casper
The Living Force
Keep quiet about something that bothers us or talk openly?
Why do we sometimes so hard to say openly what bothers us?
Trboglav Martina, professor of psychology, wrote in his column interesting observations, quote:
"Quality relationships all at the very top of their priority list. And when you ask, you will get a unique answer - we want good relations and open communication with others. At the same time, as many shared core values and the (too) often encounter difficulties in communication, which often results in strong negative emotions. How is it that something that is so important and about which we all agree, is often a source of major concern and dissatisfaction?
The assumptions that limit us
The assumption that in such situations often have the - the other person does not care. She did not care about the quality of relations, she did not care that she and I in this communication feel good, which is why so misbehaving. Sometimes maybe that is the case, but before jumping in such a quick conclusion, consider yourself. How often the problem arises precisely because we really care? We do not want to hurt another person, we are afraid that we will be misunderstood, we want to avoid uncomfortable or afraid to be rejected, so in the end not even dare to openly communicate. All this is especially true when we assume that what we want to say cause negative emotion in the other (criticism, dealing with negative feedback, rejection, etc.).
Several days sweating
Most of us sweat and days of thinking that man tell you what we know is important to communicate, but maybe at that point cause discomfort. However, to face the person with her poor performance or unacceptable behavior, the important role of managers. Tell your partner what bothers us in his behavior, an important step in building quality relationships. And a lot of the situation, private and business, where the open communication directly depends on what we shared (from) build. In addition, it is needed and to help people grow.
All we know deep down that by failing to disclose not doing a favor to herself, much less the other side. But often we continue to keep quiet and try to solve the problem created by other means. We assure ourselves that we do not matter, that our bad emotions, but "pass", so for example, take someone else's job to ask themselves and various other out of the situation, only to avoid a "confrontation". And here we come to the moment that is crucial, when we make an important decision - continue with the deceit and self and others, or a quick bite discomfort and move to open communication. What are the consequences of the first selection?
Games we play
The dissatisfaction that we feel together with someone or in a private relationship, hardly disappear by itself. Moreover, it longer ignore, generally further increases. Then mobile game, we probably all have experienced. Our, time's growing frustration begin to express indirectly - neglect the relationship, we tend to ironic comments and we generally negative in touch. Or we can not wait a moment when the other person comes to us with a "negative" comment, to which we automatically jump to her counter attack. They move bickering, mutual accusations, analysis who started it, who's to blame - and of birds, and that we did not even turn around, resulting elephant. What we do such a thing at the time we prevent and truly build quality relationships?
Discomfort with reason
The discomfort we feel when we want to tell you what we see and what bothers us, is not there for nothing. It warns us that it is a delicate situation, which may result in misunderstanding and increased tensions. Because, let's face it, none of us likes and does not want to hear negative feedback about themselves. But how uneasy used as a positive incentive to such communication approach responsibly and with full attention? What will enable us to yet Preval these words over his mouth, and so the other person really hear and experience positive?
1. Positive intent
- If the open communication we go to show that we are better or right, or to another person, "returned tit for tat", a negative outcome is certain. A sincere desire to improve and focus on the future and find solutions to the satisfaction and benefit of all, based on which it is necessary to build.
2. prudent timing
- Information will not lie down on fertile ground if we do it in passing, without that we have the opportunity to devote to each other in peace. Also, it is important to choose a time when emotions are calm and when there are no other current stressors. Otherwise, the story is very easy to get involved in negative feelings that have nothing to do with what we want to talk.
3. Clarity of what we want to say
- How are we going to be another clear if first ourselves we clarify exactly what we want to purchase? What does the situation is more important, more important is first to agree with you that the main message we want to convey.
4. The creation of a positive atmosphere
- before we go to the specific feedback, it is important to create an adequate atmosphere. Tell the person why you want her to say what she will say and how would you like to hear you.
5. Voice "from their shoes", with concrete examples
- Once you have reached the point where you say what you want, talk about the specific behavior that you were very upset and emotions caused by you. This will avoid the abstract accusations and labeling people as bad, as in this situation often occurs and causes the highest division.
6. Advocating dialogue
- After you have put forward their own views, and argued it concrete situations, encourage the other side to express their thoughts and feelings. Talk. Clarify. Express mutual expectations. Emphasize common ground and jointly looking for the best solution.
7 And finally, perhaps most important
- belief in yourself and the other person, that together we can better and wiser.
Myriad gain open communication
Faith in the possibility of achieving true open communication with others, if you approach them (on) the right way, oppressing fear."
Fear is the main asset in the hands of manipulators, but it can also manipulate our minds.
Why do we sometimes so hard to say openly what bothers us?
Trboglav Martina, professor of psychology, wrote in his column interesting observations, quote:
"Quality relationships all at the very top of their priority list. And when you ask, you will get a unique answer - we want good relations and open communication with others. At the same time, as many shared core values and the (too) often encounter difficulties in communication, which often results in strong negative emotions. How is it that something that is so important and about which we all agree, is often a source of major concern and dissatisfaction?
The assumptions that limit us
The assumption that in such situations often have the - the other person does not care. She did not care about the quality of relations, she did not care that she and I in this communication feel good, which is why so misbehaving. Sometimes maybe that is the case, but before jumping in such a quick conclusion, consider yourself. How often the problem arises precisely because we really care? We do not want to hurt another person, we are afraid that we will be misunderstood, we want to avoid uncomfortable or afraid to be rejected, so in the end not even dare to openly communicate. All this is especially true when we assume that what we want to say cause negative emotion in the other (criticism, dealing with negative feedback, rejection, etc.).
Several days sweating
Most of us sweat and days of thinking that man tell you what we know is important to communicate, but maybe at that point cause discomfort. However, to face the person with her poor performance or unacceptable behavior, the important role of managers. Tell your partner what bothers us in his behavior, an important step in building quality relationships. And a lot of the situation, private and business, where the open communication directly depends on what we shared (from) build. In addition, it is needed and to help people grow.
All we know deep down that by failing to disclose not doing a favor to herself, much less the other side. But often we continue to keep quiet and try to solve the problem created by other means. We assure ourselves that we do not matter, that our bad emotions, but "pass", so for example, take someone else's job to ask themselves and various other out of the situation, only to avoid a "confrontation". And here we come to the moment that is crucial, when we make an important decision - continue with the deceit and self and others, or a quick bite discomfort and move to open communication. What are the consequences of the first selection?
Games we play
The dissatisfaction that we feel together with someone or in a private relationship, hardly disappear by itself. Moreover, it longer ignore, generally further increases. Then mobile game, we probably all have experienced. Our, time's growing frustration begin to express indirectly - neglect the relationship, we tend to ironic comments and we generally negative in touch. Or we can not wait a moment when the other person comes to us with a "negative" comment, to which we automatically jump to her counter attack. They move bickering, mutual accusations, analysis who started it, who's to blame - and of birds, and that we did not even turn around, resulting elephant. What we do such a thing at the time we prevent and truly build quality relationships?
Discomfort with reason
The discomfort we feel when we want to tell you what we see and what bothers us, is not there for nothing. It warns us that it is a delicate situation, which may result in misunderstanding and increased tensions. Because, let's face it, none of us likes and does not want to hear negative feedback about themselves. But how uneasy used as a positive incentive to such communication approach responsibly and with full attention? What will enable us to yet Preval these words over his mouth, and so the other person really hear and experience positive?
1. Positive intent
- If the open communication we go to show that we are better or right, or to another person, "returned tit for tat", a negative outcome is certain. A sincere desire to improve and focus on the future and find solutions to the satisfaction and benefit of all, based on which it is necessary to build.
2. prudent timing
- Information will not lie down on fertile ground if we do it in passing, without that we have the opportunity to devote to each other in peace. Also, it is important to choose a time when emotions are calm and when there are no other current stressors. Otherwise, the story is very easy to get involved in negative feelings that have nothing to do with what we want to talk.
3. Clarity of what we want to say
- How are we going to be another clear if first ourselves we clarify exactly what we want to purchase? What does the situation is more important, more important is first to agree with you that the main message we want to convey.
4. The creation of a positive atmosphere
- before we go to the specific feedback, it is important to create an adequate atmosphere. Tell the person why you want her to say what she will say and how would you like to hear you.
5. Voice "from their shoes", with concrete examples
- Once you have reached the point where you say what you want, talk about the specific behavior that you were very upset and emotions caused by you. This will avoid the abstract accusations and labeling people as bad, as in this situation often occurs and causes the highest division.
6. Advocating dialogue
- After you have put forward their own views, and argued it concrete situations, encourage the other side to express their thoughts and feelings. Talk. Clarify. Express mutual expectations. Emphasize common ground and jointly looking for the best solution.
7 And finally, perhaps most important
- belief in yourself and the other person, that together we can better and wiser.
Myriad gain open communication
Faith in the possibility of achieving true open communication with others, if you approach them (on) the right way, oppressing fear."
Fear is the main asset in the hands of manipulators, but it can also manipulate our minds.
