe it is more applicable to me.

Q: (L) Why do you say "their ability to compensate me for my time"?

A: We have spoken before about the necessity for energy to be balanced. It is correct for you to make this program available according to the individual ability to compensate. But all must remember that it is STO to GIVE [planchette circles board] ALL to those who ask. You have given all REPEATEDLY and many still do not understand the value nor do they compensatorily give in return. Those who have difficulties with the program may find that they are not giving "all". And that does not always mean money either. It can also mean commitment.

Q: (L) Questions? (DD) Is the group still doing Monday and Thursday? (L) Mm-hmm. (Joe) Well, we're gonna make the program available for purchase as a set, in a nice package. That'll be an opportunity for people to - I know it's not just money, but it'll be an opportunity for people to at least give for receiving something, like directly.

A: Those individuals who still think that you can get something for nothing will find themselves blocked.

Q: (L) Well, what is the nature of this kind of thing? I mean, what do you mean "blocked"?

A: It can take 2 main forms: In the STO candidate, it can be blocked by the subconscious process that knows there is an imbalance. In the "others" it is simply that they are not on the correct frequency to receive. Remember "receivership capability" and also capacity.

There are probably multiple ways to give back when one has received. Noticed the C's said "It can also mean commitment." So what could we suggest are ways of giving? Getting involved in spreading the truth to those who ask. Donating money to the QFG. Creative works. Participating on this forum. Countering lies with the truth when they appear in your life and relationships and work and dealings with others - all with external consideration. Even cleaning your own machine of unconsious and uncontrolled programs, I suspect, is also a way to give back for what you have received because it raises the FRV of the planet in a small way (Frequency Resonance Vibration) by having another person more aware of reality because their reading instrument - that is themselves - is better. I am kind of just brainstorming here, and I admit I am an amateur at this Work, but you see the idea I am getting at.

As the society crumbles as it surely must, the knowledge you and I have about our reality and about psychopathy and ponerology, may come more in demand to those seeking explanations and ideas of what to do next. Keep that in mind, there may be future roles that are demanded of people, and our knowledge puts a kind of responsibility on us. I think something like this was discussed in the Political Ponerology book.

I am happy to have some better awareness of the hyperdimensional reality and the 300,000 year cycle. However I think I want to focus on what I can do in this incarnation, because this personality can do little about those things which can only be barely comprehended anyways. Let me do what I can in this incarnation, moment by moment, to see if I can align a bit more often with STO influences than the STS ones that dominate. Let me be satisfied with that. That is faith. Or so I think right now, maybe when I get more understanding I can write this better.

I agree with you that perhaps I really don’t know myself, it’s entirely possible

This will be good to focus on: knowing yourself, and your machine. Good idea to get through the big five as this potentially, anyways, can add just the right knowledge to help one see themselves. At least for many people. I did not find too many "aha" moments when I read them, but I am now reflecting and considering things of my past with a new, informed critical eye, in hopes of knowing my ownself better right now. I am working on this.

JUST A NOTE. In the past, I have been slow to comment on other's postings because I feel I know too little, I have difficulty discerning another's situation, and I am afraid of communicating unclearly in weighty matters. Nevertheless, I want to contribute with what limited understanding I have.

 

[Wunjo]

Breton, that is an excellent point and actually it pertains directly to our entire cause and struggle. STO vs. STS. Gathering in and hoarding vs. sharing, connecting, and expanding. The quote makes much more sense to me now, or at least I believe it does. Every action of STS reaches out and grasps to itself, looks to claim and not let whatever it is out, away from it. We can see this so many times in obvious ways through life in stinginess and greed. But there are all the subtle ways as well which I think I experience a lot on a subconscious level, which of course manifests itself in the external realm of action, even when we don’t recognize it. Little fears that we are unaware of, the “need” for “just a little more” before we do something.

The Wave Green book, at the end talks about the nature of the universe, when creation separated itself into sleeping manner in order to have clay with which to mold and create with. And this sleeping matter saw this use of itself as a loss of itself and recoiled from the process, attempting to draw more to it, creating the struggle between the forces of expansion and contraction.

What you brought forth was such a foundational reminder is the need for balance. My 3D understanding of this is the balance between give and take, (at least my understanding when I am not asleep). I have a tendency to gather knowledge and gather knowledge; I need just a little more and little more. To continually draw to oneself and not give out is the STS black hole paradigm. The STO is the drawing in and the releasing out, like breathing, a balance between the inhale and the exhale. A balance in the energy of the universe. To take in and to give out. So easy to forget, yet so central to our cause. As noted in the Green Book, we have to choose to be STO or else we choose STS by default.

Your ideas of how to “give back” help me out quite a bit, both in themselves and the idea of finding more directions to do so. I guess I can jokingly say that it’s my duty to start doing art again. I wonder if this “holding my breath” of knowledge could be the very thing holding me back. Not the lack of, but the lack of expression of. Thank you so much for your post.

Like in Ecclesiastes, a time for everything, perhaps understanding the science of this periodicity is a huge key.

Oh and Vectis, “write like no-one is reading”? That was AWSOME! Big walls all over those things of expression for me and fear of judgment. Onward!

Thank You