STS Seeking STO

mamadrama

mamadrama

The Living Force
Hmm, it sounds like a personal ad doesn't it? S,W, NS, STS F seeking STO polarity. Very open but still recovering from shock over nature of reality and feelings of extreme disappointment in self for falling for narcissistic, psychopath and still having to climb out of that hole. Tremendous sense of detachment sandwiched between bouts of unrealistic desire for ease. Looking for others to share like experiences. Looking for a return of joy.

L.
 
Mamadrama, drama indeed.

When you are serious, people will discern it.

Clue #1.
 
Ah, I'm serious. But I take it that my clumsy attempt at trying to jolt myself out of my depression in a creative way is not what you discern as serious or worthy of a meaningful response. This post was my effort to try and use humor and brevity to bring about a different perspective for myself and hopefully capture the imagination and interest of others who are going through some of the things I mentioned in my brief post. But it seems that it hasn't done that at all and instead I am having to defend myself. This was not what I had in mind but understand why you may doubt my sincerity. Can you suggest a way I may rephrase my post to engage other types of responses? And just to clarify, I use the name mamadrama because most of the drama in my life comes from being the single mother of three children.
 
L.,
if you were looking to post something with humor it maybe best to put it in the Tickle Me section with some background of why you posted it, but if you want to ask questions or describe where you are struggling then The Work section seems right. If this is the case, recommend just coming out and saying it.
 
Thanks, Mike I was trying to do both. As we see, my irreverant sense of humor and creative style is not for everyone and probably not best suited for this section. But my concern is really the Work so here is what I am struggling with. I am struggling with my loneliness at awakening to a reality that is far beyond what I could have earlier imagined and the further alienation that not many seem aware of this reality or are interested in exploring it (this site excluded of course). I am struggling with my despair over falling in love and loosing my power (although temporarily) to a psychopath and the ongoing destruction that has caused myself and my children. That what I previously thought to be my highest gift, deeply loving someone with so much of my being, turned out to be a sham and a falsehood. And I am struggling to detach and accept with love these lessons that have been given to me so that I can acknowledge the amazing nature of reality and my place in this unfolding existence.
L.
 
Dear MamaDrama,

I found yout post humorous and creative, and I am a little confused by Azur's comment about getting serious.

I too am a mother of 3 children, the youngest still being in diapers. I consider myself a seeker of truth on the warrior path. For the past 5 years I have been reading the Cass. material and have purchased several books. I am so grateful for the knowledge received from Laura and others on this site. I can remember how I felt when the truth of our reality began to sink in for me. I too felt lonely and very much apart from my family and peers. When I would try to talk to others about what I was discovering, the verbalization of these facts sounded foreign even to my ears and I could sense the unspoken reaction: "She's losing it". Often I have considered posting here, but am most of the time inflicted with "post interuptus" because of the nature of my life. No one but another mother can understand how incredibly difficult raising children can be, let alone attempting to also awaken to our reality and evolve when there is very little extra "time". I have come to the conclusion that the only extra time I have to myself is when I'm supposed to be sleeping--which I supppose fits, since my goal is to Wake Up! Please know that I support and applaud your search for STO. Hang in there.

PS, I've only been interrupted 4 times while trying to type this! Not bad. But one is still in bed and the other went to school...
 
actually everyone here at some point, when the knowledge seems to reach a saturation point "vents" in the above demonstrated manner. I rambled off a page or two about the matrix, the predator, and how we're "stuck" in this "reality". Same idea, different medium. My rant is here: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=1996

Its a lil longer, and more of a recapitulation of ideas, but again same spirit.
 
A heartfelt thanks to you both, Kel and Cyre. I too have been interupted by my youngest several times as I read your posts and try write my quick reply. I will write a longer post when all are "asleep" tonight. Looking forward to reading your rant, Cyre. And thank you again for responding with encouragement to my call of distress.
L.
 
Love is a Mirror. When you love another he becomes your mirror and you his. When love is unconditional,
reflecting each others love, you can see infinity.
 
Jehanni said:
Love is a Mirror. When you love another he becomes your mirror and you his. When love is unconditional,
reflecting each others love, you can see infinity.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a Circus Fun House mirror room to me - wonder where 'reality' lies in all that? ;)
 
"Sounds like a Circus Fun House mirror room to me - wonder where 'reality' lies in all that."

Which level of reality do you wish to look at? Here's something I wrote in 1993 (much has transpired since these words we're written), as apart of an article I was going to publish? However, I wished to discuss it with other "minds" at one time! And no this is not the STS / OTS showdown that I've been reading about ... Although certain groups "energies" may like to make it so. The Hatfield's and McCoy's have found their "balance" in terms of what and how teachings are given. Simply ask the "God and Goddess (dualistic polarity)" to protect you from all imbalance (regardless of source)... I simply would like some feed back on this objective place we have choosen to balance the Hatfield & McCoy's (which has lasted this cycle) symbology. With your above statement I can see your "humor" is well along that road! Again, that is based on a personal perception ... is it not?

I have really not read much of this sites material on "reality". Is there something that you can direct me too, for a quick overall generalized sense? Anyway, this is part of my journey, that I WROTE FOR MYSELF back in the early 90's.

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PERSONAL TRUTH

"You will become that which you seek."

Relating to a person at a workshop a few weeks ago I realized something about "personal power." A sense of greatness comes from giving. That particular day, I really felt as if I was helping somebody. It made me feel wonderful that I had knowledge inside me to actually help another person. One realizes that the only true power in this life (probably in the universe) is the power of giving... "The power of love."

Wow. What a concept. And where had I heard that before? Helping or giving to someone, while expecting nothing in return, is self-empowering. All that matters is the welfare of the person before you. I have given to people before, but this was different. I knew of this truth for some time but never really felt it before. It had always been an intellectual concept ...an intellectual exercise in spirituality. I felt that if I learned the process and the right procedures, the healing would come and I could get on with whatever it was that I was supposed to be doing. But this experience was from the heart. Now, you can read this and understand this, but it does not mean a damn thing until you truly know this feeling. All I knew is that I wanted more of this feeling and I wanted it now.

I now realized that I wanted to move from physical sensing to spiritual knowing! My God-a-left-brain-intellectual-type breaks the heart chakra barrier (News at 11!). Eureka! There it was. I now knew one of the main reasons why I was here. This is why I came to earth. If I may quote from the book of John (John Lennon)-a line of his lyrics sums it up for me-"and in the end, the love you have is equal to the love you send."

The last couple of months I have been learning about "truth." Truth... is a very personal subject. This is a personal subject because truth is different for each individual on the planet. And make no mistake: be very careful and absolutely certain you really want to know when you ask the universe to show you truth. My truth was "the truth hurts (ouch:)." What is truth"? I used to feel that if this reality (this dimension) was a testing, learning, and teaching ground that we chose to incarnate into learn, teach and grow, then what was the reality we came from? Could we click our heels together and go home? Was Dorothy right- "Kansas, here I come"? Are Sananda and the "boys" hanging around earth in a higher octave of vibration that normal human physical senses cannot detect? Is that reality more real? I would suspect that in that dimension, "things" truly are real, and things are as they should be. And if that reality were more real, then what is this reality...false? What happens to any conclusions, in terms of truth, based on a reality other than the original and true one where love rules and the individuals know this? What then happens to so-called "truth" as we know it if we have come from somewhere more real? If one believed this, would that, by default, then make any perceptions based on "truth" in this dimension consequently "false"? So, the obvious conclusion to me now had to be "truth was false"! Am I making any spiritual headway yet? Did I mention earlier that I was going to heal from the heart...from my centre of knowingness? Off on another tangent through the labyrinth, am I?

One, however, would have to assume that God's truth is constant and pervasive throughout the universe, no matter what dimension or reality you're dealing with (this, to me, is a given). The trick, ultimately, is trying to recognize God's truth. This would perhaps help explain why human truth is constantly changing. What is "truth" one day becomes altered or untrue the next, because truth is burdened by our expectations and the limitations of our physical perceptions.

Interestingly enough, by the time we reach our goal or truth, the expectation does not fit anymore because we have grown in the process. Generally, though not always, we will have to find a new truth. Maybe this is why truth for one individual is not the same for another. Perhaps we each need to individually pull ourselves forward into truth-probably kicking and fighting against ourselves (our high selves) in the process. How can this be if there is only God's truth?

Well, rightly or wrongly, we all have our own truth...our own path to enlightenment that we ourselves have devised. This path, although it takes many forms, ultimately leads to the same place...the God source. We are essentially the directors in our own play (Shakespeare was so right). We can make it hard or we can make it simple...the choice is ours. The key is how we react to any given choice.

There is never any wrong choice. It's the lesson of our reaction to the reality of the path or choice we have chosen that determines whether or not we need to have that lesson again or a new one (learning situation) brought forward. Having passed through the lesson of the day, we have moved ever so closer by vibrating slightly faster. There are many roads and they all offer the lessons we need at that given moment. We are always in the right place. This is no fault, but instead a gift-a great gift-for in our search for knowing (with Mountain Journey or any other daily journey's one takes).

....... it's a long journey .................
 
Q:What journey takes the longest time to travel the shortest distance?
 
Hi Mamadrama,
I've been wanting to read this thread for a few days now, but my son just started pre-school, so just didn't have the time. :) So I can really relate to what you have said. I think most of the other posters have already made some good responses, but there is one thing I'd like to add here, concerning parenting and the Work.

One thing I've found to be really helpful to me, especially when you are having a bad day, the kids are acting up, and its frustrating - is to recognise that this is also an opportunity to do the Work. On those kinda days, if you can manage to self observe, and separate yourself from the frustration - then you really are doing the Work! Kids can give you many opportunities to build the magnetic center, by observing and detaching from negative emotions. I don't mean to make it sound easy, it is certainly not, but it can be done, and its so worth working for. And we have Laura as a great example, look how much she has done while raising five kids!!
 
Oh yes, thank you, Manitoban. I am in total agreement that raising children can be a huge element of the Work and in my particular case, I have the added lessons of parenting a quite possibly narcissistic child. He is only four years old so it is still premature to diagnose but as I observe his development I see signs and behaviors very akin to this persoanlity type. His father, my ex, is most definitely a narcissitic personality and I can see the similarities. One of my rays of hope is that occasionally I see what appears to be a glimpse of empathy in my child so maybe.... In any case, he is mine to raise so whatever his inclinations and choices are, it is my hope and intention to offer him a loving, firm, grounded and compassionate direction, however his life may unfold.
L.
Jehanni,
The reality we refer to on this site is gleamed from many sources but I think our primary sources in common are Laura Knight-Jadczyk's (one of the SOTT site administrators) books: The Secret Hisory of the World and The Wave Series. Thanks for your post and hope this is helpful.
 
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